The Kindness We Can't Repay
The thought that I had to work as hard as I had cried so the kids wouldn't dislike me took over my head, so I pushed my body even when it was too much. I nearly collapsed a few times when my strength gave out, but somehow I managed to hold on alone. After the cleaning was finished, only a quiet sense of pride remained.
"Urgh…!!"
"Sis… are you okay?"
"Gah, I'm fine… just a bit nauseous, urgh…!!!"
My body kept emptying itself because my stamina was completely gone. Still, it was okay. The fact that I had been even a little help to the kids made me happier than anything.
"Haa… I'm fine, ah."
"Sis, shouldn't you go to the hospital?"
Jiwoo patted my back in the bathroom as she suggested it. I shook my head while gripping the toilet bowl. Hospitals were terrifying places, after all.
'…No hospitals.'
Not just hospitals—the outside world itself was a frightening space. I had originally wanted to go throw out the trash bags too, but the moment I tried to step outside, the nausea overwhelmed me and left me clinging to the toilet like this.
"Sorry……."
"No, it's okay. Let's take it slow, one thing at a time, alright?"
Jiwoo stroked my back as she spoke, then asked if I had finished.
"All done? Feel better?"
"…Yeah. Thanks."
"Come here, I'll wipe your mouth."
She wiped around my lips with a tissue. I hated feeling like a child, but I didn't have the nerve to push her hand away, so I simply accepted the care.
'I shouldn't be like this.'
Jiwoo was the pitiful one—I was supposed to be looking after her. Feeling this pathetic made me hate myself even more.
"Sorry, Jiwoo… getting taken care of by my little sister."
"Huh? It's fine. When you're sick, you get nursed. That's normal."
"I-I'm perfectly fine, though."
When I said that, Jiwoo smiled and nodded.
"Yeah. Sis is fine."
"Yeah… I'm fine."
I was fine. Aside from my legs aching a little and my body being slightly broken, I was the same as everyone else.
"By the way, Sis."
"Hm…?"
Before I knew it, Jiwoo had even washed my face with tap water. She pointed at the computer and asked,
"You said it was a good 500,000-won one, right? Haram said you can't stream with that."
"…Eh?"
The thunderous news that followed left me speechless. My entire fortune—the 500,000-won supercomputer—couldn't be used for streaming.
"……."
"Should I buy you a new one?"
Jiwoo sat on the bed as she spoke. She was offering to support me again. It already felt wrong to receive anything more when I was guaranteed twenty percent of the profits.
"Eh…? More… more debt…? Uh, uh… n-no, you can't."
It was obvious I would never be able to repay it. I had already accepted that expensive virtual avatar. If I borrowed even more money, I would definitely become a pathetic human being just like my father. Just like in my past life, everyone would abandon me and I would die alone in loneliness. I didn't want that. My body began to tremble.
"Don't abandon me… Jiwoo. I'll do well."
"Huh?!"
"Hic…!!"
In the end, I burst into tears in front of my sister again. It was over. Now I would be abandoned. I should have proven my usefulness.
"Uh, uh, Sis! Don't cry! It's just a gift, okay? A gift!"
"It's okay even if I can't repay it…?"
When I asked while sniffling, Jiwoo nodded.
"It's just a gift, Sis."
Watching her smile awkwardly, I realized something. If I couldn't stream, then eighty percent of the profits wouldn't go to Jiwoo and Minwoo. If I refused the gift, they wouldn't be able to recover the money spent on the mic, lights, and camera. That alone was already a massive loss.
Realizing that, I wiped my running nose and pulled the cutter knife out of my hoodie pocket.
"Huu……."
"Sis? What's that…?"
"My therapist… I-I need it to calm down."
When I said that, Jiwoo lifted me up and sat me on the bed.
"Can you put that away for now?"
"…Huh?"
"The cutter knife scares me."
"Ah……."
At her request, I immediately set the cutter knife far away. Jiwoo smiled and pulled me into a tight hug.
"J-Jiwoo?!"
"Sis."
"…Yeah?"
"I wish you'd take better care of yourself. Minwoo and I both owe you way too much."
She stroked my head as she spoke. Even while flustered, I felt my insides slowly calming down. The nausea faded, and Jiwoo's voice echoed in my ears.
"Sis."
"…Yeah?"
"Thanks… for taking on the mom role instead of our mom who left home."
"……."
It was warm. With that thought, my eyes began to itch.
"…We're the ones who should be repaying the debt. I hope you stop trying so hard to pay it back and just accept things."
"What do you mean……."
"I don't want anything, Sis. I just want you to be happy."
Jiwoo hugged me even tighter. It hurt—hurt like crazy. The wounds were being pressed and my body screamed, but my head knew that and tried to ignore it. Because it was warm. The warmth of another person was warm enough to make me forget even extreme pain. It was on a completely different level from hugging myself.
"…Sis, don't push yourself so much."
"Jiwoo."
"Minwoo and I… want to protect you too. Just like you did for us."
"…Jiwoo."
It was warm. Jiwoo's embrace was warm. Once again, I had become a pathetic older sister.
"But… is it really okay…? Can I really do that?"
I knew better than anyone that I shouldn't. I shouldn't rely on my siblings any more than this. I couldn't burden them. Still, I felt like I couldn't hold on any longer.
'I won't do it… I-I won't report it… please stop hurting me…….'
'Haa, you crazy bitch… think I'll stop? I'll break all your fingers.'
'Hic… I'm sorryyy…….'
'Will you come to your senses if I stab you with a knife? Huh!?'
'It hurts!! It hurts!!!'
I made another selfish choice. Just like back then—trembling in fear, giving up everything, and simply taking the hits.
"Don't hate me… I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't save you."
I was a useless person. Someone who couldn't save her siblings and fell apart. Someone who only finished half of what she needed to do.
I begged for forgiveness, and Jiwoo forgave this pathetic version of me so easily.
"…Don't apologize, Sis. It's all okay. Thank you for everything."
"Hic…! Sorry……."
"I love you. From now on, Minwoo and I will protect you."
"Jiwoo……."
She forgave me. It felt like something in my heart had melted and disappeared.
* * *
"Haa… hic!"
"Sis, don't cry."
Jiwoo brought me tissues as she spoke. I sniffled and wiped my tears over and over.
"Th-thank you."
"Sis, you're accepting the computer, right? You know that, don't you? Promise me."
Jiwoo kept asking because she was worried I might refuse the gift. I nodded.
"…Yeah. I'll definitely repay it."
"You don't have to repay it."
"I-if I can't repay it, just forgive me for that."
I asked because otherwise my guilt wouldn't be able to handle it. Jiwoo sighed and nodded.
"Okay… can't help it."
"Th-thank you, hehe……."
"What, you're cute."
Jiwoo said that and gently pinched my cheeks.
"Don't you want to repay it quickly, Sis?"
"Huh…?"
After fiddling with my cheeks, she suddenly asked if I didn't want to repay the debt as fast as possible. I nodded. I hated living with debt.
"I want to repay it… I hope Jiwoo and Minwoo can be happy once I pay it back quickly."
"Right? Then Sis should take eighty percent of the money!"
"Uh, huh?"
I didn't understand why it would work that way.
"Why, why would it be like that?"
When I asked while frowning, Jiwoo continued with a smile.
"Look, Sis. The reason we get eighty percent is because you only take twenty percent, right?"
"Uh, yeah, that's right……."
"Instead, if Sis takes eighty percent, we can give you up to seventy percent!"
"Uh…?"
"Then we get ninety percent profit, right?"
"Uh, uh……."
My head was spinning. I couldn't follow what she was saying.
"You can repay the money faster that way, Sis."
"…I-is that how it works?"
"Yeah. If we only take twenty percent and Sis takes eighty percent."
I didn't really get it, but she said if I took more, I could repay more. If the law-school graduate said so, then that was how it worked. Everything I had learned in my past life had been beaten out of my head in this one, so I was terrible at calculations anyway. I hadn't even been able to attend school properly since middle school, so…
"I see……."
"Hehe, so Sis is taking eighty percent."
"Uh, yeah. Got it."
"Later on, Sis, you absolutely can't sign any contracts with companies or anything without telling me, okay?"
Jiwoo said that while pinching my cheeks. Watching her tell me to definitely call her if anything needed contracting, I tilted my head.
"Sis, buy lots of chicken with the eighty percent you get."
"Sh-shouldn't I give seventy percent back so I can repay the debt faster?"
"No."
"B-but earlier you said—"
"No, no."
Jiwoo smiled as she spoke.
"My, my brain is gonna melt."
"Yeah, so let's not think about it."
Jiwoo said that and patted me a lot. Feeling dizzy, I hugged her tightly and nodded over and over.
* * *
Before long, Minwoo and Master returned after throwing out all the trash.
"Ta-da! I bought chicken! Two whole ones!"
Master said excitedly, raising the bags in both hands high.
"Wow…."
"All the legs are for our Suhyun unnie!"
"H-ha, we can just share one each."
I tried to divide the legs, but the three of them suddenly claimed they wanted wings instead and pushed all the legs onto me before eating the wings among themselves. The three of them smiled at my flustered expression.
"Wi-wings are tastier?"
"Yeah. What does unnie like more?"
"…Legs."
"Then unnie should eat all the legs."
Jiwoo and Minwoo said that while stroking my head. After the cleaning was done and the house was clean, a dream-like time unfolded.
'…Clean really is nice.'
It was truly a happy time.