Progress in the Relationship
"Mmmmmgh… hahh, mmmgh…"
Rubbing my eyes, I sit up and clutch my head. How long had it been? As I groped around the bed for the phone I'd tossed somewhere, my fingertips brushed against something soft. I turned my head — my hand had landed on Haeun's belly.
"Fyuu… hoo… fyuu… hoo…"
Haeun was fast asleep right beside me. Curled up in a ball, breathing softly with her face turned toward me — she looked so cute that I nearly pinched her cheek without thinking. No, no. Bothering someone in their sleep is a bad thing. I content myself with snapping silent photos here and there instead. I'll have to send them to Haeun later.
Checking the time, I found we had about an hour and a half left on the room. Plenty for the two of us to wash up and get ready to leave. If Sooin wanted another round, I'd have been willing to extend, but… either way, a shower came first. Semen and love juices had dried all over me, leaving my whole body sticky.
Careful not to wake Haeun, I slipped out of bed and headed for the bathroom. The moment I turned on the shower, cool water came pouring down, washing away every bit of filth clinging to my skin. Normally I'd have savored it a little, but with time so short, that was a shame.
Shower done, I came back out with a towel wrapped around me. Haeun was still asleep in the middle of the bed, limbs sprawled every which way. Any later and we'd be in trouble, so it was time to wake her. I crept up to the head of the bed and whispered in her ear.
"Haeun, time to get up."
"Mm… uuuuh, don't waaaanna…"
Turning her head the other way, Haeun whined. Don't, she says — anyone overhearing would think I'd done something terrible to her. I called her a few more times, but all she did was shake her head back and forth, showing zero sign of getting up. Left with no other option, I tickled her side, and Haeun's face twisted into something ridiculous. Ah, that expression just now was pretty funny. Before long, she cracked her eyes open groggily and looked at me.
"Hahh… mm, uuuuuh… sleepy…"
"Sorry for waking you, but I think we need to start getting ready to go."
"Haaam… what time is it…?"
"A little past five. We're not extending, right?"
"Yeah. You've got your date tomorrow… hoo… showering's such a pain, though…"
"Don't be such a baby. Come on, up you get."
"You're just like my mom…"
On wobbly legs, Haeun shuffled into the bathroom. A moment later came the sound of water thundering from the shower.
"Ah, it's cold! You— you set it up like this on purpose, didn't you?"
"I did what, now?"
I had, in fact, turned the handle so that cold water would come out right before I finished my shower. But I never dreamed she'd actually get caught by it — she must have cranked it up without checking properly. Well, doused in cold water like that, surely she was wide awake now? About ten minutes or so later, Haeun emerged from the bathroom, toweling off her hair.
"That was quick?"
"There's not exactly much to wash, is there?"
This is why I envy short hair. Some people spend half an eternity washing theirs, while others just work up a bit of lather, rinse, and they're done. As I watched Haeun grumble her way through drying her hair, a question suddenly occurred to me.
"Why aren't you talking formally?"
"Because I'm 'Yu Haeun' right now! Formal speech is strictly for when I'm 'Lee Sooin'!"
"You're so weird."
That's what I said, but I understood. When it came to the skins, I had my own rules too.
"All dried?"
"Yep."
"Then take your skin off and lay it out on the bed for me. I just need a sec—"
"Before that, can I ask you one thing?"
"Hm?"
"Agreeing to date him — do you regret it?"
Hair dry, Haeun perched on the edge of the bed, swinging her legs. She meant the confession from Chiwon, right? The sudden question threw me off for a second, but it wasn't exactly a hard one to answer.
"No, I don't regret it."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Even if I'd put off answering the confession, we would've ended up together eventually. That's how I see it."
"You've got a lover now — is it really okay to be having sex with me like this?"
I turned my head to look at Haeun. Her mouth was smiling, but her eyes were dead serious. I took a moment to pick my words. Somehow it felt like if I didn't answer carefully, the relationship we had right now might come apart.
"The one dating Chiwon is 'Yu Haeun,' and the one who's Chiwon's best friend is me. The one who had sex with you was 'Park Yerim.'"
"…So they're all different?"
"Aren't they?"
Haeun's expression was calmer than I'd expected. I'd braced for a jab like What kind of bullshit is that? or You call that an answer? — had she simply given up on trying to make sense of it?
"It's a strange analogy, but to me, the skins are like game avatars. What I mean, exactly, is… hmm…"
My friendship with Chiwon, and 'Yu Haeun's' affection for him — both of them are real. They simply don't coexist in one body. 'Park Yerim' and 'Yu Haeun' are me, and yet not me. Haeun loves Chiwon. But 'I' think of Chiwon as nothing more than a close friend. Id and ego, the true and the false — every half-remembered scrap of philosophy I'd ever picked up came fluttering through my head. I was clutching my skull, groaning and struggling to sort it all out, when Haeun gave my back a few gentle pats.
"Mm… I think I get it, somehow."
"You're not just saying that?"
"Really. I couldn't put it into words any better than you did, but I understood your heart just fine."
To come away with even a rough understanding from such a vague explanation — could Haeun actually be a lot smarter than she looks? While I was nursing that trivial thought in some corner of my mind, Haeun tilted her head slightly to the side and murmured, barely audible.
"Then… me too…"
"Me too?"
"Mm, no, never mind. Just talking to myself. Thanks for answering me."
"Uh, okay…"
"Ah~! Look how much time flew by while we were talking! We really need to get ready to go now."
Haeun deflected with a hehe laugh, changing the subject. Somehow I had a pretty good idea what would have come after that mumbled remark, but I didn't press. For a while, the two of us cleaned the room in silence and got ready to check out. In that awkward quiet, dusk was slowly settling outside the window.
"…That's exactly what makes you complacent, Yerim. The date is tomorrow and you haven't even drawn up a concrete plan — does that sound reasonable to you?"
"Complacent? Isn't that a bit much? These things are more fun when you wing it, that's all."
"I feel sorry for Chiwon."
"What was that?"
"I didn't say anything?"
On the walk to the bus stop with Sooin, we'd covered every topic under the sun. Most of it was small talk dressed up as advice for tomorrow's date. Even so, it helped more than I'd expected — the meaning behind every little gesture, how to put together simple makeup. When it came to problems like this, consulting a woman really was the effective route.
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"A boyfriend?"
"Yeah, a boyfriend. You're a woman underneath it all, right? 'Lee Sooin' is just the skin."
"Hmm… I was planning to keep this a secret, but actually, Sooin is my real name too."
"Huh? Really?"
"Yes. It has a pretty neutral feel to it, so I decided to just keep going by Sooin even when I'm wearing the skin."
Sooin scratched her head and laughed, a little sheepish. Oh — did that mean I was supposed to tell her my real name now, too?
"Should I tell you my real name as well, then?"
"No, it's fine for now."
For now, she says. An ambiguous phrase. Did she mean it literally, or was there some other meaning tucked inside? Without giving me a chance to wonder, Sooin carried on.
"And a boyfriend… I used to have one. Back in high school?"
"So you've broken up since, then?"
"That's right. We broke up right before graduation, so… a few years ago now…"
She bent her fingers one by one, counting. Judging by the way she said "a few years ago," Sooin was probably in her early-to-mid twenties. It felt like I was learning all sorts of things about her today.
"He was a good friend. Things ended a little badly between us in the end, but thanks to him, my high school years were a good time."
"Sounds like he was quite the guy."
"Still, probably not as much as you, Yerim."
"Huh?"
"Ah."
A beat of silence passed. It was true that the one inside the 'Park Yerim' skin was a man — but then, the two of us had never once seen each other's real faces, had we?
"…If you take it that seriously, it puts me in an awkward spot. I was just saying it, that's all…"
"Ah, ahaha… right? It was a joke. Just a joke."
That's what I said, but somehow neither of us could look the other in the eye. Maybe it was the early summer air, but at some point a cold sweat had started sliding down my back. After that, not a single word passed between us until we reached the stop.
"…Whew, here we are. Well, I've got a bit of a walk from here."
"Okay, got it."
Sooin turned to leave the bus stop behind. Watching her back, I hesitated for a moment. Should I call out to her? Or just let her go? After all that agonizing, what I chose was…
"Sooin!"
Without a word, Sooin turned her head and looked back at me.
"Next time we meet, um — that thing you muttered! You remember what you muttered, right? I'll come back with an answer about it, so…"
"Wait for me just a little longer."
The backlight swallowed the details, but Sooin was definitely smiling. She stood there a moment longer, waved her hand in one more farewell, and vanished into the dark. I flopped down onto the bench at the stop and tipped my head back to look up at the stars scattered across the night sky.
"Haaah…"
One star for memories, one star for yearning, one star for love.