How to Negotiate with Cao Cao Like Absolute Shit
The furious fighting ended, at last, with the White Wave bandits breaking apart and streaming away in every direction.
I know how unlike me it sounds, but in that moment I wanted to smash straight through my usual cool and throw both arms up in a cheer.
As if they had read me, Guan Yu steadied my shoulder, Zhang Fei ruffled my hair, and Liu Bei swept me clean off the ground in a hug. He showed me off before the victorious soldiers like today's MVP, and looked about ready to hoist me up for a shoulder ride.
The men of Liu Bei's army were still drowning in adrenaline. After the victory they went wild with joy, throwing their arms around one another, and only then could we finally breathe.
"My lord, have you been well since last we met?"
"Guoyang! I truly never imagined it. How is it you stand in this place? Tell me this isn't a dream."
"How could I abandon my lord and walk away? I have much to report, but first you should speak at leisure with the men I brought as well."
"So I should. Of course I should!"
And so we cleared the field, raised tents where we had fought, and a modest victory feast made its rounds.
"My lord, when this humble one departed to nurse his aged mother, Baekgeum stopped me."
"I heard the tale. He gave you money for the road, did he?"
"He pressed a hundred taels of gold into my hand and told me to make ready to move my mother to Xuzhou, and to gather talented men across Hebei and bring them back. What was I to do?"
At Tian Yu's words, every eye turned on me again, and not gently.
"So I was making the circuit of my home country—Youzhou, Bingzhou, Jizhou—when, a month ago, I met Lord Su and Zhuge Kongming. They told me the hour had come to carry out what Baekgeum had prepared, and thus I gathered these men and came."
"Guoyang. Your mother?"
"Not only my aged mother. The families of everyone here are said to have gone safely down through Qingzhou to Langya in Xuzhou."
"Hah… Baekgeum! Truly a talent sent down by Heaven!"
Liu Bei filled my cup to the brim and looked at me with eyes full of trust.
"No wonder. I kept askin' myself where all that endless ease of yours came from, and it never once crossed my mind that Guoyang'd roll in with a whole crew at his back."
"Hah. Guoyang is Guoyang, but the men who came with him are no small matter either, wouldn't you say?"
Guan Yu and Zhang Fei had it right. The talents I had told Tian Yu to gather with those hundred taels were a fine lot, whether you judged them by the names they carried or by what they could actually do.
Take Wang Ling first. A man of Bingzhou, nephew to Minister over the Masses Wang Yun—the very Wang Yun who had brought Dong Zhuo down—and a scion of the illustrious Wang clan. In the days to come, men at court who knew his integrity would be recommending him.
Chen Yan, now: son of Chen Yi, the county magistrate. He had come to our family's funeral, and not long ago this fellow's younger brother had sought us out, asking to throw in with our house. A strikingly handsome one, that brother. Had he not come along?
And the most important of them was, of course, Hao Zhao.
The iron-wall commander of Chencang, the man who would be remembered for holding Zhuge Liang's northern expedition at bay all by himself from inside a single fortress. Long years as governor of Yong and of Liang, peerless when it came to holding a city, and outstanding even as a local administrator—a talent of the very first rank.
Honestly, when we went against the White Wave, I had known Yang Feng would be there with Xu Huang under his command, and I had wanted us to be the ones to hit Yang Feng's faction so we might bring that man over. Cao Cao struck instead, and losing Xu Huang had stung. But we hit this side, and Hao Zhao came to us? That was a victory in the grand sense. He was twenty-eight now. Reckon it against the year he would make his name defending Chencang during Zhuge Liang's northern campaign, and you had a man who could serve without trouble until he was sixty.
"My lord, you have already heard how matters stand, and we have fought the White Wave as we have. From this day we must keep the army moving—not only here in Henan, but on into Hedong and Huainan—and drive out every last remnant of the bandits."
Tian Yu offered the strategy the moment he was back, and Liu Bei nodded at once.
"Of course we must."
"I am told the grain came from Cao Cao's army. Then we should return what the enemy plundered to its rightful owners, and win the people's trust that way."
"Haa. Do it item by item and it'll take a while, but that's what we ought to do, isn't it?"
That was when I added one thing more.
"If many join us for following the Governor of Xuzhou, so much the better—but we have to gather all of them into Luoyang. Let the restoration of Luoyang be raised by the able-bodied men who came for Governor Liu's righteousness."
Return the wealth the White Wave had stolen to the villages it came from, and those who followed us in gratitude would be left in Luoyang. Submit the memorial for the restoration works, and if the court went on to Xu County as a temporary capital, Liu Bei's fame would climb with every li of the road.
"Governor of Xuzhou, Cao Cao is surely trying to turn us into a useful blade that moves at the command of a loyal heart, and to keep working us that way. His own host is a good ten times ours, yet he goes on picking only the battlefields he can win with ease, and spends as little strength as he can."
"That Cao Cao bastard! He's been workin' us exactly like that!"
"But if he's going to use us that way anyway, we can show them something more varied. We can show them that we fight with real courage."
"Oh?"
This was where it started.
Once the White Wave were cleaned up and we reached Luoyang, a very large negotiation would be waiting there, wouldn't it?
"The talks we hold in Luoyang—I mean to turn Cao Cao's stomach inside out."
"Haha. Is our Baekgeum about to loose that silver tongue of his again?"
"No. That sort of role already has its specialists, doesn't it? The strategists."
"True enough, Baekgeum. But didn't you send Sun Qian, Lu Su, Chen Deng, Mi Zhu, all of them, elsewhere?"
"Governor of Xuzhou. Has the man I spoke of arrived?"
"Not in Luoyang. But he is waiting quietly nearby."
"Then we're set."
If Cao Cao meant to keep playing cheap, then we would make his guts truly boil. Until the words burst out of him of their own accord.
They negotiate like absolute shit!
Once their main strength collapsed, the White Wave bandits truly flew apart, and after that they fell with ease. Following Tian Yu's proposal, Liu Bei really did return what had been plundered to village after village, and the fame he won was enormous. In days to come, even across the Sili region, it would become a tremendous asset to him.
When we entered Luoyang in proper state, Cao Cao's many engineer corps had already made the place, to some degree, a corner where people could live again. In a city that held more soldiers and elder ministers than common folk, we were granted audience with His Majesty the Emperor, and at last the mission in Luoyang was done.
"Liu Bei, hear me."
"Yes, Your Majesty."
"I wish to reward you, acknowledging your merits thus far, your loyalty, and the fact that you are of the imperial house of Han. Regrettably, as to office, we must still deliberate."
"How could a subject covet office out of loyalty to Your Majesty? It will be done, as is proper, according to procedure."
"Y-yes. I am ashamed. I have scattered offices far too freely, and from that, far too many tragedies have arisen."
Well, what else could he say? In the shortest span imaginable, a Grand General, a General of Chariots and Cavalry, and a Colonel Director of Retainers had been swept away one after another.
"Even so, a renowned commander such as you must be rewarded. From this day I shall treat you with the courtesy due an Imperial Uncle, and upon you, descendant of Prince Jing of Zhongshan, I bestow that marquisate. Henceforth Imperial Uncle Liu shall receive the honors of Marquis of Zhongshan."
Not an office—a noble rank. Oh! And not the Marquis of Yicheng from who-knows-where in the original history, but, heavy with meaning, Marquis of Zhongshan!
This was tremendous legitimacy. Liu Bei, descendant of Prince Jing of Zhongshan, had received from the emperor's own hand the marquisate of the princedom of Zhongshan. No one, after this, could make light of his tie to the imperial house.
"Your grace is boundless, Your Majesty!"
So. Not a prince, not yet—but he had made him a marquis?
The audience ended, and everyone offered Liu Bei their congratulations. What remained was the seat that would be settled through the move to Xu County.
"Congratulations, Marquis of Zhongshan."
"Ah, thank you, Master Xun."
Xun Yu came forward and offered the greeting with a kindly smile.
"Has brother Mengde received a title as well?"
"He has received the title of Marquis of Wuping."
"A cause for celebration, then."
"Marquis of Zhongshan, we now wish to discuss the transfer of the capital to Xu County. Will you come with us, all together?"
"Ah, that meeting…"
"If you intend to send a proxy, I will gladly make preparations."
With that, Xun Yu's eyes drifted, ever so lightly, over me and the men around me, and he smiled.
No Lu Su in sight, no Sun Qian, no Chen Deng. So he thinks rhetoric and politics will be enough to cook us, does he?
Fifty thousand of Cao Cao's troops had massed in Luoyang, laying down a pressure so heavy that refusing the move to Xu County was not a result one was permitted even to imagine. And Xun Yu, for his part, was all but saying it outright: We'll proceed on the understanding that you consent to the move to Xu, so shall we hold the meeting?
Fixing the capital in Sili, as before, was out. Xiaopei in Yuzhou, which Liu Bei had proposed, was out. And so they were moving for Xu County in Yingchuan Commandery.
"Baekgeum. Are you confident?"
"Governor of Xuzhou—no. Since the Marquis of Zhongshan has laid the board just as I asked, I'll take every gain I please."
"Is there anything more you need?"
I looked through the company, found Zhuge Liang, and beckoned him closer.
Our finest prospect, all fire and righteous spirit—the boy who would not listen to his brother-in-law and wanted a hand in whatever I was doing. Why not broaden his horizons a little?
"No objection to a young friend watching and learning?"
"Hahaha. Go on, then."
And so I took Zhuge Liang with me toward the negotiating hall Cao Cao had prepared.
"Come in, come in! So you've come in brother Xuande's stead?"
Cao Cao sat arrogantly in the highest seat at the center and clapped for us. And the talents beneath him were, in a word, fantastic.
Cheng Yu, who had misspoken, was gone, and sitting in his place was Zhong Yao. That man had posted the emperor's calls to escape across every region, and those proclamations were why we had come—yet here he was, already slipped nimbly onto Cao Cao's side. Had Zhong Yao, from the very start, moved as one of Cao Cao's own, believing that only Cao Cao could save the Son of Heaven?
Well, I understood it. At this time Zhong Yao served the court, and his home was Yingchuan Commandery, so of course he had drifted naturally into the Yingchuan faction of Cao Cao's army.
Zhong Yao. Xun Yu. Xun You. Guo Jia.
All of them faces I knew. Because he meant, openly, to move the capital to Xu County in Yingchuan, Cao Cao had gathered the scholars of Yingchuan and set them in a row.
One wrong step in this negotiation and we would slip. Had our side been Lu Su, Sun Qian, Chen Deng, and me, there would have been a debate worth seeing—and the Yingchuan faction had quietly been looking forward to exactly that.
"First, allow me to congratulate you on the Inspector of Yanzhou's title as Marquis of Wuping."
"Hahaha. Kind of you. I mean to congratulate Xuande on the Marquisate of Zhongshan myself."
"Forgive the question, but will the Marquis of Wuping also be attending this conference on the move to Xu County?"
"I am only here to watch. The negotiation will be conducted by my strategists."
Everything in Cao Cao's manner said it: However silver your tongue, however well you negotiate, you will not beat a bargain struck by Yingchuan's native power.
"First: the Marquis of Zhongshan has also consented, while Luoyang is restored, to fixing Xu County of Yingchuan Commandery in Yuzhou as the temporary capital. We therefore wish to hold a constructive discussion of the authority that will arise with the move to Xu County, and of the trust between us."
"Heh heh heh. Only natural. Come—let us speak with nothing held back."
Fine. I'll admit it. I had moved this far because I knew the future, but how was I supposed to crush those four by talk alone, dragging in the Analects, the Mencius, and the whole of the Four Books and Three Classics?
So I had prepared.
"Marquis of Wuping, we too have invited someone for this negotiation. A great scholar whom the Marquis of Zhongshan engaged—an elder of learning brought in haste from Xuzhou."
The man Zhuge Liang escorted in, supporting him by the arm. Before that beaming grandfather with the long beard, the ease vanished in an instant from the eyes of Xun Yu, Xun You, Guo Jia, and Zhong Yao. Those eyes flew wide.
"Aiyo, it's been an age, all of you. Oh! Inspector of Yanzhou, Cao Mengde—isn't it?"
"M-Milord!"
"Elder!!!"
The four of Yingchuan shot to their feet almost by reflex and pressed their heads to the ground before the man who had entered, and Cao Cao, startled, moved as well.
"Th-that gentleman is…?"
"Hearing that you meant to make Xu County in Yingchuan the temporary capital, we invited him as well. He is Master Chen Yuanfang, the great scholar of Yingchuan Commandery in Yuzhou, who served the Han as Prefect of the Masters of Writing and as Grand Coachman."
Chen Ji. Father of Chen Qun. A true senior of the generation above, already famous throughout the realm when these four of the Yingchuan faction were still children—towering, impossibly far, over their heads. If I had to make a comparison, it was like four men bound by the tight old-school ties of doctorates from a great university, suddenly faced with the senior alumnus who had been president of their alma mater back when they were undergraduates. And he was from Yingchuan, the same as they were.
"Master, here."
"Mmm. Live long enough, and these legs stop listening to you."
Zhuge Liang helped his teacher into the seat with perfect courtesy, then knelt, still holding the cane.
"Kongming. This is a meaningful seat, for the sake of the realm. Listen, and do not miss a single word."
"Yes, Master."
Chen Ji presented Zhuge Liang before them, then smiled and extended a hand.
"Sit, all of you. Let us speak with nothing held back."
It was the first time I had ever seen the great Xun Yu so shaken, and Cao Cao's brow twitched as well, the face of a man who knew something had gone badly wrong.
Scholars of Yingchuan's four—speak as freely as you like, with nothing held back. We went to the trouble of inviting this gentleman, advisor to Liu Bei's army, to the negotiating table just for you.