Era of Absurdity (3): Puyang
In Puyang, there was a guest who had slipped in without Cao Cao's knowledge. Or rather, it was a 'force' too ambiguous to call just a single guest.
Their numbers didn't even reach ten, but the presence of any one among them was incomparable to anyone else in the realm.
Dayi Ma Chao. Human Lü Bu.
If the red-maned steed Red Hare was the king among horses, then among men, no one could stand against him in single combat.
Lü Bu, courtesy name Fengxian.
He was currently holed up in Puyang. The city fell under Cao Cao's domain, so his presence there implied... well, nothing much, actually.
Because Cao Cao had no idea Lü Bu was there.
Under the covert protection of Zhang Miao, the man in charge of Puyang, Lü Bu had sneaked in.
Accompanied only by his family and a handful of trusted retainers, he was passing the time in a lavish manor that might as well have been a villa, courtesy of Zhang Miao's hospitality.
"Tch."
With two long strands of hair deliberately tied up like antennae, he sat alone, drinking.
Drinking was all he did. No one by his side, just him and the booze, killing time. Or rather, killing the boredom.
"Yuan Shao, you son of a bitch."
That was it—cursing people. When he'd fought over a woman under Dong Zhuo, it was "Dong Zhongying, you bastard" on repeat. When Li Jue and Guo Si chased him out, he cursed them both as a pair of bastards. Now it was the northern Yuan Shao's turn.
Why the sudden grudge? Some flashback to their feud during the anti-Dong Zhuo coalition?
No.
Lü Bu had briefly sought refuge with Yuan Shao. And gotten kicked out.
"Daring to treat a Supplementary General of the Imperial Household like some lowly archer. That punk—if I had my way... argh."
Lü Bu punched at the air in fury. If Yuan Shao were there, he'd have beaten him to a pulp without a care for onlookers.
"Shouldn't have gone to that bastard Yuan Shao."
After losing to Li Jue and Guo Si in Chang'an and fleeing east, he'd thrown himself on Yuan Shao's mercy. Yuan Shao, in his own way, had put Lü Bu to good use.
—A Supplementary General of a nation should be able to handle mere bandits, no? I'll leave it to you.
"Hmph, assigning a Supplementary General to mere bandit suppression..."
Lü Bu knew he was being used by Yuan Shao, but he'd still crushed the Black Mountain Bandits. He figured it was a massive achievement—even by his own standards—and expected a fief or something in return.
Like back when he'd served his second father, Ding Yuan, in Bingzhou. Bingzhou. Bingzhou.
But Yuan Shao didn't value him highly.
"Bastard. All because I touched a woman..."
Instead, word reached him that Yuan Shao was mobilizing thousands of troops to kill him. Lü Bu fled south without properly grabbing the silk and gold Yuan Shao had promised.
And so he'd turned to Zhang Miao. They weren't close, but Zhang Miao had a reputation for being affable.
—Hey, Zhang! You know me, right? Mind if I crash here a bit? Haha!
—What?! Uh, no! Eek, p-put that blade away, please... grk...!
Lü Bu had barged in demanding temporary shelter, and Zhang Miao had taken him in.
—Hahaha, thanks! I'll repay this threefold!
—Tch, uh, sure. Haha, tch, no problem... uh, I said nothing! Heh, haha...
—What'd I say? Oh, don't tell Cao Cao. You get why, right?
—......Got it. But you stay quiet too. If anything...!
—Hah. Think I'd be that clueless? Even I stabbed Dong Zhuo in the gut. Hahaha.
Whether Zhang Miao had done it willingly was unclear, but in any case, Lü Bu and his men were staying in Puyang for now. Staying as guests forever wasn't sustainable, though.
"Where to next?"
Lü Bu was lost. He'd killed Dong Zhuo and seized power with Wang Yun, but after Wang Yun's death, he'd been driven from Chang'an.
"Tch, father-in-law. You're dead, but I gotta curse you. You insisted on executing Li Jue and Guo Si instead of just accepting their surrender."
Complaining to the dead changed nothing, but following Wang Yun's lead had left him penniless.
His ideal path was killing Li Jue and Guo Si to reclaim Chang'an, but he lacked the strength. He had fewer than a few hundred soldiers under him now, and even they couldn't come to Puyang—they were camped in nearby mountains like bandits. Lü Bu lamented his fall.
"The Supplementary General who once commanded the realm, reduced to this. Tsk tsk."
"Pardon the intrusion, General."
"Who're you?"
"A guest has arrived."
Lü Bu tilted his head at 'guest.' This was one of Zhang Miao's properties. If it were Zhang Miao, they'd say 'master of the house.' No one else qualified as a guest.
"Pleased to meet you, General."
"......Sorry, but leave."
Lü Bu waved off the black-haired woman who'd entered without knocking.
"I've got two wives already."
"...I'm no woman. I'm a strategist."
"...Hoh."
Lü Bu quietly lifted his wine jar. His sticky gaze roamed over the woman in scholar's robes, and he smirked.
"Strategist, huh? Surname Book, given name Strategy? Hahaha!"
"...Chen Gong. Courtesy name Gongtai."
"Ugh. No fun."
Lü Bu wiped his mouth and stood.
"Lü Fengxian."
"I know. No need for introductions."
"None needed. My name says it all. Anyway..."
Lü Bu grabbed his jar and pointed it at Chen Gong as he paced the room.
"What brings you? I hate talkers. Strategists like you scheme up plans that flop half the time. Be brief, or get out."
"Become Governor of Yan Province."
"...Explain."
Lü Bu crossed his arms, jar still in hand.
"Me, Governor of Yan? What about Cao Cao?"
"Cao Cao has lost the people's hearts, and with the current—"
"Ah, too long. Short version."
"......Hah."
Chen Gong sighed openly, irking Lü Bu slightly—but
"We'll revolt. Be our leader, General. Yan Province's elites need strength. That's it."
"Clear. I like it."
Lü Bu grinned at the concise summary.
"So you're rebelling against Cao Cao and need a strong butcher up front?"
"Why call yourself a butcher?"
"I slew the fattest pig in the realm. What else would I be?"
"The Supplementary General who fights a thousand alone."
"Nah, wrong."
Lü Bu thumped his chest.
"I'm the Supplementary General above ten thousand."
"Then use that power to become Governor of Yan?"
"Governor of Yan. Nice ring to it. But doesn't Cao Cao control Yan?"
Lü Bu turned from Chen Gong to gaze out the window.
"He wouldn't have left it unguarded."
"He left plenty of troops. But his recent massacre has turned Yan's people against him. Yan and Xu are neighbors—many have kin there."
"Tragic. So they're rising up?"
"Yes. Everything's ready."
Lü Bu's eyes gleamed.
"Good. Let's do it. I'm officially appointed Magistrate of Chenliu by the court, after all."
Lü Bu pulled a silk scroll from a corner. Inside was fine paper stamped with the emperor's seal in elegant script.
"...Real?"
"Yup. Real. Not the Imperial Seal, but a genuine edict. Not directly from His Majesty, though."
Lü Bu handed the crumpled appointment to Chen Gong.
"That's why I came to Puyang, Chenliu. Why else would I step on Cao Cao's turf?"
"...Coincidence? Or heaven's will?"
"Who knows. Li Jue and Guo Si sent it fearing me, appointing me magistrate here... Perfect timing. This could be a once-in-a-lifetime chance."
Lü Bu drained his jar and seized his halberd from the wall with one hand.
"Listen, Advisor Chen. Can I crush Cao Cao?"
"You, General..."
Chen Gong clasped her fists and bowed.
"...can conquer the realm."
"Good."
Lü Bu donned his cloak and strode out.
"You handle the brains. I'll swing the blade."
* * *
Chen Gong stepped outside. Lü Bu headed to the nearby mountains to gather his men, while she sought out Zhang Miao and bowed before him.
"Lü Bu's in."
"Whew, this is insane. Chen Gong, aren't you scared?"
"Of what?"
"Cao Cao."
Chen Gong smiled bitterly and shook her head.
"Cao Cao's blind to what's brewing behind him. Perfect time to revolt."
"Revolt. Whew, insane. Never thought I'd live to see this..."
Zhang Miao gripped his sword. His trembling hand steadied bit by bit.
"...If we sit tight, Cao Cao'll kill us anyway. Might as well strike first."
"Wise choice, Lord."
"One thing I'm curious about. Weren't you closer to Cao Cao than me? He'd go mad without you."
"Let him. That murderer's a wretch who kills even his benefactors."
"...Just to be sure, I'm asking."
Zhang Miao lowered his voice.
"Did you spread the rumor about Lady Bian?"
"...Heh."
Chen Gong just smirked.
"The realm's scholars spin all sorts of reasons for her actions. Showing Cao Mengde's filial piety by making an example of Xu, or slowly conquering it to solidify his base. Cao Cao's got it easy—whatever he does, others justify it. Commit first, excuse later to suit his taste."
"......And you? What do you think?"
"Cao Mengde..."
Chen Gong continued coldly.
"...is nothing but a raving butcher who slaughters anything blocking his path."