Please, Massage Me Again
"Who is it?"
"Delivery. I need a signature."
I doubted my ears.
What—a delivery?
A delivery? No one would send me a delivery. Living alone, had my paranoia finally flared up? Or was being suspicious the normal reaction?
I slowly studied the front door through the intercom. A man in a cap and delivery uniform, a small package in his hand.
"It's a package from Jin Ayoung. Please open the door."
"!"
Jin Ayoung.
I hadn't forgotten the name of the woman who'd spoken it before walking out yesterday. The woman who'd fallen into the Han River. The woman I'd risked my life to save. The woman I'd brought home and massaged. The woman who'd suddenly announced she had something to take care of and left right before the important moment! How could I ever forget that name?
Without even thinking about the state I was in, I flung the door open.
"Phew. Here you go. Just sign right here. Alright, have a good one."
The delivery guy left, and I stared blankly down at the package in my hands.
What is this?
I tore open the packaging and found a brand-new smartphone inside. I remembered Jin Ayoung saying she'd buy me a phone. Of course, the one in my hands now looked far more expensive than the one that had floated away down the Han River.
When I pressed the power button, it was already on. A solid battery sitting at over ninety-five percent.
Just in case, I hit the call button. The call log popped up, and Jin Ayoung's name appeared. The only records left in the log were calls with Jin Ayoung.
Holy shit. What is this? This production is straight out of a mystery thriller.
Without needing another second to think, I called Jin Ayoung right away.
It wasn't like she owed me anything, but please—take my virginity back.
The ringing went on and on, and my lips went dry with nerves. I cleared my throat in case my voice came out cracked.
"Hello?"
She picked up. Even knowing it was nothing special, I got ahead of myself and silently cheered three times inside.
"Ah, um… This is Kang Junhyun. We met at the Han River yesterday…"
"Yes, I know."
A soft chuckle came from the other end.
"I'm glad it got delivered properly. When I left yesterday, I made a note of the address."
"How?"
"There's a mailbox when you go down to the first floor, right?"
"Ah… You're sharp."
"Kang Junhyun, was it? Let me thank you again. For saving me, and for the massage—I liked that too. Oh, and change the number to your old one if you want. I figured you'd lost your SIM card, so I just got a new line activated and sent it over. In case we couldn't get in touch."
"Ah, yes…"
A silence fell.
What do you usually say at times like this? This was the problem with being a romance zero. I didn't even know how to react to what the other person said, or how to keep a conversation going.
At this rate I'd just be smacking my lips inside until the call ended.
Think. "The massage felt good yesterday, right? Feels like there's still something we didn't finish after that." Or if not that—"When your shoulders get tight, call Kang Junhyun! I'll come running anytime, anywhere!" Ha, fuck, what am I even saying. "I've fallen for you. Please go out with me." That's it. Or is it? My head felt like it was going to explode.
"Um…"
"Um…"
"Oh! You go first."
"No. You go first, Junhyun."
"…No, you can really go first."
"…"
She seemed to be waiting for me to speak. But from the rustling sound, I got the distinct feeling she was covering her mouth so she wouldn't laugh.
Come to think of it, she was pretty. There was a bit of a plastic-surgery vibe, but still pretty. That face—soaked from falling in the water, wearing an oversized shirt, waiting for me with flushed cheeks—I'd never forget it until the day I died.
I thought about what to say, then something suddenly came to mind and I shouted.
"Cigarettes!"
"…What?"
I must have shouted too loud without realizing it. And for such a pathetic reason.
"Cigarettes. You said you'd buy me a smartphone and cigarettes too."
"Ah, right! I completely forgot. I'm so sorry. I'd love to get them for you, but I'm completely tied up with work."
"Should I come over there?"
I said it and felt proud of myself. After fretting inside, I'd finally scraped together the courage to say it out loud.
That was right. One of the reasons I was a lifelong virgin was this self-esteem of mine. My self-esteem was so low it was practically kissing the floor, so I couldn't easily talk to women.
Having to scrape together every last scrap of courage just to ask if I should come over—my life was legendary for all the wrong reasons.
"Would you?"
I could hear the corners of Jin Ayoung's mouth lifting from here. She was clearly happy about meeting me again. She said she'd send me the address, and that she'd been planning to return the clothes and slippers anyway, so this worked out well. She added that we should meet later. It was just seeing each other briefly at a café, so why was my heart pounding like this? Lifelong virgin special:
"Ah, but what were you going to say earlier? I still haven't heard it."
She seemed to ponder for a moment after hearing me. After a brief silence, she spoke in a whisper over the phone.
"I'll tell you when we meet later."
While getting ready to go out, Kim Seoa suddenly came to mind.
If you sign an insurance contract, the company calls the next day. They ask whether you heard the contract terms properly, whether you understand the explanation of the terms. But no matter how much they called, they wouldn't get through on that number, so in a way it served her right. For me it had been a hassle to refuse, so this worked out well.
Actually, doing sales targeting acquaintances is a headache in all kinds of ways. If that acquaintance doesn't go through with it, you end up blushing without realizing it more often than not. Especially when they've already signed everything but don't take the confirmation call and it auto-cancels—even more so.
By the way, she won't come looking for me at home, right? If she wrote my address on the contract and comes all the way here, she's a real bitch.
Thinking that, I put on the dress shoes I'd worn when I met Kim Seoa yesterday and scraped them against the floor.
Whenever something new was about to happen, it was always exciting like this. I shredded my shitty past in the paper shredder and opened the door for a new future. The chilly autumn evening wind greeted me.
The address Jin Ayoung sent wasn't that far. About a five-minute walk from the bridge where we'd met yesterday. So it wasn't that far from my place either, but not a walking distance, so I hopped on one of the public bikes the city of Seoul provided.
Insane patheticness. Riding a public bike because I was too cheap for bus fare. But what could I do? This was my current reality.
Wearing dress shoes and all dressed up, trying to ride a bike made my ass hurt a lot. Fuck, I just hoped I wouldn't run into anyone I knew on the way.
I deliberately returned the public bike much farther from the meeting place and walked the rest of the way.
As I was walking, someone tapped me from behind. I spun around and there stood Jin Ayoung.
"Oh."
"…Hello. Looks like you came by bike."
My face flushed so red I thought I'd go crazy, and the words stuck in my throat. I'd deliberately returned it a hundred meters away, but meeting her here—truly, some people just couldn't catch a break. Sure enough, after saying that, Jin Ayoung covered her mouth with her hand and smiled with her eyes curved into crescents. Why are you so pretty even in a moment like this?
I hemmed and hawed for a while, then finally bowed my head in greeting as if I'd only just noticed her.
"Hello."
"Hehe. Why are you spacing out like that? Since we're here, let's walk together. To the café."
I started walking side by side with her.
"Walking like this reminds me of yesterday. We walked along the Han River embankment right after we first met."
"For a Han River embankment, the path was pretty rough."
"True."
She seemed like the type who smiled easily. Every time I spoke, she'd smile softly or chuckle in one way or another, and that heart of hers looked pretty. Her heart.
When a pretty woman like Jin Ayoung walked, men glanced at her. I could feel those gazes even standing right next to her, so how much more for Jin Ayoung? Having to face those hot stares every time she walked must get annoying too.
"Oh, right. Here."
She pulled a pack of cigarettes from her pocket and handed it to me. I hadn't really wanted her to buy cigarettes—I'd just used that as an excuse to want to meet. Afraid she'd catch my pathetic heart, I almost said it was fine, but ended up taking the cigarettes and tucking them into my pocket.
"Thanks. You didn't have to go out of your way."
"Tsk. Earlier you shouted 'Cigarettes!' like there was an earthquake."
"That was… I just shouted because it suddenly came to mind."
"What's the difference?"
We bickered just like when we'd first met at the Han River as we entered the café. Once we sat down, she stood up and gestured for me to stay seated.
"I'll buy. You came because of me."
"No…"
Before I could finish, she went to the counter and ordered. Coming back to the seat, she asked if a latte was okay, and I nodded.
There was a bit of a gap waiting for the coffee, so I took the chance to ask about the answer I still hadn't heard.
"So what was it you were going to say earlier?"
"What… Ah, that. Um, is it okay if I take my time telling you?"
Kim Seoa suddenly flashed through my mind. Wait—this couldn't be… No way?
A herbivore that had only ever been hunted had the instinct to bolt at the first sign of a similar situation.
Salespeople's specialty was dragging things out slowly, building the atmosphere, then getting to the point and thoroughly unsettling you.
"Sure. Take your time."
But flipping that around, it also meant she wanted to spend a long time with me. If she tried to sell me something, goodbye. I'd just count it as getting a new smartphone and get up and leave.
I wouldn't get played again!
While I was resolving that, she looked out the window with a face full of melancholy. She slowly shifted her gaze as if counting the steps of the people outside one by one. I remembered that face. It was the exact same expression she'd worn before falling from the bridge.
"Yesterday, something not so good happened…"
At first I didn't know what she was talking about, so I just listened quietly.
"My father came to the place where I work. After divorcing my mother, he must have had a hard time—his face was haggard. With that face, he got angry and told me to hand over money as payment for raising me… I'd been sending him allowance every month, but I guess that wasn't enough. In the end I couldn't give him as much as he wanted, and after that he started causing a scene."
"…I see."
"But this wasn't the first time. Once he said he was starting a business and asked to borrow tens of millions of won… I borrowed money myself to lend it to him. I already had a ton of debt from my own business struggles, but I still lent it. That was incredibly hard too, but I gritted my teeth and endured. But when it kept repeating, I just didn't know what to do anymore… Honestly it was impulsive. I should have toughened up and stood my ground. To be honest, even when I went to your place, Junhyun, I still had a strong desire to die."
"…"
I didn't know what to say. It was hard to find words that would fit this situation.
But she looked at my flustered face and chuckled. Every time she laughed like that, I felt like she was seeing right through me.
"But after you worked out the knots in my shoulders, Junhyun, my whole mindset changed. Like I felt alive again? So I was really grateful."
"Ah… So you were building up all that just to say something embarrassing."
"But what's with that massage. Junhyun, you've never hit on a woman before, have you? Don't you get slapped right away doing that?"
I was about to say You were the first, but stopped.
When I just stared at her without saying anything, she finally got to the point. She pulled a business card from her inner pocket and held it out to me.
"It's a massage shop I visit sometimes. The owner on the card is my mentor."
"A massage shop…?"
"Yes, Junhyun. If you don't have anything particular going on, try contacting them. I've already talked to the owner about you."
I looked silently at Jin Ayoung and the business card she'd given me.
A massage shop…
Back in college, I'd gone with friends after drinking to a place where Thai people did massages. I'd thought they'd go easy on a drunk customer, but the pressure was surprisingly strong and it startled me. It was also a time when I had no money, and I thought massages only felt good while you were getting them, so I never went back.
I also knew that since the word "work-life balance" was coined, modern people with stronger self-love often visited such places. It was even listed as a unique date course… Not that it was any of my business.
"I hear they pay a lot more than other places."
"I see…"
I felt that hollow feeling again this time. It was quite different from with Kim Seoa, but either way, the reason Jin Ayoung had called me out today was ultimately because she had an agenda. The half-baked agenda of "the massage felt good, so try working at a massage shop."
"So this is what you wanted to tell me, Jin Ayoung."
"…"
I was preparing to get up from my seat. Inside, I thought that if I left here and didn't call the number on the business card she'd given me, I'd never meet Jin Ayoung again.
After throwing my body to save someone at the Han River, the way I looked at the world had changed a little. Why this person? Everyone has their own reasons. Why did Jin Ayoung want to meet me? Why did Kim Seoa want to meet me? If there was no benefit coming back to them, they wouldn't move.
I lifted my bowed head to look at Jin Ayoung, and her body language was somehow off. Biting her nails with a thoroughly anxious face. No—more like sucking on her fingertips than biting her nails. Usually the habit of biting your hands looked crude, but Jin Ayoung's actions were strangely erotic.
"To be honest…"
Now she was also fidgeting and twisting her hips.
"This might sound weird, but I-I want to get Kang Junhyun's massage again."
I opened my eyes wide in surprise without meaning to. If she said it with a face that yearning, anyone would melt.
And a moment later, Jin Ayoung gently placed her hand on top of mine on the table.
"Please."