Episode 21. Cramming 3
Episode 21. Cramming 3
"No. I think I understand how out of it you were. You didn't even wear a bra, did you?"
...What?
As soon as I heard Seyeon's words, I lowered my head to look at my chest, then quickly raised both hands to cover them gently.
'......It's true.'
There was no sign of that firm yet soft texture unique to bras.
Only now did I feel a strangely chilly sensation on my chest. Like pain rising from a wound discovered too late.
I blinked tightly from embarrassment and spoke.
"Uh, how did you know?"
"I can tell at a glance, silly. Besides, Yubin-ah, your chest is big so it's even more noticeable."
Seyeon said such embarrassing words with complete composure.
By this point, I was so embarrassed that my head felt hot, almost to the point of exploding.
'Do I have big breasts...?'
I recalled showering at school.
There's no place with more completely naked girls than the shower room.
'I guess so.'
I'd never really stared and compared carefully, but I had a sense of it.
Even at a glance, there were few girls with larger breasts than mine.
Maybe Seyeon was about the same as me......
Hmm...
Should I be happy about this?
"Looks like we can't go running today and just have to meditate."
"......"
"Yubin-ah?"
"...Ah, yes!"
At Seyeon's voice, I startled and came to my senses.
"Let's go."
"Uh, okay......"
With Seyeon holding my wrist, I was dragged along in a daze.
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Every time I walked toward Seyeon's room, my chest moved excessively, making me acutely aware that I wasn't wearing a bra.
It felt awkward and empty.
It's clothing I never paid attention to in my entire life, but after wearing it for only about ten days, had I already become so accustomed to it?
Enough to find the state of not wearing it awkward.
The feeling was strange. I don't know how many times I've said "strange," but anyway.
It's like I'm gradually changing. My heart.
Since body and mind are two things that can't be separated...
When the body changes, the mind naturally follows. Whether the timing is early or late.
'What am I thinking.'
My thoughts dragged on. I must still be out of it from fainting.
"Here, let's go in."
Seyeon pulled open the heavy front door and pushed me inside.
It was a fresh yet plain room as usual. The only element that made it feel like a girl's room was the sweet fragrance.
It was a scent similar to Seyeon's body odor.
I neatly placed my removed shoes and went inside.
"So, you tried following the textbook but it didn't work well?"
Seyeon said as she quickly approached me.
"Yes. I wonder why."
I answered with a slightly incredulous tone.
"Actually, everything's like that."
"Huh?"
"Even with cooking recipes, when beginners follow them, good dishes don't come out perfectly on the first try. They either burn them or they turn into salt lumps."
"Hmm......"
Seyeon's words were definitely right.
"For someone who isn't good at it... having someone skilled help beside them is the better method."
I nodded.
Even when we met earlier, Seyeon had said she would watch over my meditation.
"Then, shall we start right away?"
I said that and plopped down on the wooden floor.
"No. Let's change clothes first."
Seyeon opened the wardrobe wide, took something out, and presented it before my eyes.
A hanger dangling from Seyeon's white index finger.
And what was hanging on that hanger......
"Eh......"
Was a sleek black silk-made, fluttery dress-shaped nightgown.
"Th-this, to change into......"
"Yes."
Seyeon's usual smile seemed particularly sharp today.
"Why, why...?"
"Since you read the textbook, you should know. You need to wear something as light as possible."
"......"
Thump, thump.
I could feel my heart beating louder and louder.
'This is excessively lewd......'
I eventually nodded and received the clothes with both hands.
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It took a long time to change clothes.
It felt really, really strange. I can only describe it as truly strange.
This garment suited words like lingerie or slip more than nightgown. They might mean the same thing, but there's such a thing as nuance.
Sleeveless with the hem only reaching below the pelvis, and it even had side slits. If I raised my arms just a little, my pale armpits would be clearly exposed, and if I moved just a bit, it felt like even my underwear would show.
Plus, since it was silk, it had a peculiar sheen flowing shimmeringly......
My reflection in the mirror looked incredibly sexy even to my own eyes.
'Why am I wearing such clothes...!'
I wanted to confront Seyeon right then and there, but.
What right did I have to do so.
All I could do was cover my flushed face with both hands.
Seyeon looked at me with a pleased smile and then spoke.
"We're both girls, why are you so shy?"
"But, still......"
Could girls really show off such sexy clothing without hesitation?
Are all girls really like that...?
Only after that thought occurred to me did I lower my hands from my face.
Because more than being embarrassed by my current appearance, I was more afraid of Seyeon thinking I was strange.
"Let's start now. Sit in a comfortable position."
"Comfortable position...? Didn't the textbook say we should sit in lotus or cross-legged position?"
That's what was written in the textbook.
"Strictly speaking, yes. But, that's irrelevant. You can do whatever you want."
"Really?"
"Yes. The purpose of telling you to wear something as light as possible was to make your body comfortable. But telling you to struggle into a lotus position here would be more strange."
Hmm.
I see.
Earlier, she said I should dress comfortably according to the textbook, but didn't she make me wear this shameful nightgown?
I didn't have the courage to argue, so I obediently sat on the floor with my legs stretched out.
As I changed positions, the clothes brushed against and moved on my skin. The peculiar texture of silk gave me slight goosebumps.
"Now, Yubin-ah. Close your eyes. First, contrary to people's prejudices, magic isn't done with the head but with the heart. Because magic is about manifesting what you imagine directly into reality."
"......"
"Imagination over calculation. Emotion over reason. Do you understand what I mean?"
I was about to nod, but realizing it was a rhetorical question, I just stayed still.
"So even the basics of magic like meditation don't need to follow the textbook exactly. Just keep the basics and do what feels comfortable for you."
"......"
"Let's get into it properly. First, deep breathing."
And so I followed Seyeon's signals and practiced deep breathing.
Just like when I received the abdominal massage yesterday.
"Ssuu. Haaa......"
"Once you've calmed down somewhat, focus your mind on your lower abdomen."
"......"
"Ah, just saying 'focus your mind' might be a bit abstract... think of it as filling with water."
Water?
"Imagine there's a large pot in Yubin-ah's lower abdomen, and you're filling it with water. From a very small faucet, drip, drip, drip......"
I recalled the enamel pot with a blackened bottom that I used to use for eating ramen in my previous life.
And pouring water into it.
I don't know how many minutes I spent imagining that, but soon I felt sweat streaming down my forehead in a single line.
As if noticing that sign, Seyeon who had been quiet for a while opened her mouth.
"Once it's somewhat filled, now we're going to heat the water."
"......"
"To heat water, you need to light a fire, and to light a fire, you need fuel, right?"
Seyeon's words stuck to my brain. Like typing letters with a typewriter.
"I said earlier that magic is done with the heart. That's exactly what becomes the fuel."
I listened while imagining.
"Think of something that can warm your chest the most. Yubin-ah. Whether it's a memory or imagination, anything is fine."
A thought that warms the heart.
I pondered Seyeon's words carefully.
And reached a conclusion.
It must be that kind of thought that makes your face flush and heart pound just by recalling it. Literally warming both body and heart.
I agonized over what that might be.
'No, do I even need to agonize.'
I had reached the stage of warming my body before.
And the thought I had then was......
'Seyeon.'
Yes. I had been thinking of Seyeon, who was breathing right beside me even now.
With my eyes squeezed shut even tighter, I recalled this girl again.
The various sides she had shown me until now.
"......"
And how much time had passed.
Whoosh-!
"......!"
I felt something bubbling in my lower abdomen. As if water was really boiling vigorously, that heat gradually rose and spread upward.
Startled, I almost moved instinctively, but barely managed to stay still.
Like when I meditated alone, my breathing gradually became labored. Hot breath swelled like a water-soaked sponge and continuously escaped my mouth.
"Uh, uh?"
Seyeon also seemed flustered. As Seyeon quickly moved position with a tadat sound, I felt a presence behind me.
After a plop sound of sitting down.
"...Eut?"
I felt my body being pulled back slightly and enveloped warmly. Seyeon had hugged me from behind. Something soft settled on my back.
"Yubin-ah. Deep breathing."
Following Seyeon's words, I breathed in and out according to the signals again.
Seyeon subtly placed a hand on my stomach, pressing down firmly each time my stomach went in, and releasing when it rose.
"Eut, haaauu......"
Each time my stomach was pressed, I felt strange.
Drip, drip......
Beads of sweat formed on my chin and slowly dripped to the floor.
Strange. Since I'm being held, I should definitely be getting hotter.
But my body gradually began to cool.
"Now, hoo, hoo......"
"Hooooo......."
Press, slooowly......
After some time passed, Seyeon moved intentionally. Rather than Seyeon following my breath, I was following Seyeon's hand.
It felt like my breathing was being controlled.
"Hoo, uk, hooooo......"
"That's right. Just like that, ssuu......"
But that was much more comfortable than breathing alone.
It was a peculiar feeling.
After my body calmed down and several minutes passed, at some moment I heard a wuuung sound as if something awakened. Like machinery starting up.
"Oh, Yubin-ah. It worked. Thank goodness."
Seyeon said that while stroking my lower abdomen in circles.
"I did help, but still, reaching this point on the second try......"
Seyeon swallowed the rest of her words and returned to the main point.
"Now we need to go deep inside. To the secret place where Yubin-ah's precious things are hidden."
Even until now, Seyeon continued hugging me from behind. In that position, she naturally had to whisper. Seyeon's softly spoken breath brushed against my ear, tickling it.
"Yubin-ah, can you think of a door?"
I almost said 'A door?' out loud.
"Ah, you just thought of one, right? The door you immediately thought of when I said to think of one is the most familiar form to you, so don't try to change it."
'Hmm......'
I was imagining the half-rotten door to my house with worn-out corners.
"Once you've imagined it... now imagine yourself standing before it. In a space pitch black all around, with nothing but that door and you."
"......"
"Can you slowly approach it?"
As Seyeon said, the me in my mind carefully moved my feet toward the door.
"Once you've approached the door, try opening it."
I felt Seyeon's thoughtfulness anew by her not telling me to grab a doorknob or handle. Door forms would vary, after all.
Anyway, my door had a knob, so I grabbed it and pushed with force.
'Hup...!'
The door only jiggled slightly and didn't open.
It was an mysterious sensation. Like the resistance felt when trying to push together same poles of magnets, something seemed firmly blocked.
'What is this...?'
Somehow deeply immersed, I was feeling even that sensation as vividly as reality.
"Not working well?"
I answered yes in my mind.
As if somehow understanding, Seyeon spoke again in a low, reciting tone.
"Then try using a little force? Like banging on the door with your body. Or kicking it hard."
'Hmm......'
After brief hesitation, I suddenly rushed forward and body-slammed the door.
'Ugek!'
Instead of opening, I floated backward and fell flat.
I got up while clutching my sore shoulder.
Thump, thump.
I kicked the door with the soles of my feet. Despite looking extremely worn-out as if it would break any moment, the door stood firm like an iron wall.
'What am I supposed to do......'
Was accessing one's own mind this difficult?
......Ah.
That wasn't it from the beginning.
This isn't my mind, it's Eun Yubin's mind.
That's why it won't open.
Because while I know my own mind well, someone else's mind is difficult to know.
'Then what should I really do.'
Is there really a way to open it? I know absolutely nothing about the Eun Yubin who lived until now.
Holding the doorknob, I just plopped down.
Creak-
'Euat...?!'
As my center of gravity suddenly shifted backward. I almost fell on my butt and rolled over.
'What, what is this?'
Rubbing my tailbone where a sharp pain rose, I lifted my head and looked ahead.
The door that hadn't budged until now was wide open.
I was so dumbfounded I just stared blankly at the sight.
'......'
All that talk about it being my mind or Eun Yubin's mind was just nonsense, it was just a door that opened by pulling-
Thud-
That was the moment.
With the sound of something heavy falling to the floor, my body was suddenly sucked backward. The door instantly shrank and then disappeared into a dot the size of a fingernail.
"Hueok......!"
"Ah, Yubin-ah. You're awake."
My eyes were forced open.
"Hoo, hoo, huuuu......"
"The door? Did you open it?"
I shook my head side to side. Sweat was pouring from my entire body like rain. Water droplets dripped from my nightgown sleeves. The silk kept sticking clingingly to every part of my body.
Seyeon first handed me a full cup of water to drink, then said with a bitter smile.
"There's naturally a time limit to observing one's mind like this. But Yubin-ah, you lasted quite long for a first timer."
"R-really...?"
"Yes."
I ran my tongue over my moistened lips.
"Anyway, what a shame. Since you succeeded in calming your mana, it seemed like you could enter your mental landscape."
"......"
"Why couldn't you open it? Normally, with your own mind, you should be able to enter smoothly......"
Seyeon muttered as if it was strange.
I couldn't answer 'I couldn't open it because I only pushed a door that needed to be pulled,' so I just hung my head low.
"We have plenty of time, so let's try again next time."
"Okay......"