The Road Leaving - 6
The girl couldn't climb up quickly just because her sister offered to carry her bag.
Her ankle, which had been twisted once, didn't heal in just a day, and instead, the more she moved, the more it swelled up. Each step brought pain that made her think her bones were breaking. Sweat kept flowing, and a sweet smell started coming from her mouth.
Still, the girl didn't stop. As if she had to get up there somehow, she lifted her head and moved her unmoving legs. There was no reason she had to do it. It wasn't something someone ordered her to do right now, and climbing up forcefully wouldn't get her anything. Still, the girl kept dragging her feet up, and each time, the weight of her sneakers was destroying her ankle further.
And after stepping on the ground several times.
“Ugh……!”
The girl felt pain so intense she couldn't even scream. Her ankle was swollen to almost twice its size. It was red, then turned purple, and even while breathing quietly, it twitched. No matter how you looked at it, she had to go to the hospital.
At that sight, Haru stopped, wondering if she should force the girl down now. But the girl, even if Haru stopped, kept dragging her broken leg up, saying she would get up somehow.
“Rin.”
The girl's face was starting to look more and more desolate. When Haru called her name, when she didn't move her feet, and when she held her hand tightly. Each time, she felt something approaching that she didn't recognize herself, and her face crumbled.
And at that sight, Haru closed her eyes tightly. She wanted to run away. Why had she talked to the girl on the street? No, if she hadn't talked there, what would have happened to the girl? If she didn't know the situation at all, maybe, but in this situation where she knew, she wasn't that thick-skinned.
She should take her home and check the condition of her ankle first. Wasn't that the best? Should she say to go back now? If she said to go back, would she listen?
Thinking that, Haru quietly looked at the girl, closed her eyes tightly, and walked towards the ankle that was twisted. Then, she hugged her waist and pulled the girl's body close.
“Let's go up slowly. There's time.”
If I go back now, I feel like something won't work out. There must be some reason why the girl was climbing up so desperately, and I can't just ignore that reason and go back.
So, Haru held the girl's body almost like she was holding on, and climbed up slowly.
Tap, tap, tap, tap.
The sound of the dragging sneakers disappeared. The girl's footsteps, much faster than before, looked at Haru in surprise. It was warm. The touch was warm, and even though she saw her own failure, the heart that helped was warm. The goodwill that could abandon her but still helped her up for no reason was warm.
But because of that, the impulse to push her away came up. Because it was something she wasn't qualified to receive.
But the viewpoint was right in front of her. A viewpoint that seemed reachable if she fell, if she reached out her hand.
So, the girl closed her eyes tightly against the heat that seemed like it would burn her, but walked forward foolishly.
“Hah, hah.”
She was breathing heavily, feeling pain with each step, the sweet smell from her mouth, but still walked along the wide road. Forward, forward, forward.
She kept walking like a caterpillar just going forward. While doing so, the girl started forgetting things one by one.
At first, she forgot the sound of her breathing. The chest that was moving as if tearing, the rough breathing sound inside her head, the wind coming out from between her cracked lips.
She forgot that she was tired and stared at the approaching viewpoint. And she forgot the pain.
Whether the pain made her forget because it was too painful, or because the meaningless goal was approaching, the girl slowly separated from Haru's arms and walked almost running.
Her body shook greatly left and right, her knees bent as if she would fall any moment, but she still walked forward.
And finally, she forgot Haru. The person who knew her past, who knew her failure, and who helped her. The person who found it burdensome even to be supported, she forgot as soon as she paid the entrance fee and looked at the crowded elevator, rolling her feet.
Then, she started climbing up the stairs next to her. Up, up, up, up, just, up.
Even if she had to put both feet on one step to climb one step, she didn't care. Even if her ankle didn't move and she lifted her body with both hands and put it down, she didn't care.
She climbed up like that.
“Hah, hah, huup!”
Even though the forgotten breathing came back and made her nauseous, she tried to climb up even if it was crawling.
It wasn't something she should have been so enthusiastic about. There was no meaning in climbing up, and even if it wasn't the viewpoint, she just needed to go up to a high place, but this place was high enough.
While thinking that, the girl couldn't stop for some reason. Even if her fingernails broke on the railing, she reached out her hand to go forward.
“Ugh……!”
And Haru stared at that sight blankly. She wanted to help like when she reached the viewpoint. She wanted to help, but her hand didn't move. The girl's appearance was so desolate, so the helping hand that reached out seemed like it would interfere.
So, Haru watched the girl quietly with a clenched heart, and the girl climbed up with that gaze on her back.
One floor every 10 minutes. Climbing such stairs that others would climb in 1 minute, she climbed up slowly, and Haru put her hand on the girl's back and waited patiently.
And when they arrived at the top, the girl stood blankly looking at the scenery spread out in front of her. As expected, there was nothing.
On the deck with telescopes, people were walking around, and beyond that, the night view that looked like something from a social book was spread out. It was something she knew, something not new.
Still, the girl couldn't move. Nothing was felt. She didn't feel emptiness, didn't feel anger, didn't feel joy or achievement. Just stood there feeling nothing and walked forward blankly.
Seeing the girl's face pale with sweat, people cleared the street, and Haru followed behind the girl walking that path. Slowly, slowly, forward, forward.
And when the viewpoint came into view, the girl reached out her hand carefully as if interlocking her fingers with herself and touched the glass. She extended her trembling fingers as if touching something sharp, and when her fingers touched, she curled her fingers and caressed herself inside the glass. Herself overlapping with the night view.
And slowly opening her mouth, tears started dripping.
“Pretty……, right?”
She said it in a broken voice, making an unknown expression. Depending on the reflection in the glass, it seemed like she was laughing or crying……
With that expression, the girl slowly spread her fingers and looked at the tall building. That was the big building she saw every time she went home, that was the big building she saw every time she went to work……
She looked at the building that was like a stake determining the boundary of the world. Small. Narrow. Things like that were standing there as if nothing.
Behind the building, as expected, there were many buildings, and the lights of cars coming and going were visible.
“Pretty……, right?”
The girl, seeing that, muttered the same words again. As if it was broken, as if she couldn't say anything other than that, she repeated the word pretty.
“Really……, really…….”
And continued to shed tears. As if only her eyes were broken, no, rather, only her eyes were normal.
The eyes looking at the world like that continued to shed tears while looking at the buildings like stakes, and then the girl who realized that her own world was so narrow slowly turned back.
Haru was visible. This time, she could see straight. Instead of seeing her failed self, instead of seeing with eyes full of lust from fatigue and rebound, she could look at Haru looking at her.
“Hah, hah.”
Her ankle started hurting belatedly. The breaths she had forced out while overdoing it stabbed her throat, and her eyes soaked with fatigue were blinking as if they would close at any moment.
Still, the girl somehow held her spirit and looked at Haru.
“Pretty……, right?”
And gave a faint smile.
A meaningless scenery. The scenery she knew because she had been shown many times as the night view of the city in textbooks.
The reason she came up here was still nothing. There was no admiration or realization like that.
It was just the kind of admiration she got by looking at the textbook, so the girl, with a wry smile, said foolishly.
Pretty.