Cao Cao's Mind Is on Lady Gan, Not the Battle of Guandu

The Cao Cao army's high command convened their war council not far from the observation room of the massage parlor. The attendees were the very same people who had just taken part in the special training, so the meeting began the instant they changed rooms.

Cao Cao took the chair at the head of the table. To his left sat the strategists — Xun Yu, Xun You, and Cheng Yu. To his right, the military officers filed into place in order: Xiahou Dun, Yu Jin, Man Chong, Li Dian, Xu Chu, and Yue Jin. Between Xiahou Dun and Yu Jin, two seats still stood empty for Xiahou Yuan and Cao Hong, who had yet to arrive.

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

Jia Xu, having straightened his clothes, and Guo Jia, still a little unsteady on his feet, came in and claimed the vacant seats among the strategists.

"Hm? What's this, Guo Jia. You look suddenly unwell."

"I'm on my period."

"Right, then. Let's begin."

Anyone with eyes could see that something was off with Guo Jia's face, but Cao Cao's army, long acquainted with that eccentric personality, collectively decided to let it slide.

Cao Cao opened.

"As you all know, Guo Jia and I had planned to stay at Guandu another two days or so and inspect the defensive posture of the northern bases. And yet here we are, back already. Though I will say — thanks to that, I did get a taste of something rather fine."

"Hey, Mengde! Who the hell just jumps the line and creampies them first?!"

Xiahou Dun lodged the protest on behalf of every male general in the room.

"So what? I already said Lady Mi is yours, so what's the problem?"

"That's not the point! I wanted to be the first to cum in those unopened, brand-new pussies!"

Cao Cao's face twisted in sheer disbelief.

"Unopened brand-new pussies? You idiot! They're both married women! Those are used pussies, both of them!"

"They'd never been creampied, though! Their wombs were still virgin! Don't think I don't know you wanted to dump a load in both of them first, you greedy bastard!"

Cao Cao pointed at Xiahou Dun with a look that said, can someone explain this lunatic, and Xu Chu piped up at once.

"Please understand, my lord. We actually played rock-paper-scissors over who'd get to cum in Lady Mi first, and General Xiahou Dun won."

"Is that so? Then next time, Yuanrang can be first to take Lady Mi. There. Problem solved."

"Solved, my ass! That still makes me second! I wanted to be first!"

A voice like ice struck the back of Xiahou Dun's skull.

Every man in the room felt his spine turn to frost.

Xiahou Yuan, having changed her clothes, swept into the council chamber trailing a powder of ice in her wake. Xiahou Dun, who had surged to his feet in a towering rage, held the pose and spoke in a voice of sudden, solemn gravity.

"I was saying I'd like to be the first man to fight at the vanguard in the coming decisive battle against Yuan Shao's army, Mengde."

"I'll take the front myself, Yuanrang. You can settle for second."

Cao Cao, who had likewise bolted from his seat, answered in a tone of matching seriousness, not a flicker of expression changing on his face.

"Cut the crap and sit your asses down."

The bright, cheerful laugh belonged to Cao Hong, who had come in right behind her. Cao Cao and Xiahou Dun sank back into their chairs in an awkward half-crouch.

"We've already kneaded those two used pussies nice and soft for you, so pick a day and roast them, steam them, however you like to eat them. Now can we get to the part where our army is completely fucked?"

Guo Jia, reclining in his chair, shot a thumbs-up at the grinning Cao Hong. The male generals bowed their heads as one.

Xiahou Yuan took the seat directly beside Xiahou Dun. Under that scorching gaze, he looked as if he were being slowly gnawed out of existence.

Cao Cao cleared his throat for no particular reason.

"Ahem... as I was saying. We went to inspect the northern positions, and the volume of wood debris washing down from the upper Yellow River was enormous. Timber in such quantities that it was sighted not only at Cangting Port but even from the fortress at Baima — the Yellow River was carpeted with it."

"Timber... they're building warships, then. If it's coming from upstream, the most likely source is Liyang Port."

Cao Cao nodded at Xun Yu's analysis.

"The weather around the Yellow River has been poor of late, so our scouts' visibility has been wretched. What we've found this time may not be the whole of it. In fact, Zhang Kai at Mount Tai, further downstream, has sent in a similar report. Timber for ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠warships is flooding the river even that far. We're talking about a staggering scale. Xun You — what size force did we estimate Yuan Shao could field?"

"Cheng Yu and I put it at twice our own. Brother Xun Yu estimated as much as five times..."

Xun You glanced toward Guo Jia and swallowed.

"Lord Guo Jia analyzed that ten times was possible."

"Yes. I had hoped Cheng Yu and Xun You would be right. But judging by the scale we saw with our own eyes, I think we have to place it between Xun Yu's figure at best and Guo Jia's at worst."

Every strategist except Guo Jia and Jia Xu put a hand to his forehead.

"Five to ten times..." Xun You sighed.

Cheng Yu was furious. "The damage we took from that Liu Bei bastard is huge! Of the soldiers he led away, not even half came back. On top of that, putting down the rebellion in Xu Province forced us to garrison far more troops there than we'd planned. We never should have sent him to Xu Province in the first place...!"

The old strategist's gaze stabbed toward his lord. Cao Cao looked pointedly elsewhere.

"C-Cao— my lord! I told you plainly to beware of Liu Bei! Kill him or lock him up — one or the other!"

"Ah, Zhongde, why dredge up old business?"

Cheng Yu's voice rose, and the tips of his beard bristled as if each hair were standing on end.

"I told you that, and you still attached ten thousand soldiers to the man and sent him off to put down Yuan Shu...!"

"And Yuan Shu was put down!"

"And that Liu Bei bastard never came back!"

"Which is why I went and beat him again!"

"You didn't catch him! That Liu Bei bastard!"

"We couldn't find a corpse, that's all — we don't even know if he's alive or dead!"

"If there's no corpse, he escaped alive! And what do you intend to do if he's gone over to Yuan Shao? That man will claim he received a secret edict from the Emperor!"

For Cao Cao, this was a problem that brought a cold sweat.

Not long ago, Emperor Xian of Han had issued a blood letter commanding Cao Cao's death — and hundreds had been executed for it, ringleaders included. Liu Bei's name had been written on that letter.

In other words, if Liu Bei was alive and had thrown in with Yuan Shao — Cao Cao's enemy — he would be handing Yuan Shao's army the perfect justification to raise a war.

"The Emperor himself said he never wrote any such secret edict, so that matter is closed! And besides — this time I brought Lady Ga— Guan Yu back with me!"

"Ah, you were about to say Lady Gan and Lady Mi! You throw away tens of thousands of soldiers, pick up two married women, and that's something to brag about?!"

Guo Jia pounced on Cao Cao's slip without mercy.

"I did not! Guan Yu! I said Guan Yu!"

"Would you give the married women a rest, seriously! Going to..."

Guo Jia let the rest trail off, conscious of Jia Xu sitting beside him — but everyone at the table knew exactly what he had been about to say.

Lose everything again, like with Lady Zou?

Cao Cao said it with an easy smile. Jia Xu let the look directed at him slide off as if it were nothing, and did not react at all.

Cao Cao gathered the heated room back into order.

"Now ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠then, Xun Yu. Tally the soldiers we can actually put in the field."

Xun Yu spread a map of the Yellow River basin across the table at the center of the chamber.

Xun Yu set ten figurines, carved in the shape of soldiers, upon the map. They stood at Xuchang — Cao Cao's stronghold, and the very hall in which they now sat.

"At present, the maximum force we can mobilize is approximately one hundred thousand. To the south, we must leave ten thousand to watch Liu Biao of Jingzhou. To the east, another ten thousand to watch Sun Ce of Jiangnan. Xu Province originally needed no great garrison, but the aftermath of the rebellion Liu Bei raised has forced us to station some ten thousand there as well."

Three figurines were moved to the places marked Liu Biao, Sun Ce, and Xu Province. Seven remained at Xuchang.

Xiahou Dun tapped the west, where Chang'an stood.

"What about the west? Any chance Ma Teng and Han Sui come pouring in?"

"Fortunately, diplomacy has more or less kept that quarter in check. Even if they did attack, Chang'an will not fall easily, so we will not commit a large force there separately. The trade-off is that conscription from the west is also impossible."

"So we write it off as nothing. Got it."

This time Li Dian pointed below Xuchang.

"Runan — what about here? It's that Yuan Shao bastard's hometown. Could be trouble, couldn't it?"

"Yes. There are already stirrings of rebellions, large and small. It isn't bad enough yet to warrant committing troops, but once the war begins, factions will certainly erupt. We can't go around snipping every sprout, though. It'll be cleaner to crush them all at once when they actually break out."

"And if they march straight on Xuchang? That's a problem, isn't it?"

"Which is why we must leave ten thousand to defend the capital — and at least another ten thousand in reserve, so we can reinforce whichever front runs into trouble."

Xun Yu left two figurines at Xuchang and pushed the remaining five north.

To Guandu.

The land of the decisive battle.