Dad's Chance
Austria's universal denunciation did not deliver a great shock to Europe. The monarchies of Europe formally expressed outrage at Austria's statement, but inwardly, they all just snickered.
"Your Majesty, Austria has issued a denunciation. They claim the famine is our fault—Prussia's."
"Hah, amusing. And what else did they say?"
"That we should discard our inferior monarchy and embrace their superior republic."
"Inferior! So they know fancy words like that. Higher level than Polish serfs turned freeholders, I suppose."
It was because they fundamentally lacked the dignity expected of a nation.
"Prepare for intervention. We're going to 'liberate' Austria."
Prussia's Frederick William II seized Austria's denunciation as a pretext for war.
"Even if I'm less capable than my uncle, I'm not such a fool as to miss a deer prancing right in front of me. No banquets until Austria is liberated—except for very special days. Hm, today is a special day, the day we decide to liberate Austria. Hold a grand feast!"
Of course, Prussia wasn't the only one reacting this way. Russia's Catherine II also took the denunciation as a casus belli.
"It's a pity we lack the capacity to open a two-front war."
But she made no preparations for war. Russia was preoccupied with readying itself against the Ottomans.
That didn't mean Russia could do nothing.
"Right now, there are two things Russia can do on the front lines: use our Baltic governors to check the Austrian Republic, and sell Ukrainian grain to the Austrian Republic."
Direct intervention was impossible, but there were plenty of ways to interfere using influence.
"Grain sales are off the table. We can't bow our heads to rootless upstarts."
"Then, shall we check them?"
"No, there's no reason to waste effort on such a place. If we don't intervene, it'll just be Prussia and France reaping the benefits."
But Russia chose not to use those means.
"That rug under Louis's feet hates menstruating women fiercely, so Prussia will gobble it all up."
Even after amicably partitioning Poland before, they weren't close enough to Prussia to feed it Austria on a silver platter.
"Still, the picture of Prussia taking it all doesn't sit well. General Suvorov. Send army intelligence agents to Austria."
"Yes. What are the orders?"
"Make the Austrian Republic ally with the Ottomans. An alliance strong enough to give Prussia a hard time."
Instead, they encouraged an alliance between Austria and the Ottomans.
"Excellent insight, Your Majesty. If Austria and the Ottomans unite, the Balkans will have no choice but to side with us. And Russia will stroll the flower path to seize Constantinople."
"General, a slip of the tongue. Not seize—reclaim."
To weaken the Ottomans and, at the same time, strengthen Austria.
In truth, in this era, no other nation but France could conduct espionage at this level against foreign powers. In the 18th century, "espionage" amounted to mere intelligence gathering—low proficiency in covert operations. In other words, spies had very low attack power.
"Can Army Intelligence handle this mission?"
"Against the Ottomans or other European states, no. But the current Austria? Easily. We'll turn Austria into the axis of evil."
But Austria, gutted by internal purges, was different.
The Austrian Republic lacked even the ability to fend off low-level operations. Its existing spies, responsible for counterintelligence, were allied with France to rescue Joseph II, and the Republic itself had no concept of espionage.
Even if they were good at intrigue, that was just intrigue. Intrigue and espionage were entirely different beasts.
Assassinations and smears occurred in espionage, but they were mere means to an end. The goal was concrete results.
Revolutionary government officials fighting over power and wealth for simple intrigue were, by French standards, thugs—and by foreign intelligence standards, disposable contractors.
"The King of Kings, Basileus, will sleep soundly now."
Thus, the great powers surrounding Austria—Prussia and Russia—hardened their belligerent stances in response to the Republic's denunciation.
But the minor states around Austria trembled in fear.
"Shouldn't we reconsider our relations now?"
"Don't talk nonsense. With French troops stationed here, what is there to fear?"
"When did I say reconsider with France? I meant with Austria."
Among them was the Republic of Venice, sharing a border with the Austrian Republic.
"Look at the map. Even with French troops stationed, France is connected to Udine by that long, inefficient sea and land route. Austria is right next door. Venice is effectively a meat shield."
"So what do you propose?"
"We return to neutrality."
They had permitted the stationing only due to France's prior coercion and supply line improvements—they had traditionally been neutral. As a small state, it was neutrality imposed by others, but neutrality nonetheless.
Venice had strictly maintained that neutrality until now, with watered-down diplomacy and an aristocratic oligarchy in name only a republic.
But once France shoved troops into Venice, cracks began to form in the system.
"You think France will stand for that?"
"You think Austria will?"
With troops already inside, true neutrality was impossible.
"What if we expel both from the city until Austria and France settle their score, as in the old traditions?"
"This isn't the Middle Ages... Of course France would turn its cannons on the Doge's Palace."
"But we can't keep this up forever. From Austria's view, we're already puppets of monarchy."
To maintain neutrality, they first had to expel the French from Udine—but expelling the French was inherently anti-French.
Keeping the French garrison, on the other hand, was anti-Austrian.
"Enough of these watered-down meetings. It's time for a decision."
Weary of this indecisive administration, Venice's real power holders—the chiefs of the Council of Ten—pressured the nobles in the Great Council chamber.
"We have two choices left: side with France and become their dogs, or betray them and share Austria's fate."
Even having lost much power to French influence, the real powers were still real. The 300 Great Council nobles, unable to withstand the pressure from the Council of Ten, gave them the answer they wanted.
"We'll betray France."
January 1789, France, Versailles Palace.
"That's the report."
Venice was sharpening its knives for betrayal.
"Our Venice agents are currently in contact with the anti-council faction in the Great Council. The Doge and four members of the Minor Council have sworn loyalty to France."
Well, Venice had served its purpose long enough. For a tiny strategic state, it had lasted impressively. So it wasn't surprising.
"What, did they betray us?"
We'd even sent 20,000 more troops, ready to devour Venice if needed.
"What exactly are they dissatisfied with?"
Still, I had to pretend to be angry on the surface. That way, my punishment would seem justified.
In truth, we had ample pretext for war even without my anger.
"There's no anti-French sentiment among the Venetian populace. You might find some if you dig deep, but it's drowned out by overwhelming pro-French opinion."
"As it should be. After all we've done for them, failing to show even that much gratitude wouldn't make them human."
We paved their roads, revived their economy, guarded their borders, improved security along the way.
By any logic, Venice had no business betraying France.
"The motive for Venice's betrayal is the diminished influence of the Council of Ten. As French troops passed through and improved security, the council's policing and judicial powers grew precarious. They seem to have rolled the dice while they still had some power."
"Have you ever seen such ingratitude?"
The real reason I feigned anger was that I needed another throne handy.
"Prepare 30,000 more reinforcements immediately. The moment Venice stabs us in the back, we sever its head."
Given my lifespan, none of my sons were fit to inherit the French crown, so I wanted to hand them another kingdom. Plus, Venice could serve as a relay point for Egypt.
My eldest, Thérèse, born 1776; second, Joseph, 1778... so about 11 this year? No, birthday's February 10th, so full 10 years old.
Venice would make a fine birthday present for an 11-year-old. But we couldn't just swallow it raw. If France annexed it outright, Britain and Prussia would throw fits.
"Send three more National Intelligence Agency agents to Venice. I'll allocate an extra 5 million francs in budget."
My son needed to "independently" liberate Venice.
If Joseph became king of Venice, France could support it openly without much backlash.
Being a liberal arts guy comes in handy here. What founding myth should we craft?