Prejudice (3)
Yulia dragged her listless, sluggish body into work.
Even after a full night's sleep, her head still throbbed and the dizziness hadn't lifted.
It felt exactly like the day before her period, except that had ended three days ago, so that couldn't be it. The closest comparison would be a body-ache fever, but with a Saintess's regeneration, even that was out of the question.
If there was nothing wrong with her body, then there was only one other place the problem could be.
Her mind.
"Whew······."
Yulia massaged her stiff shoulders and closed her eyes. Memories of yesterday began to surface, one vivid fragment at a time.
"This is a no-smoking area."
"······."
It was right after mealtime. Yulia had caught the Hero, Leopard, smoking in the back garden and scolded him for it. But the Hero simply glared at her in silence, face full of resentment, and took ostentatious, deliberate drags from his cigarette.
Wearing a sour expression, Yulia approached him slowly. He seemed to have something he wanted to say.
"Throw your butt on the ground and I swear you'll regret it."
"Today, for the first time, I'm certain."
"Certain of what?"
"That you're not Ariel. Not even a trace of the wise, noble Saintess remains in you."
"What is that supposed to mean······."
Leopard pressed the burning end of his cigarette into his own palm to snuff it out, then popped the butt into his mouth and swallowed it whole. What came pouring out of him next left Yulia so wrong-footed that she actually staggered back a step.
Every word that fell from the Hero's mouth was barbed. It was the tone of someone who had been betrayed, hurling his resentment at the traitor.
"No. Forget wisdom and grace — I never expected those. What I assumed was that you'd at least manage the bare minimum duties of a mother. One mother, one job."
"So what exactly are you trying to say?"
"That you're a terrible mother. That's what I'm saying."
"······."
I never wanted to be a mom in the first place, you bastard.
The words circled the tip of Yulia's tongue. But for some reason, she couldn't muster the will to argue back. She simply stood there, brow twisted, and listened.
"You still haven't told Tia anything? What have you even been doing? She should at least know whose child she is, what bloodline she carries. When exactly were you planning on telling her?"
"Soon······. I just judged that now wasn't the time."
"Soon? School starts soon, you know. Did you think there's only one or two demons enrolled there? The moment she sets foot in that school, Tia will figure out she isn't one of them. What do you think happens when she warms up to those kids because they're 'the same as her' — and they reject her for not being one? Have you even tried to imagine the shock? The betrayal? The sense of loss?"
"······."
Yulia's head dropped.
She hadn't imagined it. Not once.
It had never occurred to her that there might be demons at the school. Nor had she thought about how she would handle the moment Tia wrestled with her own identity and uncovered the truth of her bloodline on her own.
Then again, no one had told her Tia would grow this fast. She'd been too busy scrambling to put food on the table, working herself to the bone, and in the blink of an eye her daughter had grown before her eyes.
But of course, that was no excuse. Yulia knew it all too well.
"I hadn't thought about it."
"So you finally admit it. Why—"
"Why? Because I only ever thought about myself. I didn't think about Tia at all. It was easier to leave things the way they were, so I said nothing. I didn't even let myself consider it. I didn't want to worry about any of this. I never wanted to give birth to a dragon's child. So how am I supposed to tell her that? You were a child I never wanted. A child with no father she's ever known."
"······."
Leopard shut his mouth.
There was bitterness and choked-up anguish in Yulia's voice. The eyes that had been glaring daggers at him were slowly welling up with tears, and what filled that gaze was a deep, festering self-loathing — loathing for her own helplessness and ignorance, for dragging both herself and Tia into this situation.
"Fine. I'm selfish, you're right. I'm an idiot who never thought about what to tell Tia, right again. And I don't deserve to be her mother — right a third time. Happy now? Satisfied?"
Tears clung to Yulia's eyes, on the verge of spilling over, as she snapped and snarled and spat out her pent-up grief. He couldn't bear to listen to any more of it.
The tirade was aimed at Yulia herself, and yet, strangely, it was Leopard's chest that ached.
It was almost as if she were demanding an accounting of him — the Hero, blessed with a brilliant mind and overwhelming power both — asking what exactly he had been doing all this while she was driven into this hell.
I have no right to be pushing Yulia around.
Realizing this, Leopard chewed at his own lip. Before he knew it, he actually felt a little sorry.
"You're probably······. You're doing better than you think. For raising a child as unusual as Tia, you've done remarkably well······."
"Oh, wow. So after tearing into me for ages, now you're offering encouragement?"
"Sorry. I flew off the handle. I never stopped to think about your side of things······."
"If you're really sorry, then I'd prefer you express it in material form."
"You are completely deranged about money."
"Pfft."
The two of them, still facing each other, burst out laughing at the same instant. Given that Yulia could still crack jokes like that, she clearly hadn't been too deeply wounded, and Leopard breathed a sigh of relief.
Meanwhile, Yulia studied the faintly sheepish look on Leopard's face. She'd never known there was anyone who cherished Tia as sincerely as she did — someone close by who cared enough about her daughter to get angry on her behalf.
Maybe, when it came to Tia, I could actually trust this person.
"Still, I suppose I really do have to tell her······."
"If it's too hard, do it in stages. Little by little, step by step. How about starting with the fact that Tia isn't a demon?"
"That actually sounds······ pretty good."
It really did seem like a good idea, and Yulia nodded slowly.
In the end, it was a lie that would all be dug up eventually, sooner or later. Whether she liked it or not, Tia would learn every last truth. For Tia's sake — and for her own — Yulia had to be the one to tell her. Which meant the right answer was, of course, to start with what Tia could accept and unfold the rest bit by bit.
Looking back, it was an obvious conclusion — but left to herself, she might well never have thought of it. Yulia felt a tiny, infinitesimal, thimble-sized sliver of gratitude.
"Come to think of it, once Tia starts school, your mornings will free up, won't they? First snowfall, you and me, somewhere nice—"
"Haah. I'm leaving."
"Hey! Hey! I wasn't finished talking! Where do you think you're going!"
Leopard's flirting had arrived right on schedule yet again, and that sliver of gratitude shattered into pieces. Just as a flicker of warmth was forming, within Yulia's heart Leopard was promptly re-installed in his old position: certified crazy psycho lesbian.
That said, the invitation to go play in the snow had caught her slightly off guard. She'd always thought of snow as nothing more than frozen white garbage, and yet somehow, this year of all years, she found herself waiting for the first snow.
Of course, there was zero chance she'd be watching it alongside Leopard.
Clicking her tongue, Yulia turned away with that thought.
"Hah······."
Finished with her recollection, Yulia opened her eyes again and let out a long breath. The conversation with Leopard yesterday had produced a conclusion — that she needed to have a serious talk with Tia. Whether to tell her everything at once or in stages was, however, still an open question.
"What do you think, my lord?"
"Hm?"
"Should I tell Tia the secret of her birth all in one go? Or should I start with what she can accept and let it out slowly, piece by piece? What's your take?"
"Hm? Ummm······?"
Yulia looked up and found herself locking eyes with the Marquis, who seemed faintly flustered. He was frozen mid-motion, teacup in hand, utterly failing to hide the bewilderment on his face.
Why on earth is he acting like that? Yulia tilted her head.
"Is something wrong? Is there something on my face?"
"No. I'm just fascinated. Isn't this a first? You, Lady Yulia, opening a personal conversation with me of your own accord."
"Oh."
She couldn't help but be flustered.
Until now, Yulia had said nothing at work beyond what the job strictly required. No matter how hard the Marquis tried to keep a conversation going, she'd always cut off any unnecessary small talk with curt, clipped answers. And now she had brought up casual chit-chat all on her own.
The Marquis found himself wondering what change of heart had come over her.
"N-no, that's not it······. I, ah······."
Only then realizing her slip, Yulia went scarlet and started babbling. She had simply grown comfortable with the work, and her guard had slipped — that was all. But she could see all too clearly how the man across from her might interpret it.
Misunderstandings had to be nipped in the bud.
I am not interested in you, my lord. I do not wish for us to develop a relationship of freely traded small talk.
She was in the middle of deliberating whether she needed to say exactly that when—
"Setting that aside and answering your question: I think revealing it in stages is the better approach. I don't know the details, but if you've judged it to be information Tia would have trouble accepting, then you're surely right. It's the diagnosis of Lady Yulia, who loves and cherishes that child more than anyone."
"Oh······. Thank you······. That helps······."
At the unexpectedly earnest answer, Yulia bowed her head in a daze. She had fully expected one of the Marquis's trademark ill-timed, context-free, reckless jokes.
Maybe I've been looking at him through eyes clouded by too much prejudice.
"I-if you're finished, I'll clear your cup."
"I haven't finished it yet······."
"I'll be right back!"
Flustered beyond endurance, Yulia gathered up the cup — which still held a sip or two of tea — and fled the office as if running for her life.
Even Yulia couldn't understand herself. What on earth was with this burning face and this heart hammering wildly in her chest?
She had a guess. She just refused to acknowledge it.
She was leaning against the office door, desperately trying to catch her breath, when it happened.
"Hah. I was pretty smooth there. That's points on the board, surely. It's about time she started coming around. That look on her face just now — wasn't that clearly the face of a woman falling for me? If I press the advantage just a little more······."
"······."
The self-directed muttering drifting through the crack in the door left Yulia aghast, her expression contorting on the spot.
That very day, Yulia decided to slap right back onto the Marquis the layer of prejudice she had so painstakingly peeled off him.