The Thief

Lately, I had one major complaint.

And I mean major — not some petty little gripe.

Namely.

"Coffee!"

"What? Do you know what time it is?"

"Get back here!"

My personal coffee vending machine had started taking a lot of days off.

Used to be, I'd order one and he'd fetch it right away. These days, he was out of the house more often than he was in it.

"Seriously?"

He wasn't even picking up his phone. Ever since my little brother started college, he seemed to be properly enjoying his youth.

"Haah, without coffee I can't stream for long."

"I have to stream. I can't just leave the broadcast empty."

Have you heard of the eight-second rule? On terrestrial TV, any silence longer than eight seconds is treated as a broadcast accident. Sure, internet streaming is a different animal — but still. A streamer can't just abandon their stream, right?

"Ah, well… mm."

The thing was, Aseong was dating these days. A campus couple, of all things. My life was nothing but a parade of CCs — and I don't mean campus couples.

At my words, chat collectively closed-captioned themselves. Good — glad we were all on the same page.

Anyway, a missing coffee vending machine was a serious problem. And the reason for that was…

"Delivery won't work."

"There are, but the coffee tastes bad."

I happened to be the owner of a very particular palate. And when it came to coffee — the only beverage I actually drank — I was even more of a diva. On set I'd settle for whatever café was nearby, but at home? I wanted good coffee. In that sense, the café near our house had always elevated my quality of life.

"Ugh…"

Going myself was a pain. Did I need a dedicated stream manager? No wait — I already had one. Mom had given me a manager free of charge, and the problem was that the little brat kept neglecting his duties.

"He said he'd be back tonight, so I'll make him pick some up on the way."

"Love is temporary."

Unless you're getting married, family comes first, right? Do you know how many diapers I changed for that kid?

"Not that big."

"Hah, seriously…"

I couldn't exactly explain that one.

"I was just an extremely mature child."

I had been a truly mature kid, with nothing to be ashamed of before the heavens. Well — I got into trouble now and then. And puberty… that was just inevitable, you know? Humans are slaves to their hormones. All the messes I made during puberty were simply the unavoidable work of hormones.

Anyway — Aseong could go date as hard as he wanted.

"Shall we get to what we came for?"

With that, I fired up Last Exit the way I always did.

"No, just a few games while I figure out what to do next?"

Games were in a dry spell lately anyway. I could hunt for a main game while playing Last Exit.

"Ahem. Oh, look, Yeongdo's on?"

"A tournament? Hmm."

Actually, an offer had come in. Gangseok — the old man who'd gone dark for about a week — had sent me a Discord message.

It was more of a light suggestion than anything. The deadline was generous, so I'd parked it for later.

"I'll enter if the opportunity comes up."

"Ah, I'm planning to hit the Laboratory soon."

The Laboratory — Last Exit's biggest fight map. It was about time I cracked it open.

"I've watched a ton of YouTube on it."

Watch any Last Exit YouTube video and half of it is the Laboratory. That many rare items drop there, and that many fights break out. I'd never been once, so my expectations were sky-high. People said it was packed with hackers, but how many could there really be? I'd go blow through my stockpiled gear and farm some new stuff while I was at it.

"A new map? What's coming out?"

Hmm. Oil Tanker.

That actually sounded fun. Wasn't a real fight always more thrilling in a tight, complicated space? Combat inside a ship checked every one of those boxes.

"When it drops, should we put a party together?"

Places like that were more fun in a group — was there anyone who'd go with me?

"Ah… well… maybe?"

Both of them had gone mainstream and changed as people, so I wasn't exactly thrilled about it. Still, it wasn't like I'd never collab with them again. I'd casually float the idea soon enough.

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Anyway…

"Ah, this is because I don't have coffee."

"Ah! The caffeine!"

And so I streamed for several days without my caffeine IV drip arriving on schedule.

"Quick break! Gonna grab some water."

"What eight seconds? This is an internet stream. If you want that, go watch terrestrial TV."

Leaving the viewers for a moment, I stepped out of the room and headed downstairs for water. Having a big house was nice, but trekking all the way to the first floor just for a drink was a pain. Maybe I should put a mini-fridge in the stream room? A quiet one would be fine. No — no space in there, so maybe the hallway would work…

I was deep in thought about optimizing my traffic flow when sounds drifted up from the living room TV.

The voice was immediately familiar — someone was watching an LCK broadcast. Mom? No, that didn't make sense. Mom would never watch something like that. More to the point, who in this house even watched LCK?

Puzzled, I picked up my pace toward the living room. Our house was laid out so that once you came down the stairs and turned the corner, you had a clear view of the living room and kitchen. And right there in the living room, plain as day—

"Oh."

"Oh?"

—sat a girl I'd never seen before, perched on the sofa and staring at me like a meerkat on alert.

"Who…"

"Ah— ah!"

She shot to her feet.

Before I could even finish figuring out who she was, the girl sprang up from her seat and folded at the waist like a flip phone.

"I— I'm Aseong's girlfriend!"

Ah. Ah.

Come to think of it.

"Noona, can I bring my girlfriend over tomorrow?"

"Why are you asking me? Ask Mom."

"So that's a yes?"

"Of course~"

So today's coffee-vending-machine thief had arrived.