The Exam
I pinched the soft of my belly and turned the matter over. I wasn't that chubby, was I?
However I looked at myself, I didn't look the least bit heavier. Something felt off, so I made up my mind to eat less for the time being.
"Hana, aren't you eating way too little?"
I'd scooped so little rice that even Haru was worried. It came to only half of what I usually ate, so I wasn't full, but I told myself it was a trial I simply had to endure. Besides, even this much was plenty.
Back in my room, though, I caught myself unconsciously hauling out a box of snacks, and I couldn't help being startled at myself. Eating snacks like this, of course I'm going to gain weight!
I cleared my throat and, until the next checkup, held to the optimal eating route. It was superhuman patience, utterly unsuited to a child's body. Even I was impressed.
And yet at the next health checkup, when I saw that my weight had gone up anyway, I couldn't help wondering. I'd managed so diligently, and I'd still gained weight?
Bora seemed to be thinking the same thing.
"Hmm... You worked so hard to manage it, Hana. Why did your weight go up?"
"Ugh..."
Gloom dragged my head down. That was when I noticed something wrong with the scale. I'd already stepped off, and still the needle sat a little high. It wasn't a digital scale, so the problem was easy to spot.
"Bora! Isn't this scale weird?"
"Let me see... You're right! Nothing's on it, but the needle's a bit high..."
Bora picked the scale up, fiddled with it a few times, set it back down, and turned to me.
"Hana, hop on!"
Only then did I find my real weight. Gaining weight hadn't been my fault after all. And if I truly had put any on, my clothes wouldn't have fit.
"Hehe."
My mood lifted, and that evening, for the first time in a while, I got to eat until my belly was good and round.
"Mmm..."
I went toddling straight across the middle of the schoolyard. The kids looked as if they were having a grand time, each of them walking along and chattering with their friends. At this age, even a breeze brushing past was entertainment.
The younger you were, the more you laughed. The older you got, the harder it was to say whether you hid your feelings so they wouldn't show, or whether life had simply worn the feeling called laughter right out of you.
In any case, I was someone standing squarely in the middle. The body was a child's. The mind was unmistakably an adult's.
My bag was light because there was nothing in it. I left my books in my locker. I was not the foolish sort who hauled them around.
"Hana!"
Someone was calling my name. I turned my head, and there were Yumi and Jiyu coming toward me. Glad to see them, I waved.
"Hi!"
The two of them stuck themselves right to my sides and started chattering away.
"What'd you do yesterday, Hana?"
"I watched TV at home!"
"Don't tell me you watched Little Magician Rumi again?"
Watch TV, and you watch Little Magician Rumi. Wasn't that common sense? I nodded.
"Hana's just being Hana!"
"I know, right?"
We'd been glued together for two weeks already, and maybe that was why there was hardly any distance left between us. Kids really were something else. They talked without a single second's rest all the way to the classroom, and I found myself wishing I had that kind of energy.
But the moment the talk turned to the test we were taking today, the two of them sank into gloom. The change was so abrupt it was hard to believe they'd been laughing and carrying on only a moment before.
"We've got Korean, English, and math today, and I don't even wanna go into the classroom..."
"Me neither... If they just gave us homework, that would be enough. Why do we have to take tests?"
Jiyu and Yumi looked as if they had attained philosophical enlightenment. A single exam had given them the chance to look back over their entire lives. To my eyes, of course, they were still little babes. Children who hadn't lived even half as long as I had, wearing faces like they'd already seen the whole world...
"You're not worried at all, Hana?"
Seeing that my expression hadn't budged, Jiyu asked as if she were genuinely curious. An enormously threatening enemy called an exam was bearing down on the students, after all.
"It's basically a pop quiz, isn't it?"
I was from the old days, so I figured any test that wasn't a midterm or a final hardly counted. If it wasn't an exam that decided your school record, of course it had no real value. But Jiyu spoke as if it were far more important than I'd thought.
"No way! It's not a pop quiz! At Byeolbit Elementary, there's no such thing as a test that doesn't matter! And this one's even more important, 'cause the rankings get posted!"
Ranking us already... When I was in school, I'd always heard you only had to study hard starting in middle school. There was even talk that you could get by studying just enough until you entered high school. That was how easy the elementary and middle school curricula were supposed to be. Of course, that might have been true only for me.
"Did you study hard, Hana?"
"Well, I did as much as I needed to."
That was a lie. These days I hadn't studied at all. Even someone who had built a wall against studying could do third-grade problems lying down, easy as pie. I'd even previewed the material before I started school. My Korean had finally found its footing, and there wasn't a subject left that could stop me.
Still, I could hardly say something feeble like I didn't study. And in a way, saying that and then bringing home outstanding marks would only be rubbing it in, so I framed it as if I had studied and done my best. The moment I did, Jiyu and Yumi narrowed their eyes and looked at me as if they didn't believe a word of it.
Probably because they'd watched me come to school and do nothing but sleep. Going back over material I already knew felt like sitting on a cushion of thorns. It genuinely wasn't any fun. Memorization subjects were different, of course. For those, I stayed awake and listened hard.
Then again, the semester had barely started, and already there was a test. Elementary school kids these days seemed to have it rough.
After we reached Class 3-1, it wasn't long before the exam formation was complete, desks spaced just slightly apart for the test. The gesture carried the scent of my own school days. I'd never thought I would sit an exam like this again, and now that I was, the feeling was very strange.
Taking a test among elementary schoolers... If some technology ever came along that could read the age of a soul, I'd probably be the first one dragged away.
"Hana... Jiyu, you've got this!"
Yumi whispered it to Jiyu and me. Until the test papers were handed out, we were free to say whatever we liked. I answered her encouragement with a smile, and when she saw it she grinned back. My answer seemed to have landed, which was a relief.
The classroom, clamorous until a moment ago, fell quiet. Each student prepared for the test according to their own routine. Some closed their eyes and drew deep breaths. Others rolled their mechanical pencils this way and that.
Loosening up before a duty as weighty as an exam was, in a way, only natural. I slowly closed my eyes and let my own tension go. They were third-grade problems. They didn't look as if they'd be difficult. And it was a mercy that we were being tested in only three subjects: Korean, English, and math.
If memorization subjects had been mixed in, I might have missed questions no matter how easy the test was. Those were problems you simply could not solve without having memorized them, unlike Korean, English, and math, which you could handle on basic skill alone.
All I could hear was the children's breathing. Nerves showed plain on every face. However they tried to relax, it didn't seem to be working. Well, they were ten. Of course they had little experience with exams. These days, by the international age count, if your birthday hadn't passed you were only eight. Children who hadn't lived even ten percent of a life.
The teacher opened the door and came in, a neatly sealed bundle of test papers in each hand.
"The exam runs from 9:30 to 11:30. Do not turn your papers over until the broadcast gives further instructions. When the ending bell rings, stop whatever you are doing and raise your hands above your heads. If the bell rings and you do not raise your hands, it will be treated as cheating."
The teacher was going over a few important cautions for the exam. Everyone was listening so intently that not even a breath seemed to stir.
"Don't be too nervous. The questions may be difficult, but that isn't your fault. I hope you'll take the test with confidence."
As if to ease the children's nerves, the teacher offered one encouragement after another.
The moment the teacher finished speaking, the bell announcing the start of the exam rang.