YouTube (2)
Fine. I could live with that. I decided to take it all in with a heart as wide as the ocean.
The viewers liked teasing me? I had some kind of loser charm? Hmm… okay then. Having charm at all was what mattered, wasn't it? Right?
If anyone else saw me like this, they might have thought I looked pathetic. But I was fine. I really hadn't been hurt at all.
"...sniff."
Anyway, that wasn't what mattered right now.
Just as my manager said, it was time to get a thumbnail drawn to go with the video. Not by me, of course — Yewon unnie would be drawing it. At a hefty hundred thousand won a piece, no less.
In other words, it was the exact same process as a regular illustration commission.
She had a point. Whether it was YouTube or anything else, the streamer was the one who had to take the lead. I was leaning on my manager a little too much as it was.
But was relying on someone really so wrong? Honestly, I wasn't all that confident…
No. I had to throw out those weak thoughts. I'd already sworn I wouldn't run from reality anymore — that I'd fight it and win.
She was right. I hopped into the chat room with Yewon unnie and got to it.
Online, she was almost painfully cool. Not in a bad way — just so cool I never quite knew how to talk to her.
I sent over the edited video first. It would be a lot easier for her to work from seeing it herself, right?
The reply came like a knife, exactly ten minutes after she'd finished watching.
Oh my god…!
That tiny little phrase actually moved me. Because it was the first real answer I'd ever gotten from her over text — not just a string of consonants.
Thinking about it, she almost never typed in chat, but she always joined the moment a stream went live. In other words, she just didn't show it: she was one of my most devoted fans. And one who didn't even tease me!
Lucia, you were wrong. There are people among my viewers who watch without making fun of me!
Hmm. Maybe it would be better if I worked out a composition and told her?
Let me think. What kind of thumbnail would even work for this video?
First off, I streamed without a camera, so I couldn't slap my real face on it. That meant a character eye-catching enough to grab attention was non-negotiable — the so-called otaku-style 2D kind. That part wasn't a problem. I already had a well-designed streaming persona, and the person who'd drawn it was none other than the thumbnail artist I was talking to right now.
Alright. So what scene of me doing something should go on it?
This video was a highlight reel from my streams. And the moment I'd personally found the funniest was when I'd gotten a huge donation and just sat there looking completely lost. Even I had to admit I'd looked a little stupid there.
Say we made that the representative scene and turned it into a thumbnail. Slapping the donation amount on there in huge letters would pull the eye, right? Then stick me next to it looking shocked, and it would be pretty solid — safe, even. Not bad at all. For something dreamed up by someone with my aesthetic sense, it was actually pretty good.
I immediately laid the whole thing out over KakaoTalk, as if I were proudly showing off a drawing I'd poured my heart into.
Of course she was going to say it was good. Even I thought the concept was perfect this time! I was already puffing my chest out like I'd been praised, riding high on my own brilliance.
Right up until her negative reply arrived.
How could that be…
I sank into gloom on the spot. I'd been so sure it was perfect!
I couldn't just let this go. At the very least, I had to hear what the problem was.
Was she saying the donation scene wasn't funny?
Fun was a subjective thing, which made it all a little fuzzy. Even so, it was possible for something to land with most people without splitting the room. That was usually what people meant when they called something funny. So I couldn't just stay locked inside my own head — I had to hear a lot of other opinions too. That was the only way I'd ever figure out what kind of humor actually worked for a crowd.
I immediately watched the section she'd pointed out.
It had to be from the first day I'd played League on stream. I'd confidently insta-locked Teemo, then eaten six solo kills from Malphite, gone 0/8/0, lost the game, and spent the aftermath whining. Watching it now, I just looked pathetic.
"……"
This was the funniest part?
I'd been frowning the entire time I watched it. Especially at the end, when the chat zoomed in on viewers roasting me — I'd almost wondered if this was compelling evidence for the theory that human nature was inherently evil.
This brutal, miserable, pitiful scene was the funniest part of all…
In the end, she was the same. The unnie I'd respected so much I'd practically called her name in my heart like a prayer — she, too, was a sadistic psychopath who got off on watching me get dunked on!
…Calm down. I was getting way too worked up.
I forced myself to take a deep breath and gather my composure. No. I could not accept this!
Forget calming down — I was not accepting this one. I would not, and did not want to, let go of the belief that anyone who found that funny was abnormal, and a minority besides!
Hadn't I sworn it just a little while ago? That I wouldn't run from my problems — that I'd stand and fight?
I would object. I would prove that I wasn't the one in the wrong — that it was the terrible viewers!
Hmph. She probably thought I'd start shaking in fear and give up on the spot. But I was different now. I had awakened to set justice right!
Following her suggestion, I decided to ask someone else. First up: the manager who supported my stream more enthusiastically than anyone.
A little time passed, and then my manager answered.
No. Come to think of it, my manager was the ringleader of this evil. She'd been the first person to say, outright, that she found it fun when I got teased. Looking back, she wasn't an ally — she was the enemy.
I needed a different third party. Someone who didn't watch my streams, whose thoughts hadn't been contaminated, who could look at it with a neutral eye.
But who? Given how tiny my social circle was, the only person I could even ask was…
Ah!
Someone who didn't normally watch my streams, but could still think neutrally. Someone whose way of thinking was considered normal, whose character was considered decent. And someone who always supported me and took my side!
I immediately sent Sea a KakaoTalk.
And I sent Sea the video in question.
Sea left it at that single syllable and vanished — off to watch the video, apparently — and didn't text for a while. About ten minutes later, having finished it, she sent her review.
Sea went to check which scenes I meant, then finally answered. And that answer was…!