Chapter 69

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Translator: penny

Chapter: 69

Chapter Title: It's Not a Self-Deprecating Broadcast

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We finished our meal and decided to take a break in reality as well.

My comrades force-fed themselves the sandwiches I made and then logged out as if fleeing.

They didn't say they were tasty to the end, but at least they didn't leave any behind, so that was a relief.

I'd suggested we take turns cooking from next time, so I'd get a chance to redeem myself from this humiliation.

We'd agreed to meet up again in an hour, but logging in early and waiting wouldn't be bad.

I wasn't particularly hungry, so I just replenished my fluids and went to the bathroom.

"I've logged back in. Did I keep you waiting long?"

『Went to the bathroom and your face looks brighter lol』

『Feeling refreshed?』

『Phew lol Thought you were sulking over the cooking and weren't coming back lol』

『Flushed? Wiped? Washed hands?』

"W-Why are you asking that... It makes you sound like a pervert and it creeps me out...."

『Extreme disgust face ㅗㅜㅑ』

『Thanks for the bonus lol』

『Yeah~ I am a pervert~』

『Sukka Pussy scaryㅠㅠ』

"......."

I scowled at the pervert viewers and checked on my comrades.

In Eastern Battlefield, perfect logout was impossible anywhere but inside a base, so everyone including Ttalgwi was fast asleep atop Sutzka.

But seeing them all lying side by side naturally brought to mind the sight of transporting corpses.

Feeling a chill for no reason, I brought my ear close to Ttalgwi's face to check if she was breathing.

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

『Whoa? Sukka's pouncing on Ttalgwi!!!』

『This fake Sukka!! Finally showing your true colors!!』

『#FemalesOnly #Yuri #Sleeping』

『Polar Bear: You guys again?』

"N-No! I was just checking if she was sleeping okay!"

『lololol We know, you bitch』

『Watch out, touching her with dirty thoughts auto-reports you』

『Shaking her sends a notification to her VR gear so she'll log in right away ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠lololol』

『Ttalgwi's fine and alive! Eating mukbang right now!』

"Ah, yeah... She's breathing fine...."

Fortunately, Ttalgwi and everyone else were healthy and alive.

Even though the viewers teased me, confirming their breathing put my mind at ease.

Next, I carefully tucked blankets around my comrades so they wouldn't catch colds.

Sutzka still retained some of its heat, so this would keep them warm for a good while.

The area around Sevastopol was safe right now, so no need for a watch.

Judging that, I crawled to Sutzka's driver's side and squeezed my body into the hatch.

Soon, Sutzka's cockpit—adorned with mechanical devices—unfolded before my eyes.

It felt cozy, like being inside a box, and I quite liked it.

【ㅇㅇ has donated 1,000 coins!】

〔So this is the inside of the Su(;)ka... Really cramped and tight...〕

"Yeah? It's wider than I thought, though? And this tank's name is Sutzka, not Sukka."

『That crazy fucker crossed the line hard lololol』

『Whoa lol I didn't get ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠it at first lololol』

『Block that guy ffs too gross』

"Uh... Why's everyone like this?"

『Better you don't know so just block!!』

『Trust us and execute on the spot yeah』

『That's straight-up criminal fr』

"Ah, got it. Executing on the spot...."

Following the viewers' advice, I instantly banned one donor.

I had no idea why, but apparently they'd said something nasty.

With the chat calmed, I sat in the driver's seat and began looking around the interior.

It was packed with machinery whose purposes I couldn't guess, so just in case, I kept both hands sealed between my legs.

I didn't even know how to start it up right now, but if I learned, I could drive Sutzka too.

Feeling better at the thought, I pressed down hard on the accelerator pedal with my short legs.

『How cramped is it that even a shorty can reach the pedals lololol』

『Want me to tell you how to start it? Not hard since it's a game』

『Wants to drive her own tank I guess lol』

"Ah, yes. I want to try driving Sutzka. That way I can meet Irina faster."

『Sukka threatening Big Bro's spot scaryㅠㅠ』

『Sukka & Panzer go go go』

『Oh right lol That's Sukka's tank lol』

"Yes, Sutzka is my tank."

I wanted to drive Sutzka with my own hands.

It wasn't that I coveted the driver's seat; I just felt bad for Gordy always doing the hard work.

Plus, since I was Sutzka's owner, it was better if it only moved when I was online.

I'd heard that if Sutzka moved while I was offline, it'd count as captured by the enemy and its durability would slowly drain.

In other words, if I just learned to drive, we could move even while everyone else was asleep.

My comrades seemed to be suffering too much because of me, so I wanted to ease their burden like this.

『But Sukka can't drive lololol』

『Sukka... you have one fatal flaw...』

『Don't wanna rain on your parade but gotta say lol』

But the viewers gave me a negative response.

Sadly, they were saying I couldn't be a tanker.

I looked at the chat with an expression demanding to know why.

Then the viewers unanimously pointed out my problem.

『Thought reaching the pedals was it?』

『You're a shorty』

『lol Height means you can't see forward right?』

『Periscope's too high for Sukkaㅜㅜ』

"Ah."

『Pffft lolol You really didn't know lololol』

『Bought an expensive tank but can't even drive it?』

『So fucking cute shibal lololol』

『lol We told you earlier to raise your height?』

"......."

Annoyed by the viewers' chat, I craned my neck up.

But no matter how much I stretched, I couldn't see the tank's forward direction at all.

Sure, standing up let me see some, but then my feet couldn't reach the pedals.

It was the epitome of a shorty's plight—couldn't do this or that.

Just then, as I was stretching my legs out, a donation alert rang in my ears.

I plopped down on the cockpit floor and read the message.

【ㅇㅇ has donated 1,000 coins!】

〔Ttalgwi official height 170cm -> Sukka is Papasha barrel length shorter than Ttalgwi -> Papasha barrel 269mm -> Sukka height estimated ~143cm〕

『Height 143 lololololololol』

『Elementary schooler? lolololololol』

『Fact: Said under 150cm so no lie』

『My nephew's 5th grade and bigger than Sukka lololol』

"N-No! I'm not that short!"

『Sure~ Don't believe ya~』

『Wanna refute? Say your real height』

『lololol Extreme dilemma』

『Either accept 143cm shorty or measure and tell exactly』

"I-I have PTSD so I can't go out... No tape measure at home, how am I supposed to measure exactly...."

『Just open your character profile??』

『Thinking of using a tape measure is peak shorty mindset』

『Right lol VR scans your body when creating character lolol』

『Public character profile let's go!!!!』

"Eek...."

【ㅇㅇ has registered a mission!】

〔Reveal Character Profile: 100,000 coins〕

"Ah... Why are you doing this...."

The viewers who spotted the chance started cackling and teasing me.

At this rate, I'd be branded a 143cm shorty with no way to fight back.

Of course, I was curious about my exact height and weight too.

It was the body I'd live with forever, so for health reasons, I wanted to know.

Plus, the mission had donations piling up insanely.

At that rate, it was enough to buy not just beef but another Sutzka.

Dangerous thoughts kept flashing through my mind.

Maybe my height was well over 150cm, and weight over 40kg.

"Ah, fine! I'll show you!"

It might be hasty, but I said it in the mood to just go for it.

Since my height and weight would come out eventually, better to reveal it now.

With that, I switched back to AFK mode to show the character profile.

Following the viewers' guidance, I opened the system window displaying the profile.

I'd hide real name, age, etc., and just reveal height and weight.

Like a gambler peeking at his hand, I slowly scrolled down.

[Nickname: Sukka]

[Real Name: ==]

[Age: ==]

[Birthday: ==]

[Blood Type: ==]

Info that could get you organ-harvested if revealed scrolled by.

Of ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠course, stuff I never inputted was private from the start.

Soon, the height and weight categories approached.

And finally, the secret I'd avoided faced everyone:

[Height: 145cm]

[Weight: 35kg]

My world crumbled.

"Nyaaaaaang!!"

『lololololololololololol』

『Pffffftlolololololol』

『Sukka! You're out of slender club!』

『145cm lololololololol』

『Midget shitbag shorty rat here?』

『Nuuoooong lolololol』

『Same weight as my dog lolol』

『Wakyapyaheuknongjjuuuuuuk!!!』

【Mission Success!】

〔Character Profile Revealed〕

『Insane mission payout even then lololol』

『Nyaayayayang lololol』

『Must be nice making bank Sukka lol』

『Congrats on active dwarf club!!』

『Omedeto!!!』

『Buying tenten with dwarf points!!』

『This is it lolololol』

『Whoa! 2cm taller than expected!』

"Nyaak!! Stop teasing me!!"

I earned a fortune, but it didn't make me happy at all.

From today, I'd have to restart stretching exercises in earnest.