Too Many Thieves in the World (8)
To lure the enemy soldiers, someone has to shout at the top of their lungs. The key to this ploy is making the enemy charge at us like rabid dogs. So, what's the best way to get all ten thousand of those troops chasing us?
I considered using gold, but they'd catch up on horseback. Food would be the same. They're thieves, but they won't risk their lives for loot. So, we have to make them chase us with their lives on the line. The simplest way is to get their commander fixated on a specific target. Like chasing Dong Zhuo fleeing the battlefield—if someone who looks like a commander runs, the whole enemy army will naturally pursue.
That means the target becomes the bullseye, exposed to the utmost danger. They could take arrows. They could get grabbed by the neck by an enemy captain charging on horseback.
Who could pull this off? Who would take on such a death-defying task?
Anyone but me. ...That's not what I think.
'Am I crazy? Why would I do something this suicidal?'
There are plenty of people who could do it, and plenty would step up besides me. I'm not the type to charge forward. I'm the guy who hangs back, spouting strategies from afar, sucking my thumb while waiting for victory.
But.
"This is my plan. It's only right that I do it."
Sima Yi stubbornly insisted on being the one to lure the enemy. She said she'd draw out the enemy captain, Jang Je. That if someone who looked like a little girl pulled off the Enrage the Captain ploy, he'd come charging right away.
Ridiculous.
"I'll do it."
"Teacher?"
"How could I let my disciple throw herself into danger? How could I send her to her death? That's impossible—and shouldn't happen."
"I promised to be your voice. So why would you try to take on the dangerous part yourself?"
"But it's just as dangerous for you, Teacher."
"Dangerous, yes. But it must be done. That's what a teacher does. That's what an adult does."
I'd made a promise. If Sima Yi used her brains, I'd be the mouth to shout it out.
I wanted to be Sima Yi's voice, and with that resolve, I stepped forward.
To survive, running away is right. But when someone touches my land, there are times you have to stand and fight instead of fleeing.
"Teacher, why would you take on the dangerous role yourself?"
"Because I'm your teacher. You're ready to step up—how could I just sit back, fanning myself leisurely?"
I stood on the battlefield in Sima Yi's place. Convincing her was a bit tough, but with Mun Bing's strong support, I barely managed to take the front.
"How can you stop a man from stepping up to protect a woman? A real man must protect women!"
...Thanks to Mun Bing, I stepped forward. Not just me—three hundred warriors who staked their lives on me advanced across the snowfield to face the ten thousand enemy soldiers.
Behind me stood three hundred soldiers who'd deliberately stripped off their armor, layered in thick fur coats, armed only with a single sword and no shields.
If I fail, they'll follow me into the jaws of death. They're soldiers. But even soldiers are human—they fear death too. The infamy of the Western Liang cavalry has spread across the continent, and up close, they looked ready to trample anyone under their horses.
But.
If I don't step up as bait. If I don't stand in for Sima Yi.
I gave the order to hold spears. If I don't defend my land, how could I survive in this world?
"A man can't hide in skirts while shoving a woman to the front!"
With that in mind, I bellowed.
"Hey!! You Dong Zhuo ass-wiping bastards---!!"
The effect was tremendous.
RAAAARGGHHH---!!
Not a cheer of "Waaah," but a beastly roar as they charged. Like a bear whose cub was attacked, they roared and glared at me with bloodshot eyes. Rumble rumble rumble. Even across the snow-covered fields, they came at us like madmen.
"General, what are your orders?"
"General? Me?"
"Yes. You're the general for now."
The adjutant was already turning to ready himself before even asking. "General Geum, give the command."
"......"
The three hundred soldiers lowered their stances. They already knew the plan inside out—they just had to follow my orders.
Now, only one thing left.
"Hoo."
No time to hesitate. Faces get slapped in an instant.
If I drag this out from embarrassment, those cavalry will close in and slaughter us. They could slaughter the three hundred on my shoulders—no, thousands.
So. A moment's shame is the shortcut to victory...!
"U, uwaaaah~! We're outnumbered! E-everyone, ruuuun---!!"
Ah! So humiliating.
The day before.
"The operation divides into four phases. First, contact. Second, primary interception. Third, retreat. Fourth, secondary interception."
We'd clash with the enemy at two locations total. At Sima Yi's eloquent explanation, Mun Bing and the adjutants dropped their skeptical looks and focused on her voice.
"We enrage the enemy leader with the Enrage the Captain ploy to draw them in. For that, Teacher will step forward to lure them."
Sima Yi pulled back the "Geum" banner. "We'll exploit the speed difference between cavalry and infantry. Cavalry are naturally faster, so at a certain point, the infantry will lag behind. We'll use that gap."
Zhuge Liang began moving the banners beside her. The three hundred soldiers representing Geum Taeyang scattered in panic, with Jang Je's banner hot on their heels.
"This creates distance between their infantry and cavalry. What formation will the enemy cavalry adopt when charging?"
"Pursuit formation?"
"Yes. Normally, they'd use a mixed march to keep cavalry and infantry together. But with the captain's blood boiling from the ploy, he won't care about formation. Especially since..."
"The enemy sees ragtag soldiers. We'll even act the part to put them at ease."
An enemy too easy to trample with cavalry momentum alone.
"Gather our fastest soldiers. Have them strip armor, carry just a sword, and run. Some can even toss their swords and break ranks to flee."
"No one will actually desert, but..."
"When else in life do you get to legally run from battle? The soldiers will feel it in their bones. If it's a winnable fight, they'll follow the plan. If not, they'll truly flee. Either way, it lulls the enemy into complacency."
Lull them, and lighten our feet. We skipped armor on purpose, minimized gear. All for running through snow.
"But I'm worried. What if their cavalry catches our infantry?"
"Don't worry about that."
Sima Yi pointed to where the enemy cavalry met Geum Taeyang's infantry.
"Prepare right here."
The spot she indicated was a paddy field.
"Ruuuun---!!"
I wheeled my horse around. As I slipped past the soldiers, they grimaced like they couldn't hold back laughter and started running.
Backward.
"Uwaaaah!!"
"R-run awaaay~~~!"
Could there be a more ragtag bunch? Could there be dumber grunts?
"Uwaaak, I d-don't wanna die!"
"Spare me! I don't wanna die yet!"
"What is this—urk...! What kinda hell is this?!"
Soldiers fleeing before the approaching cavalry even fought. Please, let us look like utterly demoralized rabble to anyone watching!
"Uahaha! What a pathetic sight, tails between your legs!"
Yeah. Pathetic—so chase us, please.
"Ignore the others! Catch that parentless bastard no matter what!"
The ploy worked. Thankfully, the enemy captain took the bait and chased me. If I veered off here to avoid the fleeing soldiers, the plan would collapse.
"What are you doing?! Don't block my path!"
I was on horseback, but the soldiers—already primed to run—blocked my way like they were obstructing me on purpose.
"Eeei, go block that guy! Don't run, I said!!"
Orders flipping in an instant. I bellowed, pointing behind me. Of course, my horse bolted forward, and the soldiers ignored me completely, scattering out of my way.
"Are you defying orders?! Block them! Block with your bodies! I'll enforce military law!!"
My shouts echoed emptily. Not one fleeing soldier stepped up with, "I'll block them, General—flee!" They just mocked me with screams as they ran.
'This is the plan, but damn, they're overdoing it.'
Hurtful. Even knowing it's strategy, treating me like a plague spirit and bolting makes it sting for real.
No matter that they're strangers, no matter the plan.
"Block him! How can not one of you go?!"
They're running way too enthusiastically. Some even ditched their swords on the ground. Part of the plan—we tossed rusty junk blades—but still.
"Kuhahaha! You train for retreats or what?! Best runners in the world!"
'My men!'
Is the only tactic they've practiced the Thirty-Six Stratagems' Make a Tactical Retreat?!
Rumble rumble rumble.
The sound of pursuit closed in. Five hundred cavalry hit our rear first, followed by thousands of infantry whose roars shook our eardrums.
WAAAAAHHH---!!
"Damn, why did I agree to this."
My grip on the reins trembled. If Sima Yi hadn't insisted, I wouldn't be doing this madness.
"Kuhahaha! Where you going, parentless scum?!"
"Shut up!"
"Parentless" doesn't bother me. The real issue: his voice sounded like he was right behind me!
'Not yet?!'
I urged my horse desperately. If caught like this, our ragtag force gets trampled by those pursuing hooves.
To turn the tide—
Clank.
In that instant. Ahead in the snowfield, mustaches appeared. I hugged my horse's back, spurring harder. The horse, knowing the "prearranged path," passed "them."
"Well done, Lord Geum!"
"Wooooh!!"
I yanked the reins. The horse knew the terrain—it stamped precisely, leaping down beautifully. Sploosh. Its hooves sank deep into the snow. I let out a brief sigh of relief and glanced back.
There.
Grin.
Spearmen lurked in the deep ditch below, staring up from the pit.