The Low Tour Begins
"Huh?!!" Producer Seol Woo-hyuk kept glancing between me and his phone. "Hello."
"Oh dear, what brings you to this shabby place?"
"Come on, how is an airport shabby? This is where hyung-nim's crew is."
Actor Oh Gwak-jin dusted off his backside and stood up, extending a large hand. "Nice to meet you. I'm Han Ga-eul."
"I'm actor Oh Gwak-jin."
"I know. You're the national actor, after all."
"Haha."
After exchanging pleasantries, Oh Gwak-jin scratched his head. Up close, he didn't look like a movie star at all—just a friendly neighborhood uncle.
"Aigoo, that guy. He's a real piece of work."
Every time Oh Gwak-jin spoke, Seol Woo-hyuk threw in a jab. Their chemistry looked pretty solid. Once introductions with the actor were done, I extended my hand to Producer Seol Woo-hyuk with a smile, but he just looked awkward.
"Nice to meet you, I'm Han Ga-eul."
"Oh, yes, yes. Your voice is like a nightingale."
"That guy. He's a real piece of work."
"Hyung-nim, you're the noisy one."
The two of them kept bickering nonstop.
"We're about to go on an overseas trip together, so how about we sort out the honorifics now?"
"This guy's really something. Why does he want to decide how a kid should address him?"
"Oh, shut it, you punk."
"Ah, hyung. I told you not to swear."
"Ahaha."
I glanced at my phone. The viewers' reactions didn't look bad at all.
"Uncle Gwak-jin?"
"Ah, uncle…"
"Uwahaha! See?"
"Uncle Woo-hyuk."
"Uncle…"
"Uncle is pretty generous."
"Uncle Man-seung."
"U…ncle…"
"Then how about we go with 'uncle'?"
"Uncle? Sounds good."
"Look at that face. His mouth is splitting open."
"It's fine."
"Why are you two acting so childish?"
"Even PD Kang is grinning while saying that."
"Ahem."
Somehow the honorifics got sorted out and the mood settled down.
"Now we gotta move things along, don't we?"
"Move things along?"
"Yeah, well. Either do an opening or something."
"Hmm… First, as I mentioned before, this program's name is Mr. Low Tour. Think of it as the uncles' rugged free travel."
PD Kang's experience showed as he smoothly continued the hosting.
"This won't be some edited highlight reel. We're showing everything as it really happens. That's why we're doing a live broadcast, and the name Low Tour comes from showing even the lower, rougher sides of things."
"I get what you're saying, but what's the conclusion?"
"No opening or anything. If you want to do one, go ahead. Or discuss it among yourselves. Since it's the first broadcast, it'll feel a bit rough like jagged rocks at first, but it'll smooth out over time."
"So you're telling us to just figure it out ourselves."
"That's right."
"What kind of nonsense is this?"
"It says fighting for milky Woo-hyuk uncle."
"Well, ahem. Should I give it a try?"
"Then shall we start with introductions?"
Even as the eldest, he was trying to take the lead.
"Hello, viewers. I'm actor Oh Gwak-jin. This is my first time on a variety show, so there might be some shortcomings, but I'll do my best to show you my hardworking side."
Clap clap clap. In the quiet atmosphere, only my applause rang out loudly.
Poke.
"Huh? Ah."
Clap clap clap clap. When I nudged Uncle Woo-hyuk, he finally noticed and started clapping. With the eldest's short introduction over, it was now the second person's turn.
"Hello, I'm Seol Woo-hyuk, COO and representative producer of Poinsettia Entertainment. And a former milky-white idol."
Clap clap clap. Once again, only my applause echoed.
Poke.
"Huh? Oh."
Clap clap clap clap. Uncle Gwak-jin's seal-like clapping followed. Already this out of sync, I was starting to worry.
"Hello, I'm Han Ga-eul. Many of you might be seeing me for the first time because I'm not a celebrity—I'm just an ordinary person."
"Huh? Ga-eul, aren't you a celebrity?"
"Right? Weren't you a celebrity?"
Both of them widened their eyes, apparently thinking I was a celebrity.
"Neng. I'm just a regular person."
"With a face like a doll, I naturally assumed you were a celebrity. With that face and singing talent, what else would you do but be a celebrity?"
"Can anyone just become a celebrity if they want to? Besides, when I first started my personal broadcast, I had a bad experience with an entertainment company. So I guess I have some preconceptions."
"True. If they left someone like you alone, their eyes would just be for decoration. I'm sorry on their behalf."
It wasn't just words—his expression was genuinely apologetic. Even though it wasn't his fault, he seemed well aware that the industry was full of bad practices.
"It's okay. You don't have to apologize, uncle. I didn't want to be one anyway."
"Really? If you ever change your mind, contact me right away."
"Haha. Neng. I'll do that."
"Kids, that's enough."
This time PD Kang Man-seung looked surprised.
"The chat was going crazy, so I was half giving up, but it calmed down all at once…"
"Sorry. My kids are like that."
"Huh? No, it's fine."
Seeing PD Kang smiling, he seemed to like the situation. Probably, just like he said, he wanted this kind of atmosphere rather than a stiff, rigid broadcast.
"By the way, I've been wanting to ask something."
"Neng."
"What's that sticky rice cake thing on the back of your head? Is it some new trend?"
"Ah!"
When I grabbed what was attached to the back of my head and held out my hand, a cotton ball appeared.
"This is Baek Seol. She's my friend."
"Aigoo, how cute. Why is she so small?"
"She's really adorable. Hello? I'm Oh Gwak-jin."
"Eung!"
Baek Seol waved her front paws on my palm.
"Even knows how to greet. Smart one."
"She's better than you, Woo-hyuk."
"She's better than you, hyung-nim, obviously."
At this point, it felt less like banter and more like they were natural enemies. They bickered every time they spoke.
"Looks like we've got the traffic sorted."
"Now we gotta decide where to go for the trip."
"We've already set the first destination, so please discuss the rest of the schedule among yourselves."
PD Kang stepped forward and handed over three plane tickets.
"Arizona? PD Kang, why there of all places? You trying to get us roasted alive?"
"Haha. It's Low Tour, after all. We can't just show nice, beautiful places. We have to show some rough spots too."
"Uncle, isn't Las Vegas right next to Arizona?"
"Right. Las Vegas is right next to Arizona state. Why? Planning to gamble?"
"I've never been there before."
"Hmm… That place is too noisy for my taste."
While talking with Uncle Woo-hyuk, Uncle Gwak-jin was oddly quiet for some reason.
"Why aren't you saying anything, hyung-nim?"
"I'm weak with foreign countries. I don't know the place names, so I have no idea what you're talking about."
"You know those Western movies where the sun sets over the vast plains and tumbleweeds roll by? That's basically Arizona. Not everywhere, but there aren't many tourist spots."
"Oh… Ga-eul's pretty smart. Are you doing a travel broadcast or something?"
"I just play games in my room."
The mood suddenly turned solemn.
"Or should we head to where my grandfather is and slowly make our way up?"
"Eh? Your grandfather's overseas?"
"Neng. He works at an observatory. So I know a bit about this area."
"Wow. He sounds like an impressive person."
Just then, PD Kang handed over a map. When I unfolded it, the two of them leaned in.
"This is the city called Flagstaff. Let's head there first."
"What's here?"
"Flagstaff is the gateway city to Walnut Canyon, the Grand Canyon, and Antelope Canyon."
"Oh, that sounds perfect? We can see the Grand Canyon too."
"Ga-eul, can you show the map to the camera too?"
"Neng."
After unfolding the map and pointing with my finger, the cameraman adjusted his stance and started filming. Professional vibes were flowing out of him.
"Our first destination will be Flagstaff."
PD Kang gave an OK sign from behind.
"After that… well, we'll just wing it?"
"Uwahaha."
"Please sign at the marked spots."
"Neng."
After quickly scribbling and handing it over, the staff member nodded and placed a card on the table.
"Have a pleasant trip."
"Thank you."
When I took the card and returned to my companions, they were just staring at me blankly.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"No, your English is really good."
"Yeah. Ga-eul, what did you do before?"
"Arizona has a driver's license agreement with Korea. So I filled out the paperwork and got a U.S. driver's license."
"Then you don't have to take a separate test?"
"Neng. They have a system where you can exchange your Korean license."
Seeing that they also handled car rentals, it seemed like part of their business, but good was good. It was nice to save time instead of wasting it on one thing after another.
"Pretty, smart, and there's nothing she can't do."
"I've already rented a car too."
"I'm hungry!"
"Little one, want to eat?"
"Good!"
Ding!
"What? Where did that flower come from? Is it magic?"
As we stepped out of the airport, the sweltering heat greeted us.
"You said something about wilderness, but it's just a big city?"
"The moment we leave here, you'll only see rocks and cacti."
Beep!
While walking with my companions, I pressed the car key the staff had given me, and a sound came from nearby.
"Let's take that."
"It's a pickup truck."
"Neng. I'll drive."
"Kya, nice."
『Turn right 120 km ahead』
"Is this crazy?"
"It's always like this. You heard it when we started. It said turn right 200 km ahead."
It was just straight ahead. This was the perfect road to fall asleep while driving. No matter how far we went, all we saw were rocks and cacti.
"There's a gas station over there. Should we stop? There won't be many tourists, so it won't be big, but they'll probably sell water or drinks."
"Oh, good idea. Let's each grab an ice cream and go."
It wasn't even that old, but seeing the same scenery over and over made everyone tired quickly. Uncle Woo-hyuk looked around and picked up the walkie-talkie he'd received before getting in the car.
Chik-chik.
"Ah, PD Kang, can you hear me?"
- Yes, I can hear you.
"There's something that looks like a gas station or rest stop right ahead. Come over here."
- Confirmed.
We pulled into the gas station right away. There was just one simple wooden building and a single gas pump. Probably because not many people came here, it looked extremely old.
"Still, seems like they're doing business."
Just as Uncle Gwak-jin said, two cars were parked in the small lot.
"Aigoo, it's hot."
The moment we got out of the car, hot air rushed in. Everyone was feeling it more because they'd only been in the AC.
"It's really hot."
"Yeah."
After waiting a bit, the staff's car followed and parked.
"I wonder what American ice cream tastes like."
"Ice cream's all the same, isn't it?"
While chatting with my companions as we walked, we saw a swing door that was hard to find in Korean aesthetics.
"Whoa, if we push this open, won't there be cowboys inside?"
"Uwahaha."
Following my companions inside, Uncle Woo-hyuk in the middle suddenly stopped. His expression wasn't good.
"Why aren't you going in?"
When I pulled the wooden door open since he was stopped at the entrance, I understood why his face was stiff. A guy wearing a black mask was pointing a gun at someone who looked like the gas station owner. The staff, unaware, opened the door and filed in one after another.
"What the hell, these Asian monkeys."
"John, what are you doing! Hurry up and pack!"
"Wait! Customers came!"
"Why would customers come to this backwater! Then pack their stuff too!"
The accomplice, who seemed to be the other robber, shrugged his shoulders while holding a gun and approached.
"You heard him? Take out your wallets, phones, and car keys. If you try anything funny… see this?"
Crack!
He stomped on the head of a mop standing by the entrance, leaving only the handle.
Thud.
Click!
"What are you gonna do with that? Or do you not understand English because you're Asian? Put that down and take everything out."
When I took a step forward, he pointed the gun at my head.
"G-Ga-eul. Get behind uncle."
Thud.
When I took another step forward, he grimaced and pressed the muzzle hard against my forehead.
"Don't Asians not fear guns? So…"
"Hey, you idiot. You can't even shoot, but your mouth is running a mile."
"This is supposed to be a toy…"
Whack!
When I struck his wrist with the handle, the gun flew into the air.
"Aagh!"
His hand hung limply, broken. Since his accomplice was still pointing a gun at the owner, any more delay could get innocent people killed. I gripped the handle tighter.
Creak.
Bang—!
After briefly assuming a javelin-throwing stance, I hurled the mop handle. It flew with a whooshing sound.
Thud—!
Crack—!!
Two loud noises rang out, and the mop handle embedded in the robber's body pushed him all the way into the wall.
As if to prove the job was done quickly, when I held out my hand, the pistol that had flown into the air fell onto my palm.
—Chik, chik.
"Phew— What kind of toy revolver does a robber carry?"
Bang—!
"Aagh!"
Bang—!
"Kuaaaaagh!!"
When I shot at the guy's feet, he collapsed with holes in his insteps.
"Whoa. It wasn't a toy after all. Sorry."
When I grabbed the robber by the collar and lifted him, he struggled in pain.
"Ugh… Our gang…"
"Yeah, yeah. I'll send your gang over quickly too."
When I shoved the revolver into the crying guy's mouth, blood seeped out from outside the mask, probably because his lips were torn.
"Ughhh… Ughhh…!"
Click.
After subduing the armed robber, mistook the gun he was holding for a toy. Then inserted the revolver "two shots" into the robber's instep due to the misunderstanding.