In Search of a Duo (2)
The snipers were cackling, and the viewers were laughing so hard it seemed the chat might tear itself clean off the screen. I stayed perfectly deadpan. Mia was the only one burning.
"Real snipers ought to get bleeped and bleeped until you've made them into one complete bleep."
I'd heard it before. Queue solo, and Mia got sniped about thirty percent of the time—one game in three. There was a reason for everything. Her reactions were this blunt, this fiery; if I were a sniper, I would have gone after her too. A BJ worth the trouble of sniping, you might say.
Anyway, I started by leaving a short apology for our teammates in team chat. Fortunately they only seemed curious about the BJs; nobody got emotional about it. After that, I covered the map with a photo one of the viewers had sent by email.
The photo was a prettily edited highlight from a cam broadcast.
"Ah! Unni, you did a cam stream too?"
"Mm-hmm. Last week."
Whether she'd had my broadcast up or not, her reaction to the photo came flying back.
"They're huge."
I couldn't tell if it had slipped out without a thought, but I heard it all the same. Oh, no. Too late—it had already gone out live, and the viewers started laughing like they'd lost their minds. I did my best to pretend the entire farce wasn't happening and locked in on the game.
"For a snipe, they're really not that good."
Once the map was covered, our side stopped getting hammered by those mysterious ganks. Ashe had failed to pick up any CS thanks to Blitzcrank's constant roaming and had turned into an ult bot; Mia and I dove her, picked her off without much trouble, and cleaned up the first tower while we were at it. Even with bot-lane priority, Talon had been abused so badly that we only managed a single dragon. Irelia rotated bot as a matter of course, and I moved mid with Mia.
"I don't see Zed."
"Yeah. Push the wave in, then we ward together. He might be hiding with the others."
So I could answer anything at a moment's notice, I shifted Galeforce—one of the marksman's mythics—into item slot one, and Mia and I carefully took vision. That was when we spotted Elise eating the top scuttle.
"Should we catch her?"
"Play safe until we see Zed."
My core item was online, sure, but Elise had grown fat off two kills on Talon alongside Blitzcrank. Times like that, the only correct play was to sit back.
"Zed's down below."
"Good. Hit it."
We started on the first mid tower. Its health peeled away, nice and slow, and with no one there to defend, it was almost too easy. Had they given up on the game? The optimistic read lasted only a moment. There was a reason they'd left the tower alone. This was a trap, and it had been carefully laid.
"Ah! Teleport below us, teleport!"
Mia slammed pings in a panic. An enemy ward buried in the bush under mid announced itself, flaring into a brilliant light, and at the same moment Ashe's ultimate came flying in from the enemy jungle, off where Kalbu was. A crystalline arrow of ice. It had been fired from out of vision, so no amount of movement was going to dodge it.
Vwoom—!
In that instant a Black Shield wrapped my champion, Caitlyn. Mia's snap judgment saved my Flash.
"Watch the Blitz!"
Blitzcrank, hidden with Ashe, came charging, and Elise stepped out of the upper bush as well. The finishing touch was Renekton's imposing figure, appearing beside the glittering ward. We'd been hitting the enemy's first mid tower until a moment ago, which meant we were in far too deep. Walking back to our own tower without taking a scratch was impossible. So I made up my mind.
"Mia, I won't forget you!"
"……!"
I sprinted for the center. Renekton came charging after me, and when I Flashed away he tried to stick with a counter-Flash. I threw out my E, the net, in a hurry. The gap opened just a little, and the slow landed on him besides.
Shwack—!
Elise didn't waste the opening. Her cocoon came stretching in, and as if I'd been waiting for it, I popped Galeforce and slipped clear. Truly Diamond movement and control. Awe flooded the chat.
"Traitor……"
"Ah, um…… sorry."
But there was someone here who couldn't join the cheering. She'd barely dodged Blitzcrank's grab, and the moment Ashe's W left her slowed, there was no way left to escape. Elise's venomous fangs and Renekton's blades tore Mia's champion, Morgana, to shreds. Then Elise danced on Morgana's corpse, and Blitzcrank planted a ward.
"Ugh! Those bleeped things—I swear I'm just gonna bleep them!"
The viewers howled at the sight of Mia in a rage. She built her whole persona around being a little sister, which was exactly why she got sniped so often, and why so many of her viewers were the mischievous kind. The thrill of bullying an actual little sister, or something like that. Anyway, I soothed the Mia who was about to go on a rampage, and we went for the mid tower again.
She had just died, but the enemy had committed four people to it, so for the team it was actually a gain. While Renekton was away, Sett had demolished the first top tower for free. And the second dragon was coming up soon. Renekton had burned Teleport and would struggle to join, while Sett could rotate whenever he pleased. On that read, we shoved first mid and boldly started the dragon ahead of them.
Just watch Zed.
Ashe was completely ruined—an ult bot, a slow bot, nothing more. Galeforce was back off cooldown, so Blitzcrank wasn't much to worry about either. Elise had scaled well, but not well enough to assassinate me while I held a backline position. The only one I had to respect was Zed.
"Enemy bot is up top! I don't see Zed."
The words were barely out before shadow and shuriken ripped viciously toward Talon from the wall across the dragon pit. Zed had farmed well and picked up a kill roaming top, so the damage was considerable. Talon, meanwhile, had been bleeding to his lane opponent all game and was badly undergrown; between Zed's poke and the dragon's attacks, his health turned precarious. Irelia apparently did not care for Zed's little performance. She floored it. A bold Flash-ult carried her onto Elise and Blitzcrank as they approached from above. Overconfident in her own scaling, she went for the instant delete, but Elise rappelled out of it and Blitzcrank stalled with CC. Mia was too busy minding the Talon clinging to his last bit of health and had drifted out of range, so a Black Shield was impossible. Ashe's ult slammed into the flailing Irelia, and Elise, dropping off her rappel, chained a cocoon. Unable to do a thing, Irelia died on the spot.
As if he'd realized how dangerous it had gotten, Sett hastily took Teleport, and with the dragon nearly dead Zed boldly ulted Talon.
"Get out, now!"
One mistake and we'd be wiped in a single swing. I called it to Mia and zoned the trio up top along the line of Yordle Snap Traps I'd laid in advance. In the same breath Talon vanished with his own ult and slipped Zed's attack. Two ultimates, traded and gone. Having failed the assassination, Zed ducked back over the wall to avoid the dragon's retaliation, and Talon Smited, clawing back the health that had been one step from death, then fell away.
"I'll bait them!"
Mia, scanning the map with care, saw that Sett was almost there and slammed out pings. Then the exquisite tail-wagging began. Blitzcrank, as if he'd been waiting for it, fell for the lure and grabbed at once.
"Die, you bleeping, bleeped snipers!"
She cast Black Shield on herself and ulted in the same motion, locking down everything around her. The three of them were huddled so cozily together that not one could quite step out of the ult's range. Right behind them, the just-arrived Sett showed himself.
Shwoong—crash!
Sett's ultimate, the grand finale. Ashe was seized, launched skyward, and slammed down on top of Blitzcrank without so much as a struggle. Massive damage, and a slow that spread across a wide area. I'd been waiting nearby, and true to my hard-earned reputation for bringing a spoon, I nibbled the three of them apart—already at death's door—bite by bite. Kills split amicably with Sett. And we took the dragon too.
Irelia spouted some bullshit about how we'd won because she had locked three of them down, and I lightly ignored it. I soothed Mia, who was planting a ward on Blitzcrank's corpse, and we recalled. My second core item came out.
By this point the game was as good as decided.
It isn't just me. Sett scaled way too hard…… With Ashe in that state, nobody can catch him.
Sett isn't called a busted champion for nothing. Sure enough, while mid and bot stayed locked in a tense standoff, top split open into a highway, and with all the aggro dragged that way, securing objectives became far too easy. Fourth dragon. Baron buff. We took them all and marched mid, and there was no one left to stop us. We smashed the enemy base, and the game ended right there.
Even then, Mia was still huffing, planting wards on Blitzcrank's corpse.
"Die! Every last one of you bleeping snipers, just die!"
Please…… that was enough. For the safety of my broadcast alone, this duo had to end here.