The Host Walks Into the Murim
Who am I, you ask?
The emperor of Gangnam hosts. The dandy among dandies. A charmer so legendary that Japanese hosts flew to Korea just to hear him lecture. Yes — the greatest, most supreme playboy in history.
"Drink it! Drink it! Kyaa~!"
Accepting every ounce of a woman's generosity, without leaving a single drop behind — that was a host's destiny, and his duty. Yujin gulped down the whiskey brimming in his glass, chugging it in great swallows. At his performance of pouring liquor straight over his head, the ladies pulled out cash bills and ordered more drinks in a frenzy.
"One more! One more!"
Women in skintight dresses swarmed around him, topping off his glass. A worried colleague poked him in the side — he'd already blown past his usual limit — but Yujin shot back with a perfectly straight face.
'Hey, shouldn't you stop drinking?'
'What? You little punk... You've got no sense of professionalism. None at all.'
"Here we go-! Ah, one shot-!"
As if anyone could refuse a drink poured by a beauty. Glug glug glug. That day, too, Yujin shone as a paragon of the host spirit.
"Kwahaha! Bring me wine and women-!"
Even at his barrel-scraping bandit gag, the women burst into peals of giggles. His tall frame and handsome face made it all possible. The smiles of beautiful women were my joy. Loving his job as always, Yujin tipped the bottle itself to his lips.
Gulp. Gulp.
"Huurghk..."
The moment he set the bottle down on the table with grand flourish, Yujin's body began tilting toward the floor right along with it. A drunk body is an honest body. The man in the red suit who'd been cutting loose mere seconds ago clutched his stomach and rolled across the floor.
Acute alcohol poisoning. That was his cause of death.
"Child, are you coming to your senses?"
From the following options, choose the one that caused the greatest confusion:
一. That I'd gulped down the drinks the ladies kept pouring like always, keeled over, and died.
二. That when I opened my eyes, a stunningly gorgeous older woman was holding me and crying.
三. That the world I'd woken up in was what people commonly call the murim.
四. Where the hell did my dick go?!
Needless to say, number four was the most confusing and bewildering of all. When he looked in the mirror, he thought he was dreaming. Long, straight black hair... right, up to that point he'd assumed it was just a boy with long hair. But between his shoulders and his waist, where only the ribs of a ribcage should have been, there rose a soft, swelling chest.
Just some extra weight, right? Yeah. That's it. Even as Yujin tried that rationalization, the sensation beneath his roaming hands forced him to face reality.
In the mirror the maids had brought, he saw sharply slanted blue eyes framed by long lashes. His once-thick forearms were gone, replaced by thin, delicate wrists. The pale, soft skin should have been lovely.
Yujin trembled all over. When he pressed hard against his temple, the woman with the beautifully braided hair gazed at him with worried eyes.
"Child, child. Is your head aching again?"
I wish it were my head.
"Eoh-heuk. Eoh-heuk..."
The surrounding maids watched Yujin weep endless tears while grabbing at his crotch again and again, but he had no presence of mind for their stares. Neither did the woman holding him.
"Oh child, there there. The headaches must be terrible. Someone! Bring the medicinal decoction. Hurry!"
There was no headache, of course, but at the woman's gesture the maids began scurrying out of the room. Yujin wailed as if the world itself were abandoning him. Unable to fathom why the child was crying, the woman could only stamp her feet helplessly — all she could do was gently stroke the head of the girl sobbing into her chest.
"Eoh-heuheuk... sniff."
183 centimeters, 78 kilograms, 36 kilograms of skeletal muscle — an alpha male was reborn today. As a lovely young maiden with tears streaming down her eyes, looking positively delicate and adorable.
It didn't take Yujin all that long to fully come to his senses and confront his situation head-on.
By some twist of coincidence, this body's name was Namgung Yujin. She had just turned fourteen and, after stumbling on her birthday, had apparently lain unconscious for a whole month.
'Namgung... Namgung...'
A man who had prowled the nightlife scene for years, he possessed both a keen instinct for sensing danger and a thick skin toward misfortune — and he had no hang-ups about acknowledging his own misery. Misfortune was something like a friend in his life. Which is why he always sought out the best possible path.
Yujin parted his lips slightly and made a sound.
"Ah."
"Oh my, look how well you eat. What a good child. How did you turn out so sweet?"
The woman with the fairylike braids had come to care for him every single day without fail since he woke. Despite having maids aplenty, she fed him by hand and dressed him herself.
'This is seriously fucking great. Yep.'
A busty, beautiful older woman? She wasn't even an auntie — more like an unnie — and with her doting on him like this, who in their right mind would refuse? Those were the thoughts drifting through Yujin's head as the days passed.
"Your memory still hasn't come back, has it."
"No, ma'am..."
Yujin pouted his lips and shook his head as though racked with guilt, then lightly pressed a hand to his forehead as if in pain again.
An aegyo display of a caliber no one would believe came from the mouth of a twenty-seven-year-old man flowed out of him as naturally as breathing — and he wasn't the least bit embarrassed. The hard-won chops of a host who'd satisfied ladies with the strangest tastes were proving their worth in the unlikeliest of places. Aegyo at this level? Frankly, easy mode.
"There, there. I won't ask anymore, since your head aches so..."
Anyone with even a passing knowledge of wuxia novels could have inferred from the surname Namgung that Yujin's family was a considerable noble house — but Yujin was a complete ignoramus. He would have to deduce the nature of this place by other means. The wealth was obvious from the lavish furniture and ingredients alone, but at some point Yujin had become certain that this was no mere nouveau-riche merchant house, but a prestigious family of exalted renown. The dignified bearing of the woman who visited him daily contributed to that judgment, yet what truly convinced him was something else entirely.
'Hey, did you hear? The head of the house sent word to the royal palace...'
'Yeah. And they say the Jegal family is coming too...'
'Whoa. Does this mean we finally get to do laundry?'
'Tsk. Laundry, she says. The highborn folk would beat us senseless if they heard that.'
The laundry comment gave him pause, but — the royal palace? Highborn folk? These were far too dignified words to come out of some upstart merchant clan's household. Having already fully adapted to the reality of peeing while sitting down, Yujin hummed a little tune. If you're going to be reborn anyway, might as well be born with a silver spoon. Sure, someone might object — a perfectly healthy guy got reborn as a woman! — but adapting rapidly to shifting circumstances was one of his special talents.
'Hmm. First, marriage... I need to avoid that. Men are off the table. Oof. Once I'm a bit older, should I seduce some ladies? Honestly, this face is pretty gorgeous, no? If I were a woman, I think this level of looks would definitely be viable.'
Yujin's new body — that is, the daughter of this mysterious household — was, by the judgment of a man who had seen every kind of woman there was, truly beautiful. And what does beauty get you? An easy life. While Yujin, still unable to shed his host mentality, entertained thoughts like these, one of the maids approached and bowed her head deeply.
"Mistress. the Grand Matriarch has arrived."
"Ah. Tell her to come in."
The woman who visited Yujin every day looked to be, at most, in her mid-twenties, yet she was addressed by the utterly ill-fitting title of Grand Matriarch. Grace might have radiated from her slow, measured gait, but her face was far too young.
'Is the family registry just a total mess?'
It was a plausible theory, given this seemed to be the very distant past. While Yujin blinked, the woman approached and looked down at him with concern.
"Child, are you feeling a little more yourself now?"
"Yes, Grand Matriarch."
"Good. Good... Oh, Heaven and Earth and all the spirits... thank you."
Her occasional old-woman way of speaking did suit the nickname of Matriarch, mind you. When Yujin looked up at her with wide, round eyes, she gazed back at him with tender warmth for a long while.
"Child. The time has come for you to return to your daily life."
'So the inevitable has come.'
Yujin swallowed hard and recalled the lines he'd prepared in his head. The woman called Grand Matriarch might not know it, but Yujin had been waiting for this very day. Exceptionally sharp when it came to reading a situation, he understood that the daughter of a noble house like this couldn't lounge around in bed forever. His glamorous history with women had greatly aided that deduction, too.
'Oppa, sorry. I have a business management lesson to get to...'
Daughters of wealthy families always had packed schedules.
For all her title, the woman called Grand Matriarch was, on closer look, oddly hesitant, watching his reaction as if walking on eggshells.
In times like these...
'It's all right, so please tell me. Unnie.'
"Grand Matriarch, I'm perfectly well now. Please, speak freely."
Yujin tilted his head slightly and flashed a faint smile. The Grand Matriarch stared at him, as though awed by a maturity far beyond her years.
"Child..."
'Nailed the line. Absolutely nailed it.'
Now, what will it be? Heir lessons? I'll take them. I'll knock it out of the park and be reborn as a genius successor.
"Yes... I suppose it can't be put off any longer..."
Martial arts? Last time I looked, people were practically flying around. And I've got killer athletic instincts myself. I'll pick it up in no time.
"Forgive me, child...!"
It was around this point that a wave of dread washed over him. This would have been the moment to clutch his head and fake a collapse.
"Your marriage to the young lord of the Jegal family has been decided!"
"Huh."
Excuse me?