The Path to Leaving - 4
It was a restful sleep that came after several days for a girl like me.
Rin had fallen asleep without a single thought, relying on someone else's warmth.
That's why, unlike usual, she woke up lightly and was dazed, then turned around with a stagger.
There, there was her sister.
The older sister who had comforted her when she was young.
The one who, whenever her parents fought, would always beckon her to come over, hug her, and whisper that everything would be okay.
At some point, she had stopped contacting and meeting others, thinking that if you relied on others, you wouldn't become a proper adult, and had thought she would never see her again...
While thinking such thoughts, the girl looked at her sister's face, which had matured much more than she remembered, and slowly lowered her gaze.
Soon, she swallowed hard at the defenseless sight before her.
The chest that had been pressing her back was visible.
Unlike when she had seen it before, it was a full, womanly breast that exuded the feel of an adult female.
The collarbone was visible through the shirt's neckline, as if it had been disheveled while sleeping, and a faint scent of skin wafted to the tip of her nose.
The graceful curves of the body revealed when lying sideways, and the line of the hips exposed by the jeans.
Gulp...
The girl was startled.
Up until the moment before falling asleep, she had only thought that she had to go upstairs, that she had to get to the tower somehow, and suddenly she was swallowing her saliva at the sight of a woman's body.
Could it be that she was feeling lust?
Thinking that, she turned her gaze away, parted her lips, and reflexively covered her face with her hands at the emotion rising from within her.
Ah, ah... uuu...
And she moaned in a voice that cracked and split.
She was feeling lust.
It was certain.
Even though the appearance from that time hadn't remained, she felt that emotion on the body that was exposed defenselessly, as if she still wanted to claim to be male.
And the girl, feeling self-loathing at that fact, got up from the bed, thinking she had to leave right here and now.
"Uhng."
But as she did so, the sister woke up, rubbing her eyes, and the sister blinked at the girl's face looking at her with a panicked expression, then opened her arms.
"Come here."
A firm voice.
It wasn't anger or scolding; it was a tone that said she wouldn't allow anything else.
The girl naturally tried to do the opposite of that voice.
After all, she was feeling lust for that body.
She couldn't be so brazen as to hug the person who helped her with such dirty emotions.
So, the girl shook her head left and right, expressing her will as strongly as she could.
"I want to hug my sister, but I can't?"
But despite the girl's refusal, the sister again opened her arms and looked at the girl quietly, and the girl parted her lips at the sister's action, fidgeting with her feet, not knowing what to do.
She wasn't running away, nor was she going into the embrace.
She was just shuffling her feet in place, as if walking in the same spot.
And at that sight, the sister approached the girl first, and the girl froze in place, trembling all over as she saw the sister approaching.
She couldn't escape, couldn't resist, just like that.
At that sight, the sister approached cautiously again, hugged the girl into her arms, moved the girl's arms that were stiff in an awkward posture to pull her closer.
Then, like before, she patted her back, and when the girl exhaled the breath she had been holding, she slowly opened her mouth.
"It's been a long time, right? How many... years? Six years? We couldn't see each other when we were in middle school."
"Ah, aaah..."
"Uh-huh, how have you been?"
She already knew she hadn't been doing well from the look in her eyes.
But the sister asked anyway, stroking the girl's hair, and the girl flinched every time the sister's hand moved, as if the sunlight in her eyes was trembling.
"I was doing well, but Rin seems to be having a hard time."
And as the sister looked at that sight, she slowly began to organize her thoughts internally.
What should I ask?
What should I ask to open her heart, why is she so tense, could I hear those things?
After pondering for a long time, when the girl slowly looked up at her, the sister stopped thinking, smiled, and hugged her tightly again.
As if nothing needed to be done.
So, while sitting quietly on the bed doing nothing, the outside was bustling.
More and more, the sound of cars was heard, people coming and going, exchanging phone calls.
Then, as work hours ended, the sounds gradually became only the sound of cars, and as the quietness came, the sister looked at the girl again.
"Uh, uuuu..."
The girl didn't seem like she had anything more to say.
She only moaned occasionally.
Even that, as if she was doing her best, the girl frowned her eyes reflexively whenever she made a sound, in pain.
And at that sight, the sister maintained silence again.
As if waiting for the girl to say what she wanted to say first.
The phone alarm woke the two people.
The alarm on the phone that wasn't used much in home settings these days.
"It was a day rental, right. Shall I wake up?"
The sister said that as the sound informing that the day rental time at the business hotel had ended, and took the girl's suitcase instead, and the girl, startled by that sight, got up and staggered.
It was a movement as if she was sleepy, separate from the painful moan.
"Should I hold your hand?"
And at that sight, the sister extended her hand first, and the girl hesitated for a moment, then awkwardly extended her hand.
Not quite holding, nor quite avoiding.
Then, she moved with her limping leg, grabbed the suitcase in the sister's hand as if snatching it, and the sister didn't panic at the girl's action, opened the door.
Then, the girl followed cautiously behind the sister.
Tap, swish-, creak-.
The sound of dragging feet was small, as if a little better than yesterday, but still, the steps were laborious.
At that sound, the sister turned her head several times to check if the girl was following, and asked at a nearby pojangmacha where she had been wandering.
"Should I help my sister? Um, unnie?"
"Ah, u, uuu."
At that, the girl flinched for a moment, lowered her head deeply.
"S, s... t, t, tower."
And after erasing the sister from her sight, the girl barely squeezed out her words, and at the girl's voice that was almost inaudible, the sister blinked and chewed on the words several times, looking at the viewing platform built on a mountain ridge.
"There?"
"..."
The girl nodded, feeling ashamed.
If she pointed with her finger like that, she hadn't reached the place, had wandered for hours, and had sat down with her feet twisted.
Moreover, she had even wet herself in front of people...
It was an unsightly sight that couldn't be thought of as a human being.
It must have been because she had a body that was neither here nor there, a monster-like body, and that's why she had done such unsightly things.
Thinking that, the girl unknowingly started sniffling tears, and the sister wiped the girl's tears and first empathized with the girl.
"So, I wanted to go there once."
"Eh... u, uh?"
"Sister, um, so, can I call you unnie?"
"...Y, yes."
"Thank you, I was confused. Hehe, anyway, unnie quit her job at a shitty company a while ago. So, I was going to rest for about a year... If Rin is okay with it, can unnie come with? Unnie will take you there."
And asked if they could go together.
She said she had been trapped in a garbage company for three years, almost working 7 days a week with overtime every day, and had fled, and since she was going to rest anyway, she wanted to rest with someone she knew, and would take her anywhere.
At that, the girl was startled, rolling her eyes here and there.
She didn't know what to do.
She didn't know why her sister was helping her, and she didn't know how to refuse, and when refused, she didn't know what to do.
So, the girl was bewildered, not knowing what to do, and the unnie, looking at the girl's appearance, waited quietly like at the hotel.
With a smile on her face as if it was okay to answer anything, she continued to look at the girl.
"Ah, uuu, aaaaah."
Then, the girl moaned painfully, clutching her throat, and the sister cautiously went to the girl's side and gently stroked her shoulder.
"Is it hard to say?"
"..."
"Then, shall we not say anything?"
"Huh?"
"Unnie will just follow Rin. Rin won't be left alone on that day. Just, let's go like that. Okay?"
The unnie, with a gentle smile, decided like that.
The girl tried to say something at the unnie's words, but for some reason, her heart felt warm, and she couldn't say anything, just blankly staring at the warm meals coming in front of her.