Dad (3)
"Aigoo, it's starting to rain."
The taxi driver's remark pulled Sea out of her thoughts, and she turned to look out the window. Sure enough, dark clouds had rolled in, and raindrops were beginning to fall, one by one.
"You bring an umbrella, kid?"
"...No."
"Better be careful. These days they say you've gotta watch out even just getting rained on — not like it used to be."
Should she have just run for it instead of taking a taxi?
No. Watching the rain come down like this, she was glad she'd taken the cab.
Letting the chatty driver's words wash in one ear and out the other, Sea stared blankly at the rainy street. The longer she looked, the more the memories came welling up, one after another.
That day rose in her mind, and she took out her phone. She didn't even need to open the gallery. The photo she wanted was already there, sitting on her lock screen.
There were four people in the picture. Of course they were — the family she cherished more than anything in the world. And of all her photos, this one was especially precious to her. It was the very first family picture they had ever taken. To put it more precisely, it was the picture they took to commemorate becoming a family.
They'd thrown a modest little party at home the day Mom and Dad officially remarried, and that was when they snapped it. In the center was Sea herself, holding a cake and beaming. Behind her, her parents stood close together, wearing the happiest of smiles. And right beside her was her older brother, the corners of his mouth lifted in an awkward, uncertain grin.
For some reason, today her eyes kept catching on Dad's hand resting on her brother's shoulder.
That day had been incredibly special to her. Not simply because it was the day Mom and Dad got married.
It had rained that day, too. Just like today.
Sea closed her eyes and let herself sink into the memory.
I told Dad almost everything, honestly.
Of course I didn't mention the Status Window. Bringing that up wouldn't have helped convince him — it would only have made things more confusing. But aside from that, I pretty much laid it all out.
That I had become a woman. That my nationality had changed, too. That overnight, everything had transformed, and I'd even been given a brand-new identity.
It was a hard thing to believe, so I showed him as much evidence as I could. The ID the Status Window had given me after I became a woman, and anything else that might help, even a little. I also told him that Sea already knew, and that she was on her way here right now.
Dad didn't open his mouth the entire time I was talking. He just looked at me quietly and listened. I couldn't read a thing from his expression, so I had no idea how he was taking any of it.
"...That's what happened."
"Is that all?"
"Hai..."
I asked carefully, my face full of worry.
"...Will you believe me?"
"It's not enough."
Not enough. I could tell easily enough that those words weren't meant as encouragement. Then what exactly wasn't enough? He must have meant there wasn't enough proof that I was his son. The whole thing was so unreal that no amount of evidence would ever feel sufficient. I'd have felt the same way in his place.
"Everything you've told me is about a woman named Yukino Hana. What I want to know is whether Yukino Hana is really our son. Do you understand what I mean?"
"...Eh. So, in other words."
"Right now you shouldn't be talking about after you became a woman. You need to talk about who you were before. About the son I know."
Of course I understood what he meant. But this time the words wouldn't come. It wasn't a matter of understanding.
I wanted to erase everything about who I used to be, before the change. Talking about that shameful past myself was genuinely hard.
How had I convinced Sea? I had to admit a lot of it had been leaning on emotion. I'd presented objective evidence too, but the real reason Sea believed me was that she understood the sadness in the tears I shed.
Dad, though, wasn't going to accept this on feeling alone. I needed proof so certain he couldn't possibly deny it.
I thought for a long time about what to say, and thankfully Dad waited for me, calm and patient.
And then, at last, I realized what I needed to tell him.
"The day of your wedding party."
I still remember that day so vividly. Me, holed up in my room, terrified of the family that was about to form and all the change that would come with it. Dad had come to me first and laid his heart bare, and because of that, I changed.
If I remember right, the rain had suddenly started pouring that day.
"Alright, say kimchi!"
Click!
The camera, set on a timer, flashed. Once the picture was taken, he went over to check if it had come out well, then turned the screen toward us with a bright, unguarded grin.
"Look at this. It came out great."
"Pffft. Oppa's face is so funny!"
"...Hey now. Don't go teasing your oppa."
He scolded Sea, but the smile never left his face — he clearly agreed with her.
The party was over now, so if I just went back to my room and rested...
If I'd said that, I could have gone back right away. But I didn't. I had this feeling that if I walked away now, I would never be able to step into a scene like this in the living room again.
"Dad! Is there any more cola?"
"I think we finished it all."
"Ah..."
Sea's disappointment was obvious. My little sister was mature for her age in a lot of ways, but she had a real sweet tooth. Especially cola — she was practically obsessed.
"I'll go buy some."
"No, I'll go. You rest."
"It's fine. It's just downstairs anyway, and I wanted some fresh air."
"Hmm... You sure?"
Then Mom glanced toward the window and said to me,
"Looks like it's raining out."
"Ah... Okay."
A conversation far too awkward and brief to belong to a mother and son. The irony was that even this counted as considerable progress.
"Me too! I wanna go too!"
"Alright. Then you two go together, just the two of you. Here — use this to pay."
I tried to refuse, but he beat me to it. He was probably trying to use this chance to bring us closer. In the end I couldn't say anything, and Sea and I left the house together.
"Oppa."
"...Yeah?"
"Hehe. Wanna play at the park a little before we go back?"
"I told you it's raining."
"Oh right. I forgot. Hehe."
Sea covered her mouth with her hand and giggled, like something was just so funny. For some reason, she only ever seemed to act her age around me. Was the mature act a performance, too? Unlike me, who'd shut myself in my room and ignored every problem, maybe Sea had put on a grown-up mask and endured, trying to solve everything herself.
Outside, the rain was coming down hard. It hadn't been this bad just a little while ago.
"A cloudburst?"
"I don't like rainy days. What about you, Oppa?"
I thought for a moment, then said,
"I like them."
"Eh, really? Why? They're all clammy and gross."
"No particular reason."
"What. That's lame."
Why I liked the rain.
"If I had to pick something... I like the sound...?"
"Hmm... Is that so?"
"Well. I just mean, you know."
Sea listened to my answer, then perked up her ears and concentrated. A moment later she smiled brightly and said,
"I think I like it too!"
"...Let's just get to the convenience store already."
"It's like, the pit-pat-pit-pat sound isn't bad at all!"
"Okay, I get it. Stop talking."
"But there are so many cars I can barely hear it."
I couldn't tell if she was just pretending to relate for my sake, or if she meant it. Either way, it wasn't important. I just wanted to buy the cola and get back.
"If there weren't so many cars, we could've heard it better."
Even on the way back from the convenience store, loaded with cola and snacks, Sea kept circling back to the same topic.
It had been a day of heavy rain. It was a Sunday evening winding down, so the roads were packed with cars. Winter was approaching and the air had turned quite chilly, so the sun had set early and it was already dark.
And so.
It was a day with an unusual number of traffic accidents. The kind of weather where a car driving on a slick, rainy road, with visibility fading fast, would have a hard time spotting a child standing in the street.
BEEEEEP—!
The cloudburst that day was fierce.
"That'll be 8,500 won."
Why did he switch to formal speech just to tell her the fare, after talking casually this whole time? Sea set the question aside and got out of the taxi.
Right in front of her was Oppa's place. Had Dad already arrived? If he'd left the moment Oppa sent that message, then yes.
I need to hurry inside and help Oppa. Because...
Sea hadn't even finished the thought before she had to stop. Just as she reached the door and was about to ring the bell, it opened, and someone came out.
There was no mistaking the man whose face was so familiar. She'd been looking at that face since the day she was born.
"Dad?"
"...Ah. Sea."
Running into him somewhere other than home felt strangely new. Dad's smile was different from usual — complicated, hard to read.
The fact that Dad was coming out of Oppa's apartment meant the conversation had ended, one way or another. For better or for worse.
"Did you come to see your oppa?"
"...Did you talk to him?"
"Ah, that's right. He said you already knew."
The fact that Dad had referred to him as "oppa" first — did that mean he'd accepted it? It was too soon to be sure. Sea decided to ask him straight.
"So what happened?"
"What do you think. Same as you."
"...Well, that's a relief. I guess he explained it well? With me he just rambled and bawled his eyes out."
Not that that wasn't cute, too.
No — wait. That wasn't the point.
Dad's reaction then was unexpected. He gave a bitter little smile and said,
"Well. Let's just say he told me something I had no choice but to accept."
"What was it? You can't just say that — now I'm curious."
"That's... a secret between men."
"But Oppa's not a man anymore."
"...You've got a point. So now I've got two daughters, huh. Heh heh."
Even as Dad tried to laugh it off, Sea refused to let it go.
"So what did you talk about?"
"Ask your oppa. I can't tell you."
"...Ugh."
In the end, Sea never got to hear the secret that belonged only to father and son.