Chapter 1
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 1
Chapter Title: Hands-Free Ejaculation
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Another shit day, just like always.
In the underground copy room, the only things moving were the massive printer, the ventilator fan, and me.
Kirrik- kirrik-
The endless drone of machinery. By now, this crap was beyond familiar—it was fucking exhausting.
"Seong-han-ssi, three more bundles here."
"Got it."
Thud!
I'd barely made a dent in the stack from earlier, but now an even bigger pile loomed before me. I let out a deep sigh. The staffer who'd dumped the cart and run off without even making eye contact had already vanished down the hallway.
Five weeks into this library gig, and all I did was hole up here running prints nonstop.
The first week had been great. I'd sorted shelves and snuck peeks at my favorite novels in the corners.
Then they stuck me in some bullshit "preservation archive" excuse, making me copy shit till I dropped.
These were books you're not supposed to touch casually—it was classic busywork. The other part-timers must've buttered up the staff, 'cause they were lounging around collecting fat paychecks.
"Cough, cough. Fuck."
Burying myself in paper stacks all day rendered the mask useless. The coughs came with curses attached on autopilot.
Everyone else clocked out hours ago, but I didn't wrap up until after nine. Assholes didn't even toss in overtime pay.
Heading to my rooftop shack with two cans of beer to wash down my parched throat—how could the walk feel this goddamn pathetic?
I threw on a quick shower and fired up the computer.
S-Rank Hunter Yoo Ha-ram Conquers Black Tower Floor 17
I pulled up the live YouTube news, and the feed was blowing up with tower raid updates. The woman on camera wore a skintight suit that hugged every curve, beaming as she gave her interview.
"Holy shit."
Breasts so perky they wouldn't fit in one hand, a slim waist flaring into wide hips and long, toned legs. No wonder she topped the Hunter boards' waifu polls.
"What the hell does someone like that even lack?"
Gorgeous, loaded, and an S-Rank Hunter to boot. She had it all, straight up.
A welfare kid scraping by after barely graduating high school with shitty part-time jobs like me? She'd never even imagine it.
This luck-based trash game of a world—what if I'd awakened as a Hunter? At least then I wouldn't starve.
"Fucking bullshit."
Some dudes cream themselves over Yoo Ha-ram's pics, but I was just baffled. Sure, she was hot as hell, but realizing from birth we're different species pissed me off even more.
Crunch.
The second I crushed the empty beer can and chucked it on the floor, a clear chime rang in my ears.
Ding-
You have awakened.
...Did one beer get me drunk already? Hallucinations kicking in.
Please check your status window.
What popped up was a glowing blue panel straight out of a game, blinking like it was begging to be clicked.
"No fucking way?"
Hunters awakened out of nowhere, sure—but while bitching over a beer?
Heart pounding, I tapped the status window. It expanded, flooding with info.
Skills: Copy (Lv.1)
"What the fuck?"
This was the real deal? Exactly like Hunters described?
But the class name screamed scam from the jump, and what the hell was Vitality doing sandwiched in there? Glitch?
Skill first, maybe. Could be a jackpot.
Copy Lv.1
-Copies one of your possessions.
-Copy gains 10% of original's effect.
-Weight limit: 1g
-Duration proportional to semen expended.
"...Goddamn it."
Reading the description, a curse slipped out unbidden.
I slaved away copying paper for a living, and my awakening spits this out? Unreal.
Weight limit 1g? That's barely a single bill. Try passing that off these days, and you're straight to counterfeiting charges. Korea's ironclad on Awakened crime.
And the kicker at the end...
-Duration proportional to semen expended.
Jack off every skill use? What kinda fucked skill is this?
"Nah, maybe it's not total trash."
Even shit skill, stats might carry. Clinging to hope, I hit up Hunter Gallery.
That hope shattered in under five minutes.
Subject: Newbies, Here's the Stat Breakdown
Everyone knows the basics pop as Strength/Agility/Intelligence/Luck/Stamina/Magic Power, right?
Strength and Agility start at min 10. That's healthy 20s dude level lol
Intelligence/Luck pure RNG, newbies ignore
Stamina/Magic Power F-rank defaults 50/20. Gear 'em up anyway.
High Stamina? Heart explodes or headshot still kills ya same.
High Stamina regenerates heart too, same diff
Headshot still oneshots?
Defense scales with Stamina. Bullet won't even pierce skull lololol
"Ha, life."
Figures. Just a slightly beefier normie then. The floating status window wasn't a blessing—it was mockery.
'Yeah, you're trash anyway~'
Felt like someone laughing at me. Mood soured, I shut down the PC and headed out. Fresh rooftop air might clear the funk.
"How do you even close this thing?"
The damn status clung to me like a ghost. Staring it down sparked a wild idea.
"Status window's kinda... my possession, right...?"
No physical form, so weight limit bypassed?
"Copy."
I pointed and spoke. Dizziness hit, then gut-wrenching agony like my gut exploding.
"Gahhh!"
Ding-
You came without even getting hard—pathetic, but badass!
Hidden Achievement: 'Hands-Free Ejaculation' unlocked.
Vitality +10.
Exclusive Shop unlocked.
5,000 Coins acquired.
Exploiting system loopholes? Clever.
Hidden Achievement: 'Intangible Copy' unlocked.
Copy skill → Lv.2.
Bonus Stats: +100 points.
New Skills acquired: 'Scan', 'Marking', 'Location Tracking'.
"Huff... huff... What... the hell?"
Finally stopped rolling on the floor. Status had changed.
"Stats... got copied?"
Skills: Copy (Lv.2), Scan, Marking, Location Tracking
Unallocated Points: 100
Coins: 5,000
The numbers in parentheses confirmed it. 10% of original stats added on.
Copying the whole window implied selective copying too.
"This is it...!"
I got the gist. How to exploit this seemingly garbage skill.
Copy Lv.2
-Copies one target of choice.
-Copy gains 30% of original's effect.
-Permanently maintains 1 copy. +1 additional copy slot.
-Duration proportional to semen expended.
-Weight limit: 100g
Level up nuked the "your possession" limit right away.
Weight? Irrelevant. "Permanent maintenance" was the real game-changer.
My stats grow? Auto 30% permanent buff stacks on.
But why limit to my own?
'If I can copy other Hunters' status windows...!'
Plan set. Leech into a party, raid dungeons no matter what.
Start by borrowing stats, grind EXP to level up. Luck into an S-Rank—or even A-Rank?
'Power beyond levels, no grinding needed.'
S-Rank Hunter? Nah, not a pipe dream anymore. Why shouldn't I escape this dogshit life and live lavish? No more scraping by daily, at least.
Feels like freeloading off spines, but no harm done. All I need's a bit of jizz on target.
No need for grand futures—bonus stats already gave me a headstart over average F-ranks. Felt better already.
'Won't get noob-trashed now.'
Points allocation though? No resets like games—tough call.
'Blind picks fuck you over.'
I shelved it. Level 1, plenty time to research first.
Collecting thoughts, a fishy stench hit. Crotch felt soaked.
"...Oh."
Right. Copy costs semen. No wonder it burned like hell down there.
Hands-free ejaculation my ass—they forced it out, fuck.