It's Okay to Be Sad
I somehow managed to overcome the massive shock of one million won and offered my thanks. "Th-thank you so much... You really don't need a refund?"
"Hiiik!? N-no...! I'm not a materialist...!" My eyes widened in shock as I bowed my head over and over, insisting it was fine. The Jireongi burst into laughter.
My face flushed red. Before locking the donations, I issued a threat that wasn't quite a threat. "I-I'm gonna lock the donations... Please stop doing that."
"I-if you want to throw money around, you'd better behave yourself..."
I took a deep breath and brought my mouth to the mic. Singing, huh. I'd hummed before, but never in front of anyone else. 'I'm nervous...' Back in middle school, right after classes, someone had once caught me humming. 'You seem like you'd be good at singing.' That was the friend who had been my support in childhood—and the very reason I eventually had no choice but to break down. Their voice echoed in my ears. 'I wonder if they're doing well.' Tears threatened to spill already. The feeling that I'd definitely cry if I sang spread through me. A song that made my throat tighten just from seeing the title. Looking at that title, I asked the Jireongi for one favor.
"Um... This song holds precious memories for me, so I might cry while singing it."
Everyone told me it was okay. I smiled faintly at that, and something warm trickled down my cheek. "Then... I'll start. The song title is 'It's Okay to Be Sad.' Huuu... I-is this how you do it?"
I wasn't confident in my singing skills or anything. Still, I didn't think I'd be bad at it. After all, in my past life I'd been pretty decent at singing. 'I don't know how it'll be now that my body's changed, though.' With a trembling heart, I held the mic close and felt the melody flowing in.
"......"
The drums led slowly, and a lyrical piano sound followed.
Soon the song swelled slightly to signal its start. Waiting for the beat, I took one breath and began to sing.
"...Will I ever understand?"
"Every day, struggling and suffering—what can someone like me even do?"
Slowly, with a trembling voice, I recited the lyrics. Before I knew it, the chat was waving glow sticks in time with the song. There were no custom emotes yet, so everyone was stuck with the defaults. Regardless, I continued the uneasy melody. The notes didn't catch in my throat. The anxious feeling wouldn't go away, but I sang carefully without messing up the pitch. I was terrified of going off-key, and my breath almost caught in the middle, but I kept singing. They didn't seem to notice. That I was crying right now.
'Why don't you try singing? Let's become idols together later!'
'Ah, idols...'
'Yeah! It's my dream. What's your name?'
'W-we're in the same class... I'm Yoo Suhyun... You are...?'
'...Sorry, I'm —'
The past with that slightly eccentric friend flowed through my mind. The friend who had let me attend school for a little while. The one who had protected me right before I got bullied again, just like in my past life. And the friend I had ultimately pushed away. The tears burst forth.
"Hic...! I-it's okay to be sad, you can stand up again...!"
The moment the flashback ended, the tears exploded out. The tears that had been trickling slowly now blurred my vision. My already unstable breathing finally gave way. Since the first verse had just ended, I stopped the song right there. Having sung only half of the four-minute song, I wiped my tears and let out a ragged breath.
"...I-I'm sorry."
Even though the song had been cut off midway, everyone told me it was fine. "I-it's okay... I just remembered a friend..." I found a tissue, wiped my tears, blew my nose, and sniffled. "Huuu... Heheh, I'm really okay."
The existence of that friend was something even my family didn't know about. But since I'd already mentioned it, I decided to just tell them. "No... We just grew a little distant, that's all."
"I-I'm sorry... Did I scare you?" I sniffled and asked. The Jireongi said it was fine. I smiled faintly and let out a breath of relief. "Huuu... Singing feels really nice..."
It had been so long since I'd sung, and it felt wonderful. Even though it had been decades. 'Come to think of it... Was being a singer one of my dreams in my past life too...?' It was a shame that I could barely remember the memories from when I still had dreams. How brightly had I shone, and how deeply had I been hurt?
They asked if I was okay and if I took requests. I stared blankly at them and sniffled. My throat didn't feel bad, and singing earlier had loosened it up a bit, so I thought I could sing more. This time I was confident I could do better. "...I-I think I can do it better this time... I-if you want me to."
The Jireongi kept asking me to sing more. The way their characters fidgeted was so adorable. "Y-you all seem a little cute... Heheh, cute."
When I honestly shared my feelings, the chat filled with question marks.
"D-don't I look hideous...? I keep stuttering and limping."
They told me that this side of me was good. It felt like they were saying they liked me just as I was, and tears threatened to fall again. "Thank you... I'll sing my best. I don't know what's cute about it, though......"
"...If you marry me you'll regret it. I-I think they call it a landmine...?"
"In the community... I heard it a lot."
They got excited at that. I was startled and quickly begged them to just tell me song requests instead. "J-just tell me song requests...! Don't do weird stuff!"
After a while, I stared blankly at the ridiculously long request list. "...F-first, I'll only sing the ones I know today... Shall we do the rest before the stream ends every time...?"
And so, for the foreseeable future, I found myself in a position where I had no choice but to practice singing.
* * *
In a dark room.
"Ah, thank you for the donation!" The female VTuber who was doing an endurance stream smiled brightly at the incoming donation and thanked them.
She sang while sniffling, yet her pitch didn't waver in the slightest and she hit the high notes cleanly. Her viewers were all full of praise, chuckling away. However, the female streamer herself couldn't smile at all.
"...Huh?"
Because that voice was an extremely familiar one.
The video ended just like that. She had to struggle for a long time just to keep her mind together. 'Suhyun...?' It felt like she had just encountered the person she still regretted to this day.