The Erotic Slime and the Culinary Mage
Sub-dungeon #4. Wizards are all, without exception, out of their minds. That’s not just a prejudice, either. In the world of Nine Stars, there’s even a serious academic paper written on the subject, titled: On Wizards and Mental Instability. The conclusion of the paper ends with this: whether the act of casting magic warps the mind, or if it’s the mentally unstable who become wizards—it’s a problem of cause and effect as unsolvable as the classic "which came first, the chicken or the egg." Who wrote such a paper? A wizard, of course.
Anyway, the Polluted Waste Deposit is a demonic landscape created by the accumulation of such wizards' experimental waste over many years. So, the fact that an erotic creature with a screw loose inhabits this place might not be all that strange. Perhaps the twisted desires of a wizard who had been a virgin for ten thousand years seeped into the slimes here. Just like these ones right in front of my eyes.
“Kyaa-!” Flora’s scream rang out. The shapeshifting slime was fast and agile. Before I could even intervene, the green blob of mucus engulfed Flora’s body at a speed incomparable to before. Wagner and Mitchell’s faces turned pale. They must have been haunted by the memory of the slime’s corrosive attack we’d fought just moments ago. They were likely imagining Flora’s flesh melting away in an instant, leaving nothing but a skeleton.
However...
“...Huh?” Flora, covered in slime, tilted her head. Flora was perfectly fine. No, to be precise, the slime hadn’t touched a single strand of her hair; it was only dissolving her clothes.
“Hey, your clothes! Your clothes!”
“Waaah! Why is this happening?!”
As her shirt and skirt melted and dripped away, Flora scrambled in a panic. Her white underwear, stark against the dark waterway, was laid bare. And soon, even that would be...
“Damn it, you bear-brain! What are you staring at?!” Mitchell snapped, shielding Flora’s body, and Wagner hurriedly turned his head away.
“W-worry not. I, I didn’t see a thing.” He stuttered violently. Wagner’s ears were bright red.
“...Never mind the bear, kid, why are you acting like that?”
“Estelle-ssi, it’s okay. Estelle-ssi, you can look this way.” Flora, covering her chest with her hands, tilted her head and looked at my face. It wasn’t just Wagner who had nowhere to look; I was in the same boat. Damn it. I knew this would happen, but seeing it through a monitor in the game versus seeing a beautiful girl’s naked body with my own two eyes—the level of stimulation was completely different. My face was burning uncontrollably. It was obvious my ears were just as red as Wagner’s.
“H-hurry and get that slime off her body. You can touch it with your bare hands, so hurry.” I said incoherently, my gaze still fixed on the ground.
“Kid, you’re acting weird. Are you shy?”
“Shut up. Just do it.”
“Hmm... The more I look, the cuter you get.” Mitchell narrowed her eyes, grinning as if she found it amusing. Does she think this situation is a joke? One might underestimate the severity because it only melts clothes without touching the skin, but an erotic slime is just as dangerous as any other monster. Why do you think its nickname is the "Erotic Slime"? After the "Dissolve" mode that melts an adventurer’s clothing, the "Violation" mode follows. I won’t explain the detailed process, but anyone who falls victim to this mode suffers immense psychological trauma. Especially for female adventurers, the aftereffects are even greater...
Players of Nine Stars used to describe it as "the party member gets broken."
“Ah, damn it. It’s sticking to me too! Where the hell—won’t you get off? I said get off!”
The slime began to crawl up Mitchell’s arm. See, I told you. I told you to get it off quickly. Now you’re screwed.
“Mitchell-ssi! Your clothes!”
“Ah, crazy—”
What had happened to Flora moments ago was repeated, with Mitchell now the target. The slime, covering Mitchell’s body from top to bottom, began to melt her thin spats and bra top like it was licking ice cream. And even more terrifyingly...
“Wagner, it’s stuck to your body too!”
“B-but I cannot look ahead right now...”
“Forget that, open your eyes! Hey, it’s getting inside your armor!”
Does this perverted slime not discriminate by gender? No, targeting Wagner probably wasn’t a matter of gender. The strike zone for these slimes’ tastes was just too wide. They were the definition of extreme "possibility-seekers." The two erotic slimes had pushed our party to the brink of collapse in an instant.
‘Ugh, these hopeless idiots.’
In the end, I had no choice but to step in. I was the only one in the party who could act freely. Trying my best not to look at Wagner’s body, I ripped the slime off. “Mitchell and Flora are fine. But Wagner? Damn it, that’s crossing the line.”
Holding the slime like a rag in one hand, I hacked it to pieces with the frost sword in my other. I could feel that there was more emotion in my strikes than usual. It wasn’t because I had any tender feelings for Wagner. This emotion was the pure, unadulterated rage one feels when they accidentally see something disgusting someone posted on the internet.
“Don’t show me filthy things.”
“T-that’s a bit harsh, Estelle...”
“I wasn’t talking to you, so don’t worry about it.”
“But... filthy...”
Wagner, feeling dejected and perhaps having lost his will to fight, hung his head low and buried his face in his knees. Anyway, I’d killed one slime. Meanwhile, the slime that had been melting Mitchell’s clothes changed targets and lunged at me.
‘Fast.’
It was a speed Estelle’s physical abilities couldn’t dodge. I might be able to if I drew upon the power stored in my phylactery, but I had to save that ability as I couldn’t use it often. Still, I was fine for now. As long as it didn’t stick for too long, the worst that would happen was my clothes melting. It wouldn’t be pleasant, but...
Instead, I’d give up my clothes and take the monster’s life. ‘Everyone’s already half-naked anyway, so it’s only polite for me to shed a layer too.’
Come on, then. Strip me all you want, you lewd slime. I knew this would happen, so I specifically changed into cheap clothes I wouldn’t mind losing! I spread my arms wide and welcomed the slime. Soon, a sticky, squishy sensation touched my entire body. So this is what it feels like. It’s much more unpleasant than I imagined.
“Huh.”
However, the slime didn’t melt my clothes. After sticking to my body for a moment, it tilted what I assumed was its face, and immediately fell off me.
“What the hell?”
The slime shook its body from side to side. Then, it transformed, pointed a tentacle at me, and made an X shape.
“What’s that supposed to mean? You don’t like me?”
The slime drew an O shape. Why can we communicate? No, more importantly, it targeted Mitchell, Flora, and even Wagner—why does it hate me?
As if answering my question, the slime used its tentacles to measure me from head to toe.
“My height?”
Again, an O shape.
“Why my height?”
It pointed at the floor with a tentacle. Then, it waved its hand dismissively.
“You don’t like me because I’m short?”
Nod, nod.
“You crazy bastard. You even stripped Wagner, but you don’t like me because I’m a shrimp? Does that make any sense?”
My voice trembled as I spoke, out of sheer disbelief. What a slime with unnecessarily strict censorship standards. Why am I feeling angry instead of relieved that I wasn’t stripped? It’s frustrating. The fact that I was rejected by a slime for being a small girl makes me furious. And I’m even angrier at myself for feeling frustrated by something like this.
“Just die, you piece of shit.”
Slash.
I sliced the slime in one go, pouring all my rage into the strike.
“Whoa—whew. Kid, you really gave it a good one just now—” Mitchell approached, trying to make a joke, but swallowed her words when she saw my stiff face. Mitchell cleared her throat and patted my shoulder.
“...It’s okay. You’re cute enough. You’re the cutest girl I’ve ever seen. Really. They’re the weird ones.”
“...”
“You’ll grow tall soon, too. You’re at that age, right?”
“...I don’t know.”
Mitchell’s comfort, with her tall and superior figure, provided no solace. Mitchell would never understand. The feeling of having to live my whole life as a small girl. The regret of wishing I were just 5cm taller so I wouldn’t be treated like this. Damn it.
After the chaotic battle ended, the party took off their tattered, melted clothes and changed into the ones I had handed out.
“Wow—the gloves didn’t melt. Imperial-made gloves really are something—” Flora said innocently, waving her gloved hands around. Even though she was half-naked, she wasn’t the least bit embarrassed. Is she a young daughter I took to a bathhouse? She had no sense of shame at all.
“Senior, put your clothes on first. Clothes first.”
“Ah, thank you. Estelle-ssi, you’re so well-prepared! If it weren’t for you, I would’ve been walking around naked for the rest of this exploration—”
“Forget it, just stop talking and please put some clothes on—!”
“Aww, what’s the big deal? We’re all girls—”
Flora put her hands on her hips and laughed heartily. Well, with Flora’s visual appeal as a beautiful girl, she could certainly afford to be confident even while naked... but the problem was that I was the one feeling embarrassed for her.
Meanwhile, on Wagner and Mitchell’s side...
“Bear-brain, if you look this way, I’ll kill you, seriously?”
“You’d better be careful yourself.”
“Are you crazy? Why would I look at your naked body—like the kid said, it’s fucking disgusting, you know? I’m seriously going crazy.”
“Even while saying that, you seem to keep glancing over.”
“Ugh, damn it—”
They turned their backs to each other, neither backing down as they exchanged words while changing. Both of their cheeks were flushed red. It seemed the embarrassment was hitting them a beat late, now that the excitement of battle had subsided.
‘Must be nice.’
I stirred the soup in the pot with a ladle. The dish I was making now was called "Deposit Special Slime Soup." Just hearing the name makes it sound like waste no human could eat, but it’s actually a delicacy. When boiled, the slime’s mucus clumps become transparent and melt into a soup with an incredible umami flavor. Add the chicken stock, salt, and pepper I’d prepared beforehand, and finish it off with a sprinkle of parsley, and it’s done. Eat it with bread toasted over a campfire until the crust is crispy, and it rivals the feast of a high-end restaurant.
As I sat crouched, focusing on the cooking, Mitchell, who had finished changing, approached.
“The smell is fine. What’s it made of?”
“Slime.”
“Slime? Ugh... are you sure it’s safe to eat?” Mitchell, having received a bowl of soup, narrowed her eyes.
“If you don’t eat it fast, I’ll eat your share too.”
“I don’t know if this will give me an upset stomach.” Mitchell tilted her head, stirring the soup with a spoon. Such a suspicious one. Slurp— Meanwhile, Wagner, who had downed the soup bowl in one go, had his face light up.
“Excellent.”
“It’s even better if you dip the bread in it!” Flora laughed brightly too.
“You guys aren’t in on this together to tease me, are you?” Mitchell looked at us with suspicious eyes, then carefully took a spoonful of soup. And then...
“Oh.”
Mitchell’s eyebrows curved into a circle. “Well, not bad.”
Though Mitchell ate with a prim expression, the speed at which her spoon moved was incredibly swift. You can say what you want, but your body is honest, Elf-san. This is just the beginning. You won’t be able to escape the magic of my cooking. One day, you might even say this: "Please, I beg you, make me some food—my body has become one that can’t eat anything but your cooking anymore—" you might say that.
...Anyway, slime soup isn’t just a dish you eat for the taste.
You have consumed Special Slime Soup.
Acid resistance increases for one day.
You receive a bonus from the Cooking skill. Strength and Stamina increase slightly for one day.
A cooking bonus you can get when you prepare monster ingredients exquisitely. The key to this dish is acid resistance. Preparing acid resistance in advance for the upcoming boss fight would make the strategy much smoother.
“Phew—” Mitchell, who had finished her meal first as if she’d inhaled it, stretched comfortably with a face full of satisfaction.
“...Pfft.” Suddenly, Mitchell looked at us and burst into laughter.
“Everyone’s outfits are a total mess.”
We all looked at each other. Indeed, just as Mitchell said.
“Me too.” Mitchell laughed, fluttering the sleeves of the maid outfit she was wearing.
“That was the only thing that fit. You know, in the frontier, you’re not in a situation where you can pick and choose clothes you like.”
“I know, I know. Kid, I’m not saying anything. It’s just funny. It’s my first time wearing clothes like this since I was born.”
“...I think it suits you well.”
Wagner, who had been silently eating his soup, chimed in. Perhaps not expecting such a reaction, Mitchell’s eyes went wide. Honestly, I agreed with Wagner. It looks good because she looks like an Elf maid.
“W-what are you saying, bear-brain. No, that aside, what about your clothes? Are you a bear or what?”
“...It’s warm and soft, so I am satisfied.”
The clothes Wagner was wearing were bear fur clothes. For reference, it was a one-piece top and bottom. I confess in all sincerity, I didn’t choose it with malicious intent. That was just the only thing that fit. Really.
“I like my clothes too—” Flora said brightly. Flora’s clothes were a linen shirt and skirt. On the surface, it looked the most normal of the three. On the surface, that is...
“Especially the underwear, it’s wonderful. It’s my first time wearing such pretty underwear since I was born. How is it?”
Pfft— As Flora lifted her skirt slightly, Wagner spat out his soup. Mitchell’s mouth hung wide open, too. Black lingerie with lace, the size of half a palm. It was closer to a piece of cloth for other purposes than panties. I secretly covered my forehead. I’m sorry. That was just the only thing that fit, really, truly.