Hercules' Invitation
Soddongi placed the massive order of desserts—Sachertorte, mud pie, gâteau au chocolat, and carrot cake—onto the serving cart and began arranging them one by one on the table. Baek Seol seemed excited too, her body bouncing slightly with each new plate that landed. “Thank you.” When I handed over a gold coin as a tip, the waiter’s eyes widened. “Thank you!” The professional smile melted into a genuine one as he pushed the cart away and disappeared.
“Han Ga-eul, one gold is far too much for a tip.” A single gold coin smaller than a fingernail was worth a hundred thousand won once stored in the warehouse. Still, that was only its value to me. To the people living in the Tower, it clearly meant something much larger.
“What’s excessive is this.” I pointed at the mountain of cakes covering the table. Haetnim’s gaze flicked away. “Can you really eat all of that?”
“Of course.” The angel clearly had a sweet tooth. Everything looked sticky and sugary—completely opposite to my own preferences. “Want some carrot cake, Baek Seol?”
“Eung!” I crumbled a small piece onto my palm and offered it. Baek Seol began eating happily, clearly enjoying the taste. “Eat a lot.”
“Eat!”
“Want to share?”
“Eung!” I took a small bite with a fork. Sweetness exploded across my tongue. It was absurdly sweet for something called carrot cake. “Way too sweet.”
“Cake is supposed to be sweet.”
“True.” Even the carrot juice sold in stores was loaded with sugar, so it made sense. I hadn’t explored the entire first floor, but it looked like people from the modern era had been dumped into a medieval setting and forced to develop everything from scratch. As a result, most desserts leaned heavily into sweetness.
Slurp. The coffee, at least, was incredible. Even to someone who didn’t particularly care for coffee, it tasted premium. “This is good.”
“There’s a floor with a climate perfect for coffee cultivation. This must be beans imported from there.” Haetnim kept explaining between bites while steadily devouring the cakes.
“Want more carrot cake?”
“Eung!” After finishing what I’d given her, Baek Seol licked her empty paw and waited. I cut another piece and she dug in again. She ate enthusiastically, but her tiny mouth made it take forever—completely unlike Haetnim, who sat upright and polished off her share in seconds.
Slurp. “Phew.” The lingering peach sweetness in my mouth vanished under the rich coffee, replaced by a deep sense of happiness.
Clang! A silver gauntlet slammed onto the table, making a racket. “Pretty noona, you new here?”
“Get lost before I rip your head off.” The guy was wearing thick armor like some kind of cosplay. “Pretty noona’s got a foul mouth.”
Five men crowded around, snickering among themselves. These types showed up almost every time I went out. At this point, I’d almost miss them if they didn’t appear. Haetnim kept eating her cake, completely ignoring the scene.
“I’m taking this one. The pink one’s pretty, but she’s got too much presence.” A bald giant licked his lips while pointing at Haetnim. “Then I’ll take the white rabbit—kak!?”
Crunch! “Gack! Gack!”
“Haetnim, is it okay to kill monsters here?” Haetnim, chocolate smeared around her mouth, glanced over. “The Tower is not a nation governed by law.” She’d said the same thing last time. The Tower ran on rules and oaths, not laws.
Shing! One of the armored men drew a sharp sword while his companion struggled in my grip. “You’ll just end up drawing the attention of the first-floor guardian.”
“What happens then?”
Crunch! The armor around the man’s neck crumpled inward. His face turned blue. “It’ll become a hassle.”
The first floor was the busiest area, yet it remained strangely peaceful. Even two intelligent beings gathered in one place tended to cause trouble. I couldn’t imagine what kind of being the guardian was to keep things this orderly.
“I don’t mind hassle.”
“Then please don’t kill them.”
“I don’t really want to do that either.” Haetnim wiped the chocolate from her lips with a napkin and shot the thugs a dangerous look. “Han Ga-eul, I told you before—they’re not monsters.”
“If I don’t like them, they’re monsters. That way I don’t feel guilty about beating them to death.” One of the sword-wielding men kicked off the ground and charged. “Let him go, you crazy bitch!”
I shoved the man I was holding into the path of the blade. The sword sank into a gap in the armor and blood sprayed. “Guh!” Even as he lost consciousness, he thrashed in pain. “You should’ve been more careful instead of hitting my shield.”
“Y-you crazy bitch…”
Smack! Crash! I slapped the muttering man’s cheek while the blade was still embedded. His face caved in and he flew backward. The remaining three turned pale.
“I’m thinking of ripping off your limbs next. How about it?”
“Hic… P-please spare us.” Their pupils trembled. Their comrade had been subdued in an instant. Faced with the obvious difference in power, their attitudes flipped immediately.
“If you listen well, I won’t kill you. I’ll even heal you.”
“…Really?” Hope flickered across their faces.
“I may not look it, but I’m a supporter.”
“…Where?”
“Want to die?”
“Hic!” I held out my hand. All their eyes locked onto it. “Hand over everything you’ve got.”
“……”
“Better to give it up than lose your limbs and have it taken anyway.” They glanced at their twitching comrade on the floor. “Ten seconds. Strip everything.”
“P-please, at least leave the equipment…”
“Five. Four.”
“Hrk! You said ten seconds!!” They frantically tore off their gear. In the panic, stripping took only moments. Thud! Thud! The heavy armor hit the floor. Now in light clothing, they lined up.
“Jump.”
“Huh?”
Thud! I kicked the one who questioned me in the stomach. He flew backward and crashed into the others. “If you don’t want to die, jump. Every time I hear coins jingle, I’ll rip off another limb.”
“Finished?”
“Yeah. Killed some monsters and earned 1,700 gold.”
“That wasn’t earning. That was extortion.” Haetnim, still eating cake, gave me a cold look. “This isn’t the first or second time. If we don’t clean it up properly, there’ll be trouble later.”
“That’s true.”
“By the way, what’s this guardian you mentioned earlier? Is it different from the administrator?”
“Not every floor has one, but floors with many problems do. If the administrator holds authority, the guardian holds military power.” I didn’t need a longer explanation. Where there was no law, those with power ran rampant. That was exactly why a guardian existed.
Even while talking with Haetnim, the messages kept coming. Whenever Sodong sent one, Water-Standing Man followed with a flurry of his own.
“Hmm…”
“What’s wrong?” Haetnim, chocolate smeared around her mouth, paused her fork. “Is it a kid?”
“What do you mean?” I reached out and wiped her lips. Chocolate came off on my finger. “Mm, it’s all gone.” The tip of my finger tasted intensely sweet. Haetnim blinked at me; the chocolate still wasn’t fully cleaned. I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers. Her body jolted.
“We’re outside.”
“Just cleaning the chocolate.” I held her chin and licked her lips. Rich chocolate spread across my tongue.
“Sweet.” Haetnim’s breath, so close our noses touched, carried the scent of chocolate. I leaned in again. She pulled back slightly. Thinking she disliked it, I started to retreat—only for her to close the distance I’d created.
“If you’re going to do it, do it properly.”
“Huh?” Haetnim placed her hands on my face.
“Mmph.” Smooch. What started as an unfair kiss lesson had become something she was steadily getting used to. If I kept teaching her like this, she’d get the hang of it. Smooch, smooch. “Hngh.”
The people around us who had been drinking coffee turned to stare. Just as Haetnim’s slippery tongue and saliva mingled stickily, something rolled across the table. Roll, roll.
“Baek Seol… mmph!”
Smooch. When I tried to pull away, Haetnim wrapped her arms around my neck and pushed her tongue deeper. Gulp, gulp. The saliva she fed me slid down my throat. “Haa… haa…” I needed to explain the invitation, but even after our lips parted she kept leaning in with open arms. Haetnim seemed very excited.
I quickly scooped up Baek Seol, who had been rolling the ice crystal on the table. “Hold onto Baek Seol for me. This is Baek Seol’s toy.” I could explain the rest after I got back. I’d felt it with Sun Wukong too—god seats were dangerous. Bringing Baek Seol there every time was too much of a burden. They’d said time flowed differently in their space, so if I returned quickly it should be fine.
After accepting the invitation, my vision shifted instantly. Mountains, rivers, and greenery spread out before me. Unlike with my master, someone was already waiting.
“You’re Sodong?”
“You came.” A massive man sitting on a rock stood up, muscles rippling.
His entire body was covered in scars—from the long one across his face down to his toes. It made me wonder if he had ever truly lived as a normal being. “Damn, the reverse perspective is killing me. I miss Haetnim.”
“What do you mean?” God seats were extremely dangerous. I couldn’t exactly tell him his appearance was painful to look at. At the very least, I wished he’d put on some proper clothes.
“Have you thought about it?”
“About what?”
“Bad memory? Didn’t the god seat suggest a contract?”
“Yeah. Not doing it.”
“……” For a moment the giant looked like he’d lost his words. He opened his mouth, then closed it without speaking. “You don’t know who I am?”
“Not really curious.”
“……” I didn’t need to ask. The strongest being in Olympus. The one the goddess of fate had marked as a hero. The one enemies called disaster. Olympus’s ultimate war weapon—Heracles the hero.
—Chik, chik.
“Phew—if you’re done talking, I’m leaving.”
“Wait. You’re really going?”
“Yeah. You’re too much of a burden.”
Crunch. He raised his arms and flexed his biceps. “I thought I was healthy?”
“That’s exactly the burden.”
“A healthy body houses a healthy mind.”
“Phew—I’ve been living soaked in nicotine, so I don’t really relate. Stay healthy. I’m going.”
Crunch! As I turned and waved, a seriously burdensome sound came from behind my head. “If you don’t like the god seat contract, how about this instead?”
Even among those called heroes, the one they called the hero of heroes was Heracles. Ignoring him completely probably wasn’t wise. “What is it?”
“I was about to go insane from boredom, but your stories were quite entertaining. I also like the way you fight.”
“So what?”
“You said you’d give a reward for the story. Complete the task I give you. Then I’ll grant you a brilliant reward.”
“No thanks.”
Crunch. Every time I refused, his muscles twitched. “Oh, crap.”
「Master, do you know the macho man who cleans cow dung? He keeps showing interest in me.」
「Eh? That guy?」 Sun Wukong, who had been playing the game, tilted his head with a rare serious expression. 「That guy’s half-mad from endless war. Hmm… Well, he does resemble you.」
「Me? Where?」
「The way he goes crazy every time he fights is exactly like you. His mind’s all over the place too. Plus, like you, his combat base is bare-handed martial arts.」
「Where’s someone who fights as gracefully as me?」
「You’re properly insane.」
「Master, I’m confiscating Choco Song Song for a week.」
「Please, no!!」
Crunch—! His muscles surged. ‘Crazy master, where the hell do we resemble each other?’ Even among the countless god seats, my master—who ranked among the strongest in raw power—had said Heracles was one of the few who matched him. The same master who swung an eight-ton Yeoui like a twig claimed he would lose in a pure physical fight without magic. And on top of that, the guy had war-induced mental issues. I hadn’t experienced war, but it had to be a place where violent emotions ran rampant enough to become poison.
Crunch, crunch—!
“……”
“If you don’t like that, you can attack me instead. I’ll take every blow. If you can leave even a single scratch on my body, you win.”
“Really?” The macho man nodded his thick neck. “For the record, the second option will be harder. My divine body is like steel.”
Steel, sure—but probably harder than that. “So just accept the task and earn my recognition.”
“What the hell have I done to need your recognition, you bastard? You’ve been talking like trash this whole time.”
“……Kuh!” When the macho man’s eyes flashed, red light poured out. “As expected, I saw correctly. You’re insane. Just like me.”
“Shut your mouth. I’d rather die than be like you.”
“Then the third option is to receive the story’s value in points and leave.”
“I’ll take the third.”
“Denied.”
“Damn it… Then why even ask, you bastard?”
Tick.
—Chik, chik.
“Phew—”
“Kuhaha! If you enjoy the heat and madness of battle, you’ll understand me! If I lose you, I’ll have to wait another eternity. You’re the only one, Player Han Ga-eul.”
“You’re disgustingly clingy. Get ready to die.”
Thud!! “What’s that?”
I drove Yeoui into the ground. The earth shook as if an earthquake had struck. “Shrink.” Yeoui slowly began to shrink. It was still slow—maybe because I wasn’t skilled enough—but it kept shrinking. Eventually it became as thin as a toothpick.
“Pull it out, you bastard.”
“Hmm… I wouldn’t normally refuse a beauty like you, but now isn’t the time, is it?”
“This bastard wants to screw me. I’m going to shove this into your urethra and grow it. Pull it out now.”
“……”
“You said you’d take every attack. Hurry up and pull it out.” My master had been terrified when I swung Yeoui playfully. Made of divine metal, it would definitely work on this muscle monster too. “The monkey’s weapon… My mistake. I surrender.”
After stuffing Yeoui into his urethra, I pulled out my real weapon from the inventory. Preparation complete. Even an orc would cry at this extreme size. Normal weapons wouldn’t work. If this went in, it wouldn’t be just a ruptured stomach—it would be intestinal perforation. I had to cut it for sure.
Vrrr! Vrrr!! I yanked the recoil starter. A loud noise spread outward. “Stop screwing around and pull it out.” Anything with a physical body would thin out if forced to grow. That was how matter with fixed mass worked. Then I’d cut it.
“Uhehe. Let’s see how big my little guy has gotten.”
Vrrr—! Rrrrrrr!! “Shall we do some urethra play with pretty noona, our Sodong♡”
“Y-you crazy bitch……”
“Uhehe.” The muscle monster kept backing away. “Where are you going? Noona will give you one free shot. How about it? Like it?”
“……Please. I surrender.”
“A man’s word is his bond.”
“D… de… I choose death.”