The Crazy Bitch Noble Lady, Doree

The noble lady stood with an arrogant expression, her pale skin gleaming without a trace of powder. I knew exactly who she was.

She existed in the memories of this body’s original owner.

Doree Leonhardt.

A daughter of a prestigious house bound to me by political marriage—and a certified lunatic who had proudly come out as a lesbian years ago.

Honestly, I didn’t want to deal with her. But on paper, she was still my fiancée.

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“Oh my, look who it is. My honey.”

“What are two girls even doing together?”

“How can anyone be this beautiful? My Queen, my love! My… toy!”

“Her mother must have given birth to her like this.”

She stepped closer.

Long pink hair, emerald eyes that looked like polished gems, a refined dress imported from the capital, and an E-cup figure that turned heads. A mad smile was already spreading across her face.

Like a cat that had just spotted prey, she stared at me.

“You look as miserable as ever today, my lady Queen.”

“My lady…?”

“Oh dear, has your poor head forgotten even our relationship? How unfortunate. I wonder if you’ll even make a suitable spouse.”

She was also the first person I’d met after arriving here.

A pure sadist who loved tearing people down with her tongue and basking in their misery. Yet she was so beautiful it was hard to hate her outright.

“I could never forget you, Lady Doree. What brings you here today?”

“I just wanted to chat about life.”

“Is the topic really worth coming all this way for?”

“Of course it is! I’m dying to know how much my future toy has been tormented today!”

Classic Doree. Total lunatic.

She kept scraping at my nerves like nails on a chalkboard.

“By the way, I do love how consistent you are, my Queen.”

“Suddenly?”

“It’s not sudden at all. You inherited no talent from your parents, you’re ignored by everyone in the family, and you have zero will to change. Your late mother must be weeping in her grave, fufufu.”

Even a saint would lose it hearing that.

I did too. But I couldn’t lash out.

My current standing in the family, the fact that I was being sold off under the guise of a political marriage—nothing was going my way. Maybe I should just accept it.

No. I have to resist. I’m going to show them now, right? Prove myself.

If they cut me with words, I’ll cut them back with words.

If they hurt me with fists, I’ll return it with fists.

From now on, that’s how it’s going to be. That’s who Queen is.

A quest window suddenly appeared in midair. What the hell? This world had stuff like this?

Actually, this is great. Means I’m the protagonist, right?

I licked my lips and glared at Doree. She opened her fan and covered her mouth.

“You must hate living every single day.”

“It’s my life. Don’t worry about it.”

“Oh no, once you marry me I’m going to break you so thoroughly. I prefer shattering lively toys over broken ones, you see!”

“Then you’ve got nothing to worry about. I’ll tear both your upper and lower lips to shreds while you’re still lively.”

Doree’s expression collapsed at my sudden remark. Her eyes trembled.

“W-What did you just…?”

“Why? Did something happen? Hmm, I wouldn’t know. I was just suggesting we play passionately after the wedding. Or are you lacking confidence?”

“Queen, you could never say things like that before! You’re supposed to be my personal hamster! What is this shameless act…?”

I tilted my head. Had this girl always been this obsessed with me?

No—maybe she was just desperately trying to get my attention.

While deciding how to smack her down next, my eyes dropped to the floor.

A blue carpet—the color of the family crest—stretched across the room.

“Queen, say something! What on earth—!”

“Oh, I was just looking at the carpet. Did I say something?”

“The carpet? You’re ignoring me to stare at the floor?!”

“No, it just gives off a Santorini vibe. I like it.”

Doree looked completely bewildered, as if she no longer understood who I was.

Serves her right. She’d been acting like she knew everything about me!

“Doree, I’ve simply come to a realization.”

“What? Your own patheticness? Your worthless existence as a bug?”

“Nope. I’ve realized how I need to live from now on so that even an insignificant ant like you will have to treat me like a human being.”

I shrugged and smiled.

I wasn’t going to keep taking it anymore. Did I lack power? Lack plans?

Crack!

My vision shook for a moment. Doree had slapped me across the face.

She shoved her face right up to mine and snarled.

“You’re the one with nothing to show, aren’t you? Have you fallen into self-loathing?”

“Why would I loathe myself when there’s nothing to loathe? I was talking about your behavior. Why are you proudly announcing you’re a lesbian to the entire neighborhood?”

“Hah, so you’re trying to vent your anger. Wake up, Queen. If you were actually competent, no one would ignore you.”

“I’ll prove it from now on, so keep your calculator brain sharp. And watch your mouth the next time you come here, got it?”

I leaned in until our foreheads nearly touched.

“Wouldn’t it be a problem if a noble lady like you caused a scandal with a slip of the tongue? Especially someone with such poor conduct, practically a heretic.”

With that, I brushed past her shoulder and walked out of the mansion.

I wanted to crush her more, but I had things to do.

Outside, I turned around.

I was supposed to be the eldest daughter, the future head of the house. Yet the place I lived in was a shabby annex.

A tiny two-story building that barely qualified as a mansion.

Only a few direct retainers and servants lived here with me.

At least the head maid Winz visited often and kept the atmosphere from getting too depressing.

Queen Wednesday is a complete failure in a world where magic is everything—she can’t use magic at all. Her very existence stains the family name. But this treatment… really?

Even a third party would be furious. The noble world runs on power and bloodline, but this felt like they were denying my very birth.

“How ridiculous!”

Doree stormed past me, face twisted in rage.

I waved goodbye and looked back at the annex.

I’m not going to rot away in a place like this. I’m getting out.

Get out and live however I damn well please. But first, I had to deal with my own problems.

Thud. Thud.

Footsteps approached from behind. I turned.

A handsome young man with light brown hair and fair skin walked up to me.

“Lady Queen Wednesday. Have you finished coughing?”

“Yeah, more or less.”

I glared at him and thought.

In the novel, Queen Wednesday served as the protagonist’s mental support before dying suddenly. The cause? She had been slowly poisoned over time.

And the one secretly feeding her that poison was this very man—my direct retainer and servant.

Alonzo Lematak!

“Is there… anywhere you feel unwell?”

“No. Alonzo, aren’t you giving me my tonic today? I’m hungry.”

“Haha, of course I’ve prepared it. I’ll go fetch it right away.”

“Shouldn’t you have a maid do that? You’re the eldest son of a family that has served ours for four generations. Why are you doing menial chores?”

I asked with a sharp smile. It wasn’t really a smile.

Staring at a murderer who was slowly killing me right in front of my eyes made my nonexistent lower half twist in disgust.

Alonzo gave a warm smile.

“Because it is my duty to attend to you, my lady.”

He left.

Duty, my ass, you piece of shit.

I went into my room and waited.

The moment I entered, a notification popped up.

Jackpot! More importantly than anything else, the Force Heart that hadn’t existed in me had opened at its most basic stage—Runner Initial.

With this, I could deal with Alonzo much more easily.

Even my previously trash-tier stats were now at least at a basic level.

I decided to invest more points while I was at it. I’d earned plenty.

First, I tried raising Strength. I opened the status window, tapped Strength, and 100 points vanished from my 5000, raising my level from 0 to 1 and increasing Strength.

One more time.

This time 200 points disappeared and my level became 2.

I checked the status window.

As if the heavens were helping me, another quest appeared immediately.

Knock knock.

“Come in.”

Click. Creak.

Alonzo entered carrying a steaming cup.

“Here is your tonic, my lady.”

He handed it over with his usual sweet smile.

I accepted the cup and asked.

“What exactly does this do?”

“It’s said to send mana-conducting energy to the brain.”

“Really? So you’re not trying to kill me?”

“…Pardon?”

Whoosh—BAM!

I slammed a straight punch into his face. Alonzo’s expression hardened like stone as he staggered backward. Good reflexes.

“My lady, what is the meaning of this…?”

“Drop the act, Alonzo, you piece of shit. You’ve been feeding me poison all this time and now you’re acting confused?”

I grinned.

Color instantly returned to his face, as if he’d been waiting for me to notice.

“How… did you find out?”

“There are plenty of ways to know.”

“Was it that head maid? Impressive, my lady. I thought you were just a magic-less cripple.”

“Yeah, this raw version of you is much better. Act like this from now on. You’re not a politician.”

He sighed and clicked his tongue.

“You wouldn’t understand. All my siblings serve promising young ladies while I’m stuck wasting my life serving trash like ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠you! I have ambitions too, you know!”

“Hey, I’m not exactly a fan of the class system either.”

“What are you saying?”

“But seeing a rootless bastard like you lust after things way above your station doesn’t even make me laugh. It’s always guys like you who cause problems.”

I slowly approached him, circulating the mana and energy inside my body.

“So how about you just take a beating?”

“Change of plans. I’ll kill you here and frame the head maid.”

“Big dreams for someone with such a long tongue.”

Whoosh—tatatat!

I kicked off the ground and charged.

Alonzo’s face began turning to stone just like before. It was the 1st-circle earth magic, Stone Armor.

Whoosh—Thud!

He blocked my punch with his face and waved his hand.

Alonzo was even using offensive magic now.

I backed away and he sneered.

“Charging in when you can’t even use magic? That’s just suicide, isn’t it?”

“It’s fine. I’ve got something better than magic.”

Thanks to the stat boosts, I could manage this much. Time to get serious?

I steadied my breathing, kicked off the ground, and black-and-white energy coiled around my body before vanishing.

Alonzo wagged his finger as if ready to end this.

“I hope you’re reborn as a human next time, you worm.”

Three Fragment Shots flew straight at me. Magic really was a miraculous power.

I didn’t have it. He did.

But was it absolute?

Let’s overcome this. I didn’t come here just to die like a dog.

I mixed mana with energy, refined it into something that shouldn’t exist, and manifested it.

I closed the distance.

Wrapping the energy around my hand blade, I swung.

Lightly. Cleanly.

Whoosh! Whoom—Thud!

I parried every single Fragment Shot and sent them flying in all directions.

Alonzo’s face went pale with shock.

“W-What the—?!”

I closed in instantly and drove my fist into him.

“I have Stone Armor—kgh!”

“Yeah, that doesn’t mean shit.”

Crunch!

His face caved in along ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠with the Stone Armor.

For good measure, I rained punches down on his face.

The greatest strength of Origin Divine Art was that it turned the opponent’s defenses into toilet paper.

I looked down at the dead Alonzo.

“You thought you could block energy that doesn’t exist with mere stone? That’s why you’re just a servant.”

Now came the important part.

What to do with the body?

At that moment—

Before I could even think about clearing the quest, something far too unfamiliar appeared before me.

As if it were the final goal of my life.