The Kiss
Struck by the sudden thunderbolt of news, Seomun Hwi furrowed his brow without thinking.
"…Cheongwol has a fiancé? What do you mean by that?"
Dang Gangjin was equally taken aback by the sharp reaction, so far from what he had expected.
"Don't tell me you didn't know either?"
Sensing the atmosphere turning dangerous, Hong Chilgong cleared his throat and stepped between the two of them.
"I'll explain everything that happened. So just calm down for a moment."
Looking at Seomun Hwi's deeply creased face, Hong Chilgong realized he had committed one grave blunder after another. Even with Dang Sohye right beside him, the young man had reacted this passionately to the mere mention of Cheongwol having a fiancé.
No need to test his feelings any further. That look alone could kill a man.
Knowing he would have to choose his words carefully from here on, Hong Chilgong swallowed dryly.
"A year ago, I had business at the Kongdong Sect and stopped by for a short while. That was when I formed a bond with your friend."
At the name of the Kongdong Sect, Seomun Hwi's face hardened further.
"As you well know, the child was so well-mannered and so bright that it was a pleasure just to look at her. Before I knew it, I found myself thinking of her as my own granddaughter."
Hong Chilgong painted nonexistent memories in his mind and wore a wistful expression.
"I lived as a beggar, chasing righteousness and chivalry until my hair turned white. I have no regrets—I'd live the same way if I were born again. But there is one thing that remains an eternal regret: that I never made a family of my own."
One carefully hidden truth, nestled among countless lies, clouded Seomun Hwi's eyes.
"So I made a fool of myself, acting far beyond my years. Don't worry too much. I chose the man myself—one who lacks nothing even when measured against that child."
From the moment one began learning martial arts, one was always warned to guard against qi deviation.
The mind that had held its reason so coldly now burned hot, and the heart that had been so still raced as if it would go mad. If he opened his mouth now, words he could never take back would surely spill out. Seomun Hwi fought the blurring of his vision and drew breath after steadying breath.
At last, a single sentence managed to leave his lips.
"…Does Cheongwol also have feelings for that man?"
Hong Chilgong only smiled bitterly and gave no answer.
Having eaten nothing all day and simply sought sleep, Cheongwol did not open her eyes until early evening. Ak Seo-a was nowhere to be seen when she looked around the room—likely off to meet the Young Master of the Dang Clan again today.
"…"
She managed to raise her hungry body from the bed and was carefully about to step outside when she opened the door and found a familiar back waiting right before her eyes.
"You're awake?"
Seomun Hwi.
Why was he here, when he ought to have been spending time with Dang Sohye?
"…Move. I need to go eat."
Her heart lurched with shock, but Cheongwol forced herself to speak calmly.
A man, when you make him suffer, will show his true heart. So what you need to do from now on is simple. Avoid running into that friend of yours as much as possible. I'll handle the rest.
She had already decided to test his feelings. And if she was going to do it, she would do it properly—so, following Hong Chilgong's counsel, Cheongwol thoroughly ignored Seomun Hwi once again. It hurt, but she could not half-commit now that she had come this far.
Just as she was about to pass by him, Seomun Hwi—who had not so much as twitched—rose abruptly from his seat.
"Come inside for a moment. We need to talk."
It was a coercive, unfamiliar voice, nothing like his usual tone. It sounded almost like a beast's growl, and Cheongwol found herself taking an involuntary step back. At the sight, Seomun Hwi clicked his tongue, his foul mood plain on his face.
"It won't take long. So don't even think about slipping away—go in."
Pushed into the room as if by force, Cheongwol sat on the bed and stole a glance at him. His complexion had not changed in the slightest, but the turbulence in his eyes spoke for the state of his heart. She had only avoided him for a few days—was he truly this angry?
She was still floundering between bewilderment and confusion when Seomun Hwi spoke, his voice cold.
"I have no idea what you were thinking when you said those things to me."
"…?"
When Cheongwol's eyes widened at words she could not understand, Seomun Hwi let out a short, bitter laugh.
"You don't have to pretend anymore. Senior Hong Chilgong told me everything."
Only when Hong Chilgong's name left his lips did Cheongwol roughly grasp what was happening. While she had been asleep, Seomun Hwi must have heard that she had a fiancé and come looking for her.
"That you would keep living as a man, that being in a woman's body was inconvenient—was there any need to tell such lies? You could have simply said you had a fiancé and asked me not to come any closer."
"…Hwi."
"Or did you want to mock me? I suppose it was funny—me going on about being friends and insisting on treating you as a man, when you'd already given your heart to another long ago."
"Wait, that's—"
Cheongwol hurriedly grabbed his arm, trying to explain that it wasn't like that, but Seomun Hwi seized her wrist in a rough grip instead.
"I heard he lacks nothing for you. Is that why you agreed to the betrothal? You said you were training, but I suppose you found time to play around with a man. Ah—is Senior Brother Unhak the fiancé, by any chance?"
"Watch your mouth."
She understood his anger, but Seomun Hwi's words were crossing further and further over the line, and Cheongwol's face hardened as well. Under ordinary circumstances, he would never have shown a side like this. But he, too, was still only a young man barely past twenty. The heart that had once caught fire beyond control finally spread into a blaze that would wound them both.
"Of course I should. Compared to your fiancé and Senior Brother Unhak, I'm barely even a friend—just a short acquaintance not worth the name."
The wrist he held began to throb with a dull ache.
"Did you even read the letters I sent? Or maybe you read them with your fiancé and laughed at them together."
"…"
As the scornful accusations landed, sorrow settled over Cheongwol's face. More than the words Seomun Hwi hurled to wound her, it was the sight of him crumbling that hurt her heart more.
What was the point of denying it any longer? If she had truly been nothing more than an ordinary friend to him, he would never have reacted with such intensity. That he had come to show this side of himself was entirely because of the ambiguous attitude she herself had taken.
His head, which had been pouring out words as if to vent his fury, finally dropped low.
"…If any man would have done, then I'd rather—"
Before Seomun Hwi could cross that final line, Cheongwol stroked his face with her soft hand.
"Don't. Hwi."
Why did that warm touch, which had always felt endlessly gentle, feel so bitterly sharp today?
"You're my precious first friend."
"A friend… Is that all I can ever be? Nothing more?"
His chest felt as though it would tear apart. He had known Cheongwol before anyone else—and yet some man whose face he had never even seen had become her fiancé, while he was left to remain nothing more than a friend. He could not bear it.
Only then, a step behind Cheongwol, did Seomun Hwi finally understand his own heart.
Why his eyes had kept finding Cheongwol after she appeared as a woman. Why his mind had gone blank when Hong Chilgong told him she had a fiancé. Why he had flown into a rage and spat such cruel words, even though Cheongwol had done nothing wrong at all.
The fire flickering in Seomun Hwi's eyes began to die down. Resignation, regret, apology—a tangle of complicated feelings scattered across the empty ground the blaze had left behind. And at last, a clumsy emotion he had never shown anyone before began to put forth its first tender shoot.
"Cheongwol. I know it must seem ridiculous to say this now. But I don't think I can wait any longer. The truth is, I—"
Looking at the face of his first friend, he was about to pour out his heart no matter what answer came back—when Cheongwol stepped forward first, and he could not finish the words.
Cheongwol's warm, soft lips lightly pressed against Seomun Hwi's, then fell away. It was a kiss as light as any child in the marketplace might give—and yet for Cheongwol, it demanded more courage than anything she had ever done.
"…"
When Seomun Hwi stared at her with a dazed expression, Cheongwol smiled with a face that looked sad.
"I'm sorry. I have something I have to do… Until I finish it, I can't be with anyone."
She took his trembling hand firmly in hers and lifted it to her soft cheek, letting him feel its warmth.
"…I'll wait."
He said it with desperate earnestness, but Cheongwol slowly shook her head.
"I don't know when it will end. I don't even know if I can do it."
The warmth in her hand made her feel as though she might burst into tears at any moment. Why did she have to live a life where she could not keep such warmth fully at her side? And if she grew greedy, it was not only herself who might be swept into a bottomless grudge—he would be, too. Because he was more precious to her than anyone, she had to cut this short here if she meant to protect him.
She tried with all her strength to hold back the tears welling in her eyes, but in the end they fell onto Seomun Hwi's hand. Even so, so as not to worry him, she curved the corners of her eyes in a fragile smile.
"So… marry Young Lady Dang, and please live happily. For my sake, if nothing else."