What Are You Doing Here (2)
This is bad.
Cold sweat was already beading on my forehead.
I sprang from my seat and hurried toward the stairs leading up to the second floor. When I saw the crowd packed in a ring, my breath caught in my throat. Desperately, I shoved this lowborn body of mine through the crush of bodies and pushed my way in.
"Mommy!"
"Ah……"
Of course it was.
There was Tia, a huge lump on her forehead, bawling her eyes out — and the moment she spotted my face, hers lit up. For an instant I was too stunned to speak, but relief washed over me almost immediately. On Tia's head was the woolen cap I'd put on her before coming down that morning. It was thick enough that the little horns showed not a hint.
"What are you doing here……"
I threw my arms around her on reflex, shielding her with my body. Whether she understood my worry or not, Tia simply fussed and burrowed her face into my chest.
Thank goodness. Really, thank goodness.
So relieved was I that sighs kept escaping me.
"That's your kid, Yulia?"
"Ah, yes. That's right."
"Bigger than I expected! She'll grow up to be a general someday!"
"She's a girl."
"Whoops. Well, we've got female battalion commanders these days, don't we?"
"That's not the 'female' in battalion commander, you idiot……"
"Could I hold her just once?"
"Absolutely not."
"Awww."
The gazes raining down on me from every side felt heavy on my shoulders — but they didn't frighten me, nor did they disgust me. They weren't the kind of eyes that stripped me up and down like usual. Instead, everyone's attention was fixed on Tia, who sat bewildered in my arms, struggling mightily to look this way and that.
It was merely overwhelming, that was all. They all wore the same eyes an uncle wears when admiring a cute niece.
"What's the little one's name, Yulia?"
"Tia. No wait, Tia, don't—"
"Tia, is it! What a pretty name!"
"Yulia! I'll watch Tia while you work!"
"Yeah, yeah! I'll help too!"
"That's all right. Looks like she got bored upstairs and came down. I'll take her right back."
"You could leave her with us, you know……"
I pushed through the crowd and made it up to the second-floor motel. My heart nearly sank through the floor.
They'd all found her cute this time, sure — but what if they saw Tia's horns and still thought so? This was the baby of a race that had once swept across the human lands, leaving casualties in the tens of millions — a race humans could not hate enough. Granted, she wasn't actually a demon, but it was obvious how everyone would take her. No ordinary person could even imagine that a child born of a dragon and a human might exist in this world.
"Mommy told you not to come out without asking. How did you even open the door?"
"Mmoooh……"
"Don't turn your face away. Look your mommy in the eye. What are you going to do if someone catches those horns? You'll die. I'm not joking, you really will die. They'll beat you to death right there on the spot."
A scene I'd witnessed on the roadside not long ago flashed vividly before my eyes. Something — a demon slave, or maybe a prisoner of war — was being transported in a caged cart, and for a while the driver had left his post, apparently to use the privy. In the meantime, a crowd had gathered, hurling stones at the cage and spitting at it, until their frenzy peaked and they tore the door open to drag the demon out. By the time the driver came sprinting back at the commotion, it was already far too late. He wore an expression of sheer disbelief, yet he made not a sound of protest to that mob of the furious; he simply climbed back up and drove away in silence.
That was how deep the hatred for demons ran in this world. If even here in the south — lands never directly touched by the Demon King's army — it was this bad, what must the north be like……
Even now, the memory of that bloodied, horrifying state made me want to retch.
"Let me see that lump on your forehead. You crawled down the stairs, so you must have rolled. Show me your knees — anywhere else that hurts?"
"Mmm……"
"Nothing hurt but your forehead, huh. Sturdy for no good reason. Tsk."
Did she get her tough body from her father? But since the lump wasn't shrinking right away, it seemed she hadn't inherited my regeneration. Lucky her. I never wanted these powers of mine. If I'd simply died of shock from the bleeding in that very first moment of waking up in this body, I wouldn't have to be doing any of this.
"Haah……"
I gathered Tia up in my arms and paced slowly around the room.
Truthfully, I could still give up. Even now. Leave Tia here in this motel room and run away alone to the church. Dressed decently, invoking the Saintess's name, I'd be guaranteed food, clothing, and shelter at the very least — freedom to study, too. Learning even a bit of healing magic would let me live as a valued professional. All of that was possible if only Tia were gone — that filthy mongrel defiling the Saintess's dignity.
"I thought I was a fairly rational person. Guess not. I thought I was the kind of selfish bastard who'd sacrifice anything for my own happiness."
"Mweh?"
But I couldn't do it.
I couldn't abandon this cursed little thing.
The moment I imagined what would become of her if I left her behind, I could see it all too clearly. It was impossible.
The tutor who had given me everything — body and soul — for three whole years, I'd cast aside without a moment's hesitation. So why am I like this now? I'm pathetic.
"……Hm?"
Then I happened to look at Tia's forehead again — the lump had shrunk considerably. A laugh burst out of me despite myself. Blood really will tell. It seemed she'd been born with recovery power maybe half of a half of mine.
"Be good and stay put, okay?"
"Mwah! Mommy!"
When I tried to set her back on the bed, she whined and grabbed fistfuls of my collar. Her grip was absurdly strong. Was this really a three-week-old baby?
"Mommy comes up to see you all the time now, you know. Just bear with it. Okay?"
"Nooooo……"
I stroked her head slowly, soothing the small, sharp horn with my fingertips. Whenever I did this, Tia would calm down right away — even mid-cry, even mid-fuss.
Still nursing that resentful glare, Tia gave a little sniffle.
I'm the one you should resent, you little brat.
Taking advantage of the moment, I quickly pressed my lips to her forehead and pulled away. Miraculously, she didn't crawl back and cling to me again.
Just as I was about to open the door, my feet froze as if caught on something. There was one thing I'd forgotten to say.
"I love you?"
Turning back, I forced my trembling lips upward into a smile.
Yes. This is love. If I'm planning to chain my whole life to this child, how could it not be? It's just that my ability falls short, so the quality of that love is a little poor. A useless shackle that only tortures parent and child alike. That is the ugly true face of vague, incompetent love. In the end it becomes a relationship where each blames the other, where each apologizes to the other — sorry for having given birth, sorry for having been born. A bond that never should have begun at all.
Whenever I saw penniless wretches scrambling just to feed themselves going ahead and having babies, I'd found it pitiful and suffocating to the extreme. And now here I was, doing exactly that.
"I love you, you little menace."
It was all my own foolish fault.
.
.
.
"Yulia? Your customer's leaving right now."
"Ah — right! Coming down!"
Out in the corridor, the wall couldn't quite muffle the lewd sounds and vibrations bleeding through. Beyond that corner, a pair of large fox ears twitched upright, listening to the sound of someone hurrying down the stairs. Then the ears folded flat again, and the woman they called Queenie tapped the floor twice with the toe of her shoe.
"That insufferable bitch……"
Yulia had been a woman born to be adored from the very start. The Boss — famously stingy about lending so much as a coin — had been so charmed on first meeting her that he'd handed over his storeroom for her to live in. Whenever the lineup formed, she was always the first to be called for. And yet the way she looked at us carried a quiet contempt, as if to say common whores, which made it all the more grating.
As if she were any different from the rest of us. Putting on slightly more expensive airs, when at heart she was no different from us — that sanctimonious air of superiority, I couldn't stand it.
I wanted to drag Yulia down.
From what I could tell, she dreamed of being an upper-class woman who lived proudly and freely, dependent on no man. So I decided to wake her up to reality — to show her that a woman is happiest marrying a kind man who only beats her about once a week.
But even when the child's existence was exposed, Yulia refused to crumble. And her popularity refused to fade.
So this time, I'd secretly left the door of her motel room open. Everyone says they don't mind a woman having a child — but I figured that the moment they actually laid eyes on the baby, they'd recoil in horror.
"Again. Again. Again……"
And yet I'd missed once more. That chubby-cheeked little bundle had done nothing but charm the crowd.
I got lucky this time. That was the only way I could put it.
"Who knew she'd be wearing a hat today……"
Tia was no ordinary baby. The first time I'd picked the lock and slipped inside, I'd nearly screamed out loud. The only reason the horns went unseen was pure chance.
If even all this had failed, then nothing remained but the blunt instrument. Break in right now, strip the hat off the baby, then scream my head off as though I'd seen a monster and drive the customers out of the shop — a simple matter. In a single stroke, I could smash Yulia to the very bottom.
And yet……
"God, what an annoyance."
Clicking her tongue, the woman turned away. It all began to feel pointless — as if none of it was even worth the trouble. Seeing her own past faintly reflected in Yulia's figure only made her more ill-tempered, and more irritated still.