Because We Know Shame (1)
The moment Hana and I got home from a successful hunt of that monster boar, Hayeon and Eunseo were waiting for us—with a lecture.
"Why did you leave us behind?!"
"That's right! So mean, going off just the two of you!"
Never mind that I'd taken Hana—their older sister, and still a kid herself—on a dangerous hunt. Their first complaint was that they hadn't been invited. Kids, through and through.
I took their grumbling with a smile. The fact that I'd made it home in one piece to hear this racket at all felt like a blessing.
A few days later, on a lazy weekend afternoon, the Aquatic Pocket I'd been waiting and waiting for finally arrived.
When I opened the box, though, all that greeted me was a manual stuffed with incomprehensible jargon, a great wad of vinyl, and a peculiar-looking machine.
In the end, setting the thing up fell to the three of them—the ones with young blood still in their veins.
The kids chattered and fussed, pressing this and that, filling it with water through a hose. And then, as if by magic, the vinyl sack that had been lying there in a limp heap began to swell like a bubble, rising to float in midair.
"One, two, three!"
Hana and Hayeon counted off and hoisted Eunseo up, popping her into the pocket. She looked for all the world like a goldfish dropped into a fishbowl—but Eunseo's face was nothing but delight as she drifted wherever she pleased.
Watching that impossible sight, I felt proud and thoroughly bewildered in equal measure.
"Unnie, what are you thinking about?"
"Look at her zoning out. Shocked by modern inventions again, huh."
Hana and Hayeon's voices snapped me back to myself.
"...No, but seriously. How is that thing even floating?"
"The internet says if you don't understand it, just call it magic."
Hayeon shot the words out like a dart, and honestly, that seemed like the most comfortable conclusion.
Mm. Right. Magic. It's magic.
This was a world with actual magic in it, and that vinyl sack still cost as much as a used car. I could have laughed out loud.
But seeing Eunseo smile that brightly—Eunseo, who'd been cooped up in that cramped tank all this time—I figured it was worth every bit of the price.
Watching her drift this way and that around the living room in her pocket, she looked less like a goldfish in a bowl and more like... a fairy playing inside a giant soap bubble.
"...She looks like a little bubble."
The words slipped out before I could stop them. Hana and Hayeon, beastfolk with ears sharp enough to catch a pin drop, didn't miss a thing. Both of them perked up at once.
"Yes! Then from now on, Eunseo is Bang-ul!"
"A little childish, but it suits her~"
Startled by the sudden nickname, Eunseo flailed inside the pocket and spun in a full circle.
As punishment for eavesdropping, I decided to share their nicknames too.
"And you two are Goldie and Poppy."
"Unnie!"
"Honestly! Unnie!"
Hana and Hayeon glared at me in unison, but Eunseo—no, Bang-ul—just giggled and floated around the living room, light as air.
Not a runaway mermaid. Just the baby of our house. Bang-ul.
Our newest family.
Bang-ul seemed to get the hang of her pocket in no time. She was already tagging along whenever Hana and Hayeon went out for a walk around the neighborhood, adapting as fast as kids always do. At this rate, taking everyone into town together didn't seem like a bad idea.
When the girls came back from their walk and were playing in the living room, I called them over.
"Bang-ul, too..."
"Unnie!"
Eunseo protested in a miffed little voice.
"Okay, okay. Eunseo. You seem comfortable in the pocket now, so how about we all go see Hwaryeong Unnie? Once the rainy season starts, we'll be stuck in the house for a while."
Hana and Hayeon perked their ears at the mention of Miss Jeong, whom they adored. Bang-ul's eyes sparkled as she looked up at me.
"Hwaryeong Unnie said she wanted to see Eunseo's face, too. If we all go together, she'll be thrilled."
"Really?"
"Yeah. ...Everyone except me, anyway. She loves it when you girls visit."
It was a bitter truth, but a truth all the same. Still, the fact that Miss Jeong doted on the kids was more than enough for me.
That was when Eunseo grinned, as if she'd read my mind.
"Heehee~ You say that, Unnie, but you look pretty happy about going yourself."
"Ugh..."
"Is that true, Unnie?"
"Is it really?"
Hana and Hayeon piled on, eyes shining just like Bang-ul's.
"...Yeah. Fine. I like going too."
"Then why don't you like Hwaryeong Unnie?"
I'd known that question was coming. I'd tried to skate past it with a show of bitterness, but if I didn't give them a real answer here, they'd hound me for the rest of the day.
I gave up, dropped onto the sofa, and told them an old story I'd rather have forgotten.
"The reason things went sour between Hwaryeong Unnie and me... that's entirely my fault. But I genuinely, truly didn't know."
"Even so, grabbing someone else's tail without permission is sexual harassment, Unnie!"
Hayeon scolded me with her ears standing straight up. I felt deeply wronged.
"No... that was treatment! I mean, yes, I did shave all the fur off her tail, but..."
The instant those words left my mouth, Hana clutched her own tail, and Bang-ul hurriedly gathered her fins against herself.
"When I first met Hwaryeong Unnie, Dohwang-ri wasn't exactly a safe place. The first family member I ever brought into this house was Hwaryeong, and she was hurt. Some monster had bitten her tail—she was covered in blood. As first aid, I had no choice. I shaved the fur, disinfected the wound, and wrapped it in bandages."
"Then why did you say you just touched her tail and things got awkward?"
"Because it was easier to just stay the pervert. 'Some creepy old guy wouldn't keep his hands to himself' is funnier, and it sounds more plausible, doesn't it?"
"Wouldn't Hwaryeong Unnie have understood, if it was that serious?"
"Well... apparently, for fox beastfolk, tail fur isn't just something pretty. It's their pride itself. So what I did was shave off Hwaryeong Unnie's pride—something as precious to her as her own life."
"Ehh, that's so childish."
Bang-ul said it like it was nothing at all, and Hana and Hayeon nodded along.
"Just wait until you grow up! Sometimes pride matters more than your life, you know!"
"Then can't you just apologize properly now?"
"...I have pride too, you know."
And that was exactly why staying the tail-obsessed pervert was the more comfortable option.
Still, laying out my entire dark history for the kids left a corner of my heart feeling a little lighter. The problem of how I'd face Miss Jeong tomorrow, though... I decided to dump that on tomorrow's me.
I spent the rest of that day telling them every last embarrassing story from my past, whether I wanted to or not.
The next morning, the forecast had news.
Until the anomaly alert lifted, we'd be stuck in Dohwang-ri with nowhere to go—so we decided to head into town. We needed to stock up on groceries anyway, and I needed to finally face that old disgrace with Miss Jeong.
I climbed into the driver's seat, and Hana and Hayeon grunted and shoved Bang-ul's pocket into the back. True to something that cost as much as a used car, it slid in without tearing, becoming Bang-ul's very own underwater seat. The front, though, had to fit me, Hana, and Hayeon—a bit of a squeeze.
As the truck rolled toward town, Bang-ul's eyes sparkled inside the pocket, drinking in an outside world she was seeing for the first time.
"Is this your first time going into the city?"
"Yes. Even with a pocket, you still have to take a car to get there. It's more comfortable just staying in the ocean."
Mm... merfolk had their own circumstances, it seemed.
Looking at us like this—four country girls off on a trip to the city—I had to admit it was a little funny. I watched Bang-ul lose herself in the scenery beyond the window, a warm feeling in my chest, and drove on toward Miss Jeong's shop.
And yet... once we actually pulled up in front of the place, my feet refused to move.
Hana and Hayeon hopped down in high spirits and vanished inside, but I couldn't bring myself to follow. Not after I'd spilled every last scrap of that dark history in front of the kids last night. My face was burning.
Eunseo, in the back seat, looked at me steadily from inside her pocket. Then she glanced at the shop entrance, and spoke in a quiet voice.
"There's no... bad feeling inside the shop."
"I know. Hana and Hayeon already went in."
"If the Unnies went in, then Hwaryeong Unnie already knows you're here."
"Does she?"
At that, Bang-ul went on in a voice that was remarkably clear.
"The first thing I felt from that shop wasn't unpleasantness. It was a very big... shame."
Of course Miss Jeong would be embarrassed, remembering that whole mess. I let out a long breath and looked at Bang-ul.
"Yeah. I'm standing here like this because I know what shame is. If you don't know shame, you're not human."
"Then let's go in together—like a person would."
Bang-ul smiled softly from inside her pocket.
I couldn't tell if she was a mermaid who'd barely hit puberty or a counselor who'd seen straight through me.
Still, thanks to her, I found just enough courage to haul my heavy body out of the truck.
Far off, the faintly rippling sky seemed to be urging me to hurry up and go inside.