Under the peach tree~
Under the peach tree~
Beneath the peach blossoms, we swore to be brothers~
Liu Bei Guan Yu Zhaaang Fei~
That was roughly the song, from a childhood Romance of the Three Kingdoms cartoon I vaguely remember.
The modern era has produced jokes that aren't quite jokes: reappraisals of Cao Cao, Liu Bei the walking plague god, the curse of the Peach Garden Oath, and so on. Yet if you asked most people who the hero of the Three Kingdoms is, they would still name Liu Bei, her sworn siblings, and Zhuge Liang.
Me, too.
I wouldn't claim to be a Shu fanatic, but the three Liu-Guan-Zhang siblings were my personal favorite characters in the Three Kingdoms. Ever since I found myself in Yuan Shu's body, I had been waiting to meet them.
Liu Bei, who in this era of chaos showed the face of a virtuous ruler who cared for the common people.
Even if it was an act, compared to everyone else who paid zero heed to basic decency or the suffering of the powerless, Liu Bei's character stood out. It was impossible not to find her humanly likable.
I knew perfectly well how large her ambition and capacity truly were. But that, too, was something one accepted as part of who she was.
In any case, the fact that my long-awaited meeting with Liu Bei was finally imminent made my heart pound as I hurried outside.
I had sent an edict, but with everything in the world so twisted, I'd had my doubts about whether it would even arrive. Once I heard about Gongsun Zan, I had more or less abandoned hope.
Which made Liu Bei's completely unexpected appearance that much more heart-fluttering.
I rushed to the entrance of Chenliu City.
The scene that greeted us was more agitated than I had expected.
"Look, I already showed you Her Majesty's own imperial decree. What else do you need to check?"
"Zhang Fei, did our eldest sister not say that all things have their proper procedure?"
"Tch... fine, Guan Yu."
"Wait quietly. Word will come soon enough."
Voices I was hearing for the first time, yet strangely familiar. At this point it hardly surprised me anymore, but I still winced internally at the fact that those voices belonged to women as I passed the soldiers and headed toward them.
"Move aside."
"! Ah... G-General Yuan Shu. How did you come here..."
"These are my guests. You may withdraw."
"Ah... y... yes, General."
"Huh?"
"Yuan Shu? That man?"
"..."
As the soldiers stepped aside, three women came into view. At last I beheld the three brothers of the Peach Garden Oath—no, the Peach Sisters.
Even at a first meeting, the weapons they carried identified them instantly.
Zhang Fei, the Matchless Warrior, looked smaller than I had imagined with the Eight-Zhang Serpent Spear strapped to her back. Guan Yu, the tallest of the three, gave off the air of an elder sister as she stood with her Green Dragon Crescent Blade planted in the ground.
And the woman wearing a rather ornate pair of swords—the Twin Ancient Swords, I thought? As if the famous pun on Liu Bang's name had become hereditary, her chest rivaled Dong Zhuo's, the bustiest woman I knew. Her ears were not so much large as long, their elongated lobes giving her an almost elven look. She had to be...?
'Huh? This person is...'
The moment I properly took in her face, a memory surfaced unbidden.
The woman I had briefly exchanged words with during the Yellow Turban Rebellion suppression in Ji Province.
The one who had left a vivid impression by asking my political leanings the instant we met — I was genuinely stunned to realize that person was Liu Bei.
And then.
"My name is Liu Bei, courtesy name Xuande. I currently serve as magistrate of Gaotang County. Having received Her Majesty's summons, I resolved to join my sworn sisters and answer the call to suppress the traitors. It is a pleasure to meet you again, General Yuan."
She delivered the coup de grâce by addressing me as an acquaintance.
Liu Bei.
I had sensed back then that she was no ordinary person, but I had never imagined that the black-haired, big-breasted elf would turn out to be Liu Bei.
'Tch... if I'd known, I would've gotten her name for sure back then...'
Belated regret flooded in.
The mood back then had actually been pretty decent (?) — if I'd kept a cooler head, I might have been able to skip all this rigmarole, get face-to-face, and even set up a recruitment pitch early on.
But I'd been too busy at the time. Besides, because I hadn't met her then, I had headed to You Province and run into Sun Jian, so it wasn't a total loss... hell, it still stings that I missed her when she was right in front of me.
Anyway, whatever the circumstances, I had finally met the Liu Bei Three Sisters.
Since this was an official setting, I kept my expression as solemn as I could and addressed them in a dignified voice.
"I am Yuan Shu, General Who Conquers the North, now serving as coalition leader by Her Majesty's command. I, too, am pleased to meet you again, Lord Liu."
"I am grateful for your hospitality, General Yuan."
"Thank you, General Yuan."
Liu Bei bowed courteously, and Guan Yu and Zhang Fei followed their eldest sister's lead.
With that meeting, which was and wasn't a first encounter, concluded, I was about to guide them inside in high spirits.
But...
"Gonglu."
"Huh?!"
The next moment, Dong Zhuo hooked her arm through mine without hesitation, right in front of everyone. Her soft chest pressed against me and I felt a pang of bewilderment.
"Wh... what is it, Zhongying?"
"What do you mean, 'what is it'... This person — Liu Bei, was it? From the look of things, you two seem to have known each other for a while. Surely I deserve an introduction, don't I?"
"Ah... that's true... fine, just back off a little..."
"Hmm?"
"Nrgh... never mind. Lord Liu, this is the vice leader of our coalition. Her name is..."
"Pleased to meet you, Magistrate Liu. I am Dong Zhuo, General of the Left. Courtesy name Zhongying. As you can see, I am very close to our General Yuan."
"... I see. The fame of the General of the Left who crushed the Yellow Turbans is well known to me. I look forward to serving alongside you."
"Right. I'm not sure how much help three hundred men led by a mere county magistrate can be, but do your best."
Despite Dong Zhuo's thoroughly prickly attitude, Liu Bei merely offered a light smile. Watching her composure, so unchanged from the Original Timeline where Liu Bei kept calm in nearly every situation, I thought to myself once again: even with her gender swapped, Liu Bei is still Liu Bei.
As a bonus, the scene overlapped with the story of Dong Zhuo scorning Liu Bei simply for being a volunteer soldier, even after Liu Bei had saved her while she was fleeing the Yellow Turbans in the Romance.
'But even if she had her pride at stake in the Romance, why is she this prickly at a first meeting now... are they just fundamentally incompatible?'
When you meet lots of people, you occasionally run into someone you dislike for no particular reason. The original timeline never elaborated on it, but maybe Liu Bei and Dong Zhuo had been exactly that kind of pair from the start.
"All right, both of you, that's enough. Standing around at the city gate forever isn't ideal, so let's all head inside."
"Hmph..."
"Understood, General."
Hoping to defuse the increasingly hostile atmosphere, I ushered the Liu Bei party into the city. Dong Zhuo's sour expression the entire time left me feeling unnecessarily guilty.
*
The person who had come with three hundred troops, her sworn sisters, and a letter from Tian Kai: Liu Bei, county magistrate.
A woman descended from Prince Jing of Zhongshan, Liu Sheng — famous for his prolific loins (he had one hundred twenty children) — who carried the blood of the Han Imperial House.
That said, Liu Sheng had lived roughly two hundred fifty years ago. The imperial blood was so faint that calling her a relative of the Emperor was an embarrassment.
And yet, from the very first glance, Dong Zhuo knew. Whatever else might be true, that woman's claim of Han lineage was absolutely genuine.
The black hair and red eyes characteristic of the imperial bloodline were there, but... what truly stood out were those enormous udders.
As befitted a descendant of Emperor Gaozu Liu Bang, whose bosom was said to be the finest in all history, Liu Bei's did not lose even to Dong Zhuo's.
As a woman, it made Dong Zhuo feel instinctively on guard.
Immediately afterward, she picked up on the oddly intimate air between Liu Bei and Yuan Shu. Yuan Shu himself claimed they had merely met by chance and talked once, but others might not see it — Dong Zhuo saw it plainly.
The way Yuan Shu looked at this Liu Bei was anything but ordinary.
It was a reaction entirely different from the one you'd give a casual acquaintance.
It almost felt like... the response of someone who had finally met the person they'd been longing to see for many years.
'Talked... just what did they talk about to make him react this familiarly?...'
Their statuses and hometowns were utterly different. The amount of time they could possibly have spent together had to be short. The crux, then, would be that so-called "brief conversation." What could they have said to each other to produce this kind of reaction? Question and anxiety churned together in Dong Zhuo's mind.
She hadn't shown it, but lately Dong Zhuo had sensed the situation around her... more precisely, the behavior of the women around Yuan Shu, was far from normal.
Starting with Cao Cao, Yuan Shu's childhood friend, whom she'd flagged as a rival from the day they first met. Then Sun Jian, who was increasingly acting like the Empress Dowager's confidante, and Empress Dowager He's own movements. Add to that Ji Ling and Xu Rong, who were subtly trying to spend more time with Yuan Shu.
On top of that, even Yuan Shao — his cousin, so it probably wouldn't happen, but she clearly carried strong feelings for her younger relation.
For the moment, the immediate goal of the Luoyang Recovery Campaign kept everything quiet. But before long, a storm was bound to break out over "her man."
And in this situation, another woman had appeared who openly drew Yuan Shu's interest...
She had promised a future with him, but they hadn't yet brought it to clear fruition. For Dong Zhuo, this could only fuel her unease.
That was unacceptable. She had already twisted her whole life's purpose for this man, had she not?
She was not about to let some wench who'd come out of nowhere steal the happiness she'd finally found.
Feeling the anxiety churn inside her, Dong Zhuo pulled his arm even tighter against herself.
'I will never... lose him. You belong only to me... to Dong Zhuo alone...'
*
The coalition army had at last finished assembling.
General Who Conquers the North, Yuan Shu.
General of the Left, Dong Zhuo.
Colonel of the Central Army, Yuan Shao.
Colonel of the Vanguard, Cao Cao.
Inspector of Yu Province, Kong Zhou.
Inspector of Yan Province, Liu Dai.
Chancellor of Jibei, Bao Xin.
Chancellor of Beihai, Kong Rong.
Governor of Henei, Wang Kuang.
Governor of Chenliu, Zhang Miao.
Governor of Shanyang, Yuan Yi.
Governor of Dong Commandery, Qiao Mao.
Marquis of Wucheng, Sun Jian.
Magistrate of Gaotang County, Liu Bei.
Fourteen lords in total, answering the Emperor's edict, with an army of two hundred fifty thousand under their command.
Fewer lords had answered the call than the eighteen who gathered in the Romance, but the military strength was actually greater than in the story. The Yuan Clan and I had mobilized our full strength in earnest, and on top of that, Dong Zhuo's large army had joined. Our forces had actually increased.
Before the great host that packed the fields outside Chenliu City, young Liu Bian stood unshaken and read the edict with dignity.
"I, the Emperor, command you. You lords who have gathered at my command: march on Luoyang at once and bring the traitors to justice! Remember that the revival of the Han's ancestor's work and the peace of All Under Heaven rest upon your shoulders!"
"We receive the imperial decree!"
"Long live Her Majesty! Long live! Ten thousand years!"
"Ten thousand years! Ten thousand times ten thousand years!"
The lords and soldiers knelt and bowed at the Emperor's declaration of advance.
With the campaign's opening ceremony concluded, the other lords and I immediately began our march toward Sishui Pass.
And the enemy who stood in our path...
"The vanguard commander is... who did you say?"
"Reports indicate that the enemy commander Zhang Liao is defending Sishui Pass with forty thousand troops."
'... Goddammit...'
By the standards of the Records, this was someone who had written a legend.