The Internal Conflict
The morning passed in a haze. When I opened my eyes, I was covered by a blanket, and Jang Yeeun was nowhere to be seen. How wonderful it would be if things could just stay this peaceful... but I couldn't pretend to be ignorant of reality. I knew that Mapo Station was located on Line 5, and with the Gimpo Airport perimeter breached, both Line 9 and Line 5 would soon be within the strike zone of the infected. If that happened... I knew that everyone here would be... everyone would be in danger. But could I really tell these people to run? Would doing so even save them?
At that moment, I suddenly felt a chill. I flinched, startled, and looked behind me. There stood Jang Yeeun, smiling, holding water and food. "I brought some for you, too, Sieun. Here."
I was dazed for a moment, then nodded. "Thank you."
Jang Yeeun just smiled, and I watched that smile as I took the food. But the moment I took a bite, the taste was indescribably repulsive. The... the food was truly... disgusting. Still, I forced myself to chew, keeping a smile on my face.
"It's not very good, is it?"
"Yes... but I have to eat." I replied, forcing the tasteless food down my throat. Jang Yeeun nodded at me and began eating her own portion. ...Blood. And meat. I shook my head violently from side to side, trying to banish the strange thoughts taking root in my mind.
A little more time passed. When I took a sip of water to wash away the unpleasant taste, Jang Yeeun, who had already finished her meal, was sitting next to me. "What can we do right now?"
Jang Yeeun thought for a moment, then nodded. "There are exactly two things we must do. First, survive here as long as possible. Second, help people as much as we can."
"I see..." But what else could I do? I had to survive. I had to find a way to survive in this hellish world. ...Was there no way to keep these people alive? Having experienced it once, I knew that seeing someone die was an utterly horrific experience. The voices of the elderly who had died in the apartment kept echoing in my mind.
Damn it. My brain was spinning incessantly. When the infected inevitably began their attack, was there no way to ensure at least the people at Mapo Station survived? The station seemed safe enough on its own, but it felt like it was merely holding its breath. The exits blocked by barricades, the un-audited resources, the limited food and supplies... and the reality that the infected could swarm this place at any moment. What kind of countermeasures could we possibly set up in such a situation? No matter how much I thought about it, no answer came. But I couldn't just stay like this. I had to do something more.
"...What are you thinking about so hard?"
I looked up, startled, to find Jang Yeeun watching me. Her expression was filled with a hint of worry. I sighed and shook my head.
"...It's nothing." I said, rising from my seat. I felt like I would only suffer more if I thought too much. I needed to think about something else, even for a moment. "...I think I'll look around the station a bit. I'm going for a walk."
At those words, Jang Yeeun watched me for a moment before silently nodding. "Alright. But don't go too far. Given the circumstances, you need to be able to return at any time."
"I know. I'll be back soon."
I started from the 5th floor, passed the 4th, and climbed up to the 3rd. As I went up to the 4th floor, I felt the gazes of the men focusing on me. It was, how should I put it, a fresh experience. Well, perhaps it was to be expected. My current appearance was, after all, quite pretty. Pretty, but why on earth did this girl become a menhera? There is a demand for female menhera in this world, but if you're this pretty, you shouldn't be able to become one... My appearance was close to my teens, with long, jet-black hair and dark eyes. Back then, I hadn't been happy to see my face in the mirror. But when I reached the 3rd floor, I saw a familiar face. Park Geonho. Although his accidental discharge had injured Jang Yeeun, if you really looked at it, he was practically the one who had saved her life. If the bullet hadn't torn through her bite wound, she would have been executed on the spot during the body search. However, I couldn't tell anyone this fact, so a short sigh escaped my lips without me realizing it.
Then, Park Geonho approached. He stood straight, looking tense. "You don't have to be so nervous."
At my words, Park Geonho hesitated for a moment before carefully opening his mouth. "Is your companion alright?"
"Yes. Fortunately, the treatment went well, and it's a relief that the bullet didn't lodge inside but passed straight through."
Park Geonho bowed his head as if in silent prayer. "...For now, as a form of penance, I've been assigned to manage the supplies."
I turned my head to look behind him. Supplies were piled up high. "Do you have to move all of that?"
"Yes."
I nodded slightly. "Good luck. I'm afraid I can't help you."
Park Geonho bowed his head in greeting. Afterward, I tried to head to the floor above, but Park Geonho stopped me. "Oh, you shouldn't go up there."
I thought for a moment, recalling the research I had done to write my novel. "The restroom."
Park Geonho's face flushed bright red. "I apologize."
"It's okay."
And I slowly headed up. Soldiers were moving busily as I climbed the stairs. The atmosphere was thick with tension. Finally, I reached the basement level 1. As I walked to find the restroom, I noticed that even though it was a restroom, soldiers were wandering about. People seemed to avoid it. Because of that, there weren't many people in the restroom compared to the number of people staying at Mapo Station. And I realized only now that since it was a subway station, it seemed to have emergency power and running water. The water might work for a while, but it would soon become unusable. I knew there wasn't much time left before the waterborne virus evolved. It wouldn't even be a few months.
I entered the restroom. It was empty inside. Silent. As I stepped into the vacant restroom, I finally exhaled a long breath. *Phew...* It felt as if I were vomiting out everything that had been piling up in my chest. My body felt heavy, my head was numb, and a cold breeze brushed against my face. I sat down on the floor without a thought. My body stiffened on its own, and it felt as if all the noise in the surroundings had vanished. Is this what they call PTSD? Was it because too many things had happened to me in too short a time? The deaths of people, the infected, and their suffering.
At that moment, tears began to flow. The hot stream running down my face gave me no time to pause. And then, blood and meat suddenly popped into my head. The people around me, Yeeun, began to look not like humans, but like food. That desire was surging within me. I felt, without knowing why, that it was right. The urge was so intense. Trying to suppress it became increasingly difficult, and my consciousness began to fade. So, I bit into my left arm. At some point, my lips pierced the skin, and pain surged through me. That pain seemed to dampen the urge, if only a little. At least, at the very least, it felt like my consciousness could find its place again. As my left arm ached and blood flowed, the agony subsided for a moment. The eyes I saw in the mirror were not black. Those pupils were a deep, bright red—the color of blood.
"Did I really... think this was going to be me..."
It felt like too much time had passed. Too many people had vanished. When they turned into the blood flowing before my eyes, what choice should I have made? That urge constantly rippled inside me. I wanted people—no, more precisely, I wanted that blood. "I suppose I'll just become a monster like this..."
I stood up, washed the wound roughly with water, and wrapped it in a bandage. I couldn't feel the pain, so I could only watch the blood flow. That sensation, too, felt like it was drifting further away. The taste of blood lingered in my mouth—that sweet, thick flavor. It seemed to make me forget the pain for a moment. Come to think of it, I felt like my metabolism had slowed down overall. Yet, I still felt overflowing with strength. When I touched the wall and applied a little pressure, I heard a slight twisting sound. My hands, perhaps because I couldn't feel pain, could exert force too easily. But I could see my hands swelling up.
"Right, it wouldn't be that convenient..."
I rotated my wrists. My body was full of warning signals, but my brain was in a situation without the limiters I would normally maintain. I could use strength that looked like superhuman power, but in reality, my body was absolutely not fine. I just didn't know it because my sense of pain was dulled. My palms were covered in wounds. At that moment, I heard the sound of someone coming from outside.
"..."
Time to head out, I suppose. My hearing had improved, and I was starting to adapt to it. Even though the rest of my senses had gone to hell. In this situation given to me, in this world, in the world I created, I could never back down. Could I do well? "...No, I must do well."
It's the world I created. The responsibility is mine. I slapped my cheeks to snap out of it and opened the door, and there stood Jang Yeeun. "...Huh?"