Okay, Horror Game Time......(1)
The beeping alarm jolted me awake from my deep sleep. Unlike before, when opening my eyes only brought a heavy wave of depression because I lacked even the courage to end it all, now I immediately checked how my body was feeling.
"…I'm okay. Thank goodness." I'd finally found something I wanted to do. I was just starting to feel happy, and I didn't want to die. It wasn't that I wanted to die but was too scared to go through with it. I simply had no desire to consider that option anymore. I wanted to live a life where I could keep moving forward.
I wanted to offer some quiet comfort to my past self, too.
"I can do it again… I can do this." I murmured the words and pulled myself into a tight hug. Even in my previous life, I had picked myself up after falling apart. Of course, more things happened afterward and I ended up breaking again. I was terrified the same thing would happen this time, but now I knew better.
"…That doesn't mean I should run away." I was going to show them. My parents from my past life, and my parents in this one. That I was living well. That even without them—people who ignored me, hit me, and ran away—I had plenty of good people by my side and could live just fine on my own.
"I'm going to become someone amazing……" After saying that, I unwrapped the bandages to check my wounds. The injuries were slowly healing. I sprayed disinfectant over them again and applied ointment.
"Ugh…!" It stung. Still, I kept going and finished applying the ointment.
"Huuu… Bandages, the clean ones." I wrapped the fresh bandages Jiwoo had brought me around the wounds. New ointment, new disinfectant, new bandages. Everything was clean, so the wounds would probably heal quickly.
"Phew…! Done." I smiled at the neatly wrapped bandages. Whenever the bandages came out looking pretty, the day tended to go well. People in matches were kind and supportive, or the toxic ones left on their own, or I found the courage to block someone.
"Maybe something good will happen today." A soft smile formed on my lips. How long had it been since I'd smiled while looking forward to something? I could barely remember the last time I'd felt hopeful about anything.
"…Before I remembered my past life, I must have still had some expectations." Memories of those nights when the children and I shared warmth while gazing at the city lights outside the window flashed through my mind. Even during my miserable childhood, those moments had been happy.
"…Haa, I should get ready for the stream." I got out of bed, limping toward the bathroom, and flipped on the light.
-Click!
"Ugh!!" The sudden brightness nearly blinded me and I almost fell, but my right leg—stronger today—caught me just in time.
"Oh……" See? Days when the bandages looked nice really were lucky.
After my shower, I sat in front of the computer and started downloading the game I'd bought yesterday.
"F-Fast." It was my first time downloading something other than EoW, and the speed was impressive. I marveled at the new computer humming away, then pulled the mic closer, put on my headphones, and tested it.
"M-Mic test… Ugh, I hate hearing my own voice." It sounded cracked and awful, probably because I'd been crying so much. People always complimented my voice, but I still couldn't get used to it.
"…They're probably just being nice." I finished the mic test and moved on to the facial expressions check.
"Mmmph mmph mmph." Mouth: normal.
"Hup…! Uum?" Cheeks puffed: normal.
"Heehee, uuu…, uup!" Laughing, crying, getting angry: normal. The laughing and angry expressions looked especially awkward and trembled, but the mirror showed the same thing, so I decided to ignore it.
"…It'll probably change once I get better at smiling. For now, it's fine." I muttered to myself, grabbed a hair tie, and made two little buns on either side of my head—the same hairstyle my runaway mom used to do for me when I was little.
"…Still can't let go, huh." Whether in my past life or this one, she was the only person who had ever shown me anything like maternal love. Letting go wasn't easy. Not that opening up to her had done me any good—I'd just been betrayed.
"…Bad person." Feeling the gloom creeping back in, I picked up the box cutter.
"J-Just a little should be okay……" I murmured and lightly dragged the blade across my fingertip. Bright red blood welled up.
"Haa… hng… ow!" It hurt. At the same time, my chest began to calm. My brain released endorphins to dull the pain, soothing me. The tightness in my chest eased.
"Huu… Bad woman… If I ever meet her, I want to ask why she left me……" She could've at least taken me with her. If she'd reported everything instead of slipping away alone, none of this misery would have happened.
"……" The darkness returned. Tears threatened to spill, so I hurried to start the stream, desperate for comfort.
Even after waiting about ten minutes, the number didn't go up. No matter how much buzz there was, this seemed to be the limit. Still, it was a lot for day two, so I nodded in satisfaction. From now on, the most important thing was to keep these people hooked and turn them into lifelong Jireongi wrigglers.
"Hic… G-Good morning everyone. Have a nice morning……" I greeted them with a tearful voice. It was currently 10:30 a.m., so the greeting wasn't strange. Everyone responded in kind.
"Ehehe… I almost missed it… I-I'm gonna blow my nose real quick."
"Yesterday… hng! Hue… I was so happy I cried."
"Heheh… When I'm too happy, only tears come out."
"Why would I be anyone's wife… hic! Marrying me would just bring you bad luck, no no… hng! Hue, I blew my nose."
After calming everyone down, I changed the stream title and introduced today's content.
"Today I'm playing a horror game… lemme fix the title real quick."
"Oh, we passed 100 viewers. Congrats, everyone."
"Uh… it's a game where you escape from a mental hospital. I think it was the final escape route."
"If it looks like I'm actually gonna faint, I'll just end the stream. Then you can recommend something else……"
"H-Heart rate? It's probably a little high right now……"
"Ah, d-donations, just a sec." I opened donations and immediately got flooded with support—and equally loud protests against the horror game content.
"Uh, uhh… singing stream… I'll try that in part two… I-I like singing. And a wink? Ah… I'm not sure if you'll like it, but okay."
While I accepted many requests after opening donations, I firmly shook my head at any suggestions to skip the horror game.
"I already bought it… I'll just try a little. If it doesn't work, I'll quit right away."
Since I'd already spent the money, I figured I should at least give it a shot.
"Once you buy something, it's bought."
"Just in case I actually die, I'll turn on the heart rate monitor so you guys can report me……"
I connected the heart rate monitor I'd prepared and displayed it on stream.
"It's higher than I thought……"
"My resting rate is already a bit high, and I'm nervous… haha." I scratched my head awkwardly and brought up the game screen. A collective groan rose from the chat.