Europe Trembles: The Carve-Up of Poland
While France concentrated on internal reforms, the European balance of power was shaking violently. The North German Customs Union expanded into central Germany, forming a massive federation of eight states excluding Austria. Led by Prussia, this union abolished tariffs on essentials like rock salt, salted meat, dyes, and minerals—goods perfect for placating the populace—further solidifying its bonds.
"Now is the time."
As the federation's size and interests grew, Prussia, the head of the German Customs Union, marched east on August 1, 1783.
Russia advanced from the west as well.
"This is Prussia now."
"This is Russia now."
It was naked aggression. Yet no one resisted. Poland's nobility had stripped the country bare, leaving minimal garrisons to chase territorial gains and privileges on the Ottoman front.
"Block twenty thousand with twenty men? We'll just surrender."
The Polish szlachta had left only enough troops to suppress peasant revolts, leaving the nation defenseless against a full-scale invasion.
"Louis XVI, that map cleaner, will love this."
In a single night, Frederick II unified East and West Prussia—a dream of Prussian kings for generations.
"Your Majesty, the borders are set. We've drawn the natural frontier: Prussia to the west, Russia to the east."
After Poland's forced partition, the new Prussian-Russian border ran along the Vistula and Narew Rivers through the Masurian Marshes, from Memel to Kraków. That was Prussia's eastern frontier.
"Excellent. Begin centralizing administration in the annexed territories. Do it the French way—it's the safest bet."
With its territory swelling by 50% overnight, Prussia reformed most of the annexed lands in the French style.
"Serfdom? That's why they got fleeced. By His Majesty's grace—become free farmers or stay slaves!"
"I'll be a farmer!"
Prussia immediately emancipated serfs, turning them into yeomen. The irony? It could afford such radicalism thanks to the Hundred Days' War. Most of the five hundred majors decimated by targeted fire in the war's final days had been Prussia's traditional noble class, the Junkers. With heirs and patriarchs dead, the weakened Junkers couldn't block Frederick II's Polish grab.
"All of you, become yeomen."
The annexed Polish lands were crown property anyway—no need for serfs. Mimicking France's yeoman policies, Frederick II distributed land to them.
"We still lack bureaucrats. Time to purge the tax farmers too."
Unlike France, though, Prussia collected land payments not in cash but via taxes—a bold experiment for administrative ease and embedding French-style specialist tax officials.
"You'll suffer 40% taxes, but your sons and grandsons will pay only 20%."
Villages were divided equally and forcibly allocated; land prices were rolled into taxes, payable in installments over thirty years. This paid emancipation gave each farmer an average six hectares—but they had to remit 20% of output as "land price" for three decades on top of taxes. The Prussian strong-arm yeoman policy sparked immediate backlash.
"We're barely scraping by—40% on top? We can't save a dime."
Forty percent taxes crushed aspiring yeomen.
"Save? Just work harder."
"Even so, 40% is too much!"
"That's the fair price."
The revolt stemmed from simple math: the land was priced at full market value. France's distribution had used dirt-cheap seized estates—less than 5% of original value—thanks to Louis XVI's bargain buys post-MEPO scandal, minimizing gripes. Prussia? Straight market rate.
"Can't manage it alone? Give me half—I'll pay 200 francs. Covers a few months' taxes."
New bourgeois exploited the gap, snapping up ex-serfs' plots.
"Sixty-six francs a hectare? Sounds decent. Three-field rotation on one hectare works fine."
Why did Poland's proto-yeomen sell so easily? No crisis. France's emancipation hit amid Europe-wide depression; beggars to nobles fought for survival, breeding land obsession—ceding it felt like suicide, taboo in Christianity. But now, with francs circulating and the Customs Union boosting trade, economy hummed. Polish yeomen wanted just enough for modest living. Neighbors selling? They'd buy if they could, no judgment.
"Sweet, sold the land. Meat tonight."
"You too? Let's eat. I'll get the booze."
Yet they didn't invest sale proceeds in kids' education or skills. Weeks later, booze and luxuries drained it all, plunging them back to hand-to-mouth poverty.
"A headache. How did France handle these fools?"
Frederick II deferred to the French model again.
"They killed the big landlords. Officially 'missing,' but all left suspicious traces. Our intelligence is certain it's French spycraft."
"Murder without cause? That's not enlightened. We punish with due process."
On September 1, Frederick II decreed a total ban on trading allocated lands, defining them as royal gifts—violators faced death.
"Just scaring them. Property rights? Whatever. Sign here—two hundred francs."
Bourgeois dismissed it as bluff, buying wildly from yeomen.
"Your Majesty, we've identified them. Six hundred three bought 32% of the annexed lands."
"Greedy bastards."
Frederick II waited until deals closed—not from respect, but to crush them utterly.
"Trials start October 15, wrap by the 22nd."
On the day, Prussian officials raided six hundred three bourgeois homes with the interim security chief, filing formal charges.
"Who the hell are you!"
"From the court. The annexed territories' acting magistrate's here too."
"You're charged with stealing crown property. Eight thousand hectares in two months."
"Legitimate deals!"
Bourgeois hid behind property rights, but Prussia was primed.
"Yeah, sure. Legitimate? The crown sold to the farmers as end-users."
"Must be a misunderstanding. They sold to me at sixty-six francs a hectare. Sure, deeds are late—but we can file now. Got contracts!"
"Deeds don't matter—it was never the farmers' to sell. Seen the distribution decree?"
No preliminary hearings; straight to Warsaw—old Warszawa—high court.
"Evidence is ironclad. Confiscate property, execute the defendants."
Judges, briefed in advance, rushed seven-day snap trials.
"Wait! We exercised property rights fairly. Paid sixty-six francs per hectare for allocated land. Besides, the September 1 decree can't apply retroactively!"
Desperate bourgeois fought for innocence.
"You didn't steal from farmers—you stole from the crown."
They'd overlooked: annexed Poland was conquest booty.
"The August 15 paid-distribution decree called it crown land; September 1's trade ban warned of death. Yet you bought anyway. Again: not the farmers' land—His Majesty's."
They weren't punished for buying from farmers—but for buying crown land through farmers.
"Thus, all six hundred three are sentenced to death for high treason, crown theft, fraudulent contracts, state subversion, and sixteen other counts. Property confiscated."
Prussia thus completed land distribution unscathed. Side effect: bourgeois investment in crown lands cratered. But Frederick II never wanted their capital anyway.
"Cold-blooded. All that land, not a franc invested. Such waste."
Shut out of Poland's carve-up profits, bourgeois itched for other scores, scouring for chances.
"What about east of the Vistula?"
"That's Russia."
"Russian soil doesn't grow wheat, right?"
They tried Russia—but...
"Why no serf emancipation here?"
"Russia's pro-noble."
"Wahhh..."
Russia offered no foothold from the start.