There Are No Secrets (2)
“Ha-eun.”
“Seo-hee sunbae?!”
It wasn’t a particularly special day. The tightly wound atmosphere that had clung to the class after the first midterms had loosened a little, and Yoon Seo-a hadn’t been clinging either, so I’d been thinking it was a rare stretch of peace.
That is, until lunchtime, when I stepped out the door to meet the two from the other class—and Seo-hee sunbae appeared.
The sudden arrival of the Student Council Vice President in a first-year classroom set the young ladies who recognized her whispering at once. Seo-hee sunbae paid the murmurs no mind at all as she walked straight up to me and offered a greeting.
“Have you been well…? Though it would be rather improper of me to open with the formal phrase, given how inattentive I’ve been.”
“O-oh, no! You’re the Vice President, after all… I didn’t mind at all.”
Of course she’d said we should meet often, and yet after the entrance ceremony I could count our meetings on one hand. Still, I’d told myself it couldn’t be helped. The Student Council held real authority, and that meant it was endlessly busy—handling every student-related matter short of the exams themselves, from the smallest items that came up from the Conduct Management Department all the way to overseeing every club that existed inside the academy. On top of that she had to keep her own grades impeccable. Thinking of all that, I could understand why we rarely saw each other. If anything, the fact that she had carved out time to come find me made me even happier.
I looked up at her with shining eyes, and Yoon Seo-a spoke in a distinctly sour voice.
“Ha-eun, isn’t the way you look at Vice President Han Seo-hee rather different from the way you look at me?”
“Seo-a, would you mind being a little more objective about yourself?”
I answered in a prim tone. If Su-ryeon was the first friend I’d made at the academy, Seo-hee sunbae was the upperclassman who had allowed me to call her by name even earlier—and she was the Student Council Vice President, no less. More than anything, she was beautiful. That beauty had soothed and helped me when I was flustered and making mistakes on my very first day; how could I not feel fondness? We hadn’t met often since, but the goodwill I’d felt then hadn’t gone anywhere.
When I said as much, Seo-hee sunbae smiled faintly and spoke.
“So you and Seo-a are quite close, then? Judging by how comfortably you speak to each other.”
“Pardon?”
“Oh my, is that not the case?”
“Ah—no… it is. It is, but…”
It was a little different, I supposed. I glanced at Yoon Seo-a’s expression and hurried on.
“M-more importantly! What brings you here? Oh—did you come about Seo-a?”
Last time Yoon Seo-a had said she was going to join the Student Council at their invitation; I assumed that was why Seo-hee sunbae had come. When I asked, she shook her head.
“No, that isn’t why I’m here. I came because I wanted to speak with you, Ha-eun.”
“With me…?”
“Would you spare me some time during lunch?”
“Of course!”
I nodded without a second’s hesitation. Properly I should have asked the others I’d planned to eat with first, but if I told them I had a lunch appointment with Seo-hee sunbae of all people, they would understand at once and nod along.
I was already reaching for my phone to send a quick message of apology when Yoon Seo-a, who had been standing a step behind and listening quietly the whole time, suddenly cut in.
“Seo-a?”
“I’m afraid that won’t be possible. Ha-eun already has a prior engagement with me.”
“Seo-a, what are you doing right now?”
“Just stay quiet for a moment, Ha-eun.”
Stay quiet? I grabbed the hem of her clothes and tugged hard.
“I already sent messages to Su-ryeon and Chae-rin, you know? So there is no prior engagement!”
“I never gave my permission.”
“What kind of logic is that?!”
I cried out with an incredulous look, but Yoon Seo-a didn’t even pretend to listen; she simply turned back to Seo-hee sunbae.
“In any case, for that reason Ha-eun will not be able to accompany Vice President Han.”
“But just a moment ago Ha-eun said she would—”
“Yes! That’s right! I want to eat with Seo-hee sunbae!”
Before Yoon Seo-a could answer I shot my hand up and shouted.
“Ha-eun…?”
She could glare all she liked; I had no intention of backing down. I deliberately avoided her sharp gaze and moved to Seo-hee sunbae’s side. Of course I might be punished for it later, but time with Seo-hee sunbae wasn’t something that came around often—and more than anything, I wanted to grow closer to her.
“Heh. Ha-eun says she would like to dine with me.”
“Haa… really, what am I supposed to do with this…”
Eek. I hid behind Seo-hee sunbae entirely, fleeing from Yoon Seo-a’s eyes. Seo-hee sunbae watched the two of us with an amused, almost fond look, then continued.
“There’s no need to worry so much, Seo-a. I’ll return Ha-eun safely the moment lunch ends.”
“You had better.”
Even under Yoon Seo-a’s curt retort, Seo-hee sunbae only smiled. Something about the exchange made me feel as if the two of them were treating me like an object. While I was still wearing a dubious expression, Seo-hee sunbae rested a hand lightly on my back.
“Until next time, then.”
“Yes. You as well, Vice President.”
They exchanged a brief, polite bow and we set off. Guided by Seo-hee sunbae, I walked a few steps before glancing back at Yoon Seo-a. She remained standing there as if she meant to watch until I vanished from sight—regardless of how So-hye fretted beside her. I was definitely going to catch hell later. A delayed wave of dread made me shiver, and Seo-hee sunbae looked at me curiously.
“You’re trembling all of a sudden. Are you cold?”
“Huh? Ah—no. I just had a slightly scary thought…”
“A scary thought?”
“It’s really nothing.”
She tilted her head, still puzzled, but I gave an awkward smile and brushed it aside. Even so, I couldn’t very well complain to Seo-hee sunbae—whom I hadn’t seen in so long—about being tormented by Yoon Seo-a. More than that, I simply didn’t want her to find out. It was a different kind of shame, something like not wanting your parents to learn you were being bullied at school. If Seo-hee sunbae ever discovered it, I was prepared to bite my tongue. I wouldn’t die, of course—but that was how badly I didn’t want her to know.
“A scary thought… Ha-eun, are you the imaginative type?”
“Pardon? Um… I don’t think I’m especially lacking in that department.”
No matter how I turned it over, I didn’t consider myself particularly imaginative. I daydreamed now and then, but only at the level everyone else did. When I answered that way, Seo-hee sunbae smiled faintly.
“I’m the same. And yet people often tell me I seem to have a rich imagination.”
“Ah—I think I understand what they mean.”
There was something dreamlike about Seo-hee sunbae’s very presence, an aura that was hard to put into words. The mysterious amber of her eyes and the faintly bleached orange of her hair only added to that impression.
At my words she sighed, resting a hand against her cheek as she murmured,
“So even you think so, Ha-eun. I consider myself quite ordinary.”
“Ah—no! I didn’t mean it in a bad way—”
“Heh. I know. You needn’t fluster yourself; everyone who says such things means them kindly.”
“I-is that so…”
“Still… yes. I would rather be seen with ordinary eyes.”
Ordinary eyes, she said. I studied her carefully as she spoke. No matter who looked or how, “ordinary” seemed impossible. Her appearance alone, the office of Student Council Vice President, the quiet dignity in every step—there was simply nothing about her that allowed an ordinary gaze. Perhaps this little complaint of hers was the only ordinary thing one could sense. Thinking that, I opened my mouth.
“But isn’t being special better than being ordinary? Of course, someone ordinary like me is bound to long for specialness, so maybe I’m not the best person to say it.”
“You, Ha-eun? Ordinary?”
“Eh?”
Wasn’t someone like me ordinary…? Her reaction left me staring at her in confusion.
“Um… did I say something strange?”
“Mmm… no. You’re free to think that way.”
“Pardon?”
“More importantly, shall we eat first?”
“Ah—yes.”
Before I could fully process the oddness of it, I was being led along with a flustered “uh, um” under Seo-hee sunbae’s guidance.
“Was the meal to your satisfaction?”
“Yes! Very much so!”
The restaurant Seo-hee sunbae had chosen specialized in steak, and she had ordered one made from veal. It wasn’t as if I’d never eaten such things with Yoon Seo-a or the others, yet somehow having her across the table made it taste even better.
A satisfying meal was naturally followed by a café. With a tea set in the center of the table and steam rising from the cup I raised to my lips, the slight greasiness left in my mouth cleared at once. So this was why everyone insisted on tea after a meal. While I was thinking that, Seo-hee sunbae, seated opposite and sipping her own tea, spoke.
“Come to think of it, the first midterms were not long ago. How did you do, Ha-eun?”
“Ah—um, well… somehow…?”
The sudden question made my hands tremble as I answered. Compared to Seo-hee sunbae, who held the top rank in her year, I was practically scraping the bottom; even mentioning it felt embarrassing. When I replied that way she gave a soft laugh.
“It’s all right. I’ve known you were in Class D since the day we met. I have no intention of scolding you over grades now.”
“I-is that so…”
“So—what place did you take?”
“F-fifty-eighth…”
“Fifty-eighth… that must have been rather close.”
“I’m sorry…”
At the faintly troubled note in her voice I hid my face behind the teacup and apologized. That my face had gone red hardly needed saying.
“Ah—I didn’t mean it as a reprimand. I was simply concerned that if you don’t work a little harder next time, you might experience a class demotion.”
“Y-yes… I’ll reflect deeply and aim for a better result next exam…”
“Haha… this isn’t the conversation I intended to have.”
She murmured that and took another sip. I watched her carefully, then followed suit, raising my own cup with care. Seo-hee sunbae set hers down first and spoke as if the thought had only just returned to her.
“Come to think of it, I was enjoying our talk so much I nearly forgot I had something to ask.”
“…?”
“Ha-eun, would you like to join the Student Council?”
“…Bweh?”
At her words the tea I’d been holding in my mouth spilled out before I could stop it. Fortunately I still had the cup raised, so I spat it back inside rather than soaking my clothes and the table.
“Oh my.”
“Ah—ah! I-I’m so sorry!”
Even so, it was more than enough of a disgrace. To make such a spectacle in front of Seo-hee sunbae of all people—I wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear. I bowed my head again and again, face crumpled in misery.