The Mighty Goblin Thief, Beel (1)
We secured a room at the inn first. Then we dragged the goblin woman there.
When I asked her name, she said it was Beel Valakara.
Another name I didn’t recognize. I’d never seen this character do anything notable in the original story.
Anyway, I shoved Beel into a corner of the room and started talking. Winz shot her a wary glance before speaking up.
“My lady, what do you intend to do with her?”
“Handing her over to the guards feels too… official. Like we’re just letting the law handle it.”
“Would that not be the proper course?”
“No. The law always sides with the powerful. They’ll find some excuse to let her off easy. She could even hire a lawyer using anti-discrimination laws. Then it’s over.”
The law was nothing more than a tool for those in power. It wasn’t made to let the wronged punish the guilty.
So I had to figure out what to do with this woman.
Beel gave a servile little laugh.
“Haha, you really understand how the world works, my good sirs and madams. But… may I say one thing?”
Smack!
I brought my hand down on her head. Honestly, if I hadn’t known she only took the coin purse, I would’ve felt even dirtier about the whole thing. It was just one purse, but Winz would have been devastated if it had been stolen.
So I hit her again and glared.
“Shut it. You don’t get to speak.”
Beel immediately started whining.
“Aow, I’m supposed to be a Mighty Goblin, yet I’m treated like any other goblin. Ugh, damn it!”
This runt was a Mighty Goblin?
Her skin tone was a little different from regular goblins, sure, but she was way too small.
“You’re no Mighty Goblin. Where’s the bulk? The chest?”
“Um, I don’t think the chest is really relevant here…” Winz interjected, but I ignored her.
Beel ground her teeth like an angry cat.
“Hey! I may be short, but you think I got no chest? Want me to show you? Huh?”
“Show it, you little pervert.”
“Fuck, I’m still bigger than you.”
“Weren’t you calling me ‘teacher’ and crawling a second ago? This is peak goblin behavior. A bitch with no pride and no chest.”
“So are we comparing or what?”
“Let’s compare, you little shit.”
Whoosh!
Winz stepped between us like a teacher breaking up a fight, looking back and forth with a stern expression.
“Both of you, stop it right now! I have no interest in reverse harems!”
Winz finished with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. For a moment I just stared.
“…Why are you the one setting the rules here?”
Beel nodded along.
“Yeah, what she said.”
The tension finally eased. Winz spoke again.
“I have heard of it. There are Mighty Goblins who are unusually small in stature.”
Beel’s face lit up instantly. She really didn’t know how to hide her emotions—or maybe she just didn’t bother.
“Uhyahat! Am I already famous? Ah, the world just won’t leave me alone. Though it’s a bit inconvenient for a thief to be this well-known… Maybe my bounty will go up… Ahem.”
She was monologuing like a lunatic. Bounty? Was she a pro athlete now?
Winz clicked her tongue.
“I heard you were a weak, faithless little thief.”
“Wh-what?!”
I sneered openly.
“Look at you, all puffed up. Pathetic.”
Still, something didn’t add up. A Mighty Goblin this small? That shouldn’t be possible. Genetically, Mighty Goblins were different from regular goblins. Normally, at least.
So then…
“Developmental disorder, maybe? You’re a Mighty Goblin but you’re tiny.”
“Yes, my lady. And looking at her appearance, she does seem somewhat closer to an elf. A developmental disorder is likely.”
Genetically, Mighty Goblins were said to be closer to elves. Why that was, I had no idea—I wasn’t a geneticist. Probably just the author’s weird setting.
Beel frowned.
“Can we stop throwing around the word ‘disorder’? It’s offensive, yeah?”
“Would you prefer ‘handicap’?”
Beel brightened immediately.
“Ooh, that sounds cooler! More dignified!”
“They mean the same damn thing, you idiot.”
“Fuck… Who’re you calling an idiot?!”
“What? Want another beating?”
We were seconds from another round. This goblin was exhausting.
“Anyway, what do we do with her? Kill her?”
I said it half-seriously. Getting rid of her quietly would be the cleanest option.
The mood turned heavy. Beel’s eyes went wide and she started shaking. Even Winz shook her head, looking uncomfortable.
Beel swallowed hard and waved her hands frantically.
“H-hey… Killing me? That’s a bit much, don’t you think?”
“And stealing our coin purse wasn’t?”
“Th-that was really my bad. Seriously! But work’s been slow lately…”
A thief calling it “work” was hilarious. Let’s hear it.
“Why? Getting discriminated against?”
Beel nodded. Just then, voices drifted in from outside—merchants passing by.
“You know that goblin thief? They call her a real piece of work.”
“Ah, Beel or Zeel or something. Yeah, what about her?”
“She did another dine-and-dash yesterday. No shame. And when you call her out, she screams discrimination.”
“Tch, what a nasty little thing. I’d cut her head off if it were me.”
Winz and I both turned to glare at Beel. There was only one goblin thief they could be talking about.
Beel laughed awkwardly under our stares.
“Ahaha, lovely weather today, isn’t it? Ahahahaha!”
“Yeah, we’re definitely killing her.”
Even Winz agreed.
“Yes. Leave the questioning to me. I’m confident!”
When I stood up, Beel scrambled to the opposite corner and crouched down.
“Hey, n-no, I don’t wanna die, you bastards!”
“Unfortunately, I don’t see any reason to keep you alive. Hehe.”
Winz smiled while saying something terrifying. She really was a scary woman.
Beel pointed at her.
“Don’t smile while saying scary stuff! W-wait. Listen, I know a secret. I’ll share it if we work together. How about it? Deal?”
I stopped mid-punch. A secret?
“What secret? Really?”
“Y-yeah!”
“Nope. I’d trust a weather forecast before I trust you. Die.”
Beel shook her head desperately, her fiery red hair whipping around.
“No, no, wait!”
“What now?”
“It’s true! Why else would I be here? I was after the same thing!”
“Haa…”
I lowered my fist. Beel grinned in relief—until I glared at her again.
“You really think I’d trust a faithless, lying thief like you?”
Under my stare, Beel met my eyes calmly before giving a bitter smile. It was the smile of someone who had long since given up on everything. The smile of someone who was used to this.
‘Huh?’
I found myself studying her. That smile felt strangely familiar.
Beel muttered quietly, almost to herself.
“Damn it… You think I wanted to end up like this? You think I chose this life? Fuck, it’s all I know.”
“My lady, let’s just kill her. She’s about to start with the tragic backstory.”
Winz’s suggestion was reasonable. I wasn’t interested in some criminal trying to wash their sins with a sob story. This wasn’t some third-rate novel.
Beel clicked her tongue and shouted like she was throwing everything away.
“You know the lord here, right?! Haa… That bastard’s in league with a cult.”
I tilted my head. A cult?
‘Hold on. There was a plot point in the original where the lord was involved with a cult. Why is it coming up now? Already? I’m not even the protagonist.’
Something felt off again.
Winz looked at me curiously.
“My lady…?”
“One second. Beel, is that true?”
Beel scratched her head roughly and nodded.
“Damn it, why would I lie when I’m about to die? If you’re gonna kill me, kill me. But I’m good at spotting traps and reading situations. My hands are pretty skilled too.”
Traps and cults… Something clicked. This was probably the episode where the protagonist visited, dealt with the lord, and went underground. It had felt like a side story, so my memory was fuzzy, but I remembered the protagonist acting like a thug and getting backlash from readers.
‘What if I do it instead? As long as I get the benefits, who cares?’
I rubbed my chin as Beel continued.
“My hands really are skilled. Seriously! So let’s work together. We split it fifty-fifty.”
“Eight.”
“…Huh?”
“Eight. I take four, Winz takes four, you take two. Democratic, right?”
Beel’s face twisted.
“No, fuck. What kind of robbery is this? I’m the one who found the idea and the traps!”
“In exchange, you get to keep breathing. Or is your life that cheap?”
Beel had no comeback. She just nodded.
Honestly, I was a little curious myself. Besides, I needed to meet that heroine anyway. Might as well get the blood on my hands later.
Winz and I exchanged glances. She nodded.
“Fine. Talk. What’s this secret, and how do we pull it off?”
Beel must have already thought this through—that’s why she made the offer. Her face bloomed with relief. Honest little goblin.
“Well, you see…”
We leaned in to listen, wondering just how useful her information would be.