Chapter 46
Chapter 46
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 46
Chapter Title: Tears Over Dinner
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“Victoria... I won’t make it spicy this time, so please cool off...”
“I’m not really mad. I’m just curious what you’re cooking.”
“Your lips are puffed out...”
“It’s still a bit spicy from before.”
I answered while pressing right up against Shin Ara’s back as she cooked.
I was keeping a close watch to make sure the same disaster from earlier didn’t repeat.
Luckily, Shin Ara had changed the dinner menu from gochujang pork belly to soy sauce pork belly.
It was a huge relief that it was only par-cooked so far and hadn’t absorbed any seasoning yet.
But because I’d spilled milk all over myself while chugging it, my chest was completely soaked.
I took the opportunity while she was using the knife to quickly change into dry clothes.
“So, how was today’s gaming?”
As I hovered there, Shin Ara casually asked, just like always.
It was the usual opener to our daily psychological counseling sessions we’d shared without fail.
It felt just like a mom asking, “How was school today?”
I pressed right up against her back again and proudly answered.
“I grew a ton today. Even playing solo, I didn’t panic, I got the Tactical Papasha, and I even beat that weird girl.”
“Wow, that’s amazing? I’m so bummed I missed it because of work. But weird girl? Can you tell me more?”
“She was a sniper named Nongnongtanya. She got excited seeing me cry—a total freak. She scared me and even sexually harassed me. She crossed the line so publicly, I’m thinking of suing.”
“Oh... So that’s what Ttalgwi was worried about earlier? But are you okay, Victoria? Want me to help with the lawsuit?”
“I’m totally fine. I’ll handle the lawsuit myself.”
“Yeah, that’s great resolve. I’ll cheer you on hard.”
Shin Ara smiled softly, praising my exploits.
As expected from a counselor, she knew exactly what I wanted to hear.
I could forgive her for feeding me that spicy stuff earlier.
With that thought, I clung more familiarly to her back, and she naturally leaned into me as the counseling continued.
“So, what about the last game? It was so cool and impressive, but I was really worried. You didn’t panic then, right?”
“Ah... Panic...”
I couldn’t help but flinch at Shin Ara’s question.
Truth be told, I had panicked during the sniper incident and the Ura Charge too.
I’d lied to Ttalgwi and the viewers, but it felt better to be honest in counseling.
I fiddled with the strings of her apron and answered in a small voice.
“I-I’m sorry... I actually panicked twice this time. I lied to everyone because I wanted praise...”
“Huh? No, it’s okay. You don’t need to apologize, Victoria. And I bet the viewers already noticed.”
“Huh? How?”
“You spoke so much Russian—they’d have to notice. Plus, you’re too kind to lie well.”
“Ah...”
I let out a small sigh and buried my face in Shin Ara’s back.
No wonder everyone praised me so excessively; they’d seen through my clumsy lie.
I should skip the pointless lies from now on.
As I hid my embarrassed face, Shin Ara laughed lightly as if it was no big deal and continued.
“So, the first panic was from getting sniped?”
“Yeah. The sniper actually shot at me. I fell into a cold, calm panic.”
“Cold and calm panic?”
“You can’t freak out fighting a sniper. Even in panic, it’s become a habit to snap into focus. If she’d attacked differently, I’d have been in big trouble.”
“Hmm... So there’s such a thing as cold, calm panic. I’ll study that side more. I’m so glad you’re safe, Victoria.”
Shin Ara stroked my head and fell into thought for a moment.
She was probably pondering how to incorporate this into my PTSD treatment.
Then she flipped the meat in the pan and continued.
The unseasoned pork belly looked incredibly delicious.
“So, the second panic was the Ura Charge, right?”
“Yeah. Wardaddy said going crazy was fine, so I mustered courage. I lied saying it was excitement, not panic...”
“‘Going crazy is fine’... As a counselor, I can’t endorse that...”
“I-I’m sorry... He seemed like my kind of person, so I trusted him just once...”
“No, it’s fine. Everyone’s treatment is different. Our sessions aren’t exactly normal either, right?”
“T-That’s sorry too...”
“I said it’s really fine.”
I bowed my head again, conveying my apologies.
It reminded me of something Shin Ara had once told me.
Truthfully, she hadn’t planned to recommend FPS games to me.
First, help me reintegrate through internet streaming, then ease game aversion with healing games. Only then try FPS—that was the plan.
But I’d jumped straight into Frontline Archive, ruining it.
Like a client charging into a high-level dungeon from the start, she’d had no choice but to match my pace as counselor.
That’s probably why she was so devoted to me.
I felt terrible that I’d wrecked the plan first, yet she bore the responsibility.
“But weren’t you scared?”
“Huh? Of what?”
“The Ura Charge. Just watching scared me.”
“Ah...”
As I rubbed my forehead against her back, Shin Ara asked.
She was smiling softly as always, so my skinship didn’t seem to bother her.
But thinking of the Ura Charge soured my mood instantly.
I gripped her apron tightly and answered quietly.
“It scares me. Terrifies me. Bullets raining down—how could it not? But once you get used to it, there’s something scarier than dying.”
“Scarier?”
“My first Ura Charge was pure terror. I begged not to die, prayed to be spared. Probably my first prayer ever. God was the only thing to cling to.”
“Ah...”
“Next charge, it was resentment over fear. Why trap me in this game? I prayed to be let out. Possessing a game character isn’t normal. God was the only one to complain to.”
Maybe my first prayers reached him.
After all, I survived dozens of Ura Charges.
But none after that.
I quietly continued, resentment toward God slipping out.
“Then anger hit. At Hitler for starting the war, at the Germans trying to kill me. Maybe I’d given up surviving. I didn’t seek God—just fought madly.”
“......”
“But comrades appeared, and I sought God again. Don’t take my comrades, take me instead—I prayed. But God ignored me. After each charge, looking back, someone was always gone.”
“So... that’s why you looked back and cried earlier...”
“Yeah, I thought they all died. But this time no one did, so it’s fine. Feels like my prayers finally worked—I’m happy.”
I forced a bright smile.
The squad survived thanks to game systems, not God, but it felt like my 4-year prayers were answered.
PTSD must heal like this.
Fear, resentment, anger, sorrow. The key is acting calm without dragging them into reality.
With that thought, I rubbed my runny nose and headed to the table.
Shin Ara’s cooking was long finished.
“So eat it all today—no leftovers. After every Ura Charge, that’s how it was. Had to eat for the dead comrades too.”
“Yeah... Let’s finish it all.”
“But you have to eat a lot, Shin Ara... I drank too much milk earlier...”
“Okay, leave it to me.”
We set the food and started eating.
Her soy sauce pork belly wasn’t spicy and suited my taste perfectly.
First time smiling through a meal after a Ura Charge.
Alone, I’d have cried for sure, but Shin Ara let me smile.
Come to think of it, she wanted me to feed her “ahh~”.
I wrapped a lettuce ssam full of gratitude and offered it.
“Shin Ara... Ahh~ please...”
“Huh? You’re feeding me?”
“Yeah... Thanks for the delicious food...”
“Hmm... But this is the same as with Ttalgwi, isn’t it?”
“Uh, yeah?”
She clearly wanted more.
I held the awkward lettuce ssam, staring blankly at Shin Ara.
She pointed at herself and mouthed something.
No sound, but her lips clearly said “unnie.”
She never gives up.
Feeling annoyed, I grumbled.
“Shin Ara... Is it okay for a counselor to do this to a client?”
“Ah, no, that’s...”
“You said you’d keep boundaries.”
“......”
At my jab, Shin Ara’s shoulders slumped.
Like a puppy scolded.
But I wasn’t one to talk.
After all, I was the one who told her to drop formal speech and closed the distance.
Personal counseling blurred lines anyway, and I didn’t want distance from her anymore.
I decided to tear down the last wall and lifted the ssam.
“Ahh~... Ara unnie...”
“Heuk!!”
“D-Don’t make that face... This honorific’s new for me too...”
“I-I’m... your first?”
“Ugh... If you won’t eat, I will.”
“Ahh! Give it to me!”
I hid my flushed face behind the ssam.
Then shoved the whole thing into my small mouth as wide as it’d go.
Shin Ara flailed, face mixed regret and bliss.
But I had to spit out the ssam she coveted right away.
“Puek!”
“W-What?! Why suddenly?! Choked?!”
“O-Ostra!!”
“Ahh! Victoria! You put chili in it, didn’t you?!”
I’d forgotten I stuffed it “full” of gratitude—with chili.
Looks like only pranksters pull pranks.
My calmed mouth burned again.
Once more, milk filled my belly.
“Hic... Sob...”
After Ura Charges, I always hid and cried.
This time, spicy food gave the perfect excuse to wail freely.