Full of Apologies
The alarm went off at six-thirty, right when Seoyeon had set it.
Beneath the duvet, her hand vanished first, leaving only a faint trace of warmth where her small palm had rested against my stomach. She was already sitting up, sliding her glasses onto her nose. Her dyed yellow bob was disheveled. Her breasts barely made a dent beneath her loose t-shirt, though her nipples stood rigid against the chill of the morning air. I pretended not to notice.
"I'll go grab some kimbap," Seoyeon said. "Just go wash your face."
The soft voice from last night, the one asking to just be held, was nowhere to be heard. Her crisp, professional office tone had already taken over.
I splashed cold water over my face in the bathroom. Inside my sweatpants, my cock was semi-hard. Whether it was morning wood, the ache of going without for so long, or simply seeing Seoyeon first thing in the morning... I didn't know. I didn't touch it. Touching it would have made the morning feel like an extension of last night.
At the front door, slipping on our shoes, our hands brushed against each other again. As always, Seoyeon withdrew hers first.
"Later."
She didn't specify when that "later" would be.
I wasn't sure if the next time was a few days or a little over a week later. Saturday rolled around, and we returned books to the library. Tucking the checkout receipt into her wallet, Seoyeon mentioned that next month she would borrow self-help books instead of novels. Back at my place, we boiled ramyeon again, and with the lights still blazing, we kissed—only to break apart halfway through. Could you even call that a kiss? She still wouldn't let my tongue in. There were nights spent holding each other, but never a night where I entered her.
Between those dry spells, my cock hardened and twitched restlessly countless times. In the empty bed after Seoyeon left for work, I would dare to imagine an extension of that kiss, only to finish myself off in the bathroom. After coming, the hunger only sharpened. The sound of semen splattering against the tile floor was deafeningly loud. Even after wiping it clean, a hollow emptiness lingered.
Her KakaoTalk was just that single line. I left it on read and didn't reply.
It was a Friday night later that week when Seoyeon came over again. Perhaps because she had to work late the following morning, she was unusually quiet from the moment she stepped through the door. Leaning into the Friday mood, we ordered fried chicken instead of ramyeon. She pulled the meat from the bones and set it on my plate; for some reason, my eyes kept lingering on her hands. She wiped her palms with a wet wipe, but she didn't extend those cleaned hands toward me.
As usual, we left a drama playing on the television without paying attention to the plot. Two commercial breaks came and went. Fiddling with the remote, Seoyeon spoke up out of nowhere.
"Let's... turn off the lights."
Had my gaze been too naked? A pang of guilt washed over me.
Beside the bed, there was the sharp click of her glasses folding shut. Her yellow bob faded to a faint outline in the dark, and her petite frame slid beneath the covers. The slender curve of her hips brushed against my thigh. Her skin was cool to the touch, tension stiffening beneath the surface.
"We can do it today."
It didn't sound like permission. It sounded like grim resolve.
As I shifted my hips, Seoyeon was the first to bury her face against my chest. Her breath was burning hot. Her hand groped blindly across my stomach, hesitating at the drawstring of my sweatpants.
"I'll... pull them down."
Her fingers trembled, already slick with sweat. As the waistband slid down, the rim of my glans caught on the fabric before snapping free into the open air. Even in the pitch darkness, its heavy presence was unmistakable. Two thick veins surged from the base to the flared tip. The foreskin, naturally retracted, left the exposed head throbbing in the empty space between us. The back of Seoyeon's knuckles brushed against the sensitive crown.
"It's so hot..." she whispered, and then immediately added, "Sorry."
Undressing her was a clumsy affair. As I unbuttoned her blouse, she drew her shoulders inward. In the dim shadows, the delicate outline of her slender chest barely emerged. Small breasts, barely enough to fill a palm, with tight, erect little nipples. The moment I touched them, her waist instinctively recoiled. When I leaned down to press my tongue against them, she shook her head.
"It feels... weird there. Just... put it inside."
Hearing the word inside sent a prickle of heat racing up my throat. For Seoyeon, penetration was far less humiliating than foreplay. She always wanted to shorten the time spent being looked at, rushing toward the moment of entry instead.
As her panties slipped down, her thighs parted and squeezed together in hesitation. Sliding my fingers between them, I was met with warmth. She was slender, almost devoid of excess flesh. Thin, butterfly-wing labia parted easily against my touch. When I spread those delicate folds with my index and middle fingers, her entrance lay nestled directly in the center. She wasn't particularly wet—just barely slick enough to avoid chafing. Before I could even search for her clitoris, Seoyeon seized my wrist.
"That's enough. Just put it in."
She yanked the blanket all the way over her head. Her thighs opened at a narrow angle, hooking lightly around my waist. The swollen head of my cock touched her heat. It was impossibly tight. Flesh gripped me before I had even penetrated.
Crushing those fragile butterfly wings beneath me, I pressed my hips forward. Seoyeon gritted her teeth.
"Mmgh... ha, wait."
That "wait" stretched on. I froze with only the glans seated inside her entrance. Her interior was scorching, shallow, and tight. Tight pink folds coiled spirally around the head of my cock like a vice. Push any further, and I would strike her deepest wall in an instant. Seoyeon's fingernails scraped against my lower back—sweaty, desperate fingers. She had never once gripped my cock with her hand, but as long as I was entering her, she never let go of my back.
I pushed again. Inch by agonizing inch. With every nudge of my hips, her internal folds swallowed another fraction of the head. It was so shallow that the tip threatened to bottom out at any second. Seeking to avoid that blunt collision, Seoyeon subtly tilted her hips back. Flesh parted and sealed with a wet, suctioning sound. It wasn't because she was drenched; it was the sheer friction of two bodies pressed flush without a millimeter of slack.
Her chest flattened against mine, her firm nipples digging into my skin. As I drove deeper, Seoyeon buried her face into the crook of my neck, her muffled groans stifled by the fabric.
"Haah... it's too..."
The sentence died out. Was it too big? Too deep? Too humiliating? I didn't want to know, so I kept my hips moving—short, shallow strokes. Whenever I plunged too deep, her knees bumped against my ribs. Her frail body slid upward along the mattress with each thrust. The duvet slipped down, scattering her yellow hair across the pillow. Free of glasses, her bare face was twisted shut in tightly squeezed restraint.
Every time my cock breached that tight tunnel, her delicate labia hugged either side of the shaft, producing a wet, slippery friction. In the dead-quiet room, that squelching was the only sound. Seoyeon despised that noise more than anything. Wrapping her arms tightly around my neck, she hid her face, her breath hitting my ear in rapid, rhythmic pants.
"I'm sorry... the sound..."
She apologized before I was inside, and she apologized once I was in. And perversely, that very guilt spurred my hips to move faster. It was an ugly instinct. The more humiliated she felt, the more violently her inner walls seemed to clamp down around me. Every time the head tapped her cervix, her thighs trembled violently.
"Not there... not there, just a little..."
To my ears, "just a little" sounded like the exact opposite: a little more, a little slower, a little less shameful. But I couldn't bring myself to slow down. Since we started dating, proper intercourse had been so painfully rare. She rarely helped me with her hands, so I had spent far too long longing for the moment my cock was buried inside her. Clamping flesh, sweat-slicked hands, groans muffled against my skin—all three things that tormented me descended at once.
When I sank all the way to the root, a tearful whimper escaped her lips.
"Nngh..."
Beneath the soft swell of her breasts, I could feel the hard curve of her ribs beneath my palms. She was so slight that even embracing her left empty space in my arms. Pinning that featherlight body against the mattress, I hammered my hips in rapid, shallow bursts. With every impact, her internal flesh milked the crown of my cock. Moisture gradually pooled, turning the friction from a tight slide into a wet squelch. Flesh slapped against flesh.
"—Haa, it feels weird. It's too deep."
It wasn't deep. Her body was just so petite that the end was close. Yet I kept grinding my hips against that very boundary. I could feel my cock swelling thicker. The impending release surged up from deep within my urethra.
I needed to pull out and hold back. I couldn't cum prematurely in front of my girlfriend. But every time her sweaty hands raked down my back and her face pressed deeper into my shoulder, trying to hold back felt even more pathetic.
"Seoyeon-ah. I'm... about to—"
"Inside... it's fine. Just do it."
That "just" was her final consent.
I drove my hips forward in one deep, punishing plunge. The swollen glans parted the narrow passage and buried itself against the deepest wall. Seoyeon's entire body seized in a sharp spasm. Her internal folds clamped down on the head all at once, and that suffocating squeeze unraveled every coiled drop of seed held hostage inside me.
"Hnnngh—!"
My lower back shuddered violently. Semen surged up from my balls, tearing through my urethra.
Spurt.
Spurt.
Spurt.
An ejaculation driven straight into her deepest recess. In a last shred of conscience, I pulled the tip a fraction of an inch back from the wall, the force of the eruption audible in the suffocating quiet. Even as I poured into her, Seoyeon kept her face buried, letting out only faint, muffled whimpers.
"Mm... haah... mm..."
Every pulse of her walls milked my cock tighter, draining whatever residual fluid remained trapped in my prostate. I couldn't pull out. Not because I was afraid the semen would spill out after me, but because I wanted to linger inside that apologetic body just a few seconds longer.
My breathing stabilized first. Even as my erection slowly began to soften, her core remained blistering hot. When I finally withdrew, there was a soft, wet pop. White fluid trickled down the curve of her inner thigh. Pulling her legs tight together, Seoyeon yanked the blanket up to her chin.
"...Did you finish?"
"Yeah."
"That was fast."
I had no answer for that. She hadn't said it to be cruel, but the humiliation was acute. Seoyeon seemed equally ashamed, keeping her face turned away. Only her yellow bob remained visible on the pillow.
When I reached out to stroke her belly, she flinched away. It wasn't because of the mess. She was hiding her modest chest beneath her crossed arms.
"Don't look. Don't turn on the light."
I left the room dark. Reaching out in the shadows, I pulled her slender shoulders toward me. Her ribcage pressed into my palm once again, her fragile body folding easily within my arms. Her clammy hand rested briefly against my chest before slipping away as the sweat built up between us.
"I'm sorry. I'm just... not very good at this."
"It's okay."
The empty reassurance was out of my mouth before I could stop it. Inside, I was far from okay. Even after dumping weeks of accumulated frustration into that suffocating tightness, my cock was already aching with a dull throb. I couldn't tell whether it was a lingering aftershock or unsatisfied hunger.
Seoyeon pressed the duvet against her cheek, catching her breath. I couldn't tell if she had reached orgasm. Before I could ask, she added in a small voice:
"Next time... a little slower. And you don't have to hold my hands. They get too sweaty."
Long after she fell asleep, my eyes remained wide open. The semen had gone cold against my inner thigh. Beneath the weight of the blanket, my cock rested half-hard.
A sex steeped in apologies before entering. A sex steeped in apologies after pulling out.
And because of that gnawing guilt, my mind began to drift toward somewhere far deeper—and far dirtier.