This Actually Works?

"This actually works?"

"What am I doing? I quit my job. Currently eating strawberries."

Chat started scrolling at a blistering pace.

"Huh…? Wait, already?"

"I clearly left a note telling them to go see the village chief!"

Apparently the handoff had not gone as planned.

"Uh…?"

My previous peak had been a hundred and twenty viewers. I'd been so moved that day I ordered fried chicken. And now?

More than five times that record, and instead of chicken I was chewing nothing but strawberry greens.

Beside me, Nureongi was glaring with a look that could kill. The message in those eyes was unmistakable: You're ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠eating them all yourself?

I tossed one over. He leapt for it and snapped it out of the air.

"Not bad, you little mutt."

One, two, three, four. Every throw, he caught it like a seal, snapping them down without a miss.

"Folks, this is a game. Let's not confuse it with real life."

Ka-ching!

"……Ah?"

My first donation.

Usually people tossed a dollar here and there. This was a full ten. And it wasn't even for me — it was Nureongi's food money. I was, in that instant, keenly aware that I ranked somewhere below a dog. But so what? Nureongi was the one doing the tricks. I was the one collecting the cash.

"Thank you, BonelessChicken! Hey, Nureongi. You bow too, hurry up!"

I folded at the waist in a deep bow, and Nureongi flattened himself to the ground and popped back up.

I got a donation. Maybe I should grab some emergency items from the cash shop?

A moment later I remembered my status window was nothing like a player's.

What? Why isn't there a cash shop on my status window? Because I'm an NPC…?

I could go back to the village and buy things in person. The thought of walking back, though, and getting dragged behind the general store counter again, made me hesitate.

For now, I should just keep eating whatever I can.

So I ate. Earnestly. Until the strawberry basket was empty again. Surely that much food had topped me off a little. I opened my status window.

"…Huh?"

"Guys. I just ate an entire basket of strawberries."

"And my HP only went up by six. I stuffed myself until I was about to burst and my health still won't fill. Am I about to die?"

I'd love to uninstall, actually.

"I'm not in a position where I can just quit and log back in like you guys…"

Chat went quiet for a moment. Honestly, I was curious too — what happened if an NPC died. I just didn't feel like staking my life on finding out. There didn't seem to be a New Game Plus in this.

Then a single line popped up.

"Sorry?"

Process them.

And who was I, exactly?

In my last life, the full extent of my cooking had been cracking an egg into instant ramen.

"Guys…… I don't know how to make a pie. Does anyone?"

A moment later, every pie recipe on earth began wallpapering the chat.

Dozens of recipes poured in. Some of them were long, careful, written with real effort. Naturally, I did not pick those.

"All right. Let's do this."

"This one looked the easiest."

"Oh? So NPCs get to have a life now?"

I laid the ingredients out on a flat stone.

"Back wages and severance."

I rinsed off a flat stone, brought it over, and dumped flour onto it.

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

One serving was one cup. I did not have a cup.

About this much is a cup, right?

I scooped a generous heap and transferred it.

"One cup, complete."

"From this moment on, my hand is one cup."

Next, the butter.

A problem: I had no knife. I turned my hand sideways and tore off a chunk with the edge of my palm. I did have a pickaxe, but you couldn't exactly cut butter with a pickaxe.

"Food is supposed to taste like the cook's hands."

"Folks, this is a game. Let's not confuse it with real life."

I dumped the creek water I'd hauled in over the flour in a generous splash.

"It's fine. If there's too much water, you just add more flour."

Yikes. That was a slightly terrifying thought. Regardless, the squishing and kneading had begun.

"Oh, this is actually kind of ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠fun. I could get into cooking."

I pressed it with my fist, folded it, punched it a few times, pressed it, folded it again. The bouncy, springy, chewy texture was so satisfying I kept poking at it without meaning to.

"Huh? Doesn't dough get better the more you beat it?"

"No, no. I used to drop handmade sujebi dumplings when I was a kid."

"Hello, licensed baker."

I squished the dough one more time.

Genuine suffering radiated off the viewer calling themselves a licensed baker. I stopped. I didn't have a hobby of tormenting people.

"All right. Filling time."

I piled strawberries in a generous ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠heap on the rolled-out dough.

"Don't have any…"

"Correct."

I made a hollow in the center, draped the leftover dough over the top, and pressed the edges down firmly with my fingers.

I had seen a pie that looked like this before. In a bakery display case.

"Wow. I made it, but it's actually kind of pretty."

The last great gate remained.

The reason baking was called baking.

I had no oven, but it still had to be baked. At the cave mouth I stacked stones into a cooking hearth, lit a fire, and set a flat stone on top. When the stone was hot, I slapped the pie onto it.

Sizzle—

"A lid?"

As if I had one of those. As a stopgap I ringed the pie with big stones and laid a flat one over the top.

I waited, and a smell began to drift up. The toasty scent of baking bread.

I peeked inside. Steam was rising, and the edges had puffed up a warm yellow. Strawberry juice was even bubbling out through the folded seams.

"Oh. This actually works?"

I had enough of a conscience left to be shocked that it had. Even the look of it was halfway convincing. The most astonishing part was the smell. Steam curled off the pie in lazy ribbons, and a sweet, toasty fragrance of something just baked filled the air.

I was not going to last against that.

"I'm going to try it first."

I blew on a corner and took a small bite.

Crack—!

"…Mmm… this is…"

It was a shock. The crust shattered crisp in my mouth. The taste of pie dough, thick with butter, spread across my tongue, met the hot, sweet strawberry filling, and then it was just — ahh.

This is insane.

I closed my eyes and sat very still.

"…"

I took a second, much bigger bite. Unlike the first, this one hit a section packed with filling. The crust broke, and hot strawberry juice burst out from inside. The toasty pie flavor laid down a base, and over it the strawberries — reduced down hot, sugarless and still so sweet they detonated on my tongue.

"Ha — hot. Ha. I can't stop, though."

Beside me, a string of drool was sliding from the corner of Nureongi's mouth.

"Nureongi! You try some too."

I tossed him a corner piece. His tail spun like a propeller as he wolfed it down and swallowed.

Then I opened the status window.

I was alive. For now.

"Thank you, everyone! This is all thanks to you!"

At that same hour, in the Terranova division of Chronos Labs.

"We've confirmed the coordinates of the Terranova starter village general store NPC. Uncharted zone north of the village."

"Why isn't it going back?"

"Unknown. The return command isn't taking."

"…How many viewers does that stream have right now."

"Sir?"

"That NPC is streaming, isn't it? How many viewers."

"One thousand. And climbing."

"……."

"Call an emergency meeting."