The Hesitant Call
I finished my song stream successfully and thanked the Jireongi in a voice that was barely there. The chat responded with warm encouragement.
“My throat hurts a little… I think I should end the stream here for today.”
I smiled softly and waved at everyone. They told me to go rest. They really were such good people. I decided to end the stream there to spare my throat and waved energetically, even if the camera couldn’t catch it.
“Bam-ba…! See you tomorrow.”
The stream ended. The chat window froze. I closed the virtual program, then the streaming software, and pulled out the webcam just in case.
“Huuu… That was rough.”
I shut down the computer, already thinking about diving into bed. The monitor went dark, and the dim room came into view.
“…Maybe it’s okay to open the curtains a little now.”
The thought came out of nowhere. Was this a sign I was changing? I smiled faintly and stood up, heading toward the blackout curtains. A sliver of sunlight peeked through.
“…!!”
My eyes stung the moment I saw the light. As expected, it was still too much.
“…I’ll try again later.”
Smiling softly, I burrowed into the blankets. Warm and safe. When you don’t want to do anything, blankets really are the best. I curled up and tried to nap. My eyes slowly closed. The weather was getting warmer, but it was still pleasant. In that cozy warmth, the tension that never quite left me finally eased, and for the first time in a while, I fell asleep without insomnia.
[10:00 am]
“…That wasn’t a nap.”
I woke up and could only mutter that after checking the clock. I must have been more exhausted than I thought from all the crying and chaos lately. What I thought would be a short nap turned into waking up the next morning at dawn.
“Was I that worn out…?”
I sighed, pressing a hand to my throbbing head. Once the headache eased a little, I looked at my phone and saw dozens of unread messages. They were all congratulations for successfully restarting and finishing my stream after the panic. There were also several missed calls.
When I messaged Jiwoo and Minwoo back, it turned out they had called because I wasn’t reading their texts and they got worried.
“Ah… Sorry. Don’t shout.”
“Y-yeah. I will… A lot of people seem to like it.”
“Ehehe……”
I scratched my head awkwardly. Jiwoo asked another question.
A wave of melancholy washed over me. I pulled the blanket closer and lay back down, shaking my head.
“N-no. I can’t.”
“…Because I’m sorry.”
“Well… I guess so?”
“……”
At Jiwoo’s words, I stared blankly at the chair in front of my desk.
‘Suhyun is an amazing person! You’ll be able to handle it!’
My friend who always called me amazing and gave me the courage to report everything to the police when I finally broke down. It wasn’t Yeon-a’s fault that I collapsed. It was entirely my own.
‘…Hospital! Let’s go to the hospital, Suhyun.’
If I had taken her hand and gone to the hospital back then, would my life be different now? I couldn’t know for sure. But there was one thing I did know.
‘You’re going too fast…! Stop! It’s slippery!’
‘Haha! Biking in the rain feels great, right?’
‘Scaryyyy!!’
Thanks to Yeon-a, my hellish teenage years had been a little more bearable. I smiled softly and murmured into the phone.
“…Yeah.”
“O-oh, okay then… Should I get ready?”
“Ah… Y-yeah!”
After hanging up, I smiled and looked at the trash scattered around the house.
“…Maybe I should clean up a bit.”
As I thought that and stared at the disconnected phone, I noticed a familiar name in the missed calls list.
“…!!”
Gul. Yeon-a’s number from long ago, when we’d lost contact.
“…What? What is this? Huh…?”
Seeing that number made me freeze. Of course I had assumed she changed it after all this time with no contact. I quickly tried to call, but—
“…I can’t.”
I stopped myself. Did someone like me even have the right to talk to Yeon-a? The thought wouldn’t leave my head. I hated myself for pushing away the friend who had tried to help me.
“…Sorry. I’m sorry, Yeon-a.”
I couldn’t hide how awkward I felt. No tears came. By now, even that much emotion had dried up.
“Haa……”
If I had taken her hand back then. Or maybe—
“…Even if it’s late, if she’s reaching out again.”
Maybe this time I should take it. With that thought, I reached out.
—
The ringtone echoed hollowly in the tense silence. I held my breath and waited for the call to connect. Eventually the ringing stopped, and Yeon-a picked up.
“…!!”
[……]
For a moment I was startled that she actually answered. Then nothing but silence from the other end.
‘She must have changed her number after all.’
Just as I thought that and was about to give up—
“Ughhh… Hello…? I don’t want insurance……”
A half-dead voice reached my ears. Exhausted and slurred, but unmistakably familiar.
‘Yeon-a…!’
It was her. No doubt about it. Overjoyed, I called her name.
“…Yeon-aaa…! Ugh… My tongue…!”
“Eh?”
—Click.
“…?”
The call ended. I stared blankly at the disconnected phone.
Duration: 00:00:45
“……”
Of course she wouldn’t want to talk. I was the one who ended things so selfishly. Still, the sadness wouldn’t go away.
Beer bottles rolled across the floor. Yeon-a lay sprawled on the wide living room sofa, reaching for her loudly ringing phone. Her head felt like it was splitting from the hangover. But something far more shocking than any hangover was about to hit her.
“…Yeon-aaa…! Ugh… My tongue…!”
A dumb, slurred voice calling her name while chewing on her own tongue. Hearing that dazed voice, Yeon-a felt her foggy mind clear in an instant. Her hands and mouth moved on their own. The call had already ended.
—Click!
“……”
Yeon-a’s head spun in confusion.
‘Suhyun!? Why? Huh? What…? What the hell?’
It felt like a dream, but the pounding headache quickly reminded her it wasn’t. Memories of last night flooded back. After hanging up with Haram, Yeon-a had been smoking and staring out at the rainy window when she dazedly pulled out an expensive bottle of liquor, poured it, and started chugging like crazy.
‘Puah! Drink and die, you crazy bitch, eheheh.’
She’d even grabbed beer from the fridge. It didn’t take long before she was completely wasted. And in that state, she had called Suhyun.
‘Suh—hic!—Suhyun… Call her… What? Missed call?! Hic, can’t help it then… Let’s drink!’
The image of herself drunkenly singing while calling a number that might have changed flashed through her mind.
‘Crazy crazy crazy crazy.’
Her face flushed instantly. Her heart pounded like it might burst. Yeon-a threw the phone onto the sofa and jumped up, stomping her feet in a panic.
“Aaaah…!! Crazy bitch crazy bitch crazy bitch!!”
She smacked her own head repeatedly. The room spun. With one eye nearly blind, everything was blurry and dizzying.
“Uurp…!!”
The aftermath of last night hit her. Cursing herself for chugging so much liquor, Yeon-a rushed to the bathroom. She threw up until her stomach and the toilet were practically high-fiving. Once she felt a little better, she came out, put in her lenses, and flopped down.
“Haa… You crazy bitch……”
She sighed heavily.
“……”
Then it hit her. Suhyun still hadn’t changed her number.
“…Do you think we could be close again?”
The realization sank in—their stubborn connection still hadn’t been severed.