I'll Show You the Changed Me

After that incident on campus, I rushed home like I was fleeing.

"Hoo..."

With a sigh, I flopped onto the living room sofa. The house was wrapped in silence. Normally, I'd be gaming or rolling around on the floor, but today, I wasn't in the mood.

Tsk...

I habitually rubbed my belly. The jiggling fat. The lump of flesh that had earned me the nickname Polar Bear and some cute(?) affection felt like shackles today.

Seo Ha-rin, oh Seo Ha-rin. Hiding her brother because she's embarrassed, huh?

Acts like a princess on the outside, but she's so shallow.

...

The voices of the girls from school echoed relentlessly in my ears. I didn't care if they insulted me. I'd lived my whole life overweight and was used to those looks anyway.

But.

I couldn't stand my little sister Ha-rin getting trashed because of me. As her brother, I knew better than anyone the effort she'd put in to get where she was.

I'll show you. The changed me.

That was when it happened. Beep beep beep. The sound of the door lock disengaging.

"I'm home."

Ha-rin walked in after finishing her schedule. Normally, she'd burst in yelling, "Oppa, feed me!" But today, even she looked drained. She'd probably seen the internet reactions and rushed over worried.

"Oh. You're back."

I pretended to be nonchalant and took a sip of water. Ha-rin hesitated, glancing at me cautiously.

"Um... Oppa. Nothing weird happen at school today?"

"Weird? What do you mean? They were thrilled I let them video call you. I became the popular guy."

I chuckled, but Ha-rin's expression didn't brighten.

"Liar. I saw online—tons of posts mocking your looks... I'm sorry... It's because of me..."

Ha-rin bowed her head. The nation's little princess, Seo Ha-rin, looked like a criminal in front of her brother.

"Ha-rin."

"Yeah?"

"I have something to say."

I set down my glass and looked her straight in the eye.

"After finals end, I'm going on a trip."

"A trip? Where?"

"Nepal."

"Ne... pal...?"

Ha-rin's eyes widened round. Of course she'd wonder why Nepal out of nowhere.

"Gonna do some volunteer work. A senior I know recommended a place—they're short on teachers for the kids."

"Suddenly? Why?"

"Just... wanna be alone somewhere quiet for a bit."

I said it calmly. Truth was, it was to lose weight. I'd steel my resolve. In a place where no one knew me. Push myself to the limit.

But.

I didn't say it out loud. If I said I was dieting, Ha-rin would blame herself again, thinking her brother was suffering because of her.

"Oppa... Is it because of the hate comments...?"

Ha-rin's voice trembled.

"People calling you fat and stuff... So you're running away?"

"Running away? Come on."

"Don't go. I'll fix it. I'll tell the company to sue all the haters. And I'll go on shows and talk more about how great you are. So..."

Tears welled up in Ha-rin's eyes. I stood, grabbed her shoulders.

"Ha-rin. It's not the hate comments."

"Then what?"

"Just gonna clear my head... and come back a more confident oppa. So don't stop me."

My gaze was firm. Ha-rin stared into my eyes for a long time. She knew from childhood that once I set my mind, I wouldn't budge.

"Okay..."

Ha-rin ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠wiped her tears and nodded.

"But promise. Don't get hurt. Eat properly. Come back healthy."

"Of course. Who am I? Polar Bear Seo Eun-seong. I won't starve anywhere."

I playfully thumped my belly to act tough.

"Tch. All talk."

Ha-rin finally let out a chuckle. And so, my trip to Nepal was decided. It wasn't an escape. It was a journey to protect my sister—and to find myself.

A few days later, right after finals at Yeonhui University, I packed my bag.

"All set."

One big backpack. That was all my luggage.

At 4 a.m., when everyone was asleep.

"I'll be back, Ha-rin."

I slipped out quietly. Didn't want to wake her. Seeing her face would make it impossible to leave.

Incheon ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠International Airport. The dawn air was chilly, but my heart pounded hot.

After check-in, I entered the duty-free area. That's when a massive digital billboard caught my eye.

It was a luxury cosmetics ad featuring Ha-rin as the model. On screen, she looked more beautiful and confident than anyone in the world. Passersby gasped, "Whoa, Seo Ha-rin is so pretty!"

"..."

I stared at the billboard for a long while.

Wait for me, little sis.

I clenched my fist.

I'll become a man you're proud to call oppa. No more shame. I'll come back worthy.

I turned resolutely toward the gate. The Nepal-bound plane roared down the runway and took off.

That evening, after Seo Eun-seong left for Nepal, Seo Ha-rin finished her schedule and came home.

"Oppa! I'm home!"

Ha-rin called out habitually, but no answer came. The house was empty. Even the massive sneakers always by the entrance were gone.

"He really... left."

Ha-rin opened her brother's door. The bed was neatly made. The laptop on the desk and clothes in the closet—gone. The warmth that had filled the room evaporated in an instant.

"Tch... Couldn't even say goodbye, you jerk."

Ha-rin sat on the bed, staring blankly into space. Her oppa's absence, which she'd never noticed because he was always there, felt as vast as the Pacific.

Just then. Beep beep beep. The front ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠door opened, and noisy voices filled the air.

"Hey! Bear Doll! We're here!"

"Eun-seong oppa! I got a perfect score on my math project! Make me some tteokbokki!"

It was Choi Eun-jin and Lee Ah-hyun. Members who came and went like it was their own home, sharing the passcode with Ha-rin.

They burst into the living room excitedly, then spotted Ha-rin sitting alone in the dark room.

"Huh? Ha-rin? Lights off? Where's Eun-seong?"

Choi Eun-jin looked around for him. Ha-rin shook her head weakly.

"Unnie... Oppa left."

"Where to?"

Choi Eun-jin tilted her head. Oppa leaving out of the blue?

"Nepal. For volunteer work."

"What?!"

"Nee?!"

Choi Eun-jin and Lee Ah-hyun's screams erupted simultaneously. Seo Eun-seong went to Nepal? Unthinkable for them.

"No way? Today? Without a word?"

"For real... He left at dawn, Eun-jin unnie."

Ha-rin's voice was thick with emotion.

"Bear Doll... really went to Nepal...?"

Choi Eun-jin collapsed onto the sofa in a daze. Lee Ah-hyun started sniffling.

"This can't be... Because of us... The hate comments... Right?"

Choi Eun-jin and Lee Ah-hyun knew the bad public sentiment toward Seo Eun-seong. They'd just hidden it, not wanting to hurt him.

"..."

Ha-rin couldn't respond. It was all true. The house turned into a funeral parlor in seconds.

How much time passed?

"I'll make dinner."

Ha-rin left the room listlessly. In the kitchen, she suddenly froze.

"Oppa..."

Ha-rin stared at the table, speechless.

"Bear Doll..."

"Eun-seong oppa..."

Choi Eun-jin and Lee Ah-hyun, following behind, also fell silent at the sight.

Yes. The table was piled high with side dish containers, each with a Post-it note.

The fridge was packed tight with more containers. He'd stayed up nights preparing so his sister and her friends wouldn't go hungry while he was gone. Each note in his clumsy handwriting brimmed with his bear-like care.

"Hic..."

Ha-rin finally burst into the tears she'd held back.

"Idiot... Total idiot... Who is he to take ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠care of us like this..."

Ha-rin collapsed over the table, sobbing. Even pushed to Nepal by public backlash, oppa had worried about her and the members.

"Ha-rin... Don't cry, okay?"

Choi Eun-jin, eyes red, hugged her.

"Sorry... Because of us, oppa..."

Lee Ah-hyun clutched the anchovy container, sobbing.

And.

The sadness over Seo Eun-seong's absence slowly turned to anger(?).

"Seo Eun-seong... Just you wait till you get back..."

"Bear Doll, seriously... I'm not letting you off."

"Me too. I'll grill Eun-seong oppa. Why'd you leave without a word?"

The three girls comforted each other in the empty kitchen. And vowed. They'd eat well and wait strong until he returned. Clinging to the vague hope that he'd be back before the side dishes ran out.