I Love You As Much As Your Breasts
Back at the guild.
Renoir and I settled into an easy conversation.
She looked genuinely shocked when I told her about the assassin.
“Good grief, assassins now? Queen Wednesday, what exactly have you been getting yourself into?”
“Just living however the hell I feel like. Isn’t that what a crazy bitch’s life is supposed to be?”
“…So you’ve made plenty of enemies. You enjoy that?”
“Would you rather I prance around like every other noble lady, giggling and curtsying? That your idea of fun?”
Renoir just shrugged.
I felt the need to defend myself. It was unfair, after all.
“If I’m being honest, everyone’s been twisting the story against me from the start.”
Renoir took a slow sip of her coffee, then delicately bit into a chocolate biscuit, her lips curving like a cat’s.
“That’s exactly what every criminal caught by the guards says.”
“So you’re calling me a criminal?”
“No, but I do know you’re the kind of lunatic who tosses an assassin at her head maid in broad daylight and tells her to ‘play with him.’”
“Misunderstanding. I just figured Winz would handle it nicely.”
I looked away. Truth was, I wasn’t entirely sure Winz wouldn’t do something extreme.
Actually, it was almost guaranteed.
Then the smell of blood hit me.
Footsteps followed—soft, steady.
Winz stood there, calmly wiping her hands on a towel soaked crimson.
“…Winz?”
She smiled brightly and dipped into a graceful curtsy, skirt lifted just so.
“My lady, I’ve found out everything!”
“Since when do you talk like that?”
“His name is Gant. No surname—he’s an orphan. Mirinda sent him.”
“Mirinda? I knew it. That goddamn bitch.”
I was getting tired of hearing that name. The moment it came up, every question mark about the assassin turned into an exclamation point.
A sigh escaped me.
Renoir tilted her head. “Mirinda? Isn’t that a drink?”
“If only. Then I could just chug it and be done. She’s some bitter old hag from my family who’s always resented me.”
Renoir paused, thinking. She was sharp—our resident intel expert. I trusted her judgment.
‘She’s going to be the one handling all our future tech. Of course I trust her.’
The thought warmed me. Once I had her loyalty, every scrap of information in this world would be mine.
“Ah, you mean Mirinda Devilrenov, the eldest daughter of the Devilrenov house?”
So Renoir knew her too. Not surprising—everyone knew the Devilrenov name. Even that walking disaster Zwill had been infamous.
Well. Past tense now.
“Unfortunately, she insists on calling herself Mirinda Wednesday these days.”
“Why keep the family name after marrying out?”
“Because she’s a raging lunatic?”
“She never did have the best reputation.”
Renoir smiled sweetly, like she was filming a coffee commercial.
I’d expected as much. If Mirinda ever earned a good reputation, the world itself would have to be broken.
“A bucket that leaks inside will leak outside too.”
“That phrasing is… odd.”
“Anyway, I figured she’d send someone eventually. Winz!”
Winz looked up from wiping her hands and met my eyes.
My gaze dropped to the bloody towel.
She noticed, gave a sultry little smile, and tossed it aside.
“Ufu~ Yes, my lady♥”
I needed answers.
“What happened to Gant?”
“He’s resting!”
“Resting? How long? While we’re at it, anything about Mirinda—”
“Forever!”
I toppled backward off my chair.
Wait. What?
My ears had to be malfunctioning.
“…You killed him?”
“Yes! He didn’t have any useful information anyway. Just some poor orphan with a family to feed who crawled under Mirinda’s skirt for money. That’s all!”
She actually killed him.
No—honestly, I hadn’t seen this coming.
Renoir’s hands trembled. “Still, you didn’t have to kill him…”
“Oh, but I did. He dared to lay a hand on my lady. Ufu~”
For a second her voice turned cold. No—downright murderous.
Both Renoir and I froze.
Winz was getting scarier by the day… and I kind of liked it.
Yeah. My type.
Beautiful, strong, proactive.
‘Haah, and she’s an elf. People complain about “fake elves” with rotten personalities, but that’s just because they’ve only met the broken ones. Heh.’
Honestly? I wanted her to go even further. Lose control completely. Get so intense that even I couldn’t handle her.
Renoir let out a long sigh and pointed at me.
“Sometimes I think she’s the bigger lunatic.”
I shook my head silently.
Wrong. This district’s crazy bitch throne belonged to me.
Still… I felt a little threatened.
Fine. I needed to commit some murder myself.
Or at least leave people half-dead like that bat guy.
‘Yeah. That sounds good. From now on, I’ll break bones regardless of age or gender!’
A beautiful roadmap unfurled in my mind. Could anything be more satisfying?
Winz beamed and skipped over to Renoir.
“I can hear everything, you know? Elf ears~ Hohoho♥”
“Ahem. Anyway, both of you be careful. Womanchester’s security isn’t exactly stellar, east or west.”
She had a point. The territory was still in that messy development phase—everything in flux.
I stood up slowly.
Assassin incident, closed.
“Right. Take care on your way back.”
“I’m counting on you.”
As I turned to leave, her next words stopped me cold.
“Hm?”
Renoir pointed at me with her empty cup, smiling calmly.
“I’m entrusting it to you. My talent.”
Winz and I whipped around to stare at each other.
What did she just say?
“Kyaaang!”
“Huu!”
We looked at each other, then threw our arms around one another, squealing.
We’d finally done it.
She actually changed her mind!
“Really? You mean it? This isn’t some cruel prank, right?”
“No prank. Though what’s ‘cruel prank’ supposed to mean? Some foreign phrase?”
I laughed it off. Too early for hidden-camera jokes anyway.
“Ahaha, never mind! Thank you—really. For trusting me. But… are you sure? What about Vile?”
Renoir’s expression turned bitter.
“It hurts, but it can’t be helped. I knew something was going on, but I never imagined it was this bad.”
“Yeah. I was shocked too. He seemed so gentle. Still, thank you for deciding. Oh, and besides the tech stuff, I also need you to look into the family seal.”
I slipped in my real request carefully.
Renoir just poured herself more coffee like it was nothing.
“Not a difficult task. Let’s do our best together. I’m counting on you too!”
Her smile was finally genuine. I felt like I was finally seeing the real her.
I grinned back.
“See? You’re gorgeous when you smile.”
“Ha, what?”
“Way better than that perpetually annoyed face you usually wear, Miss Public Servant of Dwalve.”
Honesty was the best policy. And to be honest with others, you had to be honest with yourself first.
Renoir’s cheeks flushed.
“J-just bring the money tomorrow, you crazy bitch!”
She snapped, but it was adorable.
Winz and I stepped out into the lobby.
“Shall we head back?”
“Yes!”
We thanked the guild staff and returned to the inn.
Whew. Today had been long.
On the way back I kept expecting another assassin. My nose itched like I was about to sneeze; my spine tingled.
Maybe one would show up after all.
But we made it safely.
Back at the inn, we washed up and rested.
I was grateful just to be alive and able to relax.
Winz slid closer and lay down beside me.
Her hand came to rest naturally on my chest.
“Hey now, already? Hup!”
“My lady… I was really scared, you know?”
I scratched my head, awkward. When she got this serious, I never knew what to do.
‘What am I supposed to do here? I’ve been a hero, but never a bedroom hero.’
Still, I couldn’t stay flustered forever.
I reached out and gently stroked her soft hair.
Winz closed her eyes like a contented rabbit, long ears twitching now and then. Adorable.
“Winz, I want to make you a promise.”
“A promise…?”
Her face darkened. Why?
“From now on, I won’t lose. Not ever. I’ll live as the strongest lady there is—at least for you.”
Lying face-to-face on the same bed, I made the vow like a knight swearing to his lady.
I thought she’d smile.
Instead, Winz gave the saddest smile I’d ever seen—like she was facing something inevitable.
“No matter how many times I hear it… it still moves me.”
“Huh?”
“No, I just… want to hear it again and again. Yes, my lady. I’ll do my absolute best too. Even if it costs me my life.”
I chuckled. No need to go that far.
“Come on, don’t talk about dying. Our Winz…”
An idea struck me.
Perfect. I’d always been on the receiving end.
This time, I’d be the one to strike first!
Squish, squeeze.
I trailed off and grabbed her breasts, kneading them.
Soft, warm flesh and perfectly balanced weight filled my hands. So this was what happened when they got this big?
“Kyaa! My lady?!”
“Where else am I gonna find a girl this pretty? Uwahaha!”
Winz just laughed, like she’d already recovered her composure.
“Ufu~ Please… touch me more.”
“Ghk—wait, no, that was just a joke!”
“Playing such a mean prank on a maiden? You deserve punishment!”
Winz’s smile turned wicked.
She climbed on top of me, eyes gleaming.
Terrifying. I smirked and whispered up at her.
“I love you as much as your breasts.”
Every word sincere.
Winz answered immediately.
“And I love you as much as your courage…♥”
Yeah. Winz was impossible to resist.
While I was still looking up at her, wondering how to counterattack—
“Chuu…♥”
“Mmph?!”
She kissed me.
Wait, what—
I blacked out.