First Broadcast Jitters
"…Kheuuung!!!"
"Huuu……."
Once the situation had more or less settled, I crouched down and kept the stream going. I wanted to get a little closer to the viewers. If we became familiar with each other, I figured I wouldn't be so nervous when I actually started broadcasting in earnest.
My siblings and I had been close before I recovered my past-life memories. Even after regaining those memories, I could still talk to them again. But…
…These people aren't them.
These people weren't them.
"W-well… I-I'm the type who gets really shy around strangers… *sniffle* my nose is running."
"S-secret friends? What's that?"
The moment I reacted to the word "friends" and asked while shrinking back, the chat exploded.
They just laughed among themselves without explaining anything.
"…Could you slow the chat down a little?"
I said that while watching them. When the chat moved too fast, it became scary. I'd rather see insults and be able to tell them apart. The thought of being placed in front of so many people without being able to distinguish goodwill from malice was terrifying.
"J-just a little slower. *hic*… it's not stopping……."
Tears began to well up again. Only after the sound of sniffling leaked through the mic did people quiet down.
They asked if I was okay. Wiping my tears, I answered.
"…Th-thank goodness. I'm okay. I won't use the box cutter."
The chat was suddenly flooded with question marks.
"…*sniff*. Please ask your questions again."
Not understanding why they were reacting that way, I sniffled and signaled that it was okay to ask questions now. Questions started pouring in again.
"J-just a little s-slower……."
[Slow mode has been activated.]
A manager-only chat flew in, reassuring me.
With that, Jiwoo disappeared.
…Yeah, you can do this, Suhyun.
Repeating that to myself, I sniffled and began answering the incoming questions.
In a dark room.
A timid, shrinking voice echoed throughout the room. Watching the monitor, the white-haired girl popped a nacho into her mouth and picked up her pen.
"Haa… I wasn't planning on taking this job originally."
She muttered and began drawing with tired eyes. Just then, her phone rang.
"Hello?"
Haram answered without hesitation. Jiwoo's voice came through the phone.
"I'm watching right now~"
"…I can tell what kind of personality she has."
Haram continued, her voice slightly excited.
"She was really cute."
Jiwoo sighed, saying it only made her heart ache more. Haram comforted her and went on.
"So, she asked you to make an avatar that looks like her?"
"…Is she going for gap moe or something?"
Haram tilted her head and asked if there were any photos. Jiwoo sent over the few pictures she had of Suhyun.
"What, she's cute."
"…That must be painful to see."
Haram tilted her head again and asked Jiwoo another question.
"Has her hair color always been like this?"
"That's unusual."
"Is natural silver hair weird, or is natural black-and-red two-tone weirder? I vote the latter."
Haram nodded as Jiwoo accepted it.
"Normally I'd have to refuse because I'm swamped with work, but……."
"Alright… I do like cute things anyway."
Haram picked up her pen.
"Anything else?"
"A snake?"
Why a snake when there were so many other cute animals? Curious, Haram asked Jiwoo why, but Jiwoo only said she didn't know either.
"……."
Another pitiful reason. Impressed by the family situation where even a passing mention could bring up trauma, Haram decided to keep her words to a minimum.
"Ahem, sorry."
"Anyway, just make it mature, resembling her, and include a snake?"
"…Huu, shouldn't I talk to her directly at least once?"
Haram asked. Jiwoo sounded flustered.
"There will probably be revisions, and I need to match what she wants each time."
"It'd be better to contact her directly instead of going through you every time."
Jiwoo said. Haram tapped her pen while looking at the stream screen.
…If she's that scared, would she really say something like that?
Honestly, how bad could someone be if they were even streaming? Jiwoo tended to overreact sometimes, so Haram thought it would probably be fine. In truth, the idea had come from wanting to get closer to her.
…I want to get to know her.
"I want to get closer, and it'll be easier to work that way too."
Haram really had been accommodating. She'd just finished making an avatar for a big Vtuber and was supposed to be on break, but Jiwoo had roped her in using Minwoo.
"…Since I'm doing it anyway, I want to do it properly and give it as a gift."
"Ah, of course if Unnie says she doesn't want it, there's nothing we can do. It's not like I don't know your family situation."
Haram smiled faintly and continued.
"Just tell her that the person making it wants to get to know her. That should be enough."
Jiwoo sounded like she was still thinking it over. Haram left her to it and started working, organizing the basic concept and sketching a rough draft.
"Thanks."
"Of course not. Discord is fine."
Jiwoo said she understood and hung up. At the same time, Haram tied her hair into a ponytail with a rubber band in her mouth.
Unnie is cute. How should I capture that feeling while I work?
Haram began working with genuine enjoyment for the first time in a long while.
"Bye……."
Having reached the point where my heart pounded so hard from talking that I couldn't stream anymore, I ended the broadcast while clutching my chest. The monitor turned off. My face was reflected in the dark screen.
"……."
A girl with flushed cheeks, a pained expression, clutching her chest. Feeling awkward at the sight—a version of myself I never could have imagined in my past life—I turned my gaze toward the bed.
"…I-I need to go to bed."
The pounding wouldn't stop. At this rate, I was definitely going to die. It felt like it would burst. It felt like it would burst, yet for some reason it wouldn't calm down.
"I'm happy… I'm so happy."
Whenever I answered everyone's questions, they all seemed happy. Just the fact that I'd talked to people in real time without running away brought an overwhelming sense of satisfaction.
"Huuu… my stomach feels weird."
My stomach felt off. It was because I'd gotten too excited. My limping steps toward the bed looked ridiculous. But right now, I felt like no one would laugh at me. At the same time, I burrowed into the bed.
Thump! Thump! Thump!
My heart was racing so wildly that my breathing had become ragged.
"…M-maybe I should take a sleeping pill."
As I muttered that while letting out a rough breath—
Vrrrrr!
"…?"
A message arrived on my phone.
"Eeh…?"
The message contained content I never could have imagined.
"…S-she thinks I'm cute? Where on earth!?"
I'd brushed off the "cute" comments in chat as jokes, but hearing it from Jiwoo made my heart pound like crazy.
"Haa… huuu… my chest hurts……."
Wrapping myself in the blanket and hugging the pillow tightly, I had to take deep breaths for a long time.