Benevolent Madness
Benevolent Madness
“Wow....”
The way back took me across a bridge built over the river. The thread of tension snapped, and my legs went weak with it. My legs were already suffering aftereffects, and now that the strength drained out of them, my balance wobbled like a candle flame in the wind.
I barely caught the railing and leaned against it, catching my breath.
I’d powered down, of course.
“I almost died....”
I keep hearing I’m going to die. Maybe I’ve heard it too much lately. It never really sank in before.
Now I know for sure.
Death is truly terrifying. A living being’s foremost objective is survival. That’s what we’ve evolved for, built societies for, advanced for.
So what I just pulled was a denial of the entire history of life.
Crudely put, a suicidal act.
Thinking about it coolly, it was insanity. Utter insanity.
Charging at constellation-class monsters when I can’t even use my power properly yet.
“If it hadn’t been for that bastard Contradiction, I’d be dead.”
I should thank that crazy bastard, the guardian of balance and a holy maniac. Fighting with him on my side might have given me surprisingly decent odds. The problem is, even if we beat those two together, Contradiction would kill me the moment it became a one-on-one.
I survived thanks to Dilemma’s capriciousness.
Shameful as it was, I didn’t regret it much.
Still, it was undeniably the best call I could make in that situation.
I left zero room for cooperation.
Now those crazy bastards won’t suddenly invite me to join them.
On the other hand, if I run into them on the street it’s an instant fight, but we were enemies anyway, so it hardly matters.
“70 billion....”
What I did regret was the amount.
“Should’ve taken it and bolted... goddammit... 70 billion....”
I regretted it like crazy.
I should’ve just taken the money, gone Megrez, hopped on my bike, and run.
Of course, if I’d done that, that Libra bastard with his fixation on fair compensation wouldn’t have let it slide.
But when in my life am I ever going to lay hands on that kind of money?
Even magical girls who show up in the media all the time for ads and stuff probably don’t get to touch cash like that.
Hell, even before I possessed this body.
I.....
“...?”
What did I do to get by?
Right. I worked part-time jobs while studying for the civil service exam.
At my age, hiding out in some secluded kitchen because I hated showing my face in front of people, studying for the exam in my spare time.
Now that I think about it, those are some embarrassing memories.
I shook my head and shook off the memory.
Come to think of it, it’s not so different from Mr. Han Jae-jung’s life. I feel a certain kinship.
Is that why I ended up possessing someone so similar?
Anyway.
Chewing on my regret for evaporating 70 billion into thin air, I called the Belt.
“Hey, Belt.”
It had been flying over the river as a smooth metal sphere, and at my call it came right up to my face.
[What is your business.]
“Quest rewards. Are those Star Fragments?”
The Belt answered in its usual inorganic voice.
[Correct. You may obtain Star Fragments from defeated monsters and collect them to ultimately complete a star.]
“Then why didn’t you tell me until now?”
This belt deceived me.
That was one possibility, but a different possibility dominated my thoughts.
[It is a heavy burden for the Guardian at his current level.]
I’m not yet at a level where I can handle it.
I knew it.
I nodded at the expected answer. It stung.
The Seven-Star Step Kick I put every ounce of rage into—a replication rate of barely thirty percent. The Rising Star I’m most familiar with maxes out at 58%.
A despairing figure.
What’s the point of being seven-star class? The person wielding the power can’t even handle half of it.
And what exactly am I supposed to be reproducing, anyway?
Guardian, my ass.
Right now, I’m the one who’ll die if someone doesn’t guard me.
The magical girls have branded me a monster. Dilemma has me marked for exclusion.
I don’t even know who I’m supposed to protect. I wish someone would protect me first.
God, I’m so pathetic.
Save me.
“Ah, you can’t!”
The cry broke through my thoughts, and someone grabbed me from behind, throwing me to the ground. What the—an assassination?
My senses snapped back, and I looked up to see a familiar face.
“...Miss Vega?”
“You—you can’t commit suicide!”
She was powered down, so the inhumanly fantastical red hair and the eye-catching dress were gone, but I knew right away. Her ordinary long black hair fluttering, she declared to me,
“Mr. Han Jae-jung. No matter how hard things are, you mustn’t try to die!”
Apparently, she’d seen me staring blankly at the river and muttering to myself, and mistook it for a suicide attempt.
“Oh, that’s not it.”
“Don’t lie! My pathetic counseling failed to heal a single wound in your heart, and you were wandering the night streets, about to impulsively throw yourself into the river!”
“Your imagination is very specific. I’m really not—“
I was talking to the Belt. And before that, I’d faced monsters and all the strength had drained out of me.
If I say that, I sound like a lunatic.
It’s not like I can advertise that I’m that monster she met today.
I hurriedly sorted through my words and spat one out.
“That river... it’s really beautiful... so I was just looking at it for a while....”
A flimsy lie. I realized it even as I said it.
Maybe she’ll believe it...?
Hoping against hope, I looked at Red Vega. For a moment, her eyes blinked, wavering, meeting my gaze. I found it uncomfortable and looked away, and she started shedding tears like chicken droppings.
“Don’t lie to me...!”
Damn it all. She doesn’t believe me.
Whether from shock or self-loathing, she wept and held fast to my sleeve, refusing to let go.
“No, I mean it....”
“Death is really terrifying... so terrifying... you mustn’t die....”
“I won’t die, I won’t.”
As long as you girls don’t attack me, that is. Swallowing the last part, I tried to soothe her.
“Miss. I’m really fine.”
“I’m such a pathetic person!! I couldn’t even save a person—I’m disqualified as a magical girl! I’m clearly going to do nothing but fail from now on!!!”
“No, listen.”
This is maddening. What do I do?
A mid-twenties guy making a girl cry late at night. No matter how you look at it, it’s a bad scene. I glanced around, racking my brain for a solution.
“Hey, uh—!”
“...Nyuh?”
“Food! I promised to buy you something good next week!”
Damn tongue. Why couldn’t it have run this smoothly when I was lying before? I grumbled at my own body parts and shouted.
“Buy it for me now!”
**
Slurp.
“...Is it good?”
“Whoa, it’s amazing.”
I wolfed down the cup ramyun and gave her a thumbs-up.
Red Vega didn’t seem pleased, whatever was bothering her.
“I could’ve bought you something better....”
“What restaurant is open at this hour? Even if they are, they’re all bars, and it’s kinda awkward to go in.”
“S-Still! I earn good money!”
“I’m sure you do. You’re a magical girl.”
I’d seen your face on posters and billboards several times just today.
Thanks to that, I’ve built up plenty of one-sided familiarity.
Dealing with Vega, who’d stubbornly insisted on taking me to a restaurant, and negotiating her down to a convenience store—what a grueling process. Still, no matter what, an adult can’t let a kid pay for them.
Whether I’d succeeded in redirecting her nerves with the squabbling, she’d become much calmer than before.
“Mr. Han Jae-jung. You think of me as a kid, don’t you?”
“Aren’t you legally a minor?”
“I’m still a magical girl! I defeat monsters! I protect people! I’m not someone you need to be considerate of!”
“Come on. People ought to be considerate to each other.”
“I mean there’s no need to cut me any slack!”
I’m not missing a hand or a foot. I can manage on my own. I brushed off Vega’s words with an awkward laugh.
“Oh, you still don’t believe me? Fine, I’ll show you! How perfect a magical girl I am, right here and now—“
“Don’t transform. You’ll draw a crowd.”
“...Okay.”
As red starlight began gathering in her hand like a meteor shower, I quickly expressed my disapproval. Just look at that thing—it stands out like a sore thumb. That’s a light that sucks in camera lenses like a gravity well.
In this area, she really has no choice but to accommodate me.
“Sorry, but I really can’t handle people staring at me.”
Or becoming the subject of gossip, for that matter.
Whenever I think about it, it’s such an inconvenient body.
Completely incompatible with women like her, who shine their own light regardless of who’s around. I’d better avoid getting personally involved with them as much as possible.
But then how am I supposed to care for these magical girls so they don’t die?
...I don’t know. I’ll just help them fight. That should do it.
If my primary objective is survival, and my secondary objective is fully wielding this power,
then my ultimate objective is changing this world’s ending.
I have to eliminate every variable that threatens my survival.
For that, all of Dilemma’s monsters will have to die.
It’s possible with seven-star class power. I clenched my fist under the table.
“I-I’m sorry.”
“What’s there to be sorry for? You didn’t know. If you can be considerate from now on, I’d appreciate it.”
Silence settled between us as the chilly night breeze blew.
The scene from today’s counseling overlapped with this. Unlike the original story, Red Vega was noticeably more subdued than passionate.
Probably because of the first defeat I handed her.
I felt a pang of guilt.
“Um, Miss Vega.”
If there’s one common trait among all magical girls,
it’s that they’re a breed that finds happiness in helping others.
That altruism is the key that makes the starlight shine more beautifully, the catalyst that sets them apart from monsters.
“You were really incredible today. To be honest, I did hesitate a little on the bridge. But thanks to you, Miss Vega, I get it now. Death really is terrifying. I shouldn’t ever attempt something like that again.”
“...! Y-Yes! Really?”
“Thank you so much for saving me today. You were right. Talking to someone really did make me feel better.”
“Heheh, don’t mention it! Any magical girl would do this much!”
In other words, just knowing that her actions helped someone can restore her self-esteem.
The suicide attempt part was a lie, but from her perspective it was the truth; so if I, the person she’d bodily thrown herself to save, show remorse and express gratitude, it ought to bring her considerable joy.
“Never do it again, okay? Oh, right! Don’t you want to exchange contact info? If you’re ever struggling again, I can counsel you anytime—“
As expected, Red Vega’s expression brightened considerably. I deliberately ignored the last part and kept on praising her.
“I was so scared just looking down at the river today, but you, Miss Vega, you’re really amazing. Fighting those terrifying monsters every day—isn’t that obviously frightening? And yet you still do it.”
“Oh, no.”
A grinning Red Vega scratched her head sheepishly. A cartoonish reaction.
“Monsters aren’t scary! And of course, neither is death!”
“...Death, either?”
Startled, I reflexively asked back in earnest.
“Obviously! Because I’m a magical girl! I can’t afford to hesitate in protecting people! Don’t you worry, Mr. Han Jae-jung! If you’re ever attacked by a monster, I’ll lay down my life to protect you!”
“Wow... truly courageous....”
“Hehe, right? Right?”
I clapped for Vega as she earnestly struck a cool pose, and thought to myself,
Crazy bitch.
I’ve felt this way since I saw the original, but all heroes are fundamentally mental cases.
To cast aside your own self-preservation—the very first priority of any living being—and choose to save others.
That must be what holy madness looks like.
Vega, who answered that she’d protect people without a thought for her own life, was admirable, and at the same time, oddly pitiable.
What a miserable lot.
**
Not that I’m in any position to pity anyone, of course.
After firmly declining Vega’s considerate offer to escort me home since it was so late, I stepped into an abandoned factory.
[Confirming multiple star powers.]
As expected from the country’s biggest monster hotspot.
I arrived following the Belt’s guidance to find C-rank monsters crawling everywhere.
I gave up on sleep for tonight. Tomorrow, I’ll hit the bank first thing, find out my balance, then sprawl out on a park bench and sleep.
In exchange for giving up sleep, I chose to use that time for experimentation.
A monster that looked like a water bear noticed me and began charging.
“Transform.”
[ASTRONOMICAL OBSERVATION.]
Seven-colored stars spilled from the Belt and swam through the empty air. The stars surged toward the monster rushing at me and launched it far away.
Crackle!
Sparks and flame erupting, the monster tumbled across the floor. But outwardly, there wasn’t much damage.
As I thought, the transformation protection attack alone can’t finish a monster.
The stars that had pushed the monster away returned to me and wrapped around my body.
The green armor and black skin I was slowly getting used to. The red lenses flashed as they illuminated them.
[THE BIG DIPPER.]
“Have any of you ever seen a star?”
I extended my finger and pointed at them. I couldn’t single out one specific target. There were too many of them. That suited me even better.
Right now, how much of this power can I actually utilize, and how great is its destructive force?
A truly fascinating topic of investigation.
“I’ll make you into stars.”
I raised the corner of my mouth, hidden beneath the mask, in a grin and lit the abandoned factory in the night with starlight.
How many hours passed like that?
The abandoned factory, once crawling with monsters, was now filled only with ash; dents and twisted steel frames were visible everywhere.
Sunlight streamed through a rusted ventilation shaft.
I greeted the morning still transformed. Two days in a row.
“Huff... I’m beat.”
I made an exaggerated show of wiping away nonexistent sweat. My body still had stamina left. But the mental fatigue was considerable.
Now that I’d finished my experiments, I was about to power down.
Click.
The crisp sound of shoes tearing through the dawn’s first light jabbed at my ears, and I quickly pulled my hand away from the Belt.
“Who’s there?”
“Someone you saw yesterday.”
A chill that made my body prickle radiated from those shoe-clad feet.
And in fact, frost was spreading thickly around those shoes.
“Seems our junior owes you a debt from before. It’s been bothering me.”
I got goosebumps. Not from the cold. From discomfort.
“What’s more, just yesterday I went to the trouble of addressing you, and I was ignored. A sad thing, truly.”
I immediately tried to turn the buckle to activate Alkaid, but it misfired.
[Quest triggered. Use of ALKAID is temporarily restricted.]
Oh, fuck.
A white dress, so pure it was almost pallid. A blue sapphire adorning its center. The skin on which her silver necklace and earrings lay was as white as the dress. A long blue ribbon, untied and flowing, amplified the elegant aura. Hair and eyes the deep blue of polar seas.
Blue Sirius.
“Blue Giant Star Blue Sirius.”
She raised her main weapon, a rapier, and declared.
[Flee from Blue Sirius.]
“By the starlight, I will defeat you.”
I felt like I was going to die of discomfort.