Daily Life - 2
The girl fidgeted restlessly in the softness felt from the pillow beside her head.
Mesh material pillow, thick foldable mattress, microfiber blanket.
Everything she had never experienced once after graduating high school.
When she was a man, she thought this level was enough to handle with her body, and since becoming a woman, she had given up on it.
So the girl couldn't stay still despite the comfort.
There was a feeling that something here shouldn't be.
Maybe she should have endured in the kitchen instead?
She wasn't particularly sleepy, so why come here?
No, that was fine, she just hoped Noona wouldn't push her away...
“Ugh...”
Somehow her face felt hot.
Besides the softness and warmth, there was nothing she disliked, yet oddly she felt at ease.
The smell of alcohol was the scent of fighting for the girl.
Her parents would sit at the table eating dinner amicably but as soon as alcohol entered, their voices would rise.
No harsh words or physical violence, but still, loud arguments between parents.
That alone was scary enough.
The cigarette smell was the scent of giving up.
Those who rode motorcycles and abandoned all the duties of a student.
No, was it accurate to say they abandoned their human duties?
For the girl who wanted to be a good student and good adult, it was a scent to avoid.
So the mixture of these two smells on this blanket and pillow should have been unpleasant.
But oddly, she couldn't dislike it.
The cigarette smell like smoldering wood felt like the paws of a cat or dog.
Definitely not a good scent, lingering but strangely wanting to smell it again.
When she smelled alcohol, she recalled Noona humming a tune while doing dishes.
How lively it was when she would pull out a beer and drink it the moment the dishes were done.
It used to be different before.
But Noona was pretty.
So when their eyes met, she smiled.
It felt like going back to the past.
Probably because she smiled back then, she ended up lying here.
The girl, with belated realization, looked at Noona's face in an awkward posture.
The atmosphere had changed quite a bit from before, but her face was still pretty.
Even now that she was a woman, her chest fluttered at the sight.
“Haru, Noona.”
The girl, a bit anxious, tried saying her name.
Her heart pounded.
She was afraid she might feel lust like when they slept together in the business hotel, or that Noona might look at her with eyes only for helping her.
But this time, she didn't feel that.
“Haru, Noona.”
The sentence that had been cut off earlier flowed naturally.
“Pretty...”
She felt rational attraction, but not the lust she felt then.
Even if she thought she wanted to hug, the warmth came to mind before the touch.
She wanted to be buried in this still awkward warmth.
...Is this okay?
She thought that too, but she wanted to look at the warmth.
She wanted to feel Noona's warmth, not the blanket.
But the girl wriggled her body to the edge of the mattress instead of Noona's embrace.
She curled up like a snake to get as far from the embrace as possible, slipped under the blanket, and looked at Noona's hand.
Then, carefully, she grabbed Noona's fingers.
“Hii...”
As if saying this was the best, as if satisfied with this, she smiled.
And the girl slowly closed her eyes.
Sleep hadn't come yet.
She wanted to put the carrier next to her.
She wanted to go to a place with many animals.
But she held it in and leaned on Noona's warmth.
“Rin, are you sleeping more?”
“U, um...?”
When she opened her eyes, the sun that had been high in the sky was already setting beyond the apartment.
The sky was dyed orange, and the laughter of the evening walk echoed.
“U, eh?”
“You must have been really tired.”
She thought sleep wouldn't come.
The girl blushed at Noona's words and pulled her knees to her chest.
“Ahah!”
“Uh, uuh!”
Noona burst into laughter at the girl's appearance.
She was gradually returning to the cute side the girl knew.
“Want to eat dinner?”
“Ca, can't.”
“Um, then, shall we walk and eat?”
“Yeah.”
A slightly pouty reply.
Noona smiled bashfully at the answer and put the coat on the girl.
“Want to wear the coat with the carrier?”
“Ah.”
The girl reflexively looked at the carrier at Noona's words.
The carrier looked exactly the same as her previous one.
Even the direction of the handle, the zipper, the position of the wheels.
Seeing that, the girl buried her face in the coat that smelled of cigarette.
“No coat?”
“U, ah, no, yeah.”
“Then wear this?”
The girl nodded vigorously while grabbing Noona's finger.
Noona patted the girl's head, picked up the coat separately, and went out with the girl.
On the street, many people in school uniforms were visible.
Middle school or high school?
Couldn't tell.
The girl, who had become unable to distinguish faces well after becoming a woman, just thought it was envious.
The sight of them gathered in groups, laughing lively.
She used to be like that once.
She thought she could become a good adult by laughing and making friends like the other kids.
“...Ugh.”
But now she was a woman who couldn't speak properly.
She had sprained her ankle trying to climb too high, gone to the hospital leaning on Noona, a pathetic adult.
...She didn't want to become someone like this.
The girl held Noona's hand tightly but lowered her head.
How did she end up like this?
She had worked so hard, with the determination to die, why did it fail?
No, rather than that, she should have stayed home.
At home, it was fun, she could laugh.
“Hng, hic!”
Ah, this couldn't be.
If she suddenly cried on the street, it would be a nuisance to Noona.
The girl bit her lips in that thought.
She bit her lips as hard as she could, to the point of tearing, even though she couldn't stand properly and had no strength.
But even with that, tears kept flowing, and the girl hurriedly covered her eyes.
“I, I'm sorry. Sorry!”
Again, the twisted pronunciation.
The girl apologized even for her own pronunciation.
When she felt the gazes around, she apologized for that too, and earnestly apologized for not being able to stand properly.
And she apologized to Noona.
If she kept doing this, everyone would see, so she had to stand straight.
But the more she tried to hold back, the more the sobs grew.
“Ah, hick!”
Failed again, caused a nuisance again.
The girl staggered like she had fallen on her butt while running.
“It's okay.”
But this time, Noona held her.
She wrapped her arms around Rin's shoulders, pulled her into her embrace, and stroked her head.
“It's okay, no one's looking.”
“Hic, hic.”
“It's okay, it's okay.”
And while sobbing comfortably, she gently shook Rin's body side to side.
Rin cried in Noona's hug.
She buried her face in Noona's chest and let out her sobs, screaming that she didn't want to be like this, she wanted to be a good person.
Noona listened to all those words.
She just listened.
She knew what kind of person she wanted to be, what a good person was.
So she hugged her without saying anything.
She just hugged her tightly without denying the words that she couldn't become that.
Rin let out all her tears and snot, using the bitter cigarette smell as an excuse.
Noona just supported her so she wouldn't fall.
“Hic, hick.”
“Shall we eat ice cream?”
And when the crying subsided, Noona, as usual, smiled and took Rin's hand.
It was before dinner, but an ice cream wouldn't hurt.
Or, to make up for dinner, buy convenience store snacks.
Rin slowly nodded at those words.
As the two walked together, their steps overlapped again.
Tap, swish.
Tap, swish.
The sound was closer because their shadows overlapped.
Hearing that, Noona entered the convenience store, placed the ice cream and tissue on the counter.
“Mmm~ It's delicious. I guess expensive things taste better.”
Noona deliberately bit into the ice cream roughly.
Let the ice cream melt on her lips.
Then, looking at her reflection in the window, she wiped her lips shyly, and also wiped Rin's face.
“We used to eat this often. Right?”
Noona, who wiped Rin's tear marks, smiled softly.
Even when we were little, we would secretly go out in the evening and eat ramen or whatever.
Rin blushed at Noona's words.
She didn't remember.
Maybe she didn't want to remember.
Rin cautiously distanced herself.
But Noona hugged Rin's waist and leaned her head on it.
Even though she knew Rin's body would be burdensome, she gradually entrusted her body to Rin.
“Comfortable.”
I couldn't become a cool adult or good friend, but I could support myself.
As she whispered, she held Rin's hand.