Uncomfortable Cohabitation (4)
What is this, a trap?
For a split second I nearly blurted out, I'd love to take your despair.
That little pest had definitely put some weird idea in her head.
I shot May a look, careful not to let Emerald catch it. The moment our eyes met, May ducked and hid right behind Emerald.
See? Would she act like that if she had a clear conscience?
"It's fine. I don't think Midori can give me the thing I actually want, anyway."
No—even if she could, she would never hand it over of her own free will.
Not that I could ask for it in the first place.
"So could you stop making that face?"
Why did her expression keep sinking into gloom, anyway?
Had there ever been a setting where Emerald suffered from mood swings?
Maybe surviving Apocalypse had left her mentally worse off than I thought.
"...All right. I'm sure Akari has her own reasons."
"Don't try to figure them out. You'll get hurt."
Mostly me.
Look—if she ever found out I was a monster, how would Emerald react?
Just imagining it made my skin crawl.
If that happened, this life of mine would come to an abrupt end.
And after that I'd be marked for extermination by every magical girl on the planet and spend the rest of my days in a never-ending chase—
Ugh, goosebumps.
I was already a cast-off abandoned by the Doctor. If I lost Emerald—the one lifeline I had—my existence as a monster would go completely off the rails.
I had already boarded the ship called Emerald.
The knowledge that stepping off would mean disaster left me a little uneasy, but still.
"Then if there's ever something you want from me, just say so right away!"
"...Well, if something comes up."
People this persistent had to be shaken off like this or they never let go.
Anyway—so much for the happy life.
For the time being it looked like I was stuck on a tear-inducing forced despair diet.
...Honestly, among every monster in the world, was there any that ate less despair than me?
Ding-dong—
"Looks like we have a guest."
"A guest?"
Emerald tilted her head at the sudden doorbell, wearing the face of someone thinking, No one should be coming here. She was clearly trying to guess who stood outside.
"Go answer it. You're not planning to make me play hostess too, are you?"
"Well... all right."
I watched Emerald rise from her seat with a dubious look. The instant she slipped out of the room, I launched myself at Tamako.
Hahh... yes. This is it. This despair! The fragrant scent of despair I could never catch while sharing a room with a magical girl filled my lungs and settled perfectly into place.
Oh, right—Tamako used to be a magical girl too, didn't she?
Ah, whatever. Just enjoy the moment.
I buried my face in the sleeping Tamako's arms and drew in a deep breath.
This... this right here... if this isn't heaven, what is?
Click—
"Who is i—"
"I came because I need to talk. Mind if I come inside for a bit?"
When the doorbell rang out of nowhere and I opened the door, the color that greeted me was so familiar it almost felt intimate.
Crimson hair. Crimson eyes.
Even the black hoodie meant to hide those eye-catching shades.
"...Ruby?"
"Hey, Emerald."
Ruby smirked the moment she saw my face. I could only blink in a daze.
That couldn't be right. How—?
The situation was so sudden I pinched my own cheek, half-convinced I was dreaming. A sharp sting answered me.
...Okay, not a dream.
"Pfft, Emerald's still Emerald even after coming back. I'm honestly relieved."
"Coming... back?"
No—I already knew.
I steadied my breathing and cast my mind back to the not-so-distant past.
But Ruby definitely didn't have any memories of the previous world...
After our defeat against Apocalypse, I—we—used time-reversal magic and returned to the past.
More precisely, we had planned to return.
Pool everyone's strength, find the Doctor or Apocalypse before Apocalypse ever appeared, and eliminate them.
That was the goal we came back for. Yet the only one who retained memories of the previous world had been me.
'Hello, um—'
'Who the hell are you? I don't remember any girl who looks like she reeks of phytoncides.'
Neither Ruby nor Sapphire remembered a thing.
Diamond had vanished without a trace.
So in the end I had hunted for the Doctor's trail alone, carrying a past no one else remembered—sometimes wondering if the whole thing had been nothing more than a vicious nightmare—locked tightly inside my chest.
"Sorry for pretending not to know you back then. But I really didn't remember anything at that point. It was so blank I don't even know how I could have forgotten."
"Ah... uh..."
"Pfft, still cry as easy as ever, huh?"
Ruby laughed as she spoke, her face full of pure delight at seeing me.
How badly I had missed that face...
The relief of knowing I was no longer the only one who remembered made tears spill over on their own.
I'm not alone anymore.
"Let's talk inside. This isn't a conversation for the doorway."
"Okay, come i—"
Snap out of it.
The moment I was about to usher Ruby into the house, a small whisper brushed through my mind.
Did you forget who's inside?
That single question made me swallow hard.
No... if those two meet, there'll be no going back...
If it were indecisive me, maybe. But Ruby would charge straight at Akari without a second's hesitation.
In the worst case, Ruby might even kill her.
That can't happen. Anything but that...!
To me, Akari was no longer Apocalypse.
If I let Ruby in now and something happened to Akari, I would never escape the guilt for the rest of my life.
And another reason—I simply did not want to watch Ruby kill someone.
"I-I'm sorry, Ruby. I think it would be better if you went home for today."
"Come on, what's with the cold shoulder? Emerald and I don't keep secrets from each other, right?"
"That's true, but... today really isn't possible. So please, just this once, understand."
"..."
At my firm refusal, Ruby's expression hardened slightly—the face of someone who couldn't comprehend why I would push her away so hard.
But I couldn't tell her.
I couldn't even invent an excuse.
"Fine. Then I'll come back tomorrow. I'm sure Emerald has her own reasons."
"...Thank you for understanding, Ruby."
"What are friends for?"
See you.
Ruby fluttered her hand in a casual wave and turned away. Relief washed over me on pure reflex.
...What am I relieved about, you idiot.
The thought that I had just lied to a friend made a corner of my chest ache sharply.
"Haa..."
[That person—that's the one from before. The one Emerald went to find a long time ago.]
I closed the door, leaned back against it, and let out a long breath. May fluttered over and spoke.
Yes. Back then she hadn't recognized me.
"She probably didn't remember me at the time."
[She's a magical girl too, right?]
"Yeah, that's right."
I gently stroked May's hair as she looked up at me with worry.
Don't worry too much, May.
I deliberately ignored the lingering spark of anxiety still prodding at my chest and slowly started walking.
"Akari."
"What is it this time."
Had she been nursing Tamako?
Akari sat at the head of the bed, looking up at me with a grumbling tone and a thoroughly sulky expression—as if everything in the world was personally offending her.
I wondered what had set her off again, yet the very sight of that side of her felt so perfectly Akari that a smile rose unbidden.
"Why are you smiling again. Did something nice happen?"
"I smiled because I saw Akari."
"Ugh..."
She shuddered and hunched her shoulders. The sight made another laugh bubble out of me.
Who could look at that and ever believe Akari was Apocalypse?
If Akari felt like a willful cat, then Apocalypse had been a monster beyond description.
The closest comparison might be how humans in the Cthulhu Mythos felt when they gazed upon outer gods.
"So who was it?"
"Just an acquaintance."
"An acquaintance?"
Akari eyed me suspiciously at the word.
Had she assumed I didn't have any close acquaintances?
"Someone I used to know a long time ago. She heard I was here and came looking for me."
"A friend from a long time ago..."
I watched Akari sink into thought at the word "friend," then quietly moved closer.
Had the word struck a nerve?
"Even if I have other friends, the one I'm closest to right now is Akari."
"Bleh..."
"Huh?"
"...Don't get the wrong idea. Who's friends with who, exactly?"
Akari made a fake gagging sound and began unloading cold words with thoroughly chilled eyes.
Ah, no, I just...
There were so many things I wanted to say, but my lips refused to move.
Of course it would be like that...
I must have lost my mind for a moment.
Or maybe I had been out of my mind the whole time and only just snapped back to reality.
The shock of Ruby's visit had scrambled my head and made me choose the wrong option.
...I hate this. I really do.
[Emerald...]
I bit back the tears that threatened to spill from sheer self-loathing.
You're the one who messed up—why are you the one about to cry?
I clamped my lips shut and held the sobs down. Akari heaved a deep sigh, then tossed a single line at me.
"If you keep treating me well, I'll think about it. That whole... friend thing."
"...Really?"
When I carefully asked again, Akari let out a little "hmph" and turned her head away.
A faint flush rose across her pale skin. She was embarrassed after all.