The Debut Q&A: Smiles Through the Tears
Q, Q&A time… All the greetings were over. Now the Q&A segment was approaching. "Huu… don't get nervous." Having already anticipated a flood of questions like last time, I clutched my top-tier counselor tightly and stared at the chat window.
"P-Please take it slow. I'll answer anything, so… j-just take it slow, okay?"
The viewers were getting wildly excited by the way I tearfully begged them to go slow, but maybe they were being considerate—because the chat scrolled up much more slowly than usual. Feeling relieved, I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the questions that would soon come flying in.
In the meantime, the first question arrived.
I had more or less expected this. After all, whenever a VTuber—or any YouTuber—opens a Q&A, the very first question is always this one.
"I-I expected this question…! I-I got it!"
Overflowing with pride at having predicted it correctly, I answered brightly.
"Ah, today I’m wearing white… Thank you for the first question…! Heheh."
"N-Next question, please!"
As soon as I said that, questions poured in. The most common ones were about my mama.
They had already figured out it was our teacher. Startled, I nodded and answered.
"Th-That’s right… No, Mizuame Akari made it for me."
People said it was fine. I shook my head and gently scolded them not to casually reveal real names.
"I-I’m not really in a position to say this, but… sh-she might feel bad about it… Heheh."
Everyone seemed happy that I smiled. Since most of my memories of smiling involved getting hit or mocked, this felt like a completely new experience. I thanked them.
"Th-Thank you… for liking it. I-I’ll try to smile a lot more from now on… Heh."
"Wh-What’s a menhera……"
Mama had suddenly appeared. I stared blankly at the chat that had erupted into chaos because of her. Then Mama said she’d given her support and would be heading out now.
"Ah, p-please get home safely…!"
Surrounded by everyone’s reactions, I ended up spilling even more TMI.
"Uh… I-I’m 2-23 years old."
Starting with my age, the viewers began asking about my favorite game, favorite food, least favorite food, my mindset going forward, and even future plans for children. Since I enjoyed all the attention, I answered every single question without missing one.
"M-My favorite game is EoW… I-I don’t like dark, gloomy games? Yeah… I only want reality to be gloomy."
"F-Favorite food is chicken… Least favorite is, um… milk that’s been left out for three days. I-I almost died after being forced to drink it once before… Yeah……"
"I-I’m not pitiful. P-Please ask the next question……"
"Uh… I-I’m the type who gets really shy around people… B-But I really wanted to stream… So I wanted to be a VTuber who could talk with just facial expressions without showing my face or needing to speak……"
When I said that, viewers asked why I revealed my voice then. I smiled softly and answered.
"Ah! I-I kept hearing people say I was a netkama… So I turned on the mic. Some people liked it, but they were getting hate because of me… Yeah."
"I’m not hurt…! I-I’m okay, don’t cry. I’ll really work hard from now on!"
Once everyone calmed down, they started throwing playful questions again.
"Kids? I-I think it’s best not to have any if possible… It only passes on pain… I don’t have the confidence to take responsibility… And more than anything, whether they’d even be able to settle properly in my body……"
"Don’t cry… Please ask the next question."
"Ah… I-I’ll open them starting from the next stream… Today’s stream was too short, so it felt a bit awkward to receive……"
"Ah… Uhh… Y-You’re not angry, right…? H-Hic! That’s just it, right?"
"Ah… A joke. Thank goodness… Hehet."
With my tension finally eased, I continued streaming for about thirty more minutes, sincerely answering every question. And so, my debut stream came to a successful close.
* * *
"T-Today was so much fun… hic! The only people who’ve listened to me this well are Mama and all of you… Thank you… Hic!"
"*sniff*… Thank you… *sniffle*."
"Neheh… See you tomorrow, everyone."
With that, I ended the stream with a few clicks.
"……"
I was exhausted. I didn’t want to do anything anymore. It wasn’t because I was despairing or disappointed. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do anything—I simply couldn’t.
-Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump!
"Haa… Huuu……"
My heart was pounding like crazy. Wiping away my tears, I tried to calm my wildly beating heart and turned off the computer. Reflected on the monitor was my own face—flushed red, wet with tears, wearing a faint smile.
"…I… streamed."
I had streamed.
"…Everyone liked it."
So many people had liked it. Liked that I streamed. Liked that I smiled.
A wave of deep emotion and ecstasy washed over me. I was happy—happier than I had been in any moment of my life except for three others.
-Vrrrr! Vrrrr!
Startled, but without even the strength to hiccup, my limp body looked toward the source of the vibration—my phone. The caller ID read:
"Unni! Congratulations."
"…Jiwoo."
Confirming it was Jiwoo, I quickly answered the call.
[Unni! Congratulations.]
"Jiwoo-ya……"
[You sound drained. You worked hard, huh. Aigoo, you did well.]
Jiwoo’s voice cooed and fussed over me. Something welled up in my chest.
[Unni was so cool and cute.]
"…R-Really?"
[Yeah, I watched the whole stream. It was fun. You’ve got talent, you know?]
"……"
Jiwoo kept warming me up with her words. I tried to hold back my tears, but they burst out anyway.
"Jiwoo-ya…!! J-Jiwoo-ya…"
[Yeah, I’m listening, Unni.]
"Thank you……"
I expressed my gratitude to Jiwoo. Then she chuckled softly and said,
[Want me to bring chicken?]
"…Huh? Suddenly…?"
[Yeah, a celebration party. I’ll bring Minwoo too.]
"Okay……"
[You don’t have to pay me back.]
"……I-I know now, Jiwoo-ya."
I heard Jiwoo let out a small laugh at that. The call ended.
Setting the now-useless phone aside, I grabbed my box cutter. Then, limping, I lay spread-eagle on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
"……"
I closed my eyes and placed my hand over my heart. It hurt, but the feeling was the best.
"…Pain… isn’t a bad thing."
Murmuring that, I held the box cutter for a long while, smiling to myself.
"…But still, I don’t like it anymore. The pain."
I decided I wouldn’t use the box cutter if I could help it. Of course, if things got hard I might reach for it again, but at least for the next three days, I was confident I wouldn’t.