Rehabilitation - 3
The next day, at 1 PM.
Unnie deliberately chose a quieter hour to head to the underground shopping mall and tried on various clothes over Rin's body.
“Uhm, this isn't great.”
“Uh, uhn.”
“What about this?”
“Uhn…….”
Rin thought this was the first time her unnie had looked even slightly disgusted.
How many pieces had she tried on already?
After changing about seven times, she had stopped counting.
“Uuuuu…….”
Honestly, she thought the problem was that every single outfit looked identical.
They all appeared loose and thin, yet once tried on they turned out to be surprisingly warm.
The only real difference seemed to be color.
But even that difference boiled down to white.
Slightly whiter, less white.
That was it.
The variations in decoration were minimal too…… What exactly made them different?
While pondering this, Rin stepped into the fitting room as unnie handed her clothes with sparkling eyes.
The reflection in the mirror was gaunt.
“Eek.”
Her bones were visible beneath the skin.
Recognizing this, the fact that she was now a woman resurfaced.
Simultaneously, the body reflected in the mirror began to look strangely twisted.
Not a monster, but something else entirely.
“Hup.”
But this time she refused to sink into that thought.
Instead, she quickly returned to reality by pressing her nose into the coat and inhaling its scent—a slightly strange but grounding action.
“Puaa.”
It was a bit embarrassing, yet far better than being a pervert while struggling alone.
Thinking this, Rin changed again and stepped out. Unnie was stunned by the sight.
“This is it!”
“Uut?”
“Let's go with this as the underwear!”
“It's over?”
“No, we need more. Let's buy about three for underwear. We can still wear them in autumn.”
“…….”
Three more times?
This kind of thing?
Rin looked up at unnie as if to confirm her words.
“Uhn? Why?”
With eyes brimming with expectation, Rin could only lower her head in silence.
“Buuuuuu.”
Rin buried her face in unnie's shoulder and let out a muffled sound.
Normally unnie would have told her to stop by now.
“Just a little more. Let's endure.”
But those words shattered Rin's fragile hope.
Unnie was in full shopping mode after three years of waiting.
“Then let's check over there. What do you think of that coat?”
“Ah, aa…….”
She was trying so hard to make Rin look cute.
Such a desire overflowed in her eyes, and Rin couldn't bring herself to say she wanted to rest while watching unnie beam with joy.
If her body truly hurt, she would have said to rest because of the promise. But simply being tired was something she couldn't voice.
The person who had been caring for her had only suffered, so this was the least she could do to repay her.
So Rin followed unnie in silence.
And once more she began changing clothes.
She draped garments over her chest, changed into ones she liked, stepped out, removed them, and tried something else……
Changing clothes turned out to be far harder than she expected.
Rin barely managed to buy three outer jackets while absorbing this new realization.
Two hours had passed.
Rin was stunned.
It wasn't the shock of having worn and removed clothes for two hours, but unnie's casual remark that two hours felt a little short.
“Today we need to buy coats and skirts too. It's a shame we only have time for this.”
“What?”
“Uhn? Why?”
“Sk, skirts?”
“Yeah! If you wear underwear underneath, it's fine—just try it once!”
If she had only bought outer jackets, would it have taken six hours?
More importantly, why skirts?
She had shown the carrier filled only with pants earlier, so why……?
Rin felt the question rising, but when unnie took her hand and pulled her along, she followed without protest.
Choosing coats was several times more difficult than buying outer jackets.
Unlike the outer jackets that ended the moment they were put on, she had to strike poses—hanging them over shoulders or slipping arms into sleeves.
Moreover, they were heavy.
Although not as thick as winter coats since it was spring, after changing clothes more than ten times, a subtle weight began to press down.
“Haaaa.”
In the end, during the second coat, Rin completely collapsed. Unnie, sitting on the bench with her mouth open, regained her composure.
“Ah, ahaha…… Are you all right?”
“Yes…….”
“Don't say that.”
“It's not like it hurts or anything.”
Rin tugged her arm lightly and buried her nose in the coat, breathing in the mingled scent of cigarette smoke and unnie's body heat.
Rin slumped and leaned her head against it.
Then unnie said carefully, “If it's too much, we can go home. We can buy skirts another day.”
“Uhn, today, I'll buy everything…….”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
Coming out twice would mean twice the pain.
Better to rest a little and finish everything at once.
Rin steeled herself for the remaining shopping, and unnie smiled at her serious expression before pulling her into a hug.
“Eigu~.”
“Uuuuung!”
“Then let's have a snack? We barely ate lunch, right?”
“Snack.”
When had she last eaten?
Since becoming a woman, she had no memory of eating properly. When she was a man, she used to eat until her stomach felt ready to burst.
Rin tilted her head and followed unnie's pointing finger.
There, a stall sold waffles.
Thinly grilled waffles topped with a simple spread of apple jam and fresh cream.
“…….”
……It was the waffle her father had once bought her.
Rin suddenly trembled and grabbed unnie's hand desperately.
When her fingers were caught, she gripped them tightly.
“Hn?”
Unnie looked at Rin's face, startled.
She looked terrified.
There was no reason to fear waffles, so she was probably remembering old memories.
Unnie hugged her again and asked gently, “You don't like waffles?”
“Yes…… I don't like them.”
Her voice was barely above a whisper.
“May I ask why?”
Rin squeezed her eyes shut.
Her chest heaved, and her Adam's apple bobbed repeatedly.
Sweat beaded on the hand still holding her fingers.
“Haa, huu!”
“Rin?”
“At the zoo, hoo, hooot!”
“Yeah, thanks. You don't have to say more.”
Unnie saw Rin struggling and forced herself to stop speaking.
Rin leaned into unnie's warmth but couldn't find any peace, memories of the past flooding back.
The waffle she had eaten then hadn't come from the proper store inside the zoo.
It had been a mobile stall—pulling a truck, setting up wherever they found a spot, selling waffles without paying rent.
But the moment she stepped out of the car, Rin had whined that she was hungry. Her father had taken her there.
And her mother had scolded him for it.
……Maybe that's where it all began.
Maybe the fight between the two of them had started because of her.
Rin knew this was an irrational thought.
They had been fighting long before she was born.
Even if it hadn't been that stall, something else would have triggered the quarrel.
Yet she couldn't ignore the rising thought.
That because of her, the two of them had divorced.
Her brother had resented that their relationship had been good until before she was born.
“Uup……!”
Her breathing quickened. Rin covered her mouth.
Her fingertips, lips, and teeth tingled. The world spun.
Tears streamed down her face. Strength drained from her toes upward.
Her insides felt as if they might spill out.
Rin clutched unnie's coat with both hands.
“Uup, uuup……!”
Her fingers turned deathly pale, and hatred surged in her eyes.
The feeling of hatred resurfaced.
They had been fighting from the start anyway.
Even without her, they would have divorced someday, and she had simply been the excuse.
Yet those same people had told her they loved her.
Her brother was a fool who needed an easy target to hate and kept fixating on her.
Saying their relationship had been good before she was born meant they only remembered the pleasant moments of her parents.
……She hadn't been the cause.
She hadn't been bad.
She hadn't ruined the family.
“Huu, huuu!”
“Bathroom…… Shall we go?”
“Ah, no!”
You must never hate your family.
Father and mother were good people too. Her brother was good to others.
Because she hadn't done things properly, everyone had fought. She shouldn't hate them.
No, she wasn't bad.
Being a good person and being able to love each other were two different things.
Her parents had been people who could never love each other.
Her brother had simply been weak.
He had chosen denial over effort and picked hatred as his way of denying it.
“Ah, aaa.”
“I can't do this. Rin, get up. Let's go to the bathroom.”
Unnie grabbed Rin's arm firmly and stood up.
“It's painful, so follow me.”
She led Rin to the bathroom.
Rin immediately ran into the stall and gripped the toilet bowl, vomiting violently.
“Waaeeek!”
The hatred she had harbored toward her family, and the mind that had tried to deny it, all poured out along with tears.
Then she began sobbing while still clutching the bowl.
Everything had become hateful.
The thoughts that tormented her.
The weakness that made her collapse even while receiving help.
All of it was hated.