Lust, by Name and by Nature
I was someone who didn't even properly know my own parents' names. That didn't mean there was no one I knew at all.
One of them was a woman named Yuri. Straight black hair, rectangular glasses, and a mature look that called to mind the class president from a romantic comedy. Her post was head maid. She came by my room on a regular schedule, and whenever she did she stood at the very front, so she had been one of the women I marked from the start.
My guess was that she was one of the people actually running this situation. Otherwise, how would I — who didn't even know my parents' names — know hers? That was why I had gone to her. If the original me knew her, she had to hold at least a little authority.
"A personal maid... is that what you mean?"
"Yeah."
The plan was very simple.
My days were, in truth, as free as an elementary schooler's vacation, and contact with other people was close to nonexistent. Maids came in by the hour to clean or see to their own work, but that was labor. Calling it a relationship would have been a stretch. If that counted as human connection, the old me would have been best friends with every sanitation worker I passed on the street.
I had no shortage of ways to amuse myself, and I like being alone, so the life suited me well enough. Anyone else looking in on how I lived, though, might feel differently — a certain witch who grew lonely far too easily, most of all.
"When I'm by myself, it's a little... lonely. If I could, I'd like just one girl to stay with me."
I smiled, light and easy, and cut her off before she could answer.
She could hardly object when I was the one saying I was lonely. And I had a purpose of my own. Someone sensitive to that particular feeling — what would they do, hearing this?
However much she had built this situation herself, the Pino of the story had shown a genuinely decent side to the ones she held dear. The catch was that those dear ones had been animals and plants, not people. I ought to be a separate case. I'm her friend, after all. Pending. Aren't I?
"Hmm..."
As if to prove the guess right, Yuri's reaction was decidedly strange. She pressed a hand to her brow as though she were thinking it over. The gesture itself was perfectly ordinary, but her pupils contracted and dilated at random, over and over — a grotesque sight, as if a crowd of emotions were trading places in a single instant. A change that small would have escaped me if I hadn't been watching. I was watching, so I caught it.
As expected. Controlling someone with a will of their own was never going to come free of consequences.
Even I had felt a strange dissonance at first, caught between Lust Hope's personality and my own. Given that Lust Hope's self had been a pure blank, not even born yet, binding two minds together could hardly be as easy as the manga made it look. The gap in power was obvious, so Pino, the dominant will, probably took little harm from it. A thrall like her, though... less certain.
"Haa..."
The fallout did not look mild. In that brief span Yuri's eyes had gone red and bloodshot, as if the capillaries had burst. A sweet-and-sour smell rose off her, and sweat beaded along her hairline; she was clearly struggling, like someone who had just sprinted flat out. And yet, against all that exhaustion, she wore a smile steeped in rapture, and the madness in it put me off.
That girl is making a face that would fail a broadcast review. Yeah. A bit much.
I used to wonder why anyone would dislike thralls who were loyal without condition. If that expression was the default, even I would want to beat her to death for it. Pretty enough to let it slide, maybe... and still, it was a bit much.
It also made me pity the original Lust Hope. I could infer what was going on, so for me it stopped at a simple oh, she's cracking. Seen without that knowledge, it would have been nothing short of horror. Even a child with no common sense and no learning would know when something felt wrong. A face like that is far too much stimulation for a baby.
"Ahem. My apologies. I was lost in thought... For the moment, it should be all right. Have you a particular girl in mind?"
Yuri composed her expression at once and set her clothes neatly to rights. She did it so quickly that she was back to her usual self in what felt like an instant — which only made the pervert impression stronger.
Isn't this the ideal example of gap moe gone wrong? A girl that prim, making a face like some deviant... Unnie understands, dear.
"Let's see. I know so few of their names. Hmm... who should I pick?"
Of course, I had already chosen. What I wanted was a reaction from our lonely transcendent, the one watching me from behind the curtain. A personal maid, in the end, was a living speakerphone — nothing more and nothing less. The obvious move, then, was to pick whoever would draw the loudest response.
"Could I ask for that girl?"
At the end of my finger was one small girl. A petite thing, with hair nearly white.
"That child...? Might I ask your reason? She only arrived recently, and I worry she will do nothing but trouble you, my lady."
"Who knows."
White hair just drew me in, somehow. Truly strange, isn't it?
"White hair... you mean?"
"Yeah. White hair is absolutely the best. My type happens to be a girl about that tall, with white hair. But I really don't think anyone like that exists. Don't you agree?"
I let the words end on a bright smile.
"...Perhaps that is so."
For some reason, only Yuri's ears were unnaturally red. For embarrassment in the manga sense, her eyes were far too cold — alien, if anything. Still, that bizarre reaction looked good to me.
Her fondness for me was showing with embarrassing clarity. The one behind her surely believed she hadn't been caught, not even in her dreams. Thinking of it that way, she was cute all over again. There was no chance the other party had guessed that what sat inside me was a possessor. This, right here, was the flavor of a possession story.
The girl summoned at my request bowed her head low before me and spoke.
"My name is Hana. I look forward to serving you."
Her name means flower? Cuter than I expected.
For all the crispness of her pronunciation, Hana's manner was timid. Her shoulders were drawn in a little, and she couldn't quite meet my eyes. Her personality itself seemed shy. More important than that was how she looked. The height, and hair a gray so pale it was nearly white — I liked it. Someone came to mind.
I smiled on purpose.
"If anything, I should be the one asking you to look after me. Hana, was it? My name is Lust Hope. You already know, I'm sure, but I'll say it again. I may make things very hard on you from here on. Please bear with me."
So. Want to be secret friends with your big sister? Close enough, if I can manage it, that somebody gets jealous.
"Yes."
Whether she caught any of that or not, Hana smiled faintly and nodded.
"I'm glad you agreed so easily. I'll be in your care."
Manga has a habit of letting a character's face and name stand in for a personality. It's how you explain a whole crowd of people even in a short scene. Take someone like Osana Najimi from a certain slice-of-life series — a name that means, quite literally, childhood friend. Hear it once and you know the role at once, and exactly how they'll stand with the protagonist.
Vanguard leans on the same trick often enough. Even the hero, Bara, is taken from Che Guevara. The name is alike, and so is the look.
Which is why, the first time I heard my own name, I was obliged to feel a quiet dread.
Lust Hope. Translate it a little loosely and you get hope for sex. The family name is Hope, so it might as well be sex, hopefully. Read it straight and you still land on the hope of lust. Turn it however you like — the name is vulgar.
Surely Pino, the tragic heroine who had nearly been raped by her own father, was not walking around with some twisted article of faith that her friend's name simply had to be on the order of Kim the Whore. Fairer to blame the author.
And the body did live up to the name. I hadn't set out to match it in how I acted, but I did anyway. The eye-smiles came out like a tic, and when I spoke — without my ever meaning to — the words turned sultry. Because of that, the maids had gone red in the face for no good reason more than once or twice. Going bare felt easier, somehow, and the moment I put clothes on I found myself dressing a shade too indecent. Whether that was my enormous chest rewriting my sense of fashion, I couldn't begin to say.
On top of that, the sight of a beautiful woman dragged obscene fantasies out of me before I noticed I was having them. If it were because I actually liked her, I could have understood. Instead I imagined it on instinct, as matter-of-factly as a predator eating prey. I've never so much as seen a man, so I can't speak to the other sex — but this is not normal.
Put kindly, a femme fatale. Put unkindly, a whore. I thought it rather sad. Being an adult-video actress had been my dream once, yes, but that was middle school, when my appetite was at its most feral.
If it stopped there, then fine. A little sad, and still nothing I couldn't live with. Looking at this body, the raw ability seemed exceptional too, and though I hadn't tested it I held a peculiar certainty that the technique would be outrageous. A life spent enjoying myself to the full didn't strike me as a bad one. But what if the reason I had died by my own hand was lust, just as the name suggested?
"Then that's a problem. One's nature isn't easily changed."
In that sense, taking a personal maid this time was not only a way to sound the other side out. It was also a way to let my inclinations be known, indirectly, and head off a misunderstanding before it could form. One step further, and I wanted my tastes understood — and, if I could get it, enjoyed alongside me.
She was my favorite character, to start with. And honestly, everyone thinks it at least once, don't they? Dyeing your favorite in your own color. That sort of thing.
Am I the only piece of trash? Is it just me?!
"Where are you going to find trash this pretty? Hehe."
In a word, my goal was to turn Pino into a girl who likes lewd things. If that proved too steep, I would be perfectly happy with understanding.
A truly inspiring objective, if I said so myself.