Episode 60: Teemo, Stop!

Contrary to all the fretting back in champion select, the game rolled along far too smoothly.

I had Lee Sin completely under my heel, and mid—dead even until then—had no choice but to get dragged under the moment the jungle gap started to open.

And the other lanes?

Top needed nothing more than a little help locking down vision. In the one-on-one, our top cheerfully pounded Sett, and Lee Sin's ganks were simple to slip thanks to the pink ward I'd tucked away on the enemy jungle side. All that wasted pathing even let me take the dragon solo.

Told like that, it sounded as if the win were already in hand. There was a crack, though. In a pure 2v2 between the bot lanes, with nobody else stepping in, Ezreal had picked up a death, and his CS was slipping a little behind the enemy Ashe.

It might look like nothing for the moment. But if Thresh came unstuck and started roaming the map, we'd have a real headache on our hands. Somehow, I had to cut bot loose.

Sett and Lissandra both have Teleport. That's the problem. Of all things, Teemo took Ignite and LeBlanc took Cleanse, so in a collapse like this...

I knew it would be rough. Still, you only earned the right to climb by getting over walls like this one.

Ready to hand Rift Herald over if it came to that, I abandoned topside vision and swung my pathing downward. I also told top and mid ahead of time that I meant to crack bot open.

Teemo said nothing. LeBlanc answered with a ping that she'd understood.

Vision first...

Sweeping with my Oracle Lens, I pushed out toward the river on the bot side. Fortunately, the enemy had no wards over here. To dodge their expectations as far as I could, I signaled the gank by vaulting the dragon pit on my flag and spear.

To answer it, Morgana stepped up hard and baited Thresh. As if he'd been waiting, his hook lashed out!

They didn't seem to expect much, Black Shield in mind—but to sell the play, Morgana let the skill hit her clean. Thresh rode the hook in and swept the ground bare, and Ashe threaded her W through the minions before stepping forward.

Now!

Thresh tossed his lantern to Ashe. Hook plus another skill, both connected—they thought they had a perfect angle for the kill. That was the instant I cleared the wall on my flag and spear and cut boldly straight through the enemy tri-bush.

They must have caught me on the ward seated in the brush. The enemy bot lane's movement went ragged.

The moment that lantern left his hand, it was already too late.

Bot's summoner spells had all been burned in the fight before. Thresh did have Ignite back off cooldown, but that was a tool for killing, not for a spot where you needed to run. It wouldn't help him much.

Morgana landed her bind on Thresh as he tried to fall off, and Ezreal even Flashed forward, laying into them with everything he had. The instant I met the enemy bot lane, I opened on my ultimate.

The arena Jarvan IV raises. Inside that solid cage holding Ashe and Thresh entire, the fight turned savage. The two of them resisted for their lives, but the numbers were something they couldn't argue with.

Thresh, unable to weather the stacked damage any longer, was a breath from the gray screen when light suddenly began to glitter in the first bush by our tower. A Teleport.

And it wasn't just one.

Oh no!

A second Teleport surged up out of the tri-bush. At the same time, danger pings stamped down from top and mid, and the tension climbed.

At last Sett stepped out of the bush by the tower. He was down to half, Ignite still burning on him—Teemo must have tried like mad to stop him—but the Teleport had gone through all the same. And he was level seven.

The moment he showed, Sett broke into a run. We'd killed Thresh in the meantime, and LeBlanc must have done her part in mid, because Lissandra's Teleport had been cut. Even so, the situation was still ugly.

Sett's first target was Ezreal, who had Flashed forward and could no longer run. Morgana threw her bind again the moment it came off cooldown, but Sett slipped it with a cool Flash and tore into both Ezreal and Morgana at once with Facebreaker. Then his ultimate followed.

Caught in the crowd control, Black Shield came out a beat too late. Sett seized Ezreal, leapt high into the sky, and came down like a missile over my head and Ashe's.

Damn it!

The kills traded. The same moment I finished Ashe, Ezreal died.

And that wasn't the only bad news. LeBlanc, who had overextended to cancel the Teleport for the team's sake, lost her life to a combined assault from Lee Sin and Lissandra near mid.

Pull out.

Morgana was still nearby, so this wasn't a clean duel I could take. On top of that, Lee Sin looked ready to collapse in at any second, and Sett still had Haymaker left—the skill that throws up an instant shield and lets him endure. Force it, and we'd throw the game. On that read, I took Morgana and fell back.

Then I took stock. Top had stripped turret gold and stuck them with a minion deficit, so that was a gain, and bot had picked up one extra kill—a small edge. But the loss in mid was far too large. She'd taken Cleanse instead of Teleport and ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠died anyway, and the fallout came right back around. Lissandra and Lee Sin neatly peeled the turret gold, and Sett, fresh off a recall, joined them so the enemy even walked away with Rift Herald.

Teemo's growth was excellent. It still wasn't enough to solo-kill a Sett who was playing safe. And the problem didn't end there.

"Why! Why are you building AD on Teemo! Why on earth!"

The game was sliding deeper and deeper into chaos.

Defeat.

It had been a truly vicious game. We'd played for fifty minutes, long enough for Baron Nashor to come up four separate times, and still the result was a loss.

The cause was simple. The gap in power the two compositions could bring to bear once the game went late—this was a match where that gap had shown itself in the open.

"I am not crying!"

I was furious. It ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠was a game we could absolutely have won. Dig any deeper and Teemo had more than pulled his weight—the loss, in truth, sat with LeBlanc—but a person's heart doesn't tidy itself up that neatly. I couldn't help resenting Soldier, who could have done more and had given us exactly one player's share and nothing beyond it.

On that point, I agreed. He hadn't griefed on purpose just to lose, so I had no thought of protesting.

A deep sigh took the edge off the first game's defeat, and I queued again.

"Get caught sniping and it's an instant ban. Watch yourselves."

The warning had barely left my mouth when the game popped. Lucky me—jungle again. I was checking my teammates in a fine mood when a familiar ID caught my eye.

The viewers had it exactly right. There in the third-pick slot, proudly showing off his presence, was SoldierAndMedic.

I did my best to stamp out the uneasy what-if and, with first pick, locked in Graves, who had luckily survived the bans. At once the chat exploded into raucous laughter.

"Ah—no, it's not like I knew. And it's not a problem. He can yield and pick something else."

A simple fix. The mischievous viewers, though, were not about to leave it there.

"Uh... now that I think about it, he never even hovered a portrait saying he was going Graves, so I didn't really do anything wrong. I'll just play it."

"Don't railroad me. When did I ever say I play Graves better than Soldier? I swear this stream of mine is nothing but villains."

While we laughed and carried on, the enemy's first and second picks finished locking their champions. Now it was our second and third picks' turn. And from that third pick, a champion every bit as familiar as the ID itself showed its face.

"Ah..."

"Why is this happening to me!"

It was the moment my hatred of Teemo sank even deeper.