It's Not Easy
Cassel closed his eyes tightly after hearing the Duchess’s heartfelt words.
‘Mother, I…’
He could not bring himself to utter the terrifying words he carried in his heart.
What he had seen and heard through his pain was no ordinary matter. It could not be overlooked; he had to uncover the truth without fail.
It was the same powerful premonition that had driven him from the Logia borderlands to the capital.
But how could he possibly say it…
To tell the mother who had carried her child for ten difficult months, sent her away for recuperation, and lost her upon returning five years later… that the daughter she had finally found after so long might not be her daughter at all…
That it might be a seed of evil they could never handle.
No matter how painful and difficult it was, he had no intention of extinguishing the spark of despair and truth he had discovered.
He only hoped that one day, the wrongs could finally be set right.
One day, without fail.
Cassel Deuphlion Klein silently embraced his pitiful mother.
The long winter passed, and the season of melting ice arrived.
At last, invitations announcing the spring imperial ball began to be sent out one after another.
And one such invitation reached the Magic Tower as well.
An invitation that would have any noble lady leaping with joy lay quietly on the desk here.
“Lucius.”
“Hmm?”
Pay, who had called him, sat by the window with her chin resting on her hand. The swirling currents of Undine around her created a beautiful scene, as though they were beside a tranquil lake.
Precisely speaking, in Lucius’s eyes, only Pay’s presence amid it all was dazzling.
For the first time in a long while, she had left her pinkish hair completely loose instead of tying it up, and she smiled softly.
“Winter is finally over.”
“Regret it?”
She might never know.
Lucius was exerting tremendous effort not to show any pathetic trembling in front of Pay. Even responding to her normally was honestly difficult right now.
Was this love?
It was truly a terrible and exhausting emotion.
He never wanted to feel it for anyone other than her. He hoped this would be his first and last.
Even while remaining still, he hid his trembling fingers inside his coat whenever he was before her. Pretending to be calm in front of her was hard, but it was still better than not seeing her at all.
The only unpleasant thing lately was…
That Momo, who used to openly tease him, had stopped and now occasionally watched him with a heavy gaze. As though looking at a patient with an almost incurable illness.
Anyone seeing it would think Lucius was about to die, wouldn’t they?
Damn brat! I’m perfectly fine, I tell you.
“I don’t know.”
“Why? Even without snow falling, you can make as much as you want if you simply wish for it. Freeze the nearby air appropriately and summon snow and ice—it won’t melt for a long time.”
Despite the teaching that ignored climate and everything else, Pay’s soft tone remained unchanged.
“You know, I’ve hardly ever talked about it, right? About the monastery.”
“…Huh?”
A topic Lucius found difficult to handle.
When the words “Grace Monastery” came up, Lucius lost his composure, and even his center of gravity wavered slightly.
He could not help it. No matter how terrible, it was his original sin that he must never forget.
“When I was young, I was seriously injured and was entrusted to Grace Monastery with someone’s help. After that, I stayed there until I came to the Magic Tower.”
“……”
“The season I hated most there was winter. Considering how familiar I am now with handling water and ice… it’s a bit funny, isn’t it? I didn’t live starving, but winter was a harsh season. Especially when doing laundry—it was too painful.”
Pay’s light-green eyes were filled with the pain and bitterness of the past.
“You worked even in winter.”
“Even when I tried to avoid touching the water as much as possible, just poking the laundry with the tip of a wooden bat made my hands itch and freeze from the cold.”
Lucius spoke in an even smaller voice than hers.
“If anything was hard for you, tell me without hesitation. Even if I can’t erase your painful memories, I can at least listen.”
Khehehek!
Momo, who had only opened his eyes in the basket to watch Lucius with pity, let out a strange sound. He could not believe his cold and terrifying master had said such a thing.
However, today neither the ferocious Lucius nor Pay, lost in thought, looked at Momo or smiled at him.
The days were growing warmer, yet the mood between the two was damp and wistful, as though wandering through a rainy park.
“Honestly, there were too many. Ah, I know the saddest day. Because the storage was mismanaged, almost all the apples I had kept rotted. The potatoes too. They sprouted and grew moldy, so I had to throw them all away? Crying on that cold winter day…”
“……”
Pay’s calm gaze was tinged with deep sadness.
“The Mother Superior didn’t blame or accuse anyone. But after that day, until the barley season arrived, our portions were significantly reduced. From then on, I think I developed a bit of an obsession with food.”
“What did you do?”
“I got into the habit of keeping a bottle of water in my room every day. Even without food, as long as there’s water, a person can survive for several days, right?”
Like deliberately seeking out a sour pickle jar even after all the delicious fruit had been picked.
Could that have some influence as well…
I have to save every edible thing as much as possible. Even if it’s awkward to put in my mouth, let’s keep anything I can eat nearby.
Seeing Pay saddened by her shabby past, Lucius felt a growing disgust toward an unknown target.
Half of it was his share, but the other half would be divided among several scapegoats. If not, this dragon might go mad again.
Among those scapegoats were naturally the fake lady and the fools happily clinging to her.
“Pay.”
“Yes?”
Lucius’s lips held heavy words.
“What would you do if you found out that someone close to you had betrayed you?”
She did not answer right away.
The only person who came to mind the moment she heard his words.
Dotricia…
The betrayal and conspiracy of Saintess Capia was surprising, but my terrible and beautiful friend who had blatantly extended a murderous hand.
You, whom I had thought was my only friend.
You who stole my place and lived as a lady, who eventually tried to kill me, succeeded in your vicious scheme even now by going against the flow of time, and without stopping there, are plotting another conspiracy.
You who approached my lonely self and taught me the new joy of friendship, cried with me over my painful past, and swore eternal friendship by pressing your lips to the ruby pendant. You, you…
Dot.
What should I do with you?
What are you to me?
Pay endlessly mulled over emotions that might be anger or regret.
When she opened her mouth again, quite some time had passed. During that time, Lucius and Momo had waited for an answer without moving.
“Well… Right now, I don’t think I can ever forgive. Right now, if I faced them, I think I’d definitely want to kill them. Whether by taking their life or making them lose their honor and fall into ruin.”
“…Yeah.”
Lucius’s black eyes were tinged with a hint of resignation rather than disappointment.
He knew the target of her words was not him. It must be about the fake lady who had stolen her place.
Still, he could not forgive himself and longed for her warm hand to reach out to him.
In some way, if an opportunity for forgiveness came… he would seize it without fail. No matter what price he had to pay, he would complete it.
Before she knew it, Pay was thinking of Morris instead of Dot and continued.
“But I think I’ll only know when the time comes.”
“What?”
“In the past, there was someone I thought I could never forgive no matter what. And that person would never beg for my forgiveness no matter what happened. They lost all memories of me—unintentionally.”
She had a vague premonition.
Excluding herself and Dot, even if someone else had taken memories of the past and completely changed their current appearance…
Morris Klein would not be among them.
Perhaps the reason his feelings changed was because of the return of his eldest brother Cassel and the surrounding environment?
“But isn’t it strange? That person is living a completely different life from the one they never showed before. So I started wanting to watch a little. Even if they don’t repent for what they did to me, I hope they become right.”
“You don’t forgive them, but you hope they don’t repeat the same mistake?”
Pay nodded.
“Yes.”
Would Morris Klein become the knight he always talked about?
I don’t know. I can’t know. But I hope that his experience of dreaming of knighthood, becoming a squire, and enduring what he is going through now will open a wise path for him.
I hope he never does anything that playfully shakes someone else’s place and makes it dangerous.
At the very least, I hope he doesn’t abuse power for ‘his own amusement’…
I will never accept you as my brother forever.
Don’t ruin yourself, Morris Klein. Please walk a different path from your previous life. If you do at least that much, I’ll consider it atonement.
She temporarily set aside thoughts of the Klein Ducal House and the Saintess, and picked up the invitation from the imperial palace.
Lucius’s weakened gaze quickly boiled over.
“Going?”
“Yes.”
The empire’s imperial family had declared last winter that this year’s spring ball would serve as a debutante ball.
Therefore, nobles who had been preparing leisurely, thinking of autumn, spent the long winter in an uproar, hurriedly ordering dresses and searching for artisans.
Pay was vaguely thinking of someone’s face.
‘Barbara Gahel… She’ll come too.’
Even if the debutante season changed, the number of years remained the same, so she would come.
I hope her life has changed a little as well.
Pay broke the seal of the envelope and checked the invitation, then widened her eyes.
“Huh?”
“Why. Is there something? Let me see.”
She obediently handed it to Lucius.
Inside the envelope was a proper invitation and an enclosed letter.
“Ha?”
The content of the other letter was concise. It said there was something important to discuss, so he wanted her to come to the imperial palace to talk. From the Crown Prince.
Lucius grumbled as he returned the letter.
“Shouldn’t the one with business come? And why mix it with other matters to send it?”
“…Hehe, if that happened, it would be an even bigger problem, right? If His Highness the Crown Prince came in person, the Magic Tower would be in an uproar and more people would come to watch.”
“Is the Crown Prince that big of a deal?”
“Lucius, you know that the saying mages have no interest in secular matters is all a lie.”
Mages’ dispositions varied greatly, and those with the peculiar desire to be noticed by others were constantly doing truly ridiculous things.
They might have contributed about half a percent to the current atmosphere of avoiding mages.
“What does it matter.”
“Above all, the problem is that His Highness the Crown Prince is too handsome. Even I, if I let my guard down, my eyes would get all dreamy.”
“Cancel. It’s better not to come.”
He knew it too.
That if the empire’s crown prince came and went, troublesome matters would arise. That much, he had experienced while personally attacking that country’s capital to compete with Caron…
Lucius, recalling the extremely painful memory, made a nonchalant expression.