A Piece of the Truth (2)
"Ah...."
A groan escaped me the moment I opened my eyes.
Memories came flooding back — how I'd gotten so swept up in excitement that I'd charged into the snow still wearing my maid uniform, how I'd stuffed Tia's face full of snow — and before I knew it, I wanted to crawl into a mouse hole and hide.
It was embarrassing. A little. No, a lot.
Why on earth did I do that?
What had come over me at the sight of the first snow?
Snow had never really meant anything special in my life. As a child I'd lived in Busan, where there was almost never any snow to see, and by the time I moved up to Seoul for high school, I spent all three years buried in my studies, missing the first snowfall every single time. I'd watch the flakes drift down past the academy window, but by the time the sun set and I finally stepped outside, the snow would already have stopped.
I had no special memories of snow.
So I'd assumed I had no particular reason to long for it, either.
But then why?
The moment I'd seen that snowflake falling past the window today, my heart had fluttered.
I want to go outside.
I want to feel the snow.
I want to see Tia.
Because of those thoughts, I'd spent the entire time entertaining the Marquis's guests feeling restless and fidgety. I was even afraid that the moment the guests left, the snow might stop.
That I'd miss the first snow again. That this time, too, I would have to walk alone across what was left of it after everything was over — that was what scared me.
But the snowfall only grew heavier, showing no sign of letting up. It was almost as if it were waiting for me.
And the moment I'd finally seen the last of the guests off, I begged the Marquis for some time to rest.
Well, "begged" might be generous. Looking back, it was closer to throwing a tantrum.
The Marquis must have been flabbergasted. There I was, whining like a little child.
Still, thankfully, he didn't seem inclined to be too mischievous about it, and he readily let me go.
I will never forget the sight that greeted me: Tia, lying alone in the snow.
I can't forget the sensation of my eyes suddenly going hot, my chest swelling tight.
I don't know why.
But before the tears could even come, my body was already diving into the snow.
After that, I have no concrete memory. I played with Tia as though I'd completely lost my mind, rolling around until my hands and cheeks burned crimson.
I had no special memories of snow.
Perhaps that was exactly why I'd wanted to make one.
Today, for the first time in my life, I understood: catching the first snow with someone precious could be this much fun.
"Mom! Are you back with us?!"
"Mom, you were out cold for so long...."
"Like, three whole seconds?"
The moment Tia's worried face swam into view, a smile bloomed on my lips before I could help it.
Adorable. Absolutely precious.
Maybe it was the massive dose of endorphins dumped into my system right after I fainted, wiping my memory of all the grief this little gremlin had put me through lately — but right now, all I could see was how impossibly cute Tia was.
"Mom, are you sorry you're hurt? Does it hurt a lot?"
"No. I'm fine."
I wrapped my arms around Tia, who knelt before me with those anxious eyes.
Warm. Warm, even though we were both caked head to toe in snow, which made no sense at all.
Tia squirmed in confusion at first, but soon gave up and hugged me right back.
"Huh? Yulia, aren't you cold?"
"Skipped out on work to play in the snow, did we...."
I'd barely registered the familiar voices when I saw the maids from the main estate looking at us and laughing in exasperation.
The warmth vanished in an instant, cold crashed down on me, and my whole body shivered.
And my embarrassment multiplied tenfold.
"Come play with us, you guys!"
"Ah — no, sorry. We're, um, a bit busy."
"Having fun with Mommy?"
"......."
The maids gave awkward bows and slunk away as fast as they could.
Well, fair enough. What kind of lunatic, on a freezing day like this, would roll around in the snow in thin clothes just for fun?
....That would be me.
"Tsk...."
And the maids weren't the end of it. The butler came out to see what all the commotion was, glanced sideways once at me and once at Tia, clicked his tongue, and simply turned his back on us.
He could at least have scolded us for goofing off during work hours.
Instead he said nothing at all — just shot us that look of sheer pity and walked away — and my embarrassment shot up to the heavens. My face was probably scarlet by now.
"Sh-shall we head in now?"
"Mmuu. I wanna play more, though...."
"Mommy's cold."
"Okay! Let's go in!"
I barely managed to talk her around. When I stood up, I found myself plastered with snow from head to toe.
My underwear's probably soaked through too.
Hand clasped tightly in Tia's, I trudged back toward our quarters.
It had been a long time. Even this exhausted, I didn't feel bad at all.
"Time to wash up."
"Mmeee? But we washed yesterday!"
"If you run around playing, you wash again. Come on, hurry up."
"Mmuuu! No!"
"If you're not here by the time I count to three, there's going to be bell peppers in your fried rice."
"Mmuuuuu...."
Only after the threat did Tia trudge toward the bathroom, tears brimming in her eyes. The stomping of her little feet radiated pure resentment.
Truthfully there were no bell peppers in the fridge, and thank goodness Tia didn't know that.
"Phew. Look at that mop of hair. You didn't wash it this morning, did you?"
"I-I did wash it!"
"Don't lie. There's dandruff piled up sky-high. I thought it was snow. If you keep your hair like this, bugs are going to live in it."
"What buh-gs?"
"Bugs that latch onto your head and drink your blood."
"Hiiik?!"
"So. We're washing it, aren't we?"
Tia's face drained bone-white, and she nodded her head furiously.
Adorable little thing.
Now thoroughly docile, Tia let me strip off her clothes and lead her to the bathroom.
Because I'd carved out rare free time to wash up, we had the entire spacious bathroom to ourselves. But I'd have to be back within thirty minutes if I wanted to avoid a lecture from the butler, so I decided to hurry things along a bit.
"Your hair is so thick. At least you'll never have to worry about it falling out."
"Why would hair fall out?"
"Sometimes it falls out when you're stressed. That's what happened to Aunt Irina."
"Poor Aunt Irina...."
"Right?"
Truly, when it came to hair, this child took after me not one bit. This had to be a hundred percent her father's genes.
When her hair was short, skipping a wash here and there was fine, but now that it had grown out, it was unbearable to look at. From now on, I was going to make her wash it every single day.
"Mmhehe, that tickles!"
"......."
As I lathered and smoothed soap over Tia's little body, so many thoughts welled up in me.
I'd worried over everything when her chest had first begun to bud, but thankfully it wasn't growing especially fast. It seemed unlikely she'd end up as large as me.
Those stubby, chubby little limbs had stretched out long before I knew it. She might even grow up to have a lovelier figure than mine.
My chest and hips are so oversized that clothes never hang right on me.
I was a little envious.
"Mmuu? What's wrong?"
"Nothing, it just feels nice...."
I'd been stroking Tia's tail when I nearly lost my train of thought entirely.
It was well past the "getting big" stage. It had reached a size where, if you cut it off and roasted it, you'd easily get three servings.
And then there were those black, hard little horns....
They might as well have been shouting, I am a dragon's daughter! loud and proud.
Leopard was right. I couldn't hide it forever.
If I kept hiding it, one day Tia would figure it out on her own, and all she'd feel toward me was disillusionment.
It was late — late beyond excuse — but it had to be said. Even now, it had to be said.
Tia had a right to know.
I couldn't keep playing the coward.
"Tia. Do you remember? This morning, when Mommy said there was something she needed to tell you."
"I forgot. Playing with Mommy was too much fun."
"Really? Honestly, Mommy almost forgot too. But I really do have to tell you."
I sat Tia down in front of me and, slowly soaping her back, spoke in little more than a whisper. I wasn't ready to say it face to face.
"Tia, do you know how you're different from other people?"
"Mmuu. I'm probably... a demon? I think? That's why I have horns and a tail and I'm super strong. Right?"
"......."
My throat tightened.
She wasn't even sure of it herself. In a way, that was only natural — I'd never once told her outright that she was a demon.
So I hadn't even been able to lie to her properly.
I was pathetic, and I was so, so sorry to Tia.
"Well, you see... the truth is, there's something Mommy never properly told you. I thought you were still too young to understand it...."
That was an excuse. The moment I heard myself making excuses — hollow self-justification — my throat closed up tight.
There was no room for that kind of talk in an act of atonement.
"Tia, you're actually... a dragon's child."
I led with the conclusion itself.
So she wouldn't have to feel confused a moment longer. I told her, straight away, what she deserved to know.
Tia turned around and faced me. Her eyes were brimming, sparkling, with pure curiosity.
"A dragon...?"
"Yeah. They're called dragons — a race with huge wings that let them fly through the sky. Big claws, too. And tails."
"Do they breathe fire too?"
"Uh.... How did you know that?"
"I saw it in the picture book the Marquis lent me! That huge, scary-looking thing, right?"
"Y-yes, that's right."
"Waaah! Tia's mommy was a dragon!"
"......."
I froze solid.
Tia's mommy.
Not just "Mommy" — she'd said Tia's mommy. She wasn't talking about me.
She meant her own birth mother, the one she imagined. Tia still believed I wasn't her real mother. She believed I'd found and taken in a dragon's daughter.
Of course she did. After all, the only thing I shared with Tia was the color of my eyes.
It was a perfectly reasonable conclusion to reach.
"Mommy. Are you crying?"
"N-no. This is just water."
But why did it ache like this? I was the one who'd deceived this innocent, trusting child — so why did it hurt me so much?
Every part of me wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her everything.
But I held it in, and with tremendous effort, swallowed down the sob clawing its way up my throat.
If Tia ever learned the truth — that she was a child conceived against my will, through violence — the guilt and pain that would crush this sweet, gentle girl was more than I could bear to inflict.
A foundling. For now, that much was enough.
I couldn't bear to let her see my face, so I simply pulled her into a tight embrace.
"Mommy's sorry. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm so, so sorry...."
"Mmuuu. It's okay. Dragons are super duper amazing, right? That's why you hid it. You did it to protect Tia. Because you love Tia — so Tia understands, Mommy. Thank you, Mommy."
"Nooo, no...."
In the end, I broke down and wept.
Tia held me tight and patted my back.
I'd handed her one tiny fragment of truth, wrapped in layer upon layer of lies, and now my conscience felt lighter — and I despised myself for it.
It hurt too much, and I was too sorry, and the tears simply would not stop.